Authors: RJ Scott
“Hi, Josh,” he said before leaning over in his chair and kissing Jack square on the lips.
“Josh brought Logan over. He’s working with us for the foreseeable future.”
Riley frowned. “What about school?”
“Around school,” Josh said.
“Okaaaay. I’m assuming this isn’t some sudden burning need to be near horses from Logan?”
Josh shook his head. “He’s working off a punishment.”
“What did he do?” Riley asked. “Stay out late or something?” Riley was trying to lighten the mood like he always did, but Jack decided to send a warning look.
Josh placed his coffee mug very deliberately on the table. “What didn’t he do? He crashed the car, skipped school, is rude and disrespectful, and makes his sister cry.”
Riley wisely stayed quiet. He didn’t know the bike part, and that sudden spiking fear that Josh’s youngest, only little, was potentially hurt. He was only facing a parent with a teenage son.
“I’ll talk to him,” Jack said.
“Or I could. After all, I’m the cool uncle,” Riley deadpanned.
Josh shook his head, “I don’t care who talks to him, I just want him to talk to someone. The minute Anna or I walk in his room, he clams up. He spends so much time on his phone we took it off him, but he took it back without us knowing. I don’t know what’s happened to him.”
Jack reached over and pressed a hand to Josh’s arm. “He’s a young man now, finding his way in the world.”
“Don’t make excuses for him,” Josh said. He sounded more resigned than angry. “The last few months have been hard, with Anna and the pregnancy and all.”
“I’m not making excuses, big brother. I recall what we were like. He’ll get through this.”
Josh stood. “Can he stay for the weekend?”
“You think that’s wise?” Riley asked. “Will he think like he’s been dumped here? Like you’ve washed your hands of the whole situation, and him?”
Jack looked at Riley, heard the absolute sincerity in his voice, and winced internally. What the hell had happened in the Hayes household that Riley would think that? Logan would never feel
dumped
.
“Of course he can stay,” Jack answered, “and leave it with me.”
Josh left with some of Carol’s cookies, and his mood was lighter than it had been when he arrived.
Riley ate the two remaining cookies at high speed, and he evidently had something on his mind. “I meant what I said, about Logan being dumped here,” he began.
Jack raised a hand to stop him. “I know you did, and I get it. I’ll go talk to Logan, and by the time we’re done, he’ll think it’s his idea to stay here for a few days.”
“Really?”
Jack cradled Riley’s face and rubbed his thumbs along his cheekbones. “Josh may be furious with what’s going on with Logan, but at the core of it, he’s feeling powerless. He and Anna will have tried everything. They haven’t abandoned him, but they know that maybe something else will help. They need to find that something else, and they’re starting with me.”
Riley sighed. “I didn’t have any of that. I acted out for fuck knows what reasons, and it was okay, no one was there to see it anyway.”
Jack’s chest tightened. Every so often Riley would mention his childhood, talk about all the things that money could buy him, then recall all the things he never had. The only love in the Hayes house had been between Eden and Riley. Sandra was late to the whole loving parenting thing, only since her husband and eldest son had died. Since she’d been with the only man she’d truly loved, Riley’s father, Jim. Jack would catch Sandra sometimes, looking at the twins and Max, uncertain of what to do, of how to be their gran. She’d connected to Hayley to the point where they sometimes got together alone. But the rest was so hard for her. Which was why Jack was so damn proud of Riley. From such a shitty start, Riley was a man with principles and an endless supply of love for his family.
“I love you,” Jack whispered. He kissed Riley gently. Not as a prelude to more, merely a simple touch and connection that he craved all the time.
“Love you,” Riley said.
The door opened again, and this time Hayley came in. She hooked up her riding jacket and yanked off her boots before dumping them on the floor. She poured a tumbler of water, which she finished in one go, before slumping dramatically into a chair. She didn’t speak, only buried her head in her hands.
“Hey to you too,” Riley joked.
“Hmmph” was the reply.
Jack picked up the bag and placed it on the table because he knew damn well someone would walk in and fall over it like he’d done yesterday. “Everything okay with Red?”
She’d been out on an early ride with Liam and Robbie, and Jack hadn’t been expecting her back until midmorning.
Hayley lifted her head. “Don’t feel so good,” she said.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Riley stroked a hand through her long hair and pressed his fingers to her shoulder.
