Tethered (The Avenlore Series) (10 page)

Lost in my own mind, I hadn’t noticed that Nikolas had erected a small tent
, well, lean-to really, and had a warm blue fire glowing close by.  I also noticed a thick, gray blanket was wrapped around my shoulders, something I knew he was responsible for.

I watched him tether the horse to a tree and provide it with a bucket of water.  When he was done, he glanced to me but stopped dead in his tracks when our eyes met.

His tense body relaxed and he crossed the space between us and dropped to his knees in front of me, only inches away.  He reached out a hand, but stopped it just short of my face.  The compassion in his eyes startled me.  For all his confidence and angry glares, I wouldn’t have thought him capable of producing such a look.  When he spoke to me, his words were soft and kind.  “There she is.”

My fingers sought out my birthmark and he glanced down at it, but said nothing.  “Those men…people died…to protect me?”  Tears brimmed in my eyes as I stared at him, awaiting his answer.

His eyes stared back at me, pools of blue that had no end.  Reaching to take my hand in his, he spoke tenderly to me.  “Gladly, they did so gladly.”  The familiar tingling soothed me as his bare skin touched mine, there was something therapeutic about his touch.

The tears streamed down my cheeks now, pent up emotions hitting me like a ton of bricks.  “I didn’t, I mean…I didn’t want them to…they didn’t have to die for me.”  I choked out between sobs.
 

Like it was second nature to him, he scooped me into his arms, tucking my head beneath his chin.  One hand delicately
cradling the back of my head, the other working in comforting circles at my back.  For a moment he didn’t speak, when he did, I could feel the words rumble through his chest.  “It is our duty, it is our honor to protect and if need be, die.” 

“I don’t want…people to die…for me.”  I managed between ragged breaths. 

“I know.  And…that is what makes it an honor.”  His words were quiet and thoughtful now.

“What if more die?  What if…my father…and Liam…”  I trailed off, unable to complete the thought out loud.

His hand on my back stilled and he carefully guided me back until he could see my face.  “I think you underestimate them.” 

I felt a twinge of hope
stir in my belly.  If he believed, so could I.  “You think there’s a chance they’re okay?”

I saw confidence flicker across his face once more. 
Carefully, he lowered his arms to give me my space, pausing slightly to make sure I didn’t fall apart again.  “I think it’s much more than a chance.”  Then he smiled.  “Have a little faith.”

That brought a small smile to my face and I settled myself, legs crossed
Indian style beneath my dress.  I willed myself to have the faith he’d suggested, pushing back my doubts to the edge of my mind.  I tried to think of other things, another direction in which to take the conversation and it wasn’t so difficult…I did have a multitude of questions.

Nikolas leaned back, propping himself on his hands, legs stretched out in front crossed at his ankles.  He watched me pensively for a moment before I broke the silence.

“Will you tell me about my father?”  I asked as I doodled absently in the dirt.

“What would you like to know?”  He asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Everything.”  I said.

His face was thoughtful as he nodded, then he began.  “He is an excellent King. 
Our history has taught us that power often corrupts, leading a man who was once good to become someone even he himself would not recognize.  Your father is no such man.  He rules justly and the land has prospered under his reign.  His is well loved by the people.

“And he loves your mother…and he loves you.  Today is the happiest I’ve seen him.”  He leaned toward me now, pulling in his knees and
draping his arms around them.  “He and your mother have been lost without you.”  He said quietly.

I smoothed out the fabric of my dress, just to have something to do.  “It’s strange to find out that your life has been a…lie.  And…I miss them now, and…I don’t even know them.”

He gave me a compassionate smile and ran a hand through his mess of curls, holding my gaze with his tranquil blue eyes.  “Perhaps your mind does not recall them, but…your soul does.  I believe that…the ones we truly care for are bound to us, tethered to our hearts with a rope we cannot see, but that we feel.” 

