“Better and better,” I said.
“God,” he said. “Seeing you brings so much back.”
We were silent for a moment, each of us contemplating his words. “Any children?” I asked brightly.
“Not yet.”
We talked for a few more minutes, then Justin pushed his basket away and I decided to take the Cheer.
I drove home, put the groceries away, and went out to the front porch to wait for Mom. The April afternoon was warm and I could see the back part of the big house through the just-greening trees. My mind wandered back in time, and once again I was six years old and it was my first day at Wellington.
My father had been hired to break and train Wellington's yearlings, and I was trailing along after him as he walked to the farm's office building to report to Brady Fitzgerald, the farm manager.
We walked into a room filled with pictures of horses. The gray-haired man behind the desk was on the phone and he gestured my father to a seat and kept on talking. As my father sat down I looked at the black-haired boy who was sitting on an old sofa against the wall. He wore jeans and a T-shirt that said V
IRGINIA IS FOR HORSE LOVERS
.
“Hi,” he said. “Who are you.”
“I'm Anne. My Daddy is starting work here today.”
“Then he must be Pete Foster.”
I nodded.
“He's come to break and train our yearlings and two-year-olds.”
I nodded again.
He looked me over from my long brown braids to my well-worn jeans and sneakers. “Do you ride?”
I stared at him with as much astonishment as if he had asked me if I breathed. “Yes.”
“I don't mean can you sit on a horse. I mean can you
ride?
The kid who was here before you was afraid of horses.” He curled his lip in scorn.
He was the most self-possessed child I had ever met and he was starting to annoy me. I stuck my chin in the air. “You can ask my father if you like. He's the one who taught me.”
Mr. Fitzgerald had hung up the phone and now he and my dad were talking.
The black-haired boy said, “I own two ponies. Do you want to go for a ride with me?”
“Sure,” I answered recklessly.
“Ask your father.”
I waited until there was a break in the conversation before I said, “Daddy, can I go for a ride with this boy? He's got two ponies and he said I could ride one.”
Mr. Fitzgerald said, “I don't know if that's such a good idea. Liam is a Cossack with that pony of his.”
My father looked at the boy's proud face. “I don't believe we've met.”
“This is Liam Wellington, Pete. Lawrence's son.”
My father smiled at Liam. “He won't do anything that Anne can't do as well.”
Liam curled his lip once more.
My father said peaceably, “You wouldn't do anything that would get Anne hurt?”
“Of course not,” was the lofty response.
“All right, then, Anne. But don't be late for supper.”
The men went back to their conversation and I trailed Liam out of the room.
We went to the broodmare barn, which was laid out around three sides of a center courtyard. There was a statue of a horse in the middle. “Who is that?” I asked, looking at the bronze statue.
“That's On Course. He was bred here then he went to England and won the Epsom Derby. He also won the French Arc de Triomphe. He's the most famous of all Wellington's horses.”
“Have you ever won the Kentucky Derby?”
“No.” He gave me a burning look. “But we will someday.”
Two ponies were stabled in adjoining twelve-by-twelve stalls bedded deeply with hay. “Jake is my old pony; I'm too big for him now. You can ride him. I'll ride Tucker.”
I looked at Jake, a small roan pony, and he came over to the stall door to nicker at Liam.
Liam reached in his pocket for a horse treat and gave it to him. Jake inhaled it.
Liam said, “You can use my saddle. I'll ride bareback.”
I was only six but I knew this invitation to ride was a kind of a test. I knew it was important that I pass it if I ever wanted to ride with Liam again.
“I don't need a saddle,” I said. “I'll ride bareback too.”
He frowned and looked down on me from his superior height. “Are you sure? I promised your father you wouldn't get hurt.”
“I can ride anything,” I said recklessly. “Daddy says I'm a natural.”
His nostrils quivered. “We'll see about that.”
We went to the tack room for bridles, put them on the ponies and walked out into the sunshine. “I'll give you a leg up,” Liam said.
Once I was aboard, I watched him nonchalantly vault onto Tucker's back.
“Wow,” I said. “I'd like to learn that.”
He gave me a haughty look. “We'll see.”
I hated the words “we'll see.”
