The Accursed (69 page)
(Winslow Slade)
O DEARLY BELOVED IN CHRIST—HEAR ME AND HAVE MERCY.
KNOW THAT MY SIN HAS BEEN THE MORE COMPOUNDED IN THAT I HAVE WORN THROUGH MY LIFE
THE FACE OF VIRTUE.
KNOW THAT MY EVIL HAS BEEN THE MORE COMPOUNDED IN THAT I HAVE SPOKEN THROUGH MY LIFE IN
THE VOICE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.
O FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS AND FELLOW CHRISTIANS, O BELOVED KIN TO ME, YET THE MORE ABUSED BY ME, WHO HAS DWELT AMONG YOU IN HYPOCRITE GOODNESS THESE FIVE DECADES AND MORE.
KNOW THAT MY BLAME FOR THE CURSE PERPETRATED UPON YOU IS THE MORE COMPOUNDED IN THAT I HAVE MADE THE FEEBLE AND HYPOCRITICAL PRETENSE OF AN EARLIER CONFESSION: A FALSE CONFESSION FROM THE FIRST SYLLABLE.
KNOW THAT THE CURSE UNLEASHED UPON YOU AS A CONSEQUENCE OF WINSLOW SLADE’S SIN, AND THAT ALONE; AND THAT IT WAS NOT A PACT WITH THE DEVIL BUT A PACT WITH ALMIGHTY GOD WHOSE WRATHFUL HAND CANNOT BE STAYED BY THE EXERCISE OF PRAYER, GOODNESS, OR SACRIFICE OR
ANY HUMAN PETITION AT ALL.
KNOW THAT I STAND AT LAST UNMASKED AND STRIPPED BEFORE YOU, AS
MURDERER, PERJURER,
AND
HYPOCRITE BETRAYER
OF ALL THAT YOU HOLD DEAR; AND THAT ON THIS SABBATH MORNING IN MY SEVENTY-SIXTH YEAR, FOLLOWING THE RAMPAGING HORROR FOR WHICH I ALONE AM TO BLAME, I DO HEREBY CONFESS MY SIN, MY CRIME, AND MY BETRAYAL OF OUR COMMONWEAL, AND ABSOLVE YOU OF THE BITTER DEED OF CHASTISING ME, BY CONSENTING TO MY OWN DEATH AS QUICKLY AS THE LORD GOD WILL SEND IT: THAT I MAY BE PLUNGED INTO THE FARTHEST DEPTHS OF HELL, TO SUFFER THERE FOREVERMORE, AS MY PITEOUS VICTIM HAD PRAYED IN HER TERROR OF ME.
“YET YE SHALL BE BROUGHT DOWN TO HELL.”
IT WAS NOT THE FRENCHMAN SELINCOURT WHO STRANGLED THE YOUNG WOMAN NAMED PEARL BUT I, WINSLOW SLADE: I WHO STAND BEFORE YOU DECADES AFTER THAT FOUL DEED
UNMASKED AND STRIPPED AND PROCLAIMED THROUGH ALL THE WORLD AS MURDERER, PERJURER, AND HYPOCRITE BETRAYER
: I, AND I ALONE WHO MEANT TO SILENCE THE POOR MILL-GIRL WITH THE MANGLED HAND AND THE SKIN LIKE SOMETHING SINGED AND EYES TREMULOUS WITH KNOWLEDGE OF HER DOOM AT THE HANDS OF THE FRANTIC YOUNG (WHITE) MAN TIGHTENING HIS HANDS ABOUT HER NECK AND SQUEEZING, AND SQUEEZING, IN THE DESPERATION OF COWARDICE AND SHAME; UNTIL NO LIFE REMAINED IN HER FRANTIC BODY, AND NO TEASING FIRE BLAZED OUT FROM HER DULLED EYES. UNTIL THE GIRL LAY LIFELESS AND BROKEN ON THE CHILL GROUND BEFORE ME: AND WINSLOW SLADE WAS INDEED DAMNED FOR ALL ETERNITY.
