Tessa’s Dilemma (10 page)

Feeling calmer now, Tessa emerged from her protective mental cocoon. His arms cradled her to Him like the most precious item in His world, and for a fleeting second she believed that utterly. She wanted to believe it. He was holding her, eyes closed, with the characteristic expressionlessness she surmised that He used to hide what He was thinking from her. He wasn’t asleep, but He was thinking; she knew that much. Sensing her watching Him, He opened His eyes and turned to look at her; she thought He looked sad as He studied her, but she must have been imagining it, as His expression had not changed from a few moments earlier. Mere inches from her face now, He maintained the close distance between them as He rolled her carefully onto her back, His body now pinning her down as He lay half on top of her. Placing the thumb and middle finger of His left hand on the hinges of her jaw, He pressed gently, indicating for her to open her mouth wide. Doing as He wished, she watched Him intently as the same hand reached for her nose and pinched it shut, just as He leaned in and made a seal over her mouth with His.

Confused for a few seconds, she realized that He was holding His breath, so if she wanted to breathe, she must breathe Him. Tessa panicked as she realized He could still breathe through His nose and therefore could remain this way indefinitely. Inhaling a little, she took what she could before becoming increasingly alarmed, struggling against Him but also registering the familiar warmth of arousal growing within her. She really was now depending on Master for her survival. He was providing her very life’s breath. Succumbing to her fate, she halted her struggle and lay still and compliant. Her body was completely His to use in any way He wished. As soon as she stopped resisting Him, He pulled away from her and spat into her open mouth. Lost deep in His eyes, she didn’t feel dirty or base from His actions; she felt nothing but deep connection. An act, which would feel degrading and disrespectful to others, only served to make her feel closer to Him. So close to Him that every part of His body, everything that made Him Master, everything that came from Him, even His saliva, was sacred to her. Deeply meaningful in ways she had never had a chance to comprehend before.

Tightly grasping her hair, pulling her head back, He continued a ritual of cutting off her breath by using His hand, or covering her mouth with His, sometimes gently sucking the air from her lungs, other times breathing into her with a sigh. Words couldn’t express how she felt as he held her tightly pinned, giving her breath, subsuming her with the strength of His spirit. Although she was aroused by His actions, the moment they were sharing was not sexual. It was almost as if He was saying to her that He would care for her until His last breath; He would provide everything she would ever need, even the air to breathe.

With all of the events today, she was having the biggest emotional roller coaster to date. As she lay there beneath Him, concentrating on the meter of His breath, feeling the calm thud of his heartbeat, she realized that every time they met she tumbled further in submission to this man, and further in love. Each place she went to, she had no idea how she would react or what she would do; it was almost like her conscious mind disconnected and she was left purely to instinct. Tessa realized, much to her dismay, what a fearful and terrified person she was deep inside, and the only time she ever felt safe and at peace was in Master’s arms. But that would not do. Master, the man she loved, was married, and there was nothing she could ever do about the situation other than to live a lonely life. Cutting across her thoughts He spoke quietly. “I mean what I say girl; you mean the world to me, but you must find someone to take care of you when you are not with me. Find someone worthwhile; find someone to make me proud.” As the words sank into her mind, she felt something break, something shift deep within her. They would never, ever be together in that way.

The next morning Tessa stood in her kitchen, nursing a luke-warm cup of coffee, staring at Johnny’s telephone number. Should she call it? After the events of the previous few months, committing herself to a man twenty years her senior, in perpetuity, for use, in deep connection, to explore both of their kinks, it seemed silly to call. But she couldn’t bear to be alone anymore, and Master’s words to her yesterday left her no doubt. She had to shake her obsession and addiction to Him in her everyday life. It was never going to happen; they could never ever be together as lovers. And Tessa wanted children; she definitely knew that could never happen with Master. Johnny was a lovely man; kind, caring, handsome, had a good job, he was practical – the list was endless. However, he was completely vanilla. Not a kinky tendency to his name. They had been friends for a while; he was the best friend of one of her work colleagues. Everyone was forever saying they’d be perfect together, and she had just thought he was humoring them to save her feelings – until a few weeks ago when he had given her his number. His hopeful expression had melted her heart, and even though she loved Master, something about Johnny refused to let her decline the offer. And now she didn’t have a choice. He had given her an instruction and she must follow it. She didn’t, yet did want to call him. She also noted with a certain anxiety how pained Master had looked when He had said the words to her about finding someone to care for her when they were apart. This confused her; as if He wanted her like she wanted Him. Leaving His wife would be... difficult for sure, but not outside the realm of possibility. So, the only conclusion she could make was that He didn’t want her in His life. Only as a toy, a play partner, a commodity.

Sighing heavily, Tessa looked at the number again. She recalled the day in London with Anne, her encouragement to find someone to “look after her” and more than anything, the threat of never stopping “helping” until she found a suitable match. It was definitely preferable to make her own choices in that respect; she loved Anne dearly, but her choice of men was never very appropriate.

Such vain thoughts cycling around her head did nothing to get the task done. Her resolve now firm, she dialed the number and waited anxiously for Johnny to pick up the phone. Drumming her fingers nervously, she willed the call to go to his voicemail. “Hello?” he answered. Her heart began slamming into her ribcage, her mouth suddenly completely dry. Stuttering she started to reply “H-hi Johnny, erm, it’s... Tessa, Tessa Wallace? Erm, y-you gave me your number a couple of weeks ago?”

“Oh, Tess! Of course I know you silly! I thought I’d stepped over the line giving you my number; I never thought for a minute you’d call; I thought you were just humoring David and the others by going along with their thinly veiled set-ups. Of course, I
do
like you, but I understand if you want to be just friends; I won’t be hurt; just say so. Oh, I’m just so glad you called!”

