THE AFFAIR (43 page)

He wanted to make it up to his wife for all the years of pain. He might not be able to give her the fantasy childhood he’d thought she had, but he could give her a new start. He could free her so she could find the happiness she didn’t have with him, with Chance, the man who loved her as much as he did.

He would never have thought it possible that anyone could love his wife as much as he did, but the protective stance the doctor had taken against him and his entire family told the story.

There was so much love and longing in the man’s eyes that Larry knew instantly what he was going to do. He was going to release Mick from her promise.

He loved her enough to want her to be happy. She was right. He did have a lot of baggage he hadn’t dealt with. It might take him the rest of his life to settle it.

He didn’t want Mick to go through any more.
No more
, he thought. Now he wanted her to be happy. But this would be something they would do alone, not here now in front of everyone. It was none of their business.

“Chance, I’m all right. Go.” Mick’s hand was on the man’s sleeve tugging, urging him toward the door. It was obvious he didn’t want to leave her.

Larry watched her eyes fill with tears. He’d made the right decision. She loved him too. He could see it, had seen it several hours ago.

Chance left reluctantly, taking the nurses with him while seven pairs of eyes stared at his back as he walked away.

“See, Daddy, what did I tell you?” came Erica’s smug voice.

It would have been obvious to a blind man that the doctor was the one Mick was involved with. His children were adults and they were by no means blind or deaf. Mick had called him by name.

“Erica, shut the hell up. Like I told you before, my marriage is none of your damn business.”

He watched his daughter’s face color with anger. He glanced over at Derrick, who was trying hard not to smile. Larry smiled at him instead. His son gave him some kind of hand signal that told Larry he approved. So it seemed everyone had seen but him.

“Listen,” he began, his eyes first on his son, then on each of his other children. “I do appreciate your coming, your being here for your mother when she needed you.” He saw Beth and Brigid swallow but ignored it and continued.

“I didn’t have a heart attack. The doctor said I’m going to be just fine. They want to keep me here for a couple more days just to be sure. I know you guys have come a long way, and I know you’re tired. So go to the house now.”

He’d purposefully not said for them to go home. Mick was right about that also. It was no longer their home. They’d each made homes for themselves elsewhere. They’d always be welcome, but it was no longer their home.

“I think it best that you all give me some time to rest. Go now, get some sleep and leave tomorrow. I’ll call all of you in a few days.”

One by one he embraced his children. Erica, stiff and cold, barely touched her cheek to his. He noticed that the others came to their mother and hugged her close to them before leaving. He heard Mick tell Shannon,
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him.”

This time he would take care of her. Still, there was time before he told her that. Several minutes after the children left, Mick smiled shyly at him.

“Since you want to rest, I guess I’ll go too.”

“I didn’t mean you, Mick. Unless you’re tired,” he amended. “I want you to stay.”

I sat staring tongue-tied at my own husband. He was smiling at me in that way he had that told me in no uncertain terms that I was very special to him. It had been so long since he’d looked at me that way.

His eyes were glowing with love. I looked at him and he literally took my breath away. I became aware of the slight tingling at the base of my spine. Oh my God, my husband of over twenty-six years was taking my breath away, making me tingle and reminding me why I fell in love with him in the first place. I couldn’t believe it.

Larry hadn’t looked at me in that particular way in almost a year. And I hadn’t felt this way about him in just as long.

Since Viola, I realized with a start.
So I hadn’t lied to spare Larry’s feelings and I wasn’t deluding myself. This hadn’t been about Chance.

I held my breath as Larry caressed my hand. I was waiting for him to tell me that he wanted us to try again. He had to. His touch, his eyes, told me how very much he loved me, wanted me. I sat patiently and waited to hear the words.

He smiled at me indulgently, as though I were a child and he wanted to explain something really bad by smiling, as if that would take away the horrendous pain.

“Mick, I made you give me a promise when I proposed to you. It wasn’t fair. But I thank you for giving it, for honoring it until you no longer could.”

“Because I don’t want you living out the rest of your life because of a promise. I don’t want us together because of one, so I’m releasing you from it.”

“Larry…”

“No, Mick, I’ve made up my mind. I think I’m beginning to believe you…you know, about you and Chance and a past life. He loves you too much for it to be only a few months.”

I couldn’t believe what was happening. No, I didn’t expect Larry and me to just walk away arm in arm and for Larry to just forgive me.

But this, Larry giving me away? What the hell was wrong with him? I thought of the look that had passed between Larry and Chance when they’d held their mental pissing contest. Was I the prize in their macho game?

“Larry, you have no right. You can’t keep making decisions for my life. It’s up to me who I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“You’re right. You decide on who and what you want, and so do I. I wanted to tell you, I believe now that a person can will themselves to die. It’s beginning to look as though that’s what I did.”

I looked at him grateful that he’d finally heard me. “Don’t do this, Larry.”

“Tell me you don’t still love him, Mick, tell me that. Tell me he doesn’t love you. I saw the way he looked at you, the way you looked at him.”

I fell silent, pulling my hands away from Larry. He brought them back.

“We’ve been together twenty-eight years, twenty-six of them married. I don’t think that’s so bad, do you? Lots of people don’t make it that long.”

I was sobbing as I stared at my husband who was trying so hard to be brave, believing that sending me away was the right thing to do. I knew it wasn’t. I wanted to, needed to plead with him to change his mind.

“Larry, it doesn’t matter what you do. It’s over between me and Chance.”

“Your seeing each other might be over, your love isn’t. It is your choice, Mick, like you said. I’m only telling you that I’ll understand. He loves you and you love him and as someone else who loves you with all his heart, I’m hoping you’ll go to Dr. Morgan and be happy.”

For several more minutes I attempted to change Larry’s mind. I noticed that the now re-hooked machine was beginning to sound an alarming noise.

I decided to stop. At least Larry had said we could be friends. I could only hope that he meant that. In time he’d see that I did want him.

I sat beside him feeling an ache in my heart. God, I did want to be with my husband. I wanted to spend the rest of this life loving him. I wanted us to be like kids and demand a do-over.

Three days later Larry left the hospital alone, not even allowing me to accompany him home. He’d stayed an extra day until the children had all returned to their homes. He said he needed time alone. Surprisingly, the doctor and the insurance company had agreed.

As he stood outside the hospital about to get into the cab, he held me in his arms and I held on to him tightly. “Larry, let me come with you.”

I stood there staring after him, knowing how he’d felt when I’d driven away from our home just a few short weeks ago. That old saying was right. Payback is a Bitch.

“Blaine, you’re absolutely no help.” I wrung my hands in disgust. “You claim to be a psychic, so tell me. Is Larry ever going to forgive me?”

It had been almost a month since Larry had left the hospital. I’d called him three times and each time, he’d said it hadn’t been long enough, that he needed more time.

He was friendly, but not willing to see me, asking me instead to respect his wishes. So I did. But I was making a pest of myself with Blaine, wanting him to look into my future and tell me what he saw.

“I don’t want to. I want you to read your tarot cards or read my palms. Whatever you have to do, do it. I don’t give a damn if you conjure up the dead.”

“Temper, temper,” he smiled. “The dead can get mighty testy. Listen, I’m not going to do it. I didn’t do it for Chance and I’m not going to do it for you.”