I WANTED ONLY TO SILENCE HER SCREAMS AND ACCUSATIONS WHICH I DID—O LORD!
I WANTED ONLY TO EXERT MY POWER OVER HER TO INTIMIDATE HER AND ABASH HER WHICH I DID—O LORD, THOU KNOWEST HOW!
I WANTED ONLY TO INFLICT SOME SMALL WARNING INJURY UPON HER HEATED AND WRITHING FEMALE FORM IN THE RANK INDECENCY OF HER SEX WHICH I DID—O MERCILESS LORD, AS THOU WELL KNOWEST.
FOR SHE WAS TAINTED, AND IMPURE; AND NOT DESERVING OF LIFE.
FOR SHE WOULD CLING TO ME LIKE MUD; AND WAS FRIGHTENING TO ME.
FOR SHE WAS SENSUOUS AND BEAUTIFUL IN A WAY UTTERLY NEW TO ME, THAT WAS TERRIBLE TO BEHOLD, AND MUST BE PUNISHED.
FOR SHE DARED SLIDE HER ARMS AROUND MY NECK AND MADE TO MOVE HER FLESHY LIPS AGAINST MY NECK, MY CHEEK, MY MOUTH ALL SHAMELESSLY AND TO ENJOIN ME INTO KISSING HER IN TURN—AS I COULD NOT RESIST.
FOR SHE SEDUCED ME INTO BETRAYING MY FIANCÉE WHOSE VERY NAME IN THE HEAT OF SUCH PASSION I COULD NOT HAVE RECALLED.
FOR SHE CURSED ME AND PRESSED HER DEMON’S BODY AGAINST ME; AND TOUCHED HER HOT TONGUE TO ME AND LAUGHED AND TEASED AND TORMENTED AND AROUSED SUCH HELLISH DESIRE IN ME, IT WAS NOT TO BE BORNE.
FOR IT WAS
SHE AND SHE ALONE THE BLIGHTED ONE WHO BROUGHT ME DOWN TO SIN AND TO THE CONDITION OF COMMON MAN AND TO MORTALITY
AND O FEARSOME GOD!—I KNOW NOT ALL.
IT WAS NOT YOUNG WINSLOW SLADE INNOCENT OF ALL CARNAL KNOWLEDGE UNTIL THAT TIME WHO GROVELED UPON THE GIRL TO BURY HIMSELF IN HER BODY EVEN AS THE DESPERATE LIFE FLED FROM HER—IT WAS ANOTHER BEING ENTIRELY—A TRUE DEMON NOT BAPTIZED AS A SLADE. AND THE LORD GOD WAS THE ONLY WITNESS, AND DID NOT INTERVENE.
GAZING STERNLY DOWN UPON ME WHERE I LAY ENTWINED IN THE GIRL’S ARMS AND AGAINST HER BREASTS AND BELLY AND THE FLESH OF HER LEGS FROM WHICH HEAT WAS FADING RAPIDLY AND NO REPENTANCE COULD SUMMON BACK. AND THE FLEET THOUGHT CAME TO ME, I WOULD COVER HER IN LEAVES AND DIRT AND ANOINT HER FOREHEAD WITH MUD AND HIDE FROM THE LORD IN THE DEPTHS OF THE WOODS AND ABANDON MY LIFE AMONG CIVILIZED MEN FOREVERMORE.
