That Baby (35 page)

“Oh, god,” I say as he thrusts harder—our headboard banging against the wall as Phillip nears the edge of release.
 

“Phillip, dear!” his mother yells from outside our room, causing Phillip to freeze mid-pump. “I think someone may be knocking on the door, but it’s so late that I’m afraid to answer it.”

“Can she be that oblivious? Don’t she and your dad have sex?” I whisper.

“Oh, god. I hope not,” Phillip says. “What the hell am I supposed to do?” He takes a deep breath, rolls off me, throws on a pair of boxers, and goes to check the door.

When he gets back, he tells me, “Surprise. No one was at the door.”

I reach inside his pants.
 

“
That
is long gone,” he laughs, sliding his hand across my stomach. “Maybe we’ll try again—oh! What was that? Oh my god! That was it, wasn’t it? I felt the baby kick!”

“The baby is kicking like crazy right now. I’m pretty sure he’s going to be a gymnast. You really felt it?”

“I did. It was like your whole stomach moved.” He snuggles up to me, keeping his hand on my stomach and talking to it. “I just felt you kick, Baby Mac. And although it was amazing to feel, it’s time for Mommy to get some sleep. So why don’t you go to sleep too?”

“Maybe you should sing us a lullaby,” I suggest.
 

And he does, sending me off to dream land.

“Princess, wake up,” a faraway voice says.
 

I feel someone shaking me, but I’m screaming in pain as fire shoots across my nerves.

“My leg, my leg,” I murmur. “It’s broken.”

“Jadyn, wake up!” Phillip shakes my shoulder, tearing me away from the scene of the accident.

I reach down and hold my leg, which still hurts.

“What kind of creature did you give birth to this time?” he chuckles. “And how did you break your leg? Or was the baby a shark? No, I guess that would have eaten your leg.”

I shake my head. “I was in a car accident. Head on, just like my parents. Well, not just like my parents. It was during the day and it was raining. A car lost control and came at me. It all happened so fast, I tried to turn away. I could feel the car crumple around me, crushing me. And my leg hurt so bad, but then I was bleeding. And bleeding. My stomach was cut open and the baby . . .” I start to cry. “The baby came out dead.”

I throw my head into his chest and sob. “It felt so real.” I reach down and rub my leg. “And my leg still hurts.”

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Phillip whispers. “That’s not going to happen. Our baby will be just fine. I promise.”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Dear Baby Mac,

Well, you made your dad’s life!
 

You kicked so hard that he felt it. Actually, you probably aren’t kicking any harder than you used to, but you’ve grown and are filling out your living quarters. You are 2 1/2 pounds and about 16 inches long.
 

The baby books also say that you can dream.
 

I’m pretty sure that’s what you do all day.
 

You’re already like a teenager.

Or, possibly a vampire, waking only at night.

But, so far, I haven’t craved blood like Bella, so I think we’re okay.

Danny and Lori came over for dinner the other night with baby Devaney. Danny was loaded down like a pack mule. I found it hard to believe that a teeny baby could need so much stuff.
 

But I think they do.
 

I’m really not nervous about taking care of you physically. I babysat and understand basic baby care, like changing diapers, burping, bathing, and feeding.
 

But I’m worried about the emotional side of it.

When does the joy of becoming a parent turn you into a stressed out mess?
 

Does it happen after a few weeks of not getting enough sleep? Will I start shouting orders at Phillip to get your rocker set up?
 

And what if your grandma is right about letting a baby cry, so that it can learn to calm itself? I know Lori got mad when we compared her baby to our puppy, but we used to have a hard time getting Angel to settle down at night. She wanted to just run around and play.
 

Now, we give her a bully stick. It almost acts like a pacifier. She chews and chews and pretty soon she can’t keep her eyes open.
 

I want to teach you to calm yourself down. I want to teach you everything you need to know how to do in life.
 

But what if I screw it up?

How do you care for your baby emotionally?

Actually, I think I know the answer. I should do what my parents did.
 

They loved me.

That’s what you need.
 

Unconditional love.

And, you, Baby Mac, now have a name. (If you are a girl.)

It’s Haley James Mackenzie.
 

Isn’t that pretty?!!

July 12th

Blow off steam.

