Ten Thousand Truths (10 page)

Rachel was chopping red and green peppers and onions. Raymond and the twins had gone out to the sheep pen hoping to find a ewe giving birth, even though Zac had told them it would be a month or so before the ewes began lambing.

“What if Amelia has to go to the doctor?” Rachel asked. She had noticed Amelia's cold getting worse and had heard her coughing a lot last night.

“Doctor Hollway will come to the house if we need him to,” Zac answered. “A couple of years ago she had pneumonia and he came and wrote her a prescription. She doesn't get sick very often but I told her today that if she wasn't better by tomorrow I would call him to come again. She wasn't too keen on that.”

“Amelia doesn't like anyone making a fuss over her, does she? But she's always thinking of other people. When Mrs. Fullerton was sick last week, Amelia sent her meals for four days. She is probably the most unselfish person I have ever met.”

“I certainly agree with that. I had to force her to stop what she was doing this afternoon and go to bed. It made me think of the first few weeks after I came to live with her. She had to change the dressings on my burns and I would scream and fight her.”

“Your burns?” Rachel asked as she put the paring knife down and turned toward where Zac was standing. All Zac had ever told her about coming to Amelia's was that he was eleven when he came. She didn't know anything about why he was put in foster care.

Zac kept cooking. He didn't look at Rachel as he reached over for the pile of chopped peppers and onions and added them to the frying pan.

“I was burned on my back and left arm. I had been in the hospital for a few weeks and when I was to be released I had nowhere to go so they brought me to Amelia. There had just been my dad and me. Put that macaroni in the pot would you, please? My dad died in the fire.”

Rachel didn't know what to say. She was well aware of the awkward silence that always hangs in the air after you tell someone your parent is dead. She just stood there, silently waiting for Zac to continue or change the subject.

After a minute or so of silence, Zac spoke again. “It took me too long to jump. I was afraid and I stood there crying. Dad kept telling me I could do it and he forced me through the window. The roof collapsed just as I jumped from the windowsill and I got burned on my back and shoulder. My dad was knocked down and didn't make it. Amelia got me through those first few weeks and months.”

Rachel stood stirring the macaroni, knowing there was nothing she could say to Zac that would take away his pain.

Two days later Rachel set Amelia's supper tray down and sat on the chair beside her bed. “Finally I'm getting some real food,” Amelia laughed, stabbing a piece of chicken with her fork. “I hope I don't see tomato soup again for a good long time. And that disgusting medicine Dr. Hollway gave me, I'll be glad when I've taken the last of that. You kids have been great, though. The way you've been taking care of me, you'd think I was royalty.”

“You would've done the same for any one of us,” Rachel said. “Zac did most of the work.”

“Zac's been amazing. He has waited on me hand and foot during the day. He brought me tea this afternoon, and he decorated the tray like he was serving tea at the Empress Hotel. I could almost picture myself sitting in the dining room of the Empress, having tea and scones.”

“Where is the Empress Hotel?” Rachel asked.

“It's in Victoria, BC. It was built in 1908 and at the time it was the grandest of all the hotels. For many years it didn't even have a sign above the front entrance and, as a worker erected a sign years later, he was quoted as saying, ‘
Anyone who doesn't know this is the Empress shouldn't be staying here
.' In 1965 there was a debate about tearing it down but in 1966 they did a $4 million renovation that they dubbed ‘Operation Teacup' and in 1989 they did an additional $45 million restoration.”

“It sounds amazing,” Rachel said. “I'd love to see it someday. But in the meantime, why don't I go perform my own Operation Teacup? The twins made your tea. I'll go get it and bring it up to you.”

“Thanks,” said Amelia, “but I think I'll get my lazy self out of bed and come downstairs to have my tea. This old house might not be as elegant as the Empress Hotel, but I'll be happy to see the rest of it. I've had enough of these four walls in the last few days.”

The second letter came in mid-January. As soon as Rachel saw it in the mailbox she knew it was from Audrey Anderson. The beginning of it read like a tourist brochure for the town of Golden. Obviously Audrey Anderson had needed to really stretch to think of anything to write to a granddaughter she didn't even know. Apparently Golden had a population of 4,100. One of those 4,100 was Rachel's father. The town was 262 kilometres west of Calgary.
So what!
Rachel thought to herself.
Walton Lake road is about a million kilometres east of Calgary. Who cares?