WILD ANGRY LAUGHTER DESCENDED FROM THE HEAVENS LIKE MADDENED THUNDER AS THE LORD GOD DEMANDED OF ME WHAT WICKEDNESS HAVE YOU WORKED UPON THE FEMALE MY FINE LAD WHAT BIT OF NAUGHTINESS HAVE YOU PERFORMED IN SECRET AS ALL OF THE SLADES PERFORM IN SECRET FROM YOUR DAYS OF SLAVE-HOLDING UNTIL NOW YOUR GREAT FORTUNE WHICH IS THE LORD’S BLESSING HARVESTED FROM THE BENT AND BROKEN BACKS OF FACTORY WORKERS, MILL-WORKERS, DUMB AND STAMMERING IMMIGRANTS MISSING FINGERS, TOES, EYES YET YOU HAVE TRIED TO TRICK YOUR GOD, YOU HAVE TRIED TO DISGUISE YOUR SIN AS IF IT WERE A MERE CRIME, DO YOU THINK IT IS A MATTER OF FASTENING UP YOUR BREECHES MY LAD AND CREEPING OFF INTO THE FOREST PANTING LIKE A BEAST, DO YOU THINK THAT THIS NIGHT WILL BE EXORCISED WHEN THE MOON’S STONY RAYS SUCCUMB TO THE SUN; DO YOU THINK MY GREEN YOUNG WHELP THAT YOU HAVE ACTED ALONE IN THIS DAMNED PLACE AND WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR LORD?
SO DEAFENING HIS LAUGHTER FOR IT WAS THE LORD GOD OF WRATH OF OUR HEBREW ANCESTORS AND NOT THE LORD JESUS WHO DIED ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS AND SO I SOUGHT TO BURROW INTO THE VERY EARTH TO ESCAPE SUCH LAUGHTER AS THE STARK-STARING FEMALE GRINNED AT ME IN THE RIGOR OF DEATH AND REVEALED HERSELF SO VERY YOUNG, NOT MORE THAN SIXTEEN AND SHE WOULD NOT WAKE WHEN I GRIPPED HER SHOULDERS AND SHOOK AND SHOOK AND CRIED OUT TO HER TO ARISE BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE, I WOULD MAKE UP TO HER AND TO HER PEOPLE ALL THAT I COULD, I WOULD MAKE AMENDS FOR MY LUST AND MY CRUELTY BUT THERE WAS NO RESPONSE, FOR ALL BREATH HAD CEASED; THE SINGED SKIN THAT HAD SO REPELLED AS IT HAD ATTRACTED WAS FADING NOW AS WARMTH FADED FROM THE BODY, THAT COULD NOT BE CALLED BACK. AND THE LORD GOD SAW ALL AND HIS WRATH WAS THE MORE, THAT I HAD COMMITTED SO COARSE AND CRUDE A SIN AND TRIED THEN TO HIDE FROM HIM. AND THAT WAS THE GREATER SIN.
JESUS—TWIN OF JUDAS THOMAS—SPOKE IN A VOICE LIKE A TRUMPET, DO YOU THINK, MAN, THAT I AM COME TO BRING PEACE TO THE WORLD AND KNOW NOT THAT I AM COME TO CAST DIVISIONS—FIRE, SWORD, WAR, FOR THE CHILDREN SHALL BE SET AGAINST THE FATHER AND THE HUSBAND AGAINST THE WIFE AND THERE SHALL BE FIVE IN A HOUSE: THREE AGAINST TWO, AND TWO AGAINST THREE; THE FATHER AGAINST THE SON AND THE SON AGAINST THE FATHER; AND ALL MANKIND SHALL STAND AS SOLITARIES.
IN ANGER JESUS SPAKE, I WILL GIVE YOU THAT WHICH THE EYE HAS NOT YET SEEN, AND THE EAR HAS NEVER HEARD, AND THE HAND HAS NOT DARED TO TOUCH, AND THAT WHICH HAS NOT YET ENTERED INTO THE HEART OF MAN.
AND JESUS PROMISED, THAT SHALL BE THY PARTICULAR WISDOM, TO KNOW WHAT NO OTHER MEN KNOW: BUT TO STAND SOLITARY FROM THEM, IN THAT KNOWING.
