Terri Brisbin (14 page)

He recalled the way her body had warmed against his, could still hear the way she’d sighed softly into him when he kissed her. Had she forgotten how her breathing had gone shallow while her fingers clenched helplessly in his tunic? “Perhaps the time has come to consummate our handfast once and for all.”

Crushing the blasted missive from her sister in his fist, Gavin tossed it aside and tugged Brenna toward the keep, renewed determination to make her his wife firing his steps. At the very least, they would conduct this discussion in a private place away from any servant who might overhear.

He shouted for Kean to watch over the children as he hauled her through the front doors and toward the steps to the gallery. Gavin had been ten kinds of fool to ever suspect the woman nursed a hint of vulnerability since she had deftly used her feminine weakness to keep him at bay for weeks while she searched for another wife to take her place.

“I did not make excuses.” Brenna’s voice was no longer soft as she denied his words with a passionate avowal of her own. She halted at the foot of the stairs to point an accusing finger at him. “You promised me that you would not kiss me again or initiate intimacy unless I asked you to, remember?”

“A promise I made to give ye time to heal yer heart and
body after all ye had been through.” It galled him to remember how careful he had been to protect her tender sensibilities when she had meant to deceive him all along. “I dinna think ye can force me to honor my promise when ye’ve had no intention of honoring yers.”

Gavin spied a new young maid scurry from the shadows of the hall back into the kitchens and cursed himself for his lack of discretion. He drew Brenna up the stairs and into his chamber, barring the door securely behind them.

Brenna glared at him from the center of the master chamber. “Keep in mind I did not ask you for such a promise.” She folded her arms about herself, her slender frame appearing deceptively delicate. “And although I feared that I would never be the kind of woman you deserved, I had hoped I could help you find a woman you would be able to love. I said right from that first night you agreed to help me retrieve the boys that you did not deserve to encumber yourself with an unwanted wife simply because you were willing to help me.”

“And just what made ye think I dinna want ye, Brenna?” He stepped closer, fresh anger blending with the simmering hunger he’d never fully quenched during their fishing excursion earlier.

“You had banished every woman from your keep for a year’s time. It took no great wisdom on my part to realize you were not ready for another wife since you still grieved so deeply for your first.”

Her words made sense, and yet he could not get around the fact that she had made a vow to him, curse her eyes. “A promise is a promise, Brenna Douglas Kirkpatrick
Blackburn,
and I’ll thank ye to remember it. I deserve more loyalty from ye than Fergus Kirkpatrick did.”

“Aye. And I had hoped that if I was ever to marry again, I would deserve to be loved as much as your first wife.” Her green eyes, which reminded him of the Highland hills, also reminded him of her stubborn strength, her courage and re
solve in the face of his anger. She truly possessed the same fortitude as her mountainous homeland. “You are fortunate that you have known love, Gavin, and I am sorry you lost it. But I have never known such tender sentiment from any man and I did not think it fair to either of us to enter into a union where we would have no hope of discovering that kind of accord.”

Her words finally succeeded in reaching through his anger. Was he being selfish to wed her? Maybe. But his intentions were noble, damn it. He would protect her and her sons, who had already been through too much.

Yes, he could understand her desire for love, but how could he forgive her deception?

“Then ye should have said nay when I asked ye to wed.” Although, at the same time, Gavin thanked his stars that she had not. He’d only begun to realize how much he needed her.

“I wanted to think of my sons’ futures before I considered my own hopes.”

He knew her staunch practicality and fierce maternal love should come as no surprise. Yet he resented the fact that she would not have chosen him as a husband because she preferred some romantic notion of love. Still, a part of him could not help but admire the way she’d protected the boys from their sire’s wily clan and put their happiness first.

“Well, now their future resides with me at Blackburn Keep.” He reached for her in the falling darkness of the chamber, the sinking sun imbuing the scant tapestries and furnishings with a red-orange glow. “As does yers.”

His hands settled on her narrow shoulders, soaking up the feel of her soft silk surcoat and fine linen kirtle beneath it.

Brenna’s eyes widened as she looked up at him, her body quivering ever so slightly as he touched her.