“We'll go through the woods and along Martin's Creek,” he said.
And so we did, coming out on a wide-open grassy field, where we had a gallop. Jake was a great little pony and did his level best to keep up with Tucker's longer stride.
When we reached the fence at the end of the field we pulled up, and Liam gave me a brilliant smile. “Hey. You really can ride.”
Even at six, his smile dazzled me. “I told you so.”
“You're okay, Annie. You're a peanut and a girl, but you're okay.”
I was thrilled at these words of praise, so thrilled that I didn't tell him not to call me Annie.
“The last kid who was here didn't even like horses,” Liam said. “Can you imagine?”
“No,” I replied honestly.
“He played video games all day.” This was said with scorn.
“I like video games,” I said.
“Of course you do. They're neat. But they're not as neat as horses.”
“Of course they're not.”
“Did you have a pony before you came here?”
“I learned to ride on one of the horses that ponies the racing horses. He was a quarter horse.”
“We have a few of those horses here. We train our own yearlings for the track right here on the farm, you know.”
“I know. That's why my dad has come here to work.”
“Are you going to go to school here in Midville?”
“Yes. I'm going to be in the first grade and my mom is going to teach at the high school. Do you go to school in Midville?”
“Yes. I'll go away to boarding school in another couple of years, but for now I'm in Midville. I'll be in the third grade.”
This seemed like a very elevated status to me. I said, “Wow. “ The ponies were walking steadily, their heads hanging down in front of them. “What is the school like? Are the teachers nice?”
“Yeah. It's okay. If you get Mrs. Morton you'll be lucky. She's very nice.”
“I hope I get her then.”
“If anyone gives you a problem, just tell me.” He sounded very lordly. “I'll take care of it for you.”
I was impressed. “Okay.”
A small smile curved my lips as I remembered that exchange, and it took me a moment to realize that my mother's car had pulled up to the porch.
“How did it go?” I asked as she came up the stairs with her arms full of books.
“All right. It was much better than just sitting home and thinking about how much I miss your father. Everyone at school has been very kind.”
I said, “I ran into Justin Summers in the Safeway this afternoon. He told me he's a lawyer in town.”
“Yes. He married Lauren Ames. Do you remember her?”
“Sure. She was in my class.”
My mother put her books on the table and one of the dogs from the big house came up the porch steps and curled up next to me. Four dogs lived on the farm: two coonhounds, a Springer spaniel and a black lab. They were out all day long but went inside to sleep at night.
“How about a cup of tea?” she asked me.
“Sit, I'll get it.”
I went into the kitchen, which had golden oak cabinets to the high ceiling and linoleum on the floor. I took two cups and saucers down from the cupboard over the sink and filled the kettle.
Daddy had loved a cup of tea in the afternoon.
I felt tears sting my eyes and a lump come into my throat. Guilt twisted in my heart. These last few years I had always managed to find a reason for not coming home. And now it was too late. Daddy was dead and I had last seen him six months ago.
“Oh Daddy,” I said. Tears streamed down my face. “Oh Daddy, I'm so sorry.”
I waited until I had regained my composure before I took the tea out to the porch to my mother.
T
he following morning I met Kevin down at the barn and we saddled up the hunters and went for a ride. One of the coonhounds and the lab followed as we went along the barn roads between the paddocks and into a wooded area. There was a trail through the woods that led to Martin's Creek, which we could ford and go onto the trails that ran through the Stanley property next door.
There had been heavy rains in the area the previous week but this morning was bright with April sunshine and wildflowers. I inhaled deeply and smiled. It was grand to be out on a horse again.
I quizzed Kevin about his girlfriends as we rode along. “Haven't you and Julia Monroe been a big item for awhile?”
“Actually, Julia and I have just broken up, which is one of the reasons I've sought shelter here at Wellington,” he said humorously. “The press wants to know all the lurid details and I want to be let alone.”
“I understand perfectly,” I said sympathetically. “It must be horrible, having people peering into your private life all the time.”
“It's not fun, but it comes with the territory. Usually I can handle it. But right now, I'm tired and I just don't have the energy to cope.”
I said positively, “Wellington will heal you.”
