Texts from Bennett (29 page)

ME:
Uhh. #1. BE DA HOMIE B4 ANYTHING ELSE

BENNETT:
1. B da homie b4 anythin else..

BENNETT:
Dis meanz dat no matta wat

BENNETT:
alweys B a bitch best friend

BENNETT:
if u talken 2 a girl an she thinks dat u want 2 fucc her

BENNETT:
even if u do

BENNETT:
she wont wanna git wit u

BENNETT:
if u go at her like u wanna fucc her she will think dats da onley thing u want. u cant even act like Ur atractid 2 her for real

BENNETT:
but if Ur just her friend..if U dont talk about daten her and aint afraid 2 opanly talk about fuccin otha chix in front of her she will think u dont want her dat much

BENNETT:
and will like u.U gaDDA make her feel like u balong 2 her.!

BENNETT:
if she hears abt all da hot girls U git wit she will think ur a gud catch cuz otha bitches want u

BENNETT:
she will wanna hang wit u all da time cuz ur so funny and cool but mostley 2 keep u frum gittin wit N E otha bitchez

BENNETT:
den u can try to git wit her

ME:
What if you try to get with her and she rejects you? Won’t she know you were faking the friendship?

BENNETT:
na

BENNETT:
first of all.. dont fake da friendship.. neva be a fake ass nigga. im sayen ReaLLy b friends wit her.. jus keep ur dazire 2 fucc her secrete

BENNETT:
secind of all . . . if u try 2 git wit her and she says no jus be like

BENNETT:
its ok..are friendship cums first i just luv bein around U

BENNETT:
i luv it so much dat i worry if i meet anotha girl i cant see U as much

BENNETT:
but ok no problam lets jus be friends

BENNETT:
no matta wat she says . . . . . . i jus wanna be friends,,, i dont like u like dat,,, ur not my type

BENNETT:
dont take it 2 ur head.she just talken shit..it jus means u havent made her like u enuff 2 get rommantic but dats OK it will happan

BENNETT:
IF u dont act like a bitch dat iz

BENNETT:
dont EVA b like i dont wanna b jus friendz i luv u i wanna buy u 200 roses dippt in choclit an shit

BENNETT:
u gadda be supa coo wit it . . . u gadda proove dat ur da type of nigga she can fall in luv wit

BENNETT:
B a real friend 2 her..and all her friends 2 for mo options =)

ME:
Wow. That’s . . . actually kinda smart.

ME:
Because you can disarm her that way.

BENNETT:
i wudnt disarm her she wudnt be able to giv u a hand job with no arms LoL

BENNETT:
da coo thing is.sumtimes bein da homie is da only thing U need to do

BENNETT:
if Ur jus nice and friendley 2 a girl but dont focas on sex. . . . .sumtimes she will B ready 2 fucc da same day

BENNETT:
sumtimes da day u meet.sumtimes 4 or 5 bizniss dayz..if she a asain bitch it take up to 3 wks da point iz..bitches LUV a nigga who claims 2 be her homie..

BENNETT:
dont hit on a bitch

BENNETT:
dont tell a bitch u wanna go on a date

BENNETT:
jus be her buddy

BENNETT:
O also U can have like 8 diff chix at 1 time an use dem 2 make eachotha jellis.

BENNETT:
U cant get drunk wit out a 40

BENNETT:
U cant get free grosheriez wit out a WIC card

BENNETT:
U cant git a bitch wit out bein her friend

ME:
Okay. Got it. I’m actually glad you’re texting me this stuff, because I can save it all and read it a few times.

BENNETT:
well since u asked i will tell u also

BENNETT:
numba 1 is so importint

BENNETT:
dat numba 11 says to start ova at numba 1 if shit git fuccd up.we will talk abt dat soon

ME:
DIS AIN’T A JOB INTERVIEW

BENNETT:
aint dat numba 3

ME:
Nope. #2.

BENNETT:
k Dis aint a job inteview is a imporint 1

ME:
I don’t get it.

BENNETT:
ya cuz i didnt xplain it yet silly nigga

BENNETT:
ok dis is when U first gittin to kno a chicc when u talken 2 her

BENNETT:
Do not ask her fuccin questins dat makes her borred

BENNETT:
da most borring fuccin ppl in da world are bosses given u job interviewz

BENNETT:
maccin on a girl isnt saposed 2 be Boring it saposed to be excsiting , da girl shud think U r da coolist nigga she ever met..

BENNETT:
she shud think ur cooler den Harrie potter dats fer sure

BENNETT:
wats da next 1 ?

ME:
Wait. Hang on. You didn’t explain that one enough.

BENNETT:
wat

ME:
I mean I think I get it. But in your much less experienced life than mine, what have you found bores girls?

ME:
What questions work and what don’t work?

BENNETT:
man dont ask NO questins if u dont haff to

ME:
Really?

BENNETT:
ya 4 real

ME:
Not even her name?

BENNETT:
nah . . . . . . if u wanna git her name tell her UR name

BENNETT:
be like waddup im mac

BENNETT:
she will giv u her name

BENNETT:
sumtimes u can ask her questins 2 keep da convarsatin gng but dont be sittin their quizin da girl

BENNETT:
u shud b abel 2 hav a connvarsation wit out evar asking a questin

BENNETT:
tell her shit dont ask her shit

BENNETT:
wat kinda muzic do u like

BENNETT:
wat skool do u go 2

BENNETT:
do u like kittins

BENNETT:
hav u evar benn 2 canadia

BENNETT:
dont ask none of dat shit TELL her dat shit

ME:
Dude people have been getting to know each other by asking questions for millions of years.