“For what it is worth, I am sorry for plotting to find you another bride. I should have discussed my reservations about
the marriage with you as soon as we returned from Montrose. My only excuse is that I have spent many years living in fear—first of my husband’s kin, and later my captors. It has been difficult for me to trust anyone.”

Surprised by her confession and the raw honesty he sensed behind it, Gavin suspected that her admission had not come easily to a woman so unbending and proud.

He did not know that he would be able to trust Brenna again, but this was a start.

“Since ye’ve clearly wronged me this day, Brenna, might I hope ye’ll make amends by inviting me to kiss ye?”

B
renna held herself steady in the soft hush that had descended over Gavin’s bedchamber, willing herself to call upon cool reason instead of her churning emotions to make a decision.

Gavin would allow her to choose whether or not to lie with him? Even after she had plotted his future without him? That made him an uncommonly generous man.

And uncommonly wise.

If she went to him now, the way her aroused body urged her to do, she would have no one to blame but herself for her fate. She could never point a finger at Gavin to accuse him of constraining her with a marriage she had not wanted. And hadn’t she always longed to be the mistress of her own destiny?

She had chosen Gavin to help her retrieve her sons because she’d remembered him to be an invincible warrior and a man of honor. At the time, she had trusted him as much as she could ever trust any man. And although that had not been an overwhelming amount of trust, she had come to have all the more faith in him as she spent more time with him.

And stubborn Gavin himself seemed intent upon having her for a wife. As long as her sons would have a father to pro
tect them, she had told herself she could sacrifice her selfish wish for love.

Besides, all her life she’d longed for the freedom to choose her own way, and Gavin had delivered the power into her hands with a few simple words. By God, even if she made a mistake, she would always be grateful for that power.

Licking lips gone suddenly dry, she peered up into his eyes and made her decision.

“I seek much more than a kiss from you, Gavin of Blackburn.” In truth, her body had burned for him when he touched her earlier by the stream, and all it had taken was the brush of his hands over her shoulders to reignite the desire now. “I would know the feel of your hands on my skin and the press of your body against mine.”

It seemed an endless moment that he gazed back at her, his eyes turned so darkly blue they loomed as fathomless as the night sky. But it was probably only a scant instant that she stood there, pinned in his gaze and caught in a web of want.

She might never find love with this hardened knight who’d lost so much, but she knew as surely as she breathed that she would find scorching heat. Right now, that seemed like enough.

She needed that heat to burn away old fears and unwanted memories.

At last, Gavin’s hands moved slowly down her arms in a heavy, languid caress.

“Ye willna regret it, Brenna, I swear.” His whispered words warmed her ear before he leaned in to kiss the tingling skin of her neck, his lips soft and hot.

Ribbons of pleasure unfurled from that sizzling point of contact. His tongue darted along her throat, painting a damp path lower to the neckline of her gown.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Brenna drew herself closer to the source of all that male heat. Her fingers wound
into his silky dark hair, her breasts grazing the solid strength of his chest.

It amazed her that he did not toss her onto the bed with all haste. She could have never ventured this close to her last husband without landing underneath him for an unremarkable—although mercifully fast—joining.

But Gavin seemed intent on taking his time, mouth seizing possession of hers while his hands moved over her waist and down her hips. Her lips parted beneath his kiss, welcoming him inside as her tongue dueled with his in a slick, heated dance.

He tasted like the wine they’d shared by the stream earlier, his kiss a new intoxication she had never experienced before. Her head swirled with the effect of so much heady sensation, her breasts tightening to painful peaks beneath her kirtle from the friction of his chest.

A low growl rumbled through him before he pulled away. “I need to see you.”

Only then did she realize that the chamber had grown dark. The sun had set outside, allowing no light to penetrate the two large windows with leaded panes of colored glass. With no fire in the grate and no tapers lit, they were swallowed in shadow.

“Let us retire and I shall light a candle.” She was more than ready to lie with him, her pulse pounding with her body’s demand for more of this man.

“Nay, I need to see all of you.” He moved away from her long enough to pull a soft fur from the seat of a chaise. “Lie here before the hearth and I will build a fire.”