KNOW, O DEARLY BELOVED GATHERED TOGETHER TODAY IN THIS PLACE OF WORSHIP, IT WAS NOT THE LUCKLESS SELINCOURT WHO COMMITTED THE BRUTE CRIME AT COLD SPRING THOUGH THE MAN WAS PUNISHED FOR IT: HIS LIFE TAKEN FROM HIM AT THE END OF A ROPE IN THE PRISON AT TRENTON WHILE THE TRUE MURDERER HID AWAY IN WEALTH AND RECTITUDE LESS THAN TWENTY MILES AWAY IN THE VILLAGE OF PRINCETON; THE MURDERER HID IN PLAIN SIGHT YET IN TERROR OF BEING DISCOVERED AND REVEALED AND SHAMED THROUGHOUT THE LAND FOR LAYING HIS HAND UPON A FEMALE SO DEFILED AND OF A CASTAWAY RACE, A DESCENDANT OF THOSE BROUGHT FROM AFRICA IN CHAINS HAVING BEEN SOLD INTO SLAVERY BY THEIR KINDRED AFRICANS FOR PURE GAIN.
THIS MURDERER WHITE-SKINNED AND PRIZED WITHIN HIS FAMILY AS A MOST PROMISING SON SO DECEIVED HIMSELF SAYING, I AM A SLADE, AND ORDAINED BY GOD; AND GUILTY OF NO CRIME; FOR ALL THAT FALLS FROM MY HAND MUST BE GOD’S OWN DESIRE, AND CANNOT BE DEEMED SIN.
HOW COLD IS YOUR BREATH, WINSLOW—MY YOUNG BRIDE SHRANK FROM ME ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT; FOR MINE WAS THE FETID BREATH OF THE GRAVE, THAT WAS MY OWN. FOR MY INNOCENT BRIDE ORIANA HAD ONLY TO GAZE INTO MY GUILT-SICKENED EYES TO KNOW OF THE FOUL CRIME COMMITTED IN MY HEART OF WHICH I WOULD NOT EVER SPEAK TO HER, OR TO ANYONE.
AND IN THE NIGHT OF MANY YEARS TO COME PARALYZED IN SLEEP AND MY UNHAPPY WIFE BESIDE ME I STRUGGLED TO DRAG THE BODY DEEPER INTO THE FOREST AND FARTHER INTO THE NIGHT TO A PLACE OF MARSH GRASSES AND ROTTED TREES AND SNAKES RIPPLING BENEATH THE SURFACE OF BRACKISH WATER TREMBLING AND WHIMPERING LIKE A FRIGHTENED CHILD, O GOD THOU SEEST ALL, AND FORGIVE NOTHING! HOPING TO COVER THE BROKEN CREATURE WITH LEAVES AND MUD SCOOPED IN MY HANDS, AND FALLEN BRANCHES, THAT SHE WOULD NEVER BE DISCOVERED; AND IF NOT, AND IF NO ONE EVER KNEW WHAT HAD BECOME OF PEARL WHO HAD PRESSED HERSELF INTO THE ARMS OF MANY MEN FOR THE PROFIT OF THOSE MEN WHO USED HER YET ALSO IT SEEMED FOR SOME SMALL GESTURE OF LOVE, OR A MOCKERY OF LOVE. AND IF THIS WAS SO, AND THE BODY NEVER FOUND, THE CRUEL DEED HAD NOT TRANSPIRED—HAD IT?
AFTERWARD RUNNING FOR MY LIFE. AND MY SHOES TAKEN FROM ME, SO I AM BAREFOOT.
AND IN PURSUIT THE LORD GOD OF HOSTS LIKE A RAGING HOUND AND JESUS WITH A VOICE LIKE A TRUMPET JEERING AND NOT THE JESUS OF LOVE SAYING, LET US FORGE A COVENANT BETWEEN ME AND THEE: FIFTY YEARS SHALL YE BE GRANTED, TO EXERCISE WHAT TRIFLING GOOD, OR FURTHER HARM, YE WILL: AND THEN THE ANGELS OF WRATH WILL BE LOOSED UPON YOU—AND UPON THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE BEYOND YOURSELF.
