THE AFFAIR (29 page)

Derrick and I drove in a companionable silence. We had not spoken since we left Blaine’s. Every once in a while I would catch him looking at me.

I decided to breach the tranquility. “Derrick, since neither of us ate would you like to stop and get something?”

“We can just go home, Mom, get something there.”

I tilted my head back against the seat, my eyes focused on the stubborn lean to Derrick’s chin. “I just thought it would be nice if the two of us had lunch.”

He swiveled his head toward me, his mind half on the traffic. “Mom, if you’re doing this because of your going to lunch with that guy, don’t worry about it. I’m not a kid.”

I smiled inwardly. That was exactly why I was doing it. That and the fact that I knew the moment we entered the house, this family meeting would begin.

“Derrick, this has nothing to do with Blaine. I never thought about it. I just thought you might want to get something to eat. No pressure. Besides,” I tapped my son on the shoulder, “I’m enjoying your company.”

“We’ve never gone to lunch before, just the two of us,” he answered at last. “It might be nice.”

Chapter Thirteen

Derrick and I spent several hours in the restaurant. I got the feeling he was in no more of a hurry to go home than I was. But we couldn’t stay out all day. Eventually we would have to return home.

Derrick was being a gentleman. When he came to open the door for me, I put my hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t put yourself in the middle between your sisters and me, okay?”

He tried to avoid my eyes. He was in the middle, and I didn’t want him to be. I was pretty sure of the outcome of the meeting my children had arranged before I walked up the drive. I didn’t want anything to spoil what Derrick and I had shared.

“Derrick, I’m serious. Whatever happens is not your fault. Remember that.”

Beth and Brigid were there. They both came up to me and gave me lukewarm kisses before they fell on Derrick, giving him kiss after kiss.

Derrick was definitely the middle child. Two girls, him, then two more girls after him. He was doted on by his older sisters, adored and worshipped by his younger ones.

I watched the love my children had for each other, then glanced over at Larry. He was the one who’d given them that. I could take no credit for their bond. I thought of Blaine and was saddened that he’d never had a chance to experience either the love of parents or siblings.

I walked over to Larry and whispered, “Did you have to tell them everything?”

“You said you weren’t ashamed of what you had done. I saw no reason to lie.”

I stared at my husband, wanting to shake some sense into him. Yes, this was a major problem, but we’d never had that many. I truly had thought in the beginning we would be able to put it behind us. I was beginning not to recognize either of us.

We were both deliberately trying to hurt the other. If nothing else, I had hoped that no matter how this turned out Larry and I would at least remain friends, that we would at least be left with respect for each other.

“Mother.”

It was Erica. It was evident she was in charge of this meeting.

“Mother,” she repeated, “you know why we’re here. We want to help you and Daddy.” She stopped to smile at her father before glaring back at me.

“We’ve all talked this over and we’ve come up with the solution.”

I turned from Larry to face my accuser head-on. “What is your solution, Erica?”

“Mother, this whole thing is your fault. How could you have an affair? Daddy’s always taken care of you, given you everything you wanted. I don’t understand how you could hurt him like this.”

She looked around the room at her brother and her sisters. “They all want to forgive you, to understand. They think maybe you’re going through a mid-life crisis.”

She actually had the nerve to sneer at me. “I don’t think it’s that at all. I think you’re just one of those bored housewives that don’t know how good they’ve got it.”

I sat down. I didn’t think I could handle this load of crap standing up. I glanced at Larry. He refused to look at me.

“So this is what we think you need to do,” Erica continued. “Quit your job and go to see Dr. Payne. Get him to start you on hormones. We don’t want you to see that psychic any more. He’s crazy and he’s fooling you.”

She looked disgusted. “Really, Mother, at your age to fall for something like that.” She frowned as if she had a bad taste in her mouth.

“We also think it would be beneficial to both of you to have family around for the next few months. We can stay in shifts,” she offered. “That way you can get to be a real grandmother, do the things you’re supposed to do. And no more not coming to visit when Dad comes.”

I ran my tongue back and forth over the roof of my mouth. This had to be a bad joke. “Erica, let me get this straight. My baby-sitting and quitting my job will help my marriage?”

I watched them in amusement as all five of them shuffled their bodies. I could only assume they’d thought if they confronted me as a group, I would go along quietly, make no protests. They were wrong.

“Well, Mother, it’s a start,” came Erica’s huffy voice.

The audacity
, I thought, but decided to play along for a few more minutes.

“What about counseling? Don’t you think that might be more helpful?”

“No. Besides, Daddy doesn’t want to go to counseling and why should he? He’s not the one with the problem. You are.”