The letter went on to tell Rachel about all the exciting things there were to do in Golden: white water rafting, Heli skiing, snowmobiling, and hiking. Golden was nestled between two mountain ranges, the Purcell Mountains and the Rocky Mountains, in a place called Kicking Horse Country.
What is she, a travel agent or something?
Rachel wondered.
Is she trying to sell me a trip to Golden?
She read on to learn that Audrey Anderson lived next door to a place called “A Quiet Corner Bed and Breakfast” which was run by her friends Owen and Winnie Johnston. She sometimes made cinnamon buns for them. The whole first page of the letter was trivial information like this.

The second page was mostly about her father. Apparently he lived in a facility called “Top of the World Ranch Treatment Centre.” He was a drug addict and was trying to deal with his addiction. Audrey said that he was holding on to the dream of someday seeing his daughter and being someone she could be proud of.

Rachel read that line several times. As far as she was concerned, there was nothing about Donald Anderson that she was proud of and for sure she was nothing for him to be proud of either.

In the last paragraph Audrey Anderson asked again if Rachel would please write back to her and send her a picture. She also said that more than anything she prayed every day that she would get to meet Rachel. She hoped that someday Rachel could come to Golden and see her father and meet the rest of her family.

Rachel balled up the pages of the letter in her fist.
How does Audrey Anderson think I'm going to get all the way to British Columbia?
she wondered.
And what good is having a family all the way across the country? What good is having a family anyway when one wrong choice can take them away from you forever?

It was Saturday morning, and Rachel and Jodie were heading to the city to do some shopping. Rachel had finally admitted that she needed to buy some new clothes. Even her orange sneakers were too small to wear. Before leaving, Rachel had put one of her school pictures in an envelope, wrote Audrey Anderson's name and address on the front, and licked the flap shut.

“Can we stop and get a stamp so that I can mail a picture to my grandmother?” Rachel asked.

She had told Jodie over Christmas that she had gotten a letter from her father's mother and told her about the second letter when it came. She hadn't told her much about what the letters had said except where they lived and what their names were. She definitely hadn't mentioned that her father was a drug addict or that her grandmother had invited her to come to Golden.

“Of course,” Jodie said. Rachel had expected Jodie to start asking all kinds of questions about her grandmother, but she didn't. Rachel was relieved for the silence, and sat staring out the car window as they drove on.

“Do you remember Amelia ever leaving home?” Rachel broke the silence while she and Jodie were waiting in line for the ferry. “Have you ever asked her to go anywhere?”

“Nope,” Jodie said. “I really wanted her to go to my graduation when I graduated from Business College, but I knew she wouldn't go, so I didn't even ask her.”

“Was she born with those tumours on her face?”

“No, they started coming out when she was in her early twenties. She was actually quite beautiful when she was young. Did you know that she was Miss Saint John in 1975? I found her sash one time when I was getting something from her room, and when I asked her about it she showed me a newspaper clipping.”

“I hardly even notice her face anymore. I don't understand why she's so hard on herself. Why do you think she cares so much what other people think?”

“That's a good question. She has helped so many kids find their confidence and make the best out of the crappy situations they found themselves in. She certainly helped me to reshape the image I had of myself. I don't know why she hasn't been able to do that herself.”

“Maybe she's been so busy worrying about everyone else's problems that she hasn't had a chance to think about her own,” Rachel said thoughtfully. “Or maybe she's afraid to, and no one has tried to help her the way that she's helped us.”

The third letter arrived on Groundhog Day. Rachel carried it straight from the mailbox to her room, and sat on her bed to read it.

Dear Rachel,

Your picture is beautiful. Thank you very much for sending it. You look a lot like your Aunt Victoria, your father's youngest sister. You have another aunt named Patricia. We would all love to meet you. I gave a copy of the picture to your father and he was thrilled to get it. He has it framed in his room. He is doing quite well in recovery and we are very hopeful that he'll continue making progress. He would like to write a letter to you but he wanted me to ask you first if it was all right. You can let me know if you would like to hear from him. I know it is very difficult after all these years. I hope you are doing well in your foster home. I would love to know more about your foster family, your school, and friends.

