The Alpha Bet (21 page)

“I’m really sorry,” I whisper, knowing it will never be enough.

“I’m quitting,” she offers half-heartedly.

“No, you aren’t, and I wouldn’t want you to.” I’m not dumb enough to believe that the dynamic between Jentry and I won’t change with her being an Alpha and me not, but I would never allow her to sacrifice her happiness because of my bad judgment.

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Grace Kelly,” she says, looking embarrassed.

It is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me. Maybe things don’t have to change. I’m in lots of other activities that Jentry isn’t in, like the Science Club. Which reminds me that I only have Thanksgiving break to come up with a kick-butt idea to submit for the science fair. I’m going to be just as busy as Jentry but we’ll make time for each other. We don’t have to grow apart. Besides, it isn’t the quantity of time we spend together but the quality.

“We’re more than friends, Jentry. We’re sisters. How about spending Thanksgiving with me and my family?” I ask, realizing that Jentry hasn’t mentioned going home for the holiday and none of her bags are packed.

“I couldn’t do that,” she says shyly.

“My mom makes the best turkey and mashed potatoes in the world. I know they would love to see you, especially Sean.” I wink at her.

“Really?”

“Get your stuff packed. Let’s get out of here.”

****

Two hours later, we are stuffed on a bus with other students and random strangers making our way home. I can’t believe that I am actually relieved to be heading home. After the devastation of tonight, I’m ready to be hovered over for a few days. I sneak a glance at Jentry who looks positively giddy. I wonder if this is the only real holiday she has ever had. I can’t help but feel sorry for her family for not recognizing how special she is. I realize that until a few weeks ago, I felt the same way about my mom.

“Does your mom make sweet potatoes with those tiny marshmallows on top?” Jentry asks, all giggly.

“Those are Sean’s favorite. It’ll be fun to watch him try not to fight you for them.” I laugh.

“Do you guys all go around the table and say what you are thankful for?”

“Are you spying on us?”

She claps her hands together with glee, our holiday obviously coming close to perfection in her mind.

“We’ll see how great you think it is when you have to wear a homemade Pilgrim hat,” I tell her.

We are quiet for a few minutes, watching the campus disappear behind us. Jentry clears her throat and seems to want to tell me something. I’ve been dying to ask her what happened after I left the Alpha house earlier but it didn’t seem right to put her on the spot like that.

“They aren’t mad, you know,” she says, reaffirming Charlie’s thoughts. “Just hurt.”

“It was an immature thing to do. I knew that eventually it would blow up in my face. I’m just sorry that so many other people got hurt.”

“I should never have called Nationals then it would have ended that first day,” Jentry says, sounding guilty.

“That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. You knew how bad I wanted to be an Alpha.”

“I had my own agenda though,” she says, shaking her head.

“It’s over, Jentry. It was fun while it lasted.”

“I’m really sorry, GK.”

“I’m fine. I’ve still got you, my classes, my family and Charlie.”

She raises her eyebrows when I mention Charlie’s name. She looks about to warn me off of him when I hold my hands out in front of me.

“He’s only seventeen, Jentry. He started college at sixteen just like I did. Isn’t that amazing?” I squeal.

“Yeah, but Grace Kelly…”

“It will get a bit tricky next year when he turns eighteen and I’m only seventeen but by then we can prove we have been in a relationship for a year.”

“But, Grace Kelly…”

“I know, I know. I might have to skip the family reunions for a while until his family forgives me for dragging them into my mess,” I tell her.

“But, Grace Kelly. What about Charlie and Sloane?”

One time Sean threw a container full of ice-cold water on me while I was in the shower. I feel the same way right now. I was so excited that Charlie and I could be together that I didn’t remember why we shouldn’t be. With everything else going on I had completely forgotten about his relationship with Sloane. How could I have been so naïve?

****

Fifty miles later, I’m still smacking my forehead over the fact that I forgot Charlie bold-faced lied to me.

“Maybe he just got confused,” Jentry says, sticking up for him.

“No, he specifically said that they were just planning the Jingle Bell Run together and I heard Lindsay telling some active sisters that they aren’t going to participate this year because of the Zetas.”