KNOW, WINSLOW SLADE, ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE NO ONE SHALL BE SPARED WHO DWELLS BESIDE YOU, AND EMBRACES YOU; FOR YOU ARE ACCURSED OF GOD, YET A WORTHY TWIN OF THE WRATHFUL GOD. HALLOWED BE THY NAME, REVEREND SLADE.
AND IN TRUTH, O DEARLY BELOVED, I HAD NOT KNOWN THE LORD GOD OR HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON JESUS OF NAZARETH IN ALL MY LIFE BEFORE; NOR DO ANY OF YOU KNOW THESE, UNLESS YOU HAVE TASTED BLOOD.
MY FAMILY, MY RELATIVES, MY PRINCETON FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS, MY BRETHREN IN CHRIST—O YE TO WHOM I HAVE LIED THESE MANY YEARS, YE TO WHOM IN ALL CUNNING I HAVE PRESENTED A FALSE FACE OF VIRTUE: KNOW THAT
THREE DAYS PASSED BEFORE THE MILL-GIRL’S BODY WAS DISCOVERED DEEP IN THE FOREST BEYOND COLD SPRING; AND WITHIN A DAY THEN THE FRENCHMAN SELINCOURT WAS APPREHENDED, IN FLIGHT FOR HIS LIFE—A SIGN OF THE RUFFIAN’S GUILT IT WAS BELIEVED. (HIS COMPANION WHO HAD AS CRUELLY MISUSED PEARL WAS NEVER APPREHENDED.) SOON THEN THE MAN WAS MADE TO CONFESS HIS FOUL DEED, NOT ONLY MURDER BUT THE VIOLATION OF THE GIRL’S BODY UNMISTAKABLE AFTER EVEN THREE DAYS AND TOO VILE TO BE GIVEN UTTERANCE IN NEWSPAPER ACCOUNTS. THE LORD GOD WATCHED OVER ME AS I WAS SEQUESTERED AWAY AT THE MANSE TAKEN SICK AND ENFEEBLED WITH A FEVER-MALAISE AND MY FEET COVERED IN SCABS AND BRUISES LIKE ONE WHO HAS BEEN CRUCIFIED. AND MY DEAR MOTHER ALL UNKNOWING, ACTING AS MY NURSE. FOR WOMEN HAVE ALWAYS PROTECTED ME, NOT KNOWING ME IN MY INNERMOST HEART. IT WAS AN ATTACK OF BRAIN FEVER, THE DIAGNOSIS CAME; OR INFLUENZA; OR—THEY KNEW NOT: BUT VERY GRAVE IT WAS INDEED, AND ONLY THE LORD GOD BY HIS MINISTRATIONS ALLOWED WINSLOW SLADE TO SURVIVE INTO HIS WRETCHED LIFE.
SO IT CAME TO BE, THE FRENCHMAN SELINCOURT WAS TRIED AND FOUND GUILTY OF MURDER IN THE FIRST DEGREE AND IN THE AUTUMN OF 1855 EXECUTED BY THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY FOR HIS DESPICABLE CRIME: BEING HANGED BY THE NECK UNTIL DECLARED DEAD. AND THE YOUNG SEMINARIAN HAD LONG SINCE RETURNED TO HIS PASTORAL STUDIES AND PLEASED HIS ELDERS WITH HIS PIETY, DILIGENCE, AND INTELLIGENCE; AND PLEASED THE LORD GOD AND HIS SON AS WELL; FOR SOON HE WAS DULY ORDAINED A MINISTER IN THE PRESBYTERIAN FAITH AND THE LORD GOD LAUGHED AT SUCH A MASQUERADE SAYING,
KNOW THAT JESUS HAD A TWIN, DIDYMUS JUDAS THOMAS APOSTLE OF THE MOST HIGH, AND SO TOO WINSLOW SLADE HAS A TWIN: THIS BEING THE LORD GOD OF HOSTS WITH WHOM HE HAS FORGED A COVENANT TO DISGUISE THE WORKINGS OF EVIL ON EARTH WITH A PACIFIST SMILE AND IN THIS WAY TO PROMOTE EVIL AND ALL WICKEDNESS UPON THE EARTH; WHILE TAKING CARE ALWAYS TO PREACH THE REVERSE AND BEHAVING AT ALL TIMES AS IF HE WERE FREE OF THE SLIGHTEST TAINT OF SIN.