Nikolas’ words were profound, ringing with a wisdom and understanding that I’d never found in someone so young.  Come to think of it, I hadn’t come across it at all.  But, he made perfect sense to me
, I wanted to believe his words, I needed to. 

He was studying me again now, looking like there was something he needed to say.  Keeping his thoughts pent up looked painful for him and I decided to put him out of his miser
y.  “Is there something you’d like to say?”

Gaze finding the ground, he spoke.  “I would not want to upset you.”

I rose onto my knees and reached out to touch his arm.  “No, I…I want to know, if you don’t mind telling me.”

His eyes were locked on my hand upon his arm for a long moment before he looked up at me.  His words came out quiet and almost nervous.  “I…I remember you.”

My hand fell from his arm and I blinked at him, unsure of what he meant.  “Wh—How, how do you remember me?”

He scooted away
to lean his back against a nearby tree and rested his head against the bark.  “When we were children…I remember.”  The confusion on my face prompted him to continue.  “You were such a tiny thing, all cheeks and curls.  I thought you were the best toy ever.”  He laughed and I felt my own smile break on my face.  “I would spend hours making funny faces for you and putting on puppet shows.  And you would giggle in that utterly happy way that only babies can.”

I even chuckled with him for a moment at the thought.  “Wait, how old were you?”  I asked.

“Four years old…I was four when you…went away.”  The laughter had died away now and he stared somewhere behind me, focused on a distant memory.  “You cannot imagine the heartbreak of a four year old boy over such a loss.  I was too young to understand why it was necessary.  I’ve wondered so many times through the years where you were, what you were doing, what you looked like now.”  He looked back to me and held my eyes with his own.  “I’ve never forgotten you.”

What do you say to that?  I just sat there, sinking deeper into his eyes for a long while.  After an undetermined amount of time
, I spoke.  “Is that why you keep looking at me like I’m some sort of enigma?”  My words were quiet and shy.

Nikolas’
eyes widened, as if he was shocked I’d noticed.  But, someone like Nikolas staring you down is not something that would ever go unnoticed. 

He looked down again searching for nothing at all in the dirt, but before speaking he looked at me again.  “
No.  I look at you that way because…I have seen your face a thousand times in my dreams, only, I did not know it was you.  Then, I saw you and realized it was your face.”  He paused to take a deep breath.  “I know, it sounds insane.”  His brow creased with worry.

I gave him a small smile.  “The past few days have just been varying degrees of insane, I don’t think you can tell me anything I wouldn’t believe at this point.”
  I chuckled a little and so did he.

“I c
an understand that.”  He said. 

“What do you think it means?”  I asked him after a stretch of silence.

He stared into the fire as he answered.  “That I do not know.” 

After a few more exchanges that were simple small talk and in no way profound, crazy, or life-changing, we decided to try and rest. 

I lay down on the ground, only the fire and blue flame between us. 

For a while, I looked everywhere but him…as long as I could stand it.  But, the pull was too great, and eventually my eyes sought him out.  I found myself staring into the blue depths of his eyes as he stared back at me, he didn’t even attempt to pretend he hadn’t been watching me.  My normal reaction would’ve have been to look away as soon
as I met his eyes, but I was enthralled by him, and I couldn’t have looked away if I’d wanted to. 

So we just stared at each other like we were trying to read the other’s soul.  I don’t know how long, only that those blue eyes were the last thing I saw before I drifted away into the depths of my dreams.

Chapter 13

Nikolas had been a busy boy.  The smell of cooking m
eat roused me from my sleep the next morning.  I opened my eyes and peered at him as he rotated a small carcass above the blue flame.  Getting into a more upright position, I stretched my arms above my head.  

“Good morning, Princess.” 
He said with a subdued smile. “I thought you might enjoy a warm meal.”