“Okay, so he’s a liar,” Jentry agrees, shrugging her shoulders. “Sorry, GK.”

“No biggie,” I lie, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world for making out with Charlie in the library earlier tonight. “I’m telling him off when I get back to school,” I say, my embarrassment quickly turning to anger.

“Look, there’s your family,” Jentry shouts excitedly as the bus pulls up to the terminal. I turn to look out the window and when I see my whole family, wearing Pilgrim hats, waving frantically at us. I forget all about Charlie.

****

“If you feed me anymore, I’m going to make you sew elastic into all my pants,” Jentry jokes, digging into another piece of Mom’s pumpkin pie. This has been the best Thanksgiving ever. We’ve done nothing but eat, play games, and watch movies all day. I didn’t have to worry about putting on makeup, doing my hair, or even getting out of my pajamas.

“Dinner was really great, Mom,” I say. Mom beams with pride and I wonder why it took me so long to realize how hard she has to work to make our lives run so smoothly. She winks at me. Sean tips the nozzle of the aerosol can of whipped topping into his mouth and fills it up. We all crack up watching him trying to swallow the puffy cream before it squishes out of his mouth. My dad pulls his shirt out of his pants and I know if Jentry weren’t here he would be unbuttoning them too.

“You are the master of turkey, darling,” he says laughing.

Sean and Dad disappear into the living room to watch football while Mom, Jentry and I stay at the dining room table to talk.

“I’m not in the sorority anymore,” I blurt out. It has been killing me not to tell Mom about the Alphas since I got home and I just can’t keep it in anymore.

“What happened?” Mom asks concerned. Jentry excuses herself, knowing I need some time alone to tell Mom the truth.

“I only got in because I lied. I told them I was the niece of a previous member so that they would have to make me a pledge.” I admit.

“That’s not like you, Grace Kelly,” Mom says shocked.

“Believe me, I’m not proud of it. The worst part of all is that I let all the sisters down. They were all so nice to me and I just kept lying to them.”

“Everybody makes mistakes. Maybe they just need some time to process everything,” Mom consoles me.

“It doesn’t work like that, Mom. I’m not an Alpha anymore.” It’s the first time I’ve actually said it out loud and it immediately makes me start to cry. Mom scoots her chair back and comes over to me. She sits down in Jentry’s vacant chair and reaches over to pull me toward her. I rest my head on her chest wishing I could stay here forever.

****

Five days later I’m packing my stuff as slowly as humanly possible. I don’t want to go back to school. I want to stay here, in my room filled with science fair and spelling bee trophies. I don’t want to face the Alphas, or tell Charlie that I know he lied to me. I just want to bury myself under my comforter and stare at my glow-in-the-dark constellations on my ceiling.

“You have to go back. You can either do it with underwear or without,” Jentry teases, shoving stuff in my bag.

“I don’t belong there,” I tell her, feeling sorry for myself.

“You still have me, you know?” She says making me feel guilty.

“I’m sorry, Jentry. I’m just so scared about how things are going to turn out.”

“Everything is going to be fine. Besides you thought up that awesome science lab thingy, right?”

My science fair idea. Jentry is right, that is something to be excited about. I have until midnight tonight to turn in my application. The science department is open until midnight just for last minute applicants. Most of the people entering go stand in line instead of mailing their applications. It’s kind of a status symbol to get your entry stamped. Last year I had to mail my entry since I was still living at home with my parents so I’m super-psyched that I get to stand in line this year. Who knows, maybe I’ll get recognized as last year’s winner by a few people. And then I have finals to look forward to in a few weeks.

Most people would cringe at the thought of all-night study sessions but not me. I’ve missed immersing myself in my studies. And while my books and good grades will never take the place of the Alphas, at least it’s something.

“You girls getting all packed?” Mom asks peeking her head in my room. Surprisingly she doesn’t seem completely despondent over the idea of me leaving. She even agreed to let us take the bus back to campus.

“I’m going to go say goodbye to Sean,” Jentry says, winking at me. Mom hugs her as she passes by then plops herself down on my bed.

“She’s a good friend,” Mom says.

