THE AFFAIR (4 page)

“Did you eat?” I didn’t know what else to say to him.

“No. I was waiting for you. I didn’t see anything on the stove.”

I felt a flush of anger.
Couldn’t he do
anything without me there?
“Why don’t you make yourself a sandwich?”

He laughed then and I lost the last vestige of control. I was in a hotel room liberating my spirit with a stranger. I didn’t want to consider having mundane chores waiting for me at home.

“I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

I glanced at Chance underneath my lashes. He was pretending not to hear my conversation. I said a hurried goodbye to my husband and hung up the phone.

“I think you might want to take a shower.”

Chance’s gaze found mine. I didn’t know what to say, how to answer him. I’d completely forgotten that I undoubtedly smelled of sex.

I started for the shower, then paused. “Chance, is this the first time you’ve made love to a woman of color?”

“A woman of color? What in the world does that mean? Like I said, I’ve made love to you a million times before, in many skins. Surely you’re aware that in each incarnation it’s our soul that returns. Our bodies are merely vessels for our souls.”

“So your answer would be yes?”

Chance laughed. “My answer would be yes. I have loved you in all your glorious skins and I have loved you in every corner of the globe.”

“Were we ever in India?” I don’t know why I asked but the words just slipped out.

“Yes, we lived several incarnations in India. Our bodies never bothered either of us before. Does the difference in the color of our skin bother you in this incarnation?”

A flash of my dark-haired husband came to me and the poverty of India. Could it have been that country I’d seen in my many dreams? “No, Chance, it doesn’t bother me.” He was eyeing me strangely.

“You’d better go ahead and take your shower. I’ll dry your clothes with the blow dryer,” he offered.

Half of me wanted him in there with me. The other half wondered if he would toss the dryer into the shower and kill me in that fashion.

He laughed aloud. “Michelle, I’m not an ax murderer and I’ve never done anything like this before. I promise, I’m not going to do anything to you.”

I didn’t want to take my clothes off for two reasons. I wanted Chance again and I was afraid of my feelings. Never in my entire life had lust ruled. I had never really known lust until now.
God
, I prayed, h
elp me please. Something is happening and I can’t control it.

I didn’t look at Chance, but went instead to the bathroom, removed my clothing and called out to him to come and dry them. The sound of the dryer made me pause and for a moment I peered over the shower curtain at this man, Chance, drying my clothes.

I watched as he held my blouse in his hand, running the hair dryer along the creases of the soft material. He was using his fingers to push away the wrinkles. I smiled to myself at his actions.

He held my blouse to his cheek and I saw him close his eyes for a moment. He had a dreamy look as though he was reliving a very pleasant memory. When he reached for my pants, I closed the curtain. I felt like an intruder on his life.

Suddenly it was more important to me than ever that he not think me a slut. But how could he not, when I’d done things with him that it had taken Larry years to persuade me to do. And with Chance I was the initiator. I’d wanted him and all the things we’d done. Sure I’d done them with my husband but I’d never really wanted to. I glanced at Chance once more, wanting him so badly I ached inside. Think I was a slut? I knew I had just become one.

I continued applying the bath gel liberally to my body. I had to keep my hands busy in order to talk. I had to make him understand what I’d done was so unlike me, to simply walk away with a stranger and make love with him. Even my fantasies had never included anything so decadent or dangerous.

“Chance, I’m a prude.”

For a moment I thought of all the things I’d done to him, with him, and I blushed crimson beneath the hot water. The heat my brown skin usually kept buried combined with the hot water and covered my body inside and out. My explanation was wrong and so was my reasoning, but something was beginning to take hold, some knowledge of who this man Chance might be. I couldn’t stop the loud sigh that escaped my lips.

“If anyone else had done this, I would be the first to condemn their behavior. I can’t believe I acted with such random disregard for my very life, or for my husband’s.”

“How do you mean that?”

I heard the hurt in his voice, hurt that I recognized. I didn’t want to say it, but it was truly what I was feeling. “You could have some disease that I have now gotten. For all I know you could even have AIDS.”

There were other things I wanted to say to him, but I managed to keep my mouth closed. What was I going to do for the next few months when my husband wanted to touch me? How was I supposed to get him to wear a condom for his own protection?

There was sadness in his eyes and in his voice. The combined forces struck fear once again in the marrow of my being. I wondered why he kept saying that. I had never met him. Yet on some level I felt I had. But if I so much as gave the thought a chance to grow, I feared I would go insane.

“Michelle, I assumed you came with me because you remembered. I never thought you were a slut.”

I started to interrupt when he held up a hand to stop me.

“I’m not talking about this life, but a past life. We’ve spent many lifetimes together. You’ve been calling to me and I’ve been searching for you. For my wife.”

Okay, now it was time for me to end this madness, to get my wet, naked body out of the shower. It was time for me to return to my home, to my husband and my life.

“Chance, what you’re talking about doesn’t make any sense. I would have to be crazy to believe that,” I said and shivered, thinking of what Larry would say to me if he ever found out. He would definitely have more than enough evidence to commit me.

