Ten Thousand Words (26 page)

If she had felt it, too, then she was just as miserable as I was. She had better show up soon because I needed to end her misery more than I wanted to end my own.

Ollie

Gabriella was barely dressed and provocatively draped over me while I was in slacks and a white button-down shirt. We looked good together; even I had to admit it. She was a stunning woman, and I supposed I was attractive enough to wear her well.

I was wearing all seven new watch designs for the Timeless Clockworks shoot, and I was told to keep them since I was going to be the new face of that particular line. Trey had gotten the paperwork and another contract.

At the end of the shoot, the photographer showed me some of the shots before I headed off to get out of the dress clothes. Gabriella barged in on me changing into my civvies. I had sort of expected it, and I at least had my man bits covered up.

As I pulled up my jeans, she glowered at me.

Sighing, I asked, “What?”

“You tell me.”

“Tell you, what?”

“Why you’re acting like this. You haven’t called me. You haven’t tried to see me. Nothing. What is going on with you?”

I hadn’t known it would be so difficult to tell her that I wasn’t interested anymore. She and I had been friends for a long time. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but there was no way I was going back to her in that way.

“You need a ride home?” I asked. I’d avoided picking her up this morning because I was no longer comfortable with being alone with her.

“That would be nice,” she replied, softening toward me.

Damn it.

Gabriella was reading into it too much, and I really had to do something about it.

Once we were in the car and moving through the streets, I headed straight for her apartment.

“Look,” I told her, “whatever we had going on, it’s not going anywhere.”

She drew in a sharp breath. “What?”

“It’s not going anywhere, and I don’t want it to continue. We’re friends, and as friends, we need to put up some boundaries. It feels as though you’ve been getting the idea that we’re more than we said we’d be. I’m putting an end to it.”

Stunned, she stared out the windshield. “What happened to make you decide this?”

I didn’t want to share anything about Xanthe with her. Technically, my woman wasn’t
mine
at this point in time. If I told Gabriella I’d met someone, she’d demand to know who she was.

“It’s just where I am in my life. I’m tired of meaningless sex and getting fucking tested for STDs every few weeks. We’ve never been exclusive, so I don’t see how this could be a problem for you. I’ve got shit going on in my life that I’m not obligated to tell you about, and to be honest, your sudden concern for me is a little unnerving.”

She looked as though I’d slapped her. “
Sudden
concern?”

“Don’t get me wrong. We’re friends, and I care about you, but recently, you’ve been getting territorial, and it’s never been like that between us. I don’t like it, and I don’t want it.”

Gabriella’s blue eyes filled with tears, and it wasn’t like when Xanthe had teared up that last night. This felt manipulative. Gabriella could cue the waterworks when she needed to. I couldn’t help but believe this was only to make me feel bad.

Sniffing, she broke eye contact with me. “You’re an asshole.”

“It’s been pointed out to me quite a bit recently,” I said as I pulled up in front of her apartment complex.

Shooting me a glare, she plucked her keys from her purse. After she opened the car door, her long legs pulled the rest of her out of the vehicle.

Bending forward to look at me before making a grand exit, she sneered. “Don’t expect me to come running back when you get over this shit going on in your life.”

“I won’t.”

Gabriella slammed the door and spun on her heel. The second she opened the door to her building, I was pulling out into the street.

Honestly, that was probably the best I could’ve hoped for.

The rest of the day, I spent in my dark room, developing photographs of Xanthe.

I still didn’t have much of an appetite, and when Trey called to see if I wanted to go to dinner with him, I declined.

“Gabby blistered my ear off about your little speech for twenty minutes,” he told me. “The way I see it, you owe me dinner.”

I rolled my eyes. “Some other time. I’m busy.”

“Oliver—”

“I’m fine, Trey. Take Gabby out.”

“I don’t want to!” he whined. “You’ve put me in a very difficult position here! Both of you are my friends.”

“Go be her friend then.”

“I’d rather be yours,” he grumbled.

That made me smile. “I just want to be alone.”

He sighed and hung up.

Reliving my time with Xanthe, I wasn’t really alone. I wasn’t too worried I was going insane just yet, but I might be close.

Once I had the photos developed, I went about starting my project. I had a hundred thousand words of Xanthe. I needed to show her, show the entire world, that those words weren’t wasted.

Painstakingly, I began making projector slides of the photos. It was time-consuming but worth every second. I got through about a quarter of them that night.

Thursday, the products from The Sophisticated Caveman arrived, and they’d asked I use them for a week before signing or rejecting them.