Phillip sets out on his typical jogging route, down the sidewalk, to the left, and then right onto the trail.
 

“Let's go a different way today,” I suggest.

“But I know exactly how long this route is,” he argues.

“It’s fun to go different ways, Phillip. Besides, you shouldn’t be so predictable. What if a killer were stalking you and watching your habits? Predictability makes you vulnerable.”

“You've been reading too many spy novels,” he says with a laugh.

“Maybe, but we’re still going this way today,” I point, heading the opposite direction of where we usually go. “Come on. Who knows what we’ll see.”

We take a jogging trail that ends up cutting through a portion of our neighborhood that has multi-million dollar homes. A lot of Danny’s teammates live here. I've always wanted to drive through and gawk at the houses.

Although we enjoy jogging together, we really don’t talk much. We listen to our own music, Phillip playing pump-me-up rock while I play a wide assortment from rap, to EDM, to country. I’m not sure what Phillip thinks about while jogging. He always says it helps clear his mind, that he doesn’t want to think. I’m the opposite. When I’m stuck on a design or a project, a jog helps me figure it out.
 

Phillip turns the corner and we end up going down a hill into a large park area. There’s a big swirly slide and a bank of swings. I stop running to stare at them. It's been a while since I've been on a swing. My mind flashes back to a few days after my parents’ funeral when Phillip took me to swing. Then it flashes to a time in college when I was having a meltdown over failing a test. It was the beginning of my sophomore year and I’d never failed a test in my life. I figured I’d go drown my sorrows at a frat party, but Phillip drove me to a park where we swung and drank vodka out of a flask. We stayed there for hours, playing like kids, until the mosquitos started attacking us. We went back to our townhouse and watched a movie. I must have fallen asleep during it, because I woke up the next morning all tucked in my bed. Phillip's arm was draped across me and he was snoring softly. If I hadn’t known it for sure before then, I knew in that moment I wanted to wake up with him every day of my life.
 

Phillip realizes I’m not running any more, because he jogs back to me, pulling out his earbuds and looking at the swings. “Been a
 
while, huh?”

“Yeah, it has,” I say.

“Last one there’s a rotten egg!”
 

I race after him, catching up and jumping on his back, but I sort of forget I’m pregnant and my belly bashes into him.
 

He falls to the ground laughing about how he’s getting too old for this then he rolls on top of me and pins me to the ground.
 

“If you’re too old and out of shape for a piggy back ride now, there’s no hope of you whooping your daughter’s future boyfriends,” I tease.
 

He leans down and kisses me.
 

“Your body isn’t exactly the same as it used to be,” he says gently, pulling me up. “Do you want to swing?”

“I don’t know,” I tease. “You think I can with a belly like this?”

“You’re not that big,” he tells me.
 

“I know. I haven’t really popped out yet. But I’m glad. Chelsea was telling me that her back is really bothering her.”

“Do you think Baby Mac will like to swing?”

“I don’t know. Let’s find out,” I suggest.
 

Pretty soon, I’m flying high with my toes pointed toward heaven.
 

“I want to build our kids a big swing set in the backyard,” Phillip says as we’re swinging. “We used to play on ours all the time.”

“How many kids do you want?”

“I don’t know. A lot. Four, maybe five. What about you?”

“I want more than one, because I always wished I had brothers and sisters. Maybe we should see how we do with one first though.”

Phillip laughs. “We’re going to do fine.”

“Do you think we will? I wasn’t worried about it before, but Danny and Lori seem to be struggling. It makes me nervous.”

“I think we have a very different kind of relationship than Danny and Lori.”

“How so?”

“Well, we get along.”

“But what about when we’re under stress? When we’re tired and crabby?”

“We survived four years of finals weeks together,” he offers.
 

“That’s because we drank a lot in between studying to blow off steam,” I laugh.

“Well, there you have it. We’ll make sure we don’t forget to blow off a little steam together.” He grabs my swing, stops it from swinging, and pulls me into his arms. “And by blowing off steam, I mean sex.”

“I read that dating is important after a baby. Not just sex. We need to remember to take time to focus on our marriage too.”

“Happy wife, happy life is what my dad always says.”

“I think that’s misleading. In trying to make Lori happy, Danny is making himself miserable. I think it has to be a balance.”