I dared a glance at Chance. “This is crazy,” I repeated. Besides, I’m not sure I believe in past lives.”

“Are you saying you felt no connection to me, that there’s nothing about me that appears familiar?”

The answer required no thought. Yes, of course I felt a connection to him. I don’t think I would have been able to make love with him if I hadn’t. I was hoping that knowledge would allow me to be able to sleep at night. Maybe then I’d be able to forgive myself for walking away with a perfect stranger.

“No, Chance. Nothing.”

“Then why did you come with me?”

He was staring intently at me, his blue eyes warm, his face curious. I wanted to lie, had planned on it. Then a picture of the two of us together in the motel lobby flashed before me. I remembered the way I’d felt when I saw him sign us in as Mr. and Mrs.

“You want the truth?” I stared back into those blue eyes that appeared to be penetrating my soul. He didn’t answer. What was he going to say? ‘
No, tell me a lie.’

“I felt disconnected there in the parking lot, and somehow going with you felt like the lifeline I needed.” I reached for the towel and wrapped myself in it, moving as far away from Chance as I could get in the small bathroom.

“Do you mind if I dress in private?”

I held my hands out for my now dry clothing and put them on in the cramped bathroom. I was an adult. Playtime was over. No matter how I sugar coated this, I had committed adultery. My sins would follow me, of that I was sure. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d blatantly lied to my husband.

I wanted to tell myself that telling him I was with a friend was far kinder than telling him the truth. Surely that little lie shouldn’t count. But what of the bigger lie, the one I didn’t want to acknowledge. It hung at the back of my mind fighting to get out as I attempted to fight the overpowering feeling I was having for Chance. I couldn’t deny the hunger raging in my veins and in my heart for this man. When he’d closed the bathroom door in order for me to dress, I’d felt an undeniable loss followed by a sense of love as powerful as I’ve ever felt for Larry, maybe even more so.

Chance was no longer the danger. I was. And I didn’t know what to do other than leave. Loving a man I didn’t know, that was crazy I tried to tell myself as the ache in my heart grew. I was acting like a love struck prepubescent girl. I needed to rationalize this out. This had nothing to do with my feelings of familiarity concerning Chance or his talk of reincarnation. It was simply because in such a fragile emotional state he’d been there when I’d desperately needed a way to live, a reason. Of course I would form an attachment. After all, how many strangers would take the time to comfort a hysterical woman and hold her to them while she cried in the rain? That was all there was to it, a romanticized gratitude.

Now dressed, I entered the bedroom grateful that Chance had dressed while I was in the bathroom. I wondered if he had anyone at home waiting for him since he’d not bothered washing our combined smells from his body.

“Are you ready?” I asked. He looked at me before smiling and answering me.

“Yes, didn’t you think I’d be? Or did you think perhaps I’d try and convince you to stay?”

“It wouldn’t have mattered, I wouldn’t have. I was prepared to call and ask my husband to come for me if you weren’t going to take me back to my car.”

“Why hurt him? I never plan on seeing you again.” I noticed the smile creasing his handsome face. He didn’t believe me. He walked toward the door, then turned and held his hand out to me. “You never answered my question. Do you believe in fate, Michelle?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Well, I do.”

Chance tilted my chin upwards, his gaze locked on mine, and he kissed me slowly. Energy fused us together. I wanted to sob, ‘Oh my God, I found you.’ But I didn’t. I held those words in as the electrical charge filled me. His touch, his look, his love, I knew it. I needed to back away from him now, or I’d never be able to leave him. I could feel the sorrow welling upwards in my being. Sorrow that seemed to date back farther than I’d been alive. Instead of moving from him as his arms wrapped around me I held on to him for dear life, until I was finally able to plead softly in a whisper in his ear, “Please release me.”

His fingers trailed over my back, each touch igniting another part of my soul that had been dead. Tears streamed from my eyes as he slowly moved away. From somewhere the knowledge came that I’d not been asking him to release me from his embrace but from something much larger. Nothing in me wanted to leave him, everything screamed out the knowledge that was finally staring me in the face, the knowledge that I knew I was not ready or able to accept.

“I believe we were meant to be together in this lifetime as we were in the past.” Chance leaned into me and whispered. “I don’t believe I found you in order for you to leave my life.”

We walked from the room together. I felt safer now out in the corridor hearing other people’s voices, couples maybe. Or could there perhaps be other strangers behind the doors making love in abandon with people they didn’t know, as I had done? I prayed there weren’t as many fools out there as I’d been.

We were both silent as he drove me back to the parking lot. It was only as I put my hand on the handle to open the door that he stopped me.

He attempted to brush his lips across mine, but I moved away. In a matter of seconds I was in my car ignoring him staring after me. I had to race home while I was able. It was only my head that wanted to return home.

My heart and soul wanted to remain with this man Chance. My spirit wanted to run as far away from my husband and family as I could get.

Chapter Three

“Hon, is that you?”

It was Larry, his voice so cheerful that I was suddenly depressed. I wasn’t when I went away with a stranger and made love, but the sound of my husband’s voice filled me with a bone chilling dread.