She yawned and leaned into his hold. “So tired,” she muttered. “Too many exams. Gonna go for a nap.”
“Logan’s staying the weekend,” Jack said.
The thought of Logan being here would surely make her smile.
“Whatever. He’s an asshole,” she said with another yawn. She took another glass of water with her and vanished through the kitchen door toward the hall and her room.
“She didn’t look so good,” Riley said worriedly. “And she never flinched when you mentioned Logan.”
“She called him an asshole? I know this couple of weeks are hard. She’s got exams, and she’s learning lines for that play she’s in. Maybe she’s coming down with something.”
“I worry she’s losing weight.”
“We said she’s getting tall. Going in and up at the same time.”
“I know, I …. Look, I’ll let her sleep, get her up for dinner.” Riley’s cell sounded and he looked at the screen before connecting the call, then headed out of the kitchen with a “See you later.” He was going to the office, Hayley was in bed, the twins and Max were with Carol, and Jack? Well, he had uncle duties to perform.
Jack found Logan mucking out stalls on his own.
“Hey, Logan,” he said as he stopped at the open door.
Logan muttered something in return but didn’t stop his shoveling.
“Can we talk?” Jack hoisted himself up on the stall side and waited. He wasn’t expecting miracles here.
“Don’t know what to say,” Logan said.
At least he actually spoke, if he didn’t stop what he was doing.
Jack considered all the parenting skills he’d accrued so far. Logan wasn’t the twins; he wasn’t needy like that. He wasn’t Max—hell, Logan didn’t need help accessing the world. As to Hayley? Well, Hayley wasn’t really a typical teenager… yet. That would be something that probably kicked in soon. So he had nothing to pull on except his own experiences.
Jack considered himself at seventeen: focused on the ranch, working every spare hour with the few horses they had left, Josh out working at a nearby store, both of them scared to death about Beth.
I wasn’t a typical teenager, any more than Riley was
, he admitted to himself,
but what I did have was absolute love, something Riley never had.
“How’s school?” he asked. That was as good a place as any to start.
“Fine” was the terse reply.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
This is going well. Not. Direct it is, then.
“So tell me why you got in the car and ran over your sister’s bike?”
Logan threw down the shovel and rounded on his uncle, and there was a fire in his eyes. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“You didn’t think.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think. I don’t think. I’m useless and a waste of space and everyone is so busy with worrying about Mom that I get my problems aren’t as important. I understand that.”
This was about Anna?
“Logan? Your mom is going to be okay. You should talk to your mom and dad if you’re scared—”
“I don’t get it, okay,” Logan interrupted furiously. “I don’t get who I am, or what I need to do. I try so damn hard and there’s no point because I fuck everything up anyway.” Logan stood there, his blue eyes bright with emotion and his hands clenched at his sides. Jack slid down from his perch.
“Come on, let’s go for a ride.”
Logan stood utterly still for the longest time, then he left the stall, and Jack followed. They didn’t talk as they saddled Solo and Taylor, didn’t speak as they took the east trail up to the hills. Only when it was the two of them in the middle of nowhere, with not one view of the ranch, isolated, did Jack talk.
“Tell me what’s wrong at school,” he said as he pulled Solo to a stand. Logan copied and shifted in the saddle. Jack had gone for school as his first choice, because this couldn’t all be about Anna, could it?
“It isn’t school,” Logan murmured.
“Then what’s wrong? Talk to me, Logan.”
Logan hung his head. “You’re the last person I want to talk to.”
Jack couldn’t help it, he felt hurt to the core. “Uncle Riley, then.”
“You’ll hate me.”
Jack’s heart skipped a beat. What could Logan have done that would make him think his doting uncle could ever hate him? “I could never hate you, Logan. I love you.”
“Uncle Jack—” Logan started to cry. Not simple tears for effect, this was harsh gulping sobs that shook his slim frame and caused Taylors to skitter sideways. Jack didn’t know what the hell to do or say, so he let instinct take over. He dismounted, then moved quickly to Logan’s side, pulling him so that he near slid off Taylors and into Jack’s arms. For the longest time, Jack held his nephew, his heart racing.
“Talk to me,” he urged. “Please, Logan.” Had he gotten a girl pregnant? Broken the law? What the hell had he done that was this bad?
Logan wrenched away. “You’ll hate me, I know you will.” He stumbled back, and as he fell, Jack caught him by grabbing his shirt. Logan steadied himself, and Jack released his hold.