The letter had three more paragraphs. Rachel finished it, and then reread the first paragraph over and over. She looked like someone. People had always said how much Caleb looked like their mom, but no one had ever compared Rachel to her mom or Caleb. Her colouring and facial features were very different. She looked like her Aunt Victoria. She didn't even know until now that she had an Aunt Victoria.

After spending a long time poring over the letter, Rachel went to the bathroom and closed the door. She stood in front of the rectangular mirror and brushed the long brown hair away from her brownish-green eyes. The picture ID card that her first social worker had made for her said her eyes were hazel. She remembered holding that card, wondering why she needed something saying who she was when there was no one in the world who cared, no one that she belonged to. Hazel eyes. Aunt Victoria's eyes, maybe. And maybe Aunt Victoria had the same thin top lip, too.

Audrey, Donald, Victoria, Patricia. A family she was part of. Golden, BC. A place where she might belong
.

Chapter 6

The Start of a Plan

March break was a wet, cold week, but Rachel was glad for the holiday. Jodie took two days off from work and came up to stay on Wednesday night.

“I got another letter from my grandmother,” Rachel said as she and Jodie watered a line of seed pots on a table in the parlour.

“Did she get your picture?” Jodie asked.

“Yep,” Rachel answered. “She wants me to go out to visit her this summer.”

“Wow!” Jodie said, looking truly excited for Rachel. “Is she going to pay for you to fly there?”

“She probably would, but I'm not going to ask her,” Rachel answered. “I'm going to ask Amelia to drive me to British Columbia.”

“You're going to ask Amelia to
what
?” Jodie stopped watering and sat down on the sofa, waiting for Rachel to tell her more.

“You know how Amelia always talks about her dream to someday have tea at the Empress Hotel?” Rachel started. “Well, I don't think I could get her to go all that way just for tea, but if I tell her I really need to go see my family, she might force herself to go. So I'm going to ask her to take me to BC to meet my grandmother and see my father this summer, and then afterwards, since we'll already be in the province, we can keep going all the way to Victoria to have tea at the Empress.”

Jodie didn't say a word. She just sat on the couch processing what Rachel was telling her.

“I think I could put on a really convincing act that would make Amelia think I desperately need to connect with my grandmother and father,” Rachel continued. “I thought maybe Zac could fix up a car for us to take. I know Amelia can't leave the other kids alone, but I thought you might be able to come and stay with them. And Zac is around to help, too. You get holidays don't you?”

“You've been giving this a lot of thought, haven't you?”

“I have,” Rachel said. “Ever since I got the second letter from my grandmother, I've been wondering what she's like, and what my dad is like. I keep picturing Golden and thinking of it as a place that I have always needed to go, a place where I might belong. I can even picture my dad, though I have no idea what he really looks like. I see him sitting waiting for me on a bench beside a sign that says “Top of the World Ranch.” I know this is crazy and Amelia will never go for it, but I can't get it out of my head.”

“Well it's definitely crazy,” Jodie said. “But I'll do my best to help you. We'll have to take this in baby steps, though. We'll have to work on convincing Amelia that she can leave Walton Lake first, and then work our way up to the BC idea. None of us have ever tried to get Amelia to leave, and the more I think of it the more I think we have just been selfish to let her get stuck here. I think maybe we all just wanted to make sure she would always be there when we needed her. That's crazy, when you think of it.”

Zac was finishing off his second plate of baked beans and ham. Crystal and Chelsea had already cleared the other dishes off the table and everyone was anxious for a game of dominoes.

“I'm going to take a run up to the house first and check on that old ewe,” Zac said as he sopped up some bean juice with his bread. “I expect her to lamb anytime and she lost twins last year, so I've been keeping a close eye on her. I'll beat you all at a game when I get back.”

“Rachel and I will come with you,” Jodie said, giving Rachel a little wink. The girls had decided to tell Zac about their plan to see if he would help them execute it, and they'd been waiting for a chance to speak to him alone.

“It would cost about 200 bucks for a clutch and about 100 bucks for filters and new brake pads, and I need to do a bit of body work on it for it to pass inspection,” Zac said.