BENNETT:
i no and dats why dis is imporint Bcuz she will notice dat u dont act like all da niggaz dat have hit on her for milianz of years

ME:
What the fuck do I say then? “Hi, I’m Mac, I like hip-hop music, I don’t go to school because I’m 30, I hate kittens, I’ve been to Canada, and my favorite TV show is
Louie
.”

BENNETT:
Yeah! dats pretty gud !

BENNETT:
datz funny i mite try dat LoL haha

BENNETT:
try dat i bet it work betta den if u askd all dem questins you ask haha

ME:
Shut up. You have no idea what you’re talking about.

BENNETT:
no nigga really think abt it

BENNETT:
ill giv u a few ideaz 2 say but thinK abt it

BENNETT:
Brb i gadda take a shit

BENNETT:
Wooo better . . . U thar?

ME:
Yeah, and I’ve thought about it and can’t believe how well that would actually work.

BENNETT:
ya it isnt like a picc up line.. it just helps u git da talk gng

BENNETT:
picc up lines dont wrk on dope chiccs ne wayz..

BENNETT:
ne wayz here go 2 i like to use

BENNETT:
da first is waddup im bennett

BENNETT:
im not da type to interup a pretty girl

BENNETT:
but their is sumthin about u. sumthin abt ur style dat im tryen 2 figure out

BENNETT:
she will go wat?

BENNETT:
den i give her 2 things abt her to chose from dat are awsim

BENNETT:
i say

BENNETT:
U r either a girl who has incredabal dreams dat r supa intensce

BENNETT:
and dey give u da abilaty 2 be vary styleish

BENNETT:
or u C colors difrantly den most peopel.u c dem in a deep way dats hela deep and ur betta at dresseing den most hoes r

BENNETT:
both of dem are bull shit she aint speshial

BENNETT:
but bitchez wanna think dey are speshail so she will picc 1 and start talken abt her self.. den u builld on that and keep makeing her feel like a alien dat has speshil shit about her. . . . .

BENNETT:
da sekond 1

BENNETT:
hi im bennett.. i notice u hav sumthin speshial abt u most girls dont have

BENNETT:
she says wat

BENNETT:
u have wat r called prinncess cheeks and dis is wat dat means

BENNETT:
99 % of girls have normall cheeks but a vary small numba of girls hav prinnscess cheeks.u get cheeks like dat bcuz u smile in a real way not like most fake chix do.. it means ur a vary real persen who is genuwin and many ppl can truss u also u cum from a line of royalty

ME:
Dude. Has that ever worked?

BENNETT:
it works evry single time all girls want to be a prinscess

ME:
#3 IF SHE WANTED A GIRLFRIEND, SHE’D FUCK HER GIRL FRIEND.

ME:
This one makes sense without even seeing an explanation.

BENNETT:
*fucc

BENNETT:
basicly dont be a guy she lables as one of da girlfriends

BENNETT:
dont be a push ova.. dont be a sweety pie..dont gossip and be all sencitive and shit.dont be afraid 2 ignore her and tell her ur busy

BENNETT:
da less u say da betta.. da more busy u r da more she will want u

BENNETT:
if a girl calls u and says OMG wat r u doin lets talk abt how awsim i am and how pretty i am

BENNETT:
b like No im watchen da game wit my niggaz

ME:
What if a game isn’t on?

BENNETT:
how da fucc wud she no ? girls dont watch games

ME:
What if it’s 10 pm, when no games are on?

BENNETT:
b like da game is in canadia its da aftarnoon their

ME:
Lmao.

ME:
So even if it’s 3 am say I’m watching a game and gotta go?

BENNETT:
well no if its 3 am she is callin cuz she wants 2 worship ur stachew of luv.. but N E thing b4 1130 u watchin da game

So far, what I had gathered was above all else: focus on and develop a friendship with the girl. A real one, where if she acts uninterested in dating you, you are unfazed by it because the friendship is that important to you. Don’t ask her tons of boring and predictable questions, because you’ll come off as boring and predictable. And don’t act like a girl she shops and mingles with. Because you’ll end up in the friend zone. Women want men. Men who say little and represent strength, loyalty, and being unafraid of taking control of a situation.

The sad part was I already knew all of this but was just missing something.

ME:
Okay. #4 is THUGLIFE. Teeth hair etc. etc.

BENNETT:
dis 1 is abt da hoW U CARRY URSELF AND APEAR

BENNETT:
in order 4 u 2 pull dime bitchez u gadda live dat thug life

BENNETT:
each leter stand 4 sumthin importint

BENNETT:
T is Teith..brush ur teith. i mean hello . U dont want nasty ass yelow teith dat smell like u ate a frozzen fart. . . . .Have a fre$h mouth so u can kiss and talk to bitchez w no problam

BENNETT:
H is for hair.u gadda have a hair cut..chix want a guy who isnt shaggy and keeps his hair trimed and clean . . . duh dats obvias

BENNETT:
U is for Unda arms Dis is importint bcuz u will think im gunna say make sure u wear d.Odarent but im not. DONT Wear d.Odarent u hav wats called farramones in ur body i seent it on animiel planet