Jack didn’t know what to say. Then inspiration hit. “If you think that anyway, you may as well say what you did rather than letting it stay inside, then you can see my real reaction.”
“I kissed someone.”
“Okay?” Jack couldn’t help the question in his tone. A kiss wasn’t anything awful.
“Cory Newman.”
Cory? Jack felt the name was familiar. “The friend who took Hayley to her dance?”
Logan nodded mutely.
“What about him, Logan? Did something happen with Hayley?”
Are you keeping secrets?
“Nothing to do with Hayley, not really. I kissed him.”
Jack went from scared to thankful in a moment. Logan had kissed a boy? Jack could handle that.
“Are you saying you think you’re gay, Logan?”
Logan raised wet eyes to his. “No,” he whispered. “I did it because I was dared to, and I knew he was gay, but I was his best friend—his only friend because he was picked on a lot. I kissed him, and he thought I meant it, and maybe I did, I don’t know. I like girls, but then the guys I hang with outed him after the date with Hayley, and I joined in. I don’t know why, because I know you and Riley….” Logan started crying again. “I told everyone he was a—” Logan collapsed in a heap of limbs on the ground, and Jack crouched in front of him.
“What Logan? You can tell me.”
“I called him a fag. I’m a bully.” Fresh sobs.
Jack went from the crouch to sitting cross-legged in front of his broken nephew. “Why are you crying?” he asked.
Logan looked up at him. “I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“I… I… d-don’t know,” he hiccupped.
“I think I know,” Jack said. He decided that shocking Logan out of this crying the best way to handle things. “How about this: you deliberately hurt that boy and now you’re worried that you’ll be found out and you’re scared of getting in trouble? How about: you were a selfish kid who is thinking of himself?” Jack kept his tone even.
Logan’s eyes widened. “No,” he blurted. “I didn’t deliberately—Uncle Jack, you have to believe me…. I keep thinking about Cory’s face. He started to cry and he walked away, and I stood there though everyone was laughing. It wasn’t that, I have new classes, new friends, and I ditched Cory. I wanted to be with these new guys, and I didn’t fit in. They wanted me to prove myself, and I don’t know why I did it.”
Peer pressure, the need to be accepted; Jack could get behind that. “Okay, I get that.” He paused as he considered what was the best thing to say. “What would you do differently if you had the time again?”
“Go after him, apologize, hold his hand and make it right. I would tell him he’s my friend and that I was so sorry.”
“And why haven’t you? When did this happen?”
“Last week. He’s tried so hard to put up with my shit, but that was the worst I could do. He won’t talk to me at school, won’t answer my texts. He unfriended me on Facebook, blocked me on Twitter.”
Jack didn’t completely understand the whole social network pressure but he identified one missing connection immediately. “Why didn’t you go to his house?” Jack pushed.
“I want to, but I don’t know what to say. I stand outside and I never go up to the door.” Logan stopped and scrubbed his face with his hands. “Please don’t hate me,” he said, miserably.
Jack held out a hand, and Logan took it cautiously. “What you did, what you said, that isn’t the Logan I know, but I won’t ever stop loving you. I will always love you. Never doubt that.”
“I’m sorry.”
Jack squeezed his hand. “It’s not me you need to apologize to.”
Logan started crying again. “I know.”
“How about we get back and drive out to see Cory? Maybe see if he wants to talk?”
Logan gazed hopefully through the tears. “Really? Maybe if I explain, you think he’d listen and not punch me to the ground?”
Jack shook his head. “I don’t know what he’ll do, but let’s get to the core of this and try to fix what’s wrong.”
“Don’t tell my dad yet,” Logan blurted out.
Jack held out a hand to Logan and together they stood up. He wasn’t going down the path of not telling Josh at all, but that wasn’t what Logan was saying. Don’t tell my dad,
yet
. Seemed to Jack that Logan wanted help to fix this.
“We’ll tell him after.”
The car ride was quiet at first. Questions filled Jack’s head. Was Logan gay? Did Jack need to be doing something else about talking about how he’d felt at Logan’s age? Also, why did a normal, happy kid like Logan all of a sudden get in with the wrong crowd? Ask anyone who knew him, Logan wasn’t the kid who bullied others. He was smart, quiet, and he loved everyone. Part of Jack wished he had Riley with him, but this was something he and Logan had to do together.