FOR, MY BRETHREN: IT IS WICKEDNESS, DISCORD, AND TERROR THAT LEAD MEN TO THE LORD, IN THEIR BROKEN SOULS; AND IN FEAR OF HIS CRUELTY; AND TERROR OF HIS GAPING HELL.
FOR THE HAPPINESS OF THE PEOPLE IS THE CURSE OF GOD, THAT THEY DRIFT FROM HIM, AND TURN THEIR EYES UPON ONE ANOTHER, OR UPON THEIR OWN MIRRORED SELVES—TO THE VAST DISPLEASURE OF THE LORD.
FOR THE MISERY OF THE PEOPLE HAS LONG BEEN THE JOY OF THE LORD, FROM THE TIME OF THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL UNTIL NOW; AS ONLY WHEN THEY THROW THEMSELVES PROSTRATE BEFORE HIM IN ANNIHILATION OF THEIR MUTINOUS SPIRITS, AND WORSHIP HIM AS HE DEMANDS, IS THE LORD GOD FULFILLED, AND HIS RAGE QUELLED.
FOR KNOW THAT THE LORD GOD IS A JEALOUS GOD AS THE HEBREW BIBLE HAS WARNED, AS HE HAS DECLARED AND COMMANDS THE WHIRLWIND, AND THE DEEPS OF THE SEA, AND THE SWORD OF THE BARBARIAN, AND EVERY MANNER OF VERMIN, IN HIS EMPLOY, THAT MEEKNESS, SERVILITY, UNBRIDLED FEAR AND TREMBLING BE THE LOT OF MANKIND; AND HIS GLORY EXALTED.
THE CYNICS, ATHEISTS AND ANARCHISTS AMONG YOU ARE THE ESPECIAL ENEMIES OF GOD, AS THEY DO NOT REQUIRE HIM: YET IT IS REQUIRED OF THE BELIEVERS IN GOD, THAT THEY DO BATTLE WITH SUCH INFIDELS WHO WOULD SAVE THEM FROM THE WRATHFUL GOD, IN THEIR IGNORANCE. AS IT IS OUR AIM TO SOW DISCORD AMONG THE NATIONS, AND TO SET MEN AGAINST THEIR FELLOWS, FOR EACH TRIBE OF MAN BELIEVES THAT THE LORD GOD IS ITS GOD, AND HATES ALL OTHER TRIBES; IT IS THE FATE OF NATIONS TO BE SET FOREVER AGAINST ONE ANOTHER, THAT THE SWORD MAY BE WORSHIPPED, AND ENEMIES TERRORIZED IN THE NAME OF GOD THAT THEIR FERTILE LANDS AND WATERWAYS BE APPROPRIATED, YET ONLY IN THE NAME OF GOD.
FOR KNOW THAT WE WHO ARE HIS AGENTS ARE MOST PRIZED WHERE WE PREACH DISCORD WHILE EMPLOYING A VOCABULARY OF LOVE; AND WE PLEASE HIM, IN SPEAKING OF ARMAGEDDON, AND LAST THINGS, AND THE LAYING WASTE OF THE SINFUL CITIES OF MANKIND—THE MORE SUBTLE OUR MANNER, THE MORE BENIGN AND LOVING, THE MORE PRIZED BY THE LORD FOR WE ARE THOSE WHO URGE THE SLAVE TO FORGIVE THE SLAVER, AND TO WEAR THE GARMENTS OF HIS RELIGION AS THEIR OWN; WE URGE THE DOWNTRODDEN TO REJOICE IN THE LITTLE THAT IS THEIRS, OUT OF FEAR OF HELL; TO STAY THE HAND OF THE REBEL, IN A FALSE PEACE.