Trey mentioned the need for more rugged-looking models and told me he had one in mind that he wanted us to meet up with next week—someone named Richard. Trey’s side of the business wasn’t of much interest to me, but apparently, companies were calling and asking for manly men.

“It’s all your fault, Oliver,” Trey accused lightheartedly.

“Hey, I’m just the photographer,” I replied.

Friday, I woke up and went about my new beard-care regimen.

“Damn,” I said to my reflection. So far, so good. It smelled awesome, too. Woodsy and minty—I wondered if Xanthe would like it.

I wondered what she was doing.

I wondered how she was feeling.

I wondered if she missed me as much as I missed her.

I wondered if I would ever pull through this shit. It was impossible for me to go back to my old life, but I felt stagnant, waiting on a hope that might never be actualized. This gaping nothingness was eating me alive inside.

Over the course of four days, I’d had my entire existence wiped clean, and I had to relearn who I was. Looking at myself in the mirror was terrifying and wonderful, painful and exciting.

“Who are you?” I asked my reflection.

My shoot with the bakery was in an hour, and then I’d be off to visit Aunt Ellen. The Oliver of two weeks ago wouldn’t have even considered spending hours with an old woman. Now, I was missing one.

My reflection revealed nothing.

Xanthe

“I’m going to miss you, sweetheart,” my dad told me as he pulled me into his arms for a good squeeze.

“I’ll miss you, too,” I replied. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Call me when you get home.”

“I will.”

An early afternoon flight would be bringing me back to Amsterdam. As much as I enjoyed spending time with my dad, I wasn’t sure I’d gotten any healing done. I’d lost some weight, but it wasn’t on purpose. I’d just been sick to my stomach ever since Oliver had told me to go fuck myself.

Hiding myself away, I’d avoided social media, too. Mandy had been keeping my pages active while I was on hiatus. She had told me that my sites were blowing up with photos of me and my readers at the convention, and she’d mentioned there were a couple of Ollie and me, too.

I didn’t want to see them.

Eager to get back to my life, I needed my friends, Aunt Ellen, Beefcake, and the bookstore. I hadn’t been able to write shit, and I hoped that getting back into the swing of things would help kick-start it up again.

My words had left me. It was as though Oliver Fairfax had taken them with him.

The flight took less than an hour and a half. Jaime was waiting for me outside of baggage claim, and I felt a spark of happiness. I’d missed my friends. They were much more like family.

Squealing, she clapped her hands and then opened her arms, giving me a hearty welcome.

Jaime was tall and willowy with a head full of brown-and-violet dreadlocks. Tattooed from collarbone to toe, she had to be one of the most strikingly beautiful women. Smart, sexy, and rough around the edges, she was the coolest chick in existence. It was no wonder Ricki had fallen madly in love with her.

“How are you holding up?” she asked.

We piled into Ricki’s pea-green Mini Cooper. I’d always thought it was hilarious that they drove this car. Jaime was six feet tall, a whole two inches taller than her husband and me.

“I’m good,” I replied.

“You’re such a shit liar. Have you eaten at all this past week?”

“Not really, no,” I admitted.

She sighed. “Ronen said Ollie contacted him.”

My heart skipped a beat. “Seriously?”

She nodded.

“What the fuck for? He made it quite clear that it was over.”

“Ronen said he’s had a change of heart.”

Excitement, warmth, and joy flushed through my body. “Ronen and Lilla didn’t mention anything to me.”

“Like Ronen would want to encourage a toxic relationship. But Ricki said Ronen said to hold off on making Ollie a woman. So…who knows?”

“Whatever,” I stated, wishing I felt that way.

Ollie had left my readers hanging. A spark of fury I’d failed to encourage while hanging out with my father this past week ignited.

“He
completely disappointed everyone in Boston. It was only Mandy’s quick thinking that saved that situation from being a huge disaster.”

My original assumption of Ollie had been correct. He was a fucking prick. I should’ve gone with my gut and left well enough alone.

“Have you talked to Rex?” Jaime asked as we pulled out of the airport.

“Yeah,” I replied. “He’s got that meeting with FairFawkes at six.”

“Yeah.”

Rex had been the one to tell me to look into FairFawkes to begin with. He’d told me he used to date Trey a while back, and Rex had called me to let me know that Trey had unexpectedly called him and asked to meet with him to see if he’d be interested in doing some work. Rex had said yes, so Trey would be popping by Wurther’s bar tonight.