At her nod, he hefted her into his arms and settled her on the soft expanse of fur. She stretched on her side to watch him work, his body illuminated once he struck a few sparks with his flint. Normally Kean would have started the evening blaze in the bedchambers with a hot coal from the kitchen fire, but since Brenna and Gavin had been closeted alone in the room since dusk, he must have simply been giving them privacy.

A very good thing. Brenna could think of many ways she would like to be intimate with the man who’d promised to be her husband. She took in every ripple of masculine muscle as he bent over his task. When he had finished, the blaze bestowed a golden light over them both. Gavin stripped off his tunic before returning to her, his chest a mouthwatering enticement of bronzed muscle and intriguing shadow.

“That’s better.” Gavin surveyed her body before he knelt over her where she lay. His fingers unfastened her girdle and untied the laces of her tunic beneath her surcoat. The soft linen fabric slid decadently over her skin, heightening her awareness until the barest swipe over her flesh seemed a sensual touch.

She’d never burned for a man’s hands before, but now she thought sure she would flare up into a blaze hotter than the one in the hearth if Gavin did not remove her clothes soon.

“I can’t wait,” she whispered, her fingers exploring the bare expanse of his chest. His skin possessed a velvet quality made all the more intriguing by the rock-solid muscle that rippled beneath.

She could feel his smile against the crook of her neck where he kissed her. “Are ye always this impatient, Countess?”

“I cannot say since I have never been in such a hurry before.” Determined to have her own way, Brenna reached for the hem of her gown and tugged it up and off her body.

When next she sought Gavin’s expression, she noticed he was no longer smiling. He was now fixed on the thin tunic quickly sliding off her shoulders, his hand already reaching for the swell of her breasts.

Arching forward into that touch, she could not help the cry of pleasure sobbing forth from her throat as he cupped each breast in turn. Her thighs twitched with pleasure as he bent his head to each taut pink crest, his tongue swirling around the tight peaks until liquid warmth coursed through her.

“Ye’re so beautiful.” He paused his kisses to lean away enough to study her in the firelight.

She knew she no longer possessed that first blush of womanhood that gave every female a bit of a glow. For that matter, she’d nursed two babes and had seen more fear and sorrow these past seven years than she cared to remember. Brenna did not deceive herself that she possessed any great beauty, yet she knew by Gavin’s eyes that he had somehow found her pleasing indeed.

The notion warmed her heart as thoroughly as his touch heated her body.

“You are more than passing fair yourself, my lord,” she whispered back, fingers skimming the broad expanse of his chest before she allowed herself to trail them slowly down the center of his hard, flat belly to the barrier of his braies. “But I would like to see the rest before I make my final decision.”

Where did she find this boldness? Perhaps it had been there all along, next to her fierce will to protect her children and her king. She had just never found cause to use it in her marriage to a man she could not respect.

“I’m finding a lot to admire about a brazen lass. Maybe ’tis nae such a bad quality in a woman.” He restrained her grip as she ventured her touch lower still. “But the impatience—we may have to work on that.”

She let him keep his grip on her wrist, but she took her revenge by arching her lower body to rub over his. “Or maybe I should just work on making you as impatient as me.”

The raw groan in his throat sent a thrill through her, but her movements only served to make her more hungry, more wild for him. It had been so long since she had been touched with intimacy. And even during her marriage she had never been touched with so much reverence for her person, let alone so much care for her pleasure.

She wanted Gavin’s hands all over her. Now.

By this time, Gavin seemed to be thinking the same thing.
He stripped off her tunic and then stepped out of his braies before lying down beside her again.

Her daydreams hadn’t done him justice. She had sometimes entertained visions of him at night before she fell asleep. In truth, she had been dreaming of the man since she was little more than a girl. But not in all her fanciful imaginings had he been so solidly impressive.

“I have made my decision now,” she whispered with hungry admiration as her fingers fell to trace a delicate path over his thigh. “And I’ve come to the conclusion you are a sight to behold.”

He rolled her onto her back, nudging his thigh between hers. “And I’ve come to the conclusion ye have succeeded in making me impatient.”

Heat simmered through her veins, making her more than ready for him. For this.