Johnny’s words tumbled out quickly with Tessa unable to get a word in sideways. It was now obvious to her that he really did feel strongly for her and he was just completely adorable, innocent, – it was that word again she always associated with Johnny.
Innocent
. What harm could it do simply dating him? Nothing. In fact she considered that maybe she should have done this a long time ago, and well – she wasn’t giving up Master; she could keep them both for the time being; she just wouldn’t ever come to the point where she would have to choose.

“Whoa, Johnny; wait a second. Don’t go assuming I’m phoning you out of pity. I called for a reason, and that reason was a yes.
Yes
, I’d love to go on a date with you, and
yes
, I’m thinking we could be more than just good friends.”

The silence was deafening, and Tessa started to panic. Maybe she had totally misjudged the situation; maybe he had now changed his mind and just wanted to stay friends after all.

“Oh wow. I think you have just rendered me speechless,” he eventually managed. “What can I say? Other than I think you have just made my day! Yes, of course I would be honored to go on a date with you. I’ll find a really swanky restaurant; I’ll put on a suit and everything, treat you like a princess; you deserve the best Tess; I promise you you’ll not regret this decision!”

His words came even faster than before, his enthusiasm bubbling like a geyser ready to erupt; her heart melted further; she was definitely glad she had called. Blushing deeply, she was suddenly overcome, feeling like a teenager accepting her first date; she felt special, desired, cherished again. Instantly she started planning her date outfit in her mind, something that would definitely not scream innocent teenager, and something that would render Johnny speechless once more.

“That sounds perfect,” she replied, “So, next Friday night? Seven thirty? You can choose the restaurant.”

“Deal!” Johnny exclaimed, “I’ll call you tomorrow once I’ve booked somewhere and – thanks for calling. Honestly Tess; you really don’t know how much you have made my day! Talk to you tomorrow,” After returning a closing greeting herself, they ended the call.

Closing her phone, she smiled broadly; she shouldn’t have worried so much; Master was always right – perhaps He had known that there was someone waiting patiently for her in the wings who would take care of her? Looking back to her phone she laughed quietly at the sensations she was feeling deep in her tummy, the thrill of the chase, feeling once more like someone to be cared for and desired. Deciding it was probably time to get dressed and go shopping for that first date outfit she had formed in her mind’s eye, Tessa practically skipped to the stairs, catching her expression of childish glee in the hallway mirror. Placing her mobile phone on the low table, she perused her reflection. Happiness was radiating from her, and she beamed back at the joyful person laughing gleefully. Her attention was captured once more by the bleeping of a new text message on her phone.
He must be keen,
she thought,
texting to confirm already
. She
grabbed the phone to see what little love note she had been sent. But shock knotted tightly in her throat as she saw it wasn’t from Johnny. Instead, there were just five simple words from Master.

“I have left my wife.”

Throughout her life Tessa Wanton has always had her head buried in a book, spending much of her time in a fantasyland. She constantly looks to immerse herself in new experiences, meet new people and explore new lands, fictional or otherwise.

Having had an extensive musical background from early childhood, both performing and composition, she has always enjoyed creating art that stirs the emotions.

Her debut Novella,
“The Training Of Tess”
, lead to an expansion of her creativity from her music into literature and she has since penned many more incredibly passionate and titillating stories for Tess, to be revealed shortly.

Tickled Pink
is her first foray outside the scene of
“Tess”
and is expected to pave the way for so many more of its unique kind written by Ms. Wanton.

Tessa Wanton has been fascinated with the BDSM scene for many years, researching the content for her stories with close friends, who have been kind enough to be so open and share such intimate experiences. The influential information that inspired her most was the recollections her friends revealed. She realized that what we all hear and see in the media about BDSM is always so violent and often times sadistic. However, in reality, there is so much more of an emotional and intellectual connection, a willing and completely consensual trust and communication between partners, and this was the basis for the creation of her protagonists.

Is her namesake her? Perhaps she is. She certainly has the depth of emotions that Tessa feels and she hopes that her experiences may perhaps change the reader’s views about the world of BDSM. Allow them to realize that there is so much more to explore within our sexualities than the mass media would have us believe.

Fans can keep up with Tessa Wanton on her blog page:
http://tessawanton.blogspot.com/
or on Twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/DesireDarkly

Titles by Tessa Wanton can be found at the NNP eStore, Amazon, All Romance Ebooks, Smashwords, B&N, Diesel Books, Baker & Taylor, Sony, Kobo & Apple.

The Training of Tess

This intriguingly daring and fiery novella describes three encounters experienced by a young woman, who, whilst fascinated by BDSM throughout her life, had not had the courage or opportunity to experiment in the scene, until now...

Tessa had always been fascinated with the Dominant submissive lifestyle, and she was – she felt, a very submissive person. In her real life people knew her as a feisty, headstrong and passionate woman, no one would ever have described her as submissive. But then she had learned over time that being submissive didn’t mean she had to be a doormat, it meant to her that she wanted to hand over her control, her welfare, her safety, to someone else. Throughout her life she had maintained an iron grip on her personal control, organized to the extreme in her work and home life, highly respected in her profession as a Personal Assistant, so used to controlling others to ensure success. But what she truly wanted deep down inside, was a man who could take her to that special place of freedom she had heard and read so much about, to experience true freedom within her mind.

She had signed up to a lifestyle website to learn more about what it was to attain this ‘sub-space’ she had heard about. Peppering her profile with photographs she felt were ‘artistic’, and writing a personal passage about who she was had attracted plenty of admirers, but no one she had particularly connected with. She wasn’t looking to find a soul mate, or even a playmate, just someone to discuss her thoughts and passions and desires with. It was out of the blue that a message had dropped into her inbox.