After checking on the ewe, Jodie, Rachel, and Zac had gone to Zac's house for some hot chocolate. They were now sitting at the kitchen table discussing the possibility of Amelia driving to BC. Last year, Zac had purchased an old GMC Jimmy to fix up and sell, but it had been sitting untouched in his garage ever since. As soon as he'd heard Rachel's plan, he'd offered to fix it up so Amelia could use it for the trip.

“About 500 bucks should do it and then Amelia would have to register it and put insurance on it,” Zac explained. “And she might have to take a test to renew her license since it has been so long since she's driven.”

Rachel nodded, trying to hide her excitement.

“Getting a vehicle ready will be the easy part,” Zac added. “Persuading Amelia that she can leave home, let alone go all the way across the country—that sounds next to impossible.”

“We won't know unless we try, Zac,” Rachel pleaded, more to convince herself than to sell Zac on the idea.

“Rachel's right,” Jodie said. “By never questioning Amelia's refusal to leave the house, we've let her tell herself year after year that she's right to not let strangers see her. She needs to see that what strangers think is not important. She needs to know that the people who love her don't believe her world should be limited to Walton Lake. We are going to do it, I just know it. And you, Rachel, will be the kid that finally changes the story that Amelia has told herself for thirty years.”

“I hope so,” Rachel said, suddenly feeling the weight of what they were about to do.

It was almost April, and the snow was starting to melt. Rachel was busy cleaning the barn when she heard Jodie's car drive up. She was bursting to run up to her and bring the plan up right away. They were going to start phase one today. Jodie was going to start mentioning how nice it would be for Amelia to be able to visit Jason and Megan in Calgary this summer and see the new baby. It had been Jodie's brilliant idea to give Amelia this reason to drive across the country.

Jodie was just going to drop a few hints at first—not enough to make Amelia suspicious. It was going to be a slow process, not something they would spring on her all at once. They had to plant the seed of the idea first and let it grow, and slowly. She had been firmly rooted at Walton Lake for thirty years, and it was going to take a long time to for her to come around to the idea of leaving.

Zac and Jodie talked to Raymond, Chelsea, and Crystal to enlist their help with the plan as well. Zac thought they would need some time to come to terms with the idea of Amelia leaving them for what would likely be almost an entire month. Raymond, Chelsea, and Crystal had seemed fine with the idea, though, and they'd all promised not to say anything to Amelia until the time was right.

During the next week, Rachel spent every spare minute at Zac's, watching him as he worked on the Jimmy. She had helped him spread the body fill on some of the rust spots and she'd taped newspaper on the windshield and windows so that Zac could spray the touchup paint. It certainly didn't look brand new, but it would be good enough to pass inspection and reliable enough to make such a long trip.

When she'd visited last week, Jodie had told Amelia she'd heard from Jason and he'd told her that Megan was doing well and they were looking forward to the new baby coming. Jodie had also told Amelia that Jason had said he wished Amelia could come there. This wasn't all completely a lie. Jodie had called Jason and told him the plan, and he had agreed that it would be wonderful if Amelia would come there to visit. He was well aware that she hadn't left home for thirty years and after Jodie talked to him about it, he was quite enthusiastic to help by working on Amelia in his own way.

On Tuesday morning Raymond asked Amelia if she would come to his classroom on April 12 for his book project presentation. For a moment Rachel had panicked, thinking if Amelia said no, Raymond might blow the plan by blurting out that Rachel planned on asking her to go all the way across the country. But he hadn't said anything like that. He'd just asked her to come as if she had attended every other thing that had ever gone on at the school.

Amelia's reaction had surprised them all. She hadn't seemed shocked or taken aback, and she hadn't said anything about never leaving home. Instead she'd just answered that she would think about it. They'd all just finished breakfast quietly.

“Dolphins don't automatically breathe; they have to tell themselves to do it,” Amelia broke in as she began clearing off the table. “You guys hurry up now and get yourselves down to the bus stop.”

Amelia stood in front of the small rectangular mirror hanging over the bathroom sink. She rarely looked in that mirror other than to quickly brush her hair or to check to see if something was caught in her teeth. Occasionally she would see the bumps on her face after days of forgetting they were even there. She stood today studying her face and neck. She was getting old. Her face was wrinkled and her colouring was mottled. She could see a strong resemblance to her grandmother. She wished she could talk to her grandmother right now.