“The best,” I agree.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t always trust you to make your own decisions, Grace Kelly. I should have had more faith in you,” Mom says lowering her head.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you more. I could have saved myself a heck of a lot of heartache,” I confess, thinking about my decision to get involved with the Alphas.

“I don’t think you should regret any of the decisions you’ve made. I never could have navigated college when I was your age. I’m really proud of you.” She beams.

“You know what? I’m pretty proud of me too,” I laugh. She scoops me up in a warm, vanilla-scented hug that I could stay in forever. How could I have hated these hugs so much just a few months ago? Of all the things I expected to learn at college, how much my mom and family mean to me wasn’t one of them. But it is definitely a lesson I won’t forget.

I’m so glad that Jentry thought to pack me this thermos of hot chocolate. I think some of my mom might have rubbed off on her over break. I sip the warm, chocolately liquid and it takes the edge off how bitterly cold I am. I am bundled up in three coats and a blanket on the sidewalk in front of the science building. I’m fairly certain that I already entered the first stage of hypothermia but I’m first in line, so I don’t really give a crap. It is eleven thirty-seven and the doors open at eleven fifty-five. If your entry isn’t stamped by midnight, you’re out. Okay, they’ve never actually turned anyone away yet but it’s still the status thing.

There are thirty-eight people behind me eyeballing me, just waiting for me wimp out. So much for any fame or glory here. It’s totally cutthroat. But considering tuition money is on the line, that’s pretty understandable.

“I wish I could say that I was surprised,” I hear a voice say from behind me. I turn to see Charlie grinning mischievously. I hate that I get partial feeling back in my feet from the heat Charlie causes to course through my body. Hormones are such traitors.

“I’m just waiting to kick your butt again,” I smart off, promptly turning away from him.

“I like a girl who is confident,” he laughs, lowering himself down in front of me.

“Hey, no budging,” the guy behind me says. He lowers his Suduko puzzle book while giving Charlie a warning with his eyes.

“Dude, chill out. I’m just talking to my girlfriend,” Charlie defends himself, holding his hands out like he’s innocent.

Girlfriend? Did I hear him right or is it so cold that my hearing is now in jeopardy?

“How was your Thanksgiving?” Charlie asks innocently.

I hate that I want to tell him all about my weekend and ask about his. How can he look so adorable in his Carhartt overalls and earmuffs? It isn’t fair.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” I ask him, tightening my stocking cap over my ears.

“Um, no,” he answers, looking confused.

“So why would you flat out lie to me?” Disgusted, I toss the remaining cocoa in my cup in the grass and screw it back on the container.

“Grace Kelly, I honestly have no idea what you are talking about.” He looks so innocent that I have to resist the urge to kick him.

“When were you going to tell me that you already have a girlfriend? I mean, we’re in the same sorority house. Okay, were in the same sorority house. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?” My voice is getting louder and I don’t seem to be able to control it. Charlie and I are attracting the stares of my fellow science fair participants.

“Are you accusing me of dating someone else?”

“Stop playing dim. I know all about you and Sloane Masterson.” I can almost taste bile in my mouth just saying her name.

“Oh, this again?” he groans. “I told you. Sloane and I were only planning the Jingle Bell Run together. I don’t know what she thought was going on but nothing was,” he says defensively.

“That’s funny because the Alphas aren’t doing the Jingle Bell Run this year.” I think I have him with my revelation but as soon as I see the look on his face I realize that I have been completely wrong. It all makes sense now.

“Sloane is a Zeta, not an Alpha,” we both say in unison.

A million memories come flying at me all at once. The fire that would shoot from Sloane’s eyes every time an Alpha dissed a Zeta, the Zetas running for Sloane’s car when Jentry and I were driving it, her absence at some of our functions. She is trying to infiltrate the Alphas for the Zetas. Once she goes active she’ll know all the Alphas secrets to use against them. I’ve got to help my sisters.

“I’m really sorry, Charlie. I had it all wrong. I’ve got to go fix this,” I say, tearing the blanket off and tossing it aside. I stuff the thermos into my old backpack and throw it across my shoulders.