He palmed the small curve of her belly then edged his way lower to sift through the dark curls between her thighs. She gripped his shoulders as he found the hot center of her, tracing his finger around and around that sensitive flesh until her thighs fell open even wider.

Already she could see the coming conflagration, sensed that there would be more to this joining than Gavin finding fulfillment. His deft touches across her slick heat gave her a hint of the sensual rewards she might find if she just allowed herself the freedom to feel and not think.

Concentrating on feeling, she seemed to float on a wave of pleasure while at the same time, a jolt of lightning struck at her insides. Seized by the sudden searing heat of the sensation, Brenna clung to Gavin. Stars appeared behind her closed eyes, her whole world narrowed to this man and the keen satisfaction he wrought with naught but his hands.

Her body tightened and clenched, seizing in spasms of delicious pleasure that rocked her hips and left her thighs trem
bling in their wake. She cried out with the force of that fierce heat, her eyelids fluttering back open just in time to see Gavin position himself over her. Blinking up into his eyes, her gaze locked with his as he edged his way inside her. The pressure built, thick and hot, until he was sheathed completely. She pulsed around him, her body succumbing to tiny aftershocks of pleasure even as an all-new wave of tension built inside her.

She skimmed her hands up his arms as he braced himself above her, her warrior husband taking time to gentle his strength for her sake. Her heart swelled with tender feelings for him that she should not allow. It would be dangerous to let any man hold such sway over her, and yet it was impossible to deny the wealth of emotion she’d always harbored where Gavin was concerned. What if she allowed herself to care about him? She could not imagine a man more honorable. More noble.

Amazed that he was in her arms at last after dreaming of him for so many years, Brenna curled her palm around his neck to tug him closer. To taste him.

“Ye’re mine forever now, lass.” He breathed the words over her lips between kisses. “There will be no more talk of leaving.”

“But remember, my lord, you belong to me just as much as I belong to you.” She traced her fingers over his temple down to the angular line of his jaw. “Perhaps one day, you will find I am as worthy of your heart as ever my sweet-natured sister.”

She noticed that he made her no promises on that count, but soon she was too swept away by the delicious sensations soaring through her to care. She clung to him as heat pooled in her womb and tiny spasms undid her. Gavin’s hoarse shout mingled with her cry as he found his own release.

Contentment warmed her as she curled into his arms, the night air blowing lightly over them through the open casements. She did not know if she could win this man’s heart, but at least she had been honest about her reservations before they consummated their marriage.

Now, they were well and truly wed, an arrangement that brought her peace and security, both for herself and her sons. Why then did a cold cloud of fear hang over her in the aftermath of Gavin’s heated lovemaking?

Perhaps because, deep inside, she knew she had already made herself vulnerable to more pain than she had ever experienced. Against all her better judgment, she had fallen in love with Gavin Blackburn.

Dawn approached and still Gavin had not fallen asleep.

He tugged the blankets up and over Brenna’s shoulder as she slept. If only he could protect her from the rest of life as easily as he warded off the night chill for her.

He’d consummated their handfast vows in a moment of heated lust, his desire for her overwhelming his better judgment. But now that she slept peacefully at his side, her newly healed body so slender and delicate, he could not believe he might have put her health at risk so soon.

She might have already delivered two strong sons into the world, but that had been before she had been subjected to harsh captivity. She claimed no man had ill-used her, but he knew that the English were notoriously rough with their Scots captives—even noblewomen. What if her body was no longer fit to bear children? And, far worse, what if a birth took a dangerous toll on her?

Angry with himself, he vowed to be a better husband to Brenna than he had been to Aileen. He was a stronger man now, old enough to harness his lust for the sake of his wife. Perhaps he could name Brenna’s sons his heirs and then he would not have to worry about childbirth claiming her the way it had taken Aileen.

Watching his wife weaken and waste away had been a brutal punishment, a humbling reminder of how little power he wielded no matter how fearsome his sword. He would have
given all he possessed to trade places with her, to grant her one wish of becoming a mother, but in the end he could do no more than hold her hand. He prayed that those last few moments he’d held her, whispered to her, had provided her with more comfort than they had given him. That night still haunted him, the memories all the more vivid now as he thought of losing brave, beautiful Brenna.