Part of her knew that if her grandmother had lived longer she never would have accepted her decision to exile herself the way she had. She remembered that even in her grandmother's last days, when her strength was all but depleted, she would scold Amelia for being so critical of herself.
How has so much time gone by since then?
she wondered.
And how has it gotten so easy to just stay in my small world and let other people come to me?

Raymond asked her to go to his classroom, a classroom that he finally wanted to be in. It would be wonderful to go and watch him present his project with the other kids. How could she refuse him? And Jodie had told her that Jason wanted her to go out to visit him. Wouldn't it be wonderful to see Jason, Megan, little Logan, and the new baby?

Amelia stared at the contours of her face. No beauty there now, just an aging woman with bumps on her face. Harmless bumps that she had made into mountains with her own vanity. Mountains out of molehills, her grandmother had always said.

“Did you know that in Bellingham, Washington, it's illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing?” Amelia asked as she swept beside the wood box.

Zac grabbed Jodie and pretended to dance her across the kitchen floor. The twins giggled as he attempted a dramatic dip. Zac and Jodie's eyes met for a second, and they both blushed. Zac quickly straightened Jodie back up and bowed toward Chelsea. “May I have this dance, young lady?” he asked her.

Rachel stood at the kitchen sink, straining the pail of milk Raymond had just brought in. Milking the cow was something she had so far avoided doing. She had watched while Amelia did it and there was no way she was touching that part of a cow. Even just the thought of drinking the watery-looking milk she was straining was disgusting to her. She only drank real milk, the milk that came in a carton.

“Can you drive me to the school tomorrow?” Amelia asked Zac as he whirled Chelsea around the room.

Rachel almost knocked the funnel off the top of the glass bottle she was filling. Since the morning Raymond had asked Amelia to go to his presentation, nothing more had been said. Raymond had been working on his book report project for the last few days, and with Zac's help he had built an amazing model of a castle, but the whole time they'd been working Amelia hadn't said a word about going to the presentation.

“Sure,” Zac answered calmly as he led his dance partner back to her seat. “Do you want me to take your project in the truck, Buddy?” he asked Raymond. “It is pretty big to take on the bus.”

“Sure,” Raymond said. “That would be great!”

“Can you invite more than one person to the presentation?” Zac asked. “I would love to be there when the other kids see the drawbridge that really works.”

The look on Raymond's face almost brought tears to Rachel's eyes. He looked like he would burst with pride and excitement. Jodie grabbed his arms and led him across the kitchen dance floor. As they danced, he laughed so hard tears streamed down his face. Then Zac pulled Crystal to her feet and with an exaggerated flourish swooped her toward the makeshift dance floor.

“Imagine the dancing you all could do if there was actually any music!” Amelia laughed. “And don't bother asking me, Casanova. I've got work to do. Sunday night's supper won't make itself,” she said as she went in to the pantry.

Amelia listened to the coffee drip into the pot. She was sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying the quiet stillness of the room. It was such a change from just a few minutes before, when everything had been a whirlwind of activity as the kids got ready to leave for school. She had not slept much the night before. She had woken from her brief sleep with a headache and a heaviness she rarely felt. When she asked Zac if he could drive her to the school last night, she had actually believed that going was something she could easily do. Since the day Raymond had asked her to go, she had been battling with her thoughts. Over and over she'd told herself it was time she let her fears go. She knew she had to make herself go out into the world. It seemed so ridiculous when she thought about it. She had hidden herself away for over thirty years. It had been a selfish and foolish way to handle her condition. It was insane. But no one had stopped her. No one had ever even confronted her about it. Raymond's one simple request had begun a dialogue that nothing else had ever forced her to have.

It had taken a long internal battle, but she'd convinced herself she could do this. Then the insomnia of last night had come and all she'd been able to think about was that she could not take her hideous face out in public. She'd kept telling herself she was perfectly fine right here. That she had done good work with the kids over the years. That she wasn't hurting anyone by staying here. She knew, of course, that the stone she felt in the pit of her stomach was the weight of all the years she had anchored herself here by believing those thoughts.