“In a marriage if one person has a problem both people are involved.” I looked over at Larry. “Especially if it’s something that could destroy the marriage.”

“Mom, you lied.”

“And you’ve never lied, Shannon?”

“Mom, we’re talking about you. We’re trying to help you and Daddy save your marriage. We don’t know what happened. You always had such a perfect marriage.”

I smiled at her. “Shannon, if it were perfect we wouldn’t be having this discussion, would we?”

“I don’t believe you, Mom,” Shannon said. “It was perfect. If you had not, not…you know, then lied about it, everything would be all right.

“Daddy said he would forgive you, but you don’t want it. Then you lied to him again about going to see that psychic. Just stop all the lies, Mom.”

“I’ll stop when you agree to stop, Shannon.”

I watched as she tried to pretend she didn’t know what I was talking about. She glanced hastily at her sisters, wondering if I knew, if one of them had told me.

I was extremely familiar with Shannon’s guilty looks. My baby who almost wasn’t. I felt the most guilt for her and probably gave into her more than I did any of the others, with the exception of Derrick.

I had never had to force myself to behave in any particular way with him. It was more natural, more easily achieved.

“Shannon, we know that you’re living with Sam. We’ve known about it all along. Since you’re so big on people living by a certain standard, I suggest you learn to do just that. As per our agreement.” I glanced over at Larry.

“The beginning of next month you will have to figure out how your bills are going to be paid. We’ll still pay for your college and your dorm fees.” I smiled at her. “We’ll even continue to buy your meal tickets, but if you want to play house, you and Sam pay for it.”

“Mom, maybe you and Dad can go away somewhere together, talk, relax, get to know each other again,” Derrick piped in. “Maybe we can all come with you like always, bring all the kids, all the spouses, make it a real family vacation.”

I smiled at my son’s innocence. He really did think it would be that easy. A family vacation was the last thing I wanted.

I looked toward Beth and Brigid. They still had not said anything. They were watching Erica for directions. I wondered how long Erica had had control of my family. When had she begun intimidating her sisters and brother?

“If you girls have something to add, go ahead. You don’t need Erica’s permission to talk to me.”

I felt Erica’s glare without even turning toward her. I regretted that I had allowed her to grow up into such an unlikable person.

“We’re only trying to help.”

Erica was shouting, her voice angry. She didn’t like that I was attempting to usurp her authority with her siblings. I turned in her direction. It was time her reign of tyranny was brought to a halt.

“Stop it. Damn it. All of you stop this nonsense now. Erica, I don’t appreciate how you’re talking to your mother. She’s right. None of this is any of your concern. I was wrong to have involved you kids in our problems. I’m sorry about doing that, Mick.”

Larry had been sitting on the sofa watching his life disintegrate. He felt as if he had been in a coma. He didn’t know how long he had sat there, not hearing the conversation.

He’d been lost in his own thoughts, his memories. He sat watching Mick, wondering what had happened to his dream.

He saw the anger in Mick, something that had not been there often in their marriage. The one thing he’d fought to save was her respect; now that was gone. He looked at her, unable to read her.

“Larry, don’t bother, I can fight my own battles.”

This couldn’t be happening, Mick couldn’t mean any of this. “There shouldn’t be any battle, Mick. They’re our children.” The words pained him as much as the agony in Mick’s eyes.

It was crazy, but he had always thought there would be only one way that he would lose his wife’s respect. He’d thought it would be if he ever gave in to her pleas to get counseling. He’d held out against that. Men didn’t need to do things like that. They only needed to be strong and provide for their families and love them.

Well, he’d done all of that. Where had it gotten him? He should not be here, not in this predicament, on the brink of disaster, not after twenty-six years. He fought to concentrate on her words. She was speaking yet he couldn’t hear.

“Why are you trying so hard now, Larry? Neither one of us is happy. Admit it.”

He didn’t believe Mick. It didn’t matter what she said. There was no way she had not been happy. He loved her, he was her husband, he would have known.

She had to be doing this to hurt him, but why? He could think of no good reason. And this nonsense about a husband in a past life and her dying in childbirth to find that child in this lifetime… It was simply absurd. There was no way she could expect him to buy that. No sensible person would.

He saw Michelle watching him as were their children. The look in her eyes told him he’d waited too long to say something, and even now his words were not in defense of her beliefs.

“Both of you just shut the hell up, let me think. Mick.” Larry turned pleading eyes on his wife. “This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Everything’s moving too fast, everyone’s saying things they don’t mean.”

He stopped and glared at his firstborn, daring her to speak.

“I didn’t do anything, Daddy,” Shannon moaned. “Why’s Mom taking it out on me? How am I going to pay my rent if you don’t help me?”