He nodded. “That's what I was hoping.”
I changed the subject. “Do I look all grown up to you, Kevin?”
He replied emphatically, “You most certainly do.”
“Liam still calls me ‘brat’.”
“Liam still sees you as his little sister—poor, blind fool that he is.”
I was silent and all we heard was the birds calling in the trees and the steady thud of the horse's shod feet on the dirt path. I said, “Do you think of me as your little sister?”
“Definitely not.”
We came out of the tree cover and into a patch of sunshine. I turned to look at Kevin. His blond hair was haloed by the sun and his azure eyes contrasted stunningly with his tan. He really was gorgeous. He said, “You were such a skinny little thing. If I'd known what a beauty you'd turn into, I would never have wasted my time with Leslie that summer.”
Leslie. The name had been spoken—and so casually too.
“She's never been found,” I said.
“She's dead,” he said flatly. “We may not have a body, but she's dead. Andy may try to keep up the fiction that she's still alive, but I think in his heart he knows she's dead.”
A hawk sailed across the sky in front of us and I said, “It's hard to have closure without a body.”
“True.”
“Were you in love with her, Kevin?”
He shrugged. “We all were, Liam, Justin and me. She was so absolutely gorgeous.”
I looked straight ahead as I confessed, “I always felt like an ugly duckling next to her. She was so sophisticated. And spoiled.”
We were walking quietly in the peaceful early sunlight and our voices were quiet. Kevin said, “When you're the adored only daughter of rich parents, and you look like Leslie did, it's very hard not to be spoiled.”
I said somberly, “I hated her. I was glad when she disappeared. Isn't that horrible?”
“Horrible but understandable. She had Liam in her toils that summer, as well as Justin and me.”
I remembered the scene in the funeral home. “Does Andy really still blame Liam?”
“Yes. Remember, the murder weapon—if there was a murder, that is—was Liam's baseball bat.”
My voice grew slightly louder. “Anyone could have picked up that bat. It was lying around in the summer-house with a lot of other game equipment.”
“Which is exactly why the police didn't arrest him.”
“I think it's unfair of Andy to blame Liam.”
There was a long silence as the horses walked quietly forward. Kevin said, “I have a suggestion, Anne.”
I turned my head to look at him. “What?”
“While you're waiting for Liam to notice you, how about trying to notice me?”
I looked at him uncertainly. He wasn't smiling.
I said, “I've always noticed you, Kevin.”
He shook his blond head. “No. The only male you ever really saw was Liam. But that was when you were a child, Anne. You're all grown up now. It's time to put aside childish things.”
“I know,” I returned truthfully. “It's one of the reasons I'm staying at Wellington for a month. I've decided that I need to exorcize Liam from my life, and I've come home to do it.”
He smiled his famous smile. “Good girl. So how about dinner tonight?”
I shook my head. “I don't want to leave Mom alone.”
“She can come too.”
I thought that was very nice of him. “That would be lovely.”
“Great. I'll pick you up at seven.”
My horse switched his tail in annoyance. A fly was bothering him.
I said, “This is a good place to trot.”
“Okay.” He started off and my horse followed.
We said very little until we were back at the barn and had turned the horses over to grooms to be untacked and brushed. Then Kevin smiled at me. “I'll see you and Nancy at seven.”
“Great,” I returned. He left the barn to return to the house and I turned to help out with the grooming.
I was eating my lunch on the front porch when Liam appeared. “Mind if I join you?” he asked and sat down without waiting for a response.
“Would you like a turkey sandwich?” I asked.
“A turkey sandwich would be great. I haven't even had a second cup of coffee today.”
“I can make coffee if you want some.”
“Annie, you're a lifesaver.”
I said lightly, “That's what I was trained to be.”
When I returned to the porch he was scratching behind Freddy's ears, the coonhound's eyes closed in bliss. I stopped for a moment inside the screen and looked at Liam's unguarded face.
He wasn't a beautiful man, like Kevin was. For one thing, his nose was too arrogant. Except for the blue eyes, he looked like one of those haughty Spanish aristocrats that Velasquez painted. In repose, his mouth looked stern. All of this changed, however, the moment he smiled.