I really heard what he’d called me this time.  I mean, I had been aware of it before, its just that in the light of everything else that was happening, it didn’t catch.  Now, it did.  Apparently, I’d
been wrong before about the whole I’m no princess thing.  But, this was not shaping up to be a fairytale thus far.  I was thinking princess in the sense that I wore pretty dresses and a crown on my head and I looked out of the castle window with not a care in the world.  And maybe prince charming would save me from some mean parenting figure or from a deep sleep.

But this story was not for little children. 
After the battle yesterday, I realized I was in very real danger and worse yet, others were in danger owing to my very existence.  Even now, I could almost smell the blood in the air. 

I looked over at Nikolas again and his expression was concerned and pained as he read the worry on my face.  “It will get better.  I promise.  I will not allow anyone to harm you, ever.”

My eyes were wet as I stared back at him.  Good Lord I had become such a cry baby.  I breathed in deep, getting the tears under control.  “Yes, but you’ll allow them harm you.”  I turned my gaze to the ground.  “And, how many other people will be hurt or die because of me.  Maybe it would be best if I turned myself in.”

Nikolas was on his feet and in front of me in the blink of an eye.  Taking my face in his hands, he titled my head up, and not particularly kindly.  My eyes were still glued to the ground.  “Look at me.”  He said almost roughly.
  When I did, I could see the determination in his eyes, pain and anger warring inside them.  “Do not ever speak of such things again.  Many people have moved heaven and earth to keep you safe, at great personal sacrifice to themselves as well as you.  To give yourself over would make all of they have done a vain effort.  The Kingdom would fall into ruin and suffering and sadness would become all that anyone knew.”  He softened now, and I could swear his eyes were wet as well.  “And even if none of that were true, your life is important…you are important.  You cannot know the effect your absence has had for those of…for those you left behind.”

The tears had formed
in my eyes again as he spoke and were spilling over.  I felt awful and selfish and guilty and a thousand other painful things.  “I’m s-s-s-sorry…I just…I…”  My words trailed off. 

Like he had the night before, he gathered me in his arms,
pulling me tightly to him.  My shoulder to his chest and my face buried in his tunic, he clutched me to him, rocking me slightly back and forth.  “I know.”  He murmured into the top of my hair.  His chest rose and fell shakily.  “I know…just, please…do not ever…don’t go away again.” 

I nodded, unable to speak as I sat crying in his arms
, for the men I didn’t know, for my father and the mother I hadn’t really met, and…for Liam.  For every man, known or unknown, whose light may no longer burn.  And the guilt clawed through me again.  I let it all out and allowed myself to confront the emotions I’d been running from since this whole ordeal began. 

And he just sat there and let me fall to pieces.  He didn’t speak again, he just held me, he was just there…for me.  Nikolas provided that unobtrusive comfort that most people are incapable of.  It was exactly what I needed.

He was becoming oddly familiar to me, he felt like sanctuary.  I wasn’t sure if that was a product of his story the night before or something else entirely, but I took it either way, and my heart twisted in a strange, almost pleasant way inside my chest.

When I’d cried myself out of tears, I leaned away from him to look into his eyes.
  He smiled at me, though his eyes looked sad.  I noticed now the dark circles that hung beneath his eyes.  I reached up and traced a circle beneath one.  “You haven’t slept.  How long since you rested?” 

Instead of answering, he cursed under his breath.  I jerked my hand away, afraid he was rejecting my touch.  His reaction confused me until the smell of burning meat assaulted my nose. 

He looked at me apologetically and grabbed the same hand that had just touched his face.  “So much for a warm meal.  My apologies, Princess.”

And I realized I didn’t care for that formal term coming from him any more than I had when Liam addressed me as ‘Milady.’  I didn’t care about the food, so I gave him a smile and just said,  “Please, Dani.”

His answering smile was like the sun drawing the dawn from the darkness of night.  “As you wish it, so shall it be.”  He squeezed my hand before releasing it and went to discard the charred carcass.  After he finished that task, he got more water for his horse.  And the horse, go figure, was white I realized now.