The Anchor (28 page)

I inhale deeply through my nose and release the shaky breath through my mouth. I nod my head, letting him know I’m ready to hear whatever he’s about to say.

“You’re fucking this up,” he says, bluntly. And for the next thirty minutes, John lays into me like no one has in my entire life. And when he finishes, we hug and he says, “Today is the first day of a new you.” Then he hugs me again.

“This seat taken?” someone asks from behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I find Edie standing to my left with an unsure smirk on her face.

“For you, my dear, always,” I slur slightly as I pat the stool beside me where I sit at the bar. Edie slides on the stool and orders a beer when the bartender asks her if she’d like anything to drink. “Did she send you?” I can’t help asking, and I pray she can’t hear the hope in my voice. I would rather Nikki come after me herself, but if she’s sent Edie, I’ll appreciate that just as much.

“No.” Edie shakes her head. “She was really upset.”

“I said some things . . .” I shake my head. “They were hurtful things, but they were all true.”

“What things?” she questions.

She stares at me, patiently waiting for my reply. “She doesn’t want this baby. She thinks it’s ruined her life. So I told her if she didn’t want it, I’ll take it.”

Edie sucks in a breath through her teeth. “It’s not that she doesn’t want it,” she argues. “Nikki offers the fiercest kind of love there is. I would know,” she confirms with a smirk. “I’ve been on the receiving end of it. I have no doubt she’ll be a wonderful mother. Problem is she thinks she’s not worthy enough of loving a kid; she thinks she’s unfit to be a good mom because she sees herself as damaged goods. And she’s terrified she’s going to ruin its life.”

I rub my face with both hands, trying to sober up so I can at least attempt to have a rational conversation with Edie about this. “I know she’s your best friend, but she’s—”

“Being difficult?” Edie interrupts.

I snort. “That’s putting it mildly.” I take a long swig of my beer, finishing it off, and when the bartender drops off Edie’s drink, I signal for another. “I haven’t slept with anyone else since we’ve been together,” I blurt out.

“I believe you. And I think deep down, she does too. It was just bad timing,” Edie replies before sipping from her pint glass.

“Bad timing?”

“We were packing things up in your room and she found a lifetime supply of condoms in your nightstand.” I cringe. That probably didn’t look good. “I had just talked her out of thinking the worst when you and your uncle walked in and we overheard your conversation.”

“Shit.” I laugh, not because it’s funny, but because of my stupid luck. I haven’t even opened that drawer since . . . well, since the last night I was with Karissa. The bartender slides me my beer and I take a few gulps before setting the glass down and hanging my head. “I’m at a loss here, Edie,” I admit.

“I know you are,” she agrees, causing me to turn my head and meet her gaze. She gives a sad smile. “Nikki
is
my best friend. I’ve known her a long time. But that doesn’t mean I have the key to unlocking her, ya know?”

“Damn. I was hoping you could hook a brother up,” I joke and she chuckles.

“But . . . I think I have some advice. You may not like it, but . . . it’s what I would do,” she offers. I let out a long breath, unsure if I want to hear whatever it is she’s going to say. “Show her you’re there for her.”

I narrow my eyes. “That’s what I’ve been trying to do,” I reply defensively, my voice heightening.

“Yes, but now, do it without being her boyfriend. Show her you care no matter what.”

“So basically, continue to do what I’m doing already but with no expectations.”

“Exactly. You guys have some pretty intense chemistry, Parker. But that can only take you guys so far. And I love her, but she has to work out some of her issues before she can be what you deserve.”

I groan and run a hand through my hair. “Thanks, but I don’t know how to be around her without . . . wanting her. I’ve been crazy about her since the day we met.”

“She’s crazy about you, too. I can tell.” She smirks happily. “But that doesn’t mean you should have to try and fix her . . . does that make sense?”

“If not me than whom?”

“I’m going to tell you because I know she won’t. We’ve all warned you, and even she’s warned you . . . She has trust issues. But I know she hasn’t explained why.”

“No,” I admit. “I guess she hasn’t. Not in detail anyway.”

“She’s had a hard life in some ways,” Edie begins. “I think it’s hard for people to understand. She wasn’t beaten or molested so some people would probably think:
What did she endure that could possibly justify her being so messed up?
She grew up wealthy.
But abandonment is a beast all on its own. She grew up feeling unloved and unwanted. Feeling that way . . .” Edie shakes her head as if the thought hurts her, “it leaves scars just as badly as the others.” She sips her beer and continues. “She tried hard to be the best at everything, hoping she’d earn her father’s attention, but he rarely noticed . . . unless she was doing poorly in something. She’s never felt good enough, Parker.”

“Why does she care what he thinks?”

“That’s a good question. Maybe because he’s the only real family she has. Did you know she graduated from NYU with a bachelor’s degree in business with a minor in Spanish? She thought she would work with her father when she graduated.”

My eyebrows rise in shock. She wanted to work with him? How did I not know this about her?

Edie laughs at my expression. “I know. It doesn’t quite suit her, does it?”

“Not what I would have guessed,” I agree. If anyone had asked me to guess her career choice I would’ve said fashion, for sure.

“She studied her ass off, Parker. Tutors and everything. And when she finished with a 3.5 GPA, the day she graduated he told her she didn’t belong in the corporate world.”

I shake my head. “Why is he such a dick to her?”

“I don’t know,” she says, and I can hear the frustration in her voice. “I think she reminds him of her mother. That’s my guess. Her mother took off when she was really young. You know, she doesn’t even remember her mother. She doesn’t even have a photo of her.”

“Really?” I ask in disbelief.

Edie frowns and stares down at her beer. “She had one, once. But her father took it away.” I roll my eyes. Her dad is seriously an asshole.

“I’ve known she’s struggled with certain things for a long time. But her issues have never hindered her so much that I felt the need to intervene. Now she’s letting those issues screw up her life. So now, I
am
stepping in.”

“So you can help, but I can’t?” I snort.

“I’m going to help her figure out how to help herself. You’re going to prove that you love her and you’re willing to walk the line.”

“And what if she doesn’t change?” I query.

Edie pats me on the back. “Oh, she’s going to change,” she says, certainly. “I love her enough to give her that swift kick in the ass.” Then she holds her glass up, indicating a toast. As I clink my glass with hers, I wish I had her enthusiasm. But I can’t give up on Nikki. Not yet. I’m still willing to try. There’s still a little fight left in me after all.

Parker didn’t come back to the apartment last night. When Edie returned she said he had checked in to a hotel. I was at a loss for words. It was obvious he was avoiding me so I scheduled an immediate flight back home. Since we were supposed to drive his car back to North Carolina, I didn’t have a return flight scheduled. That last-minute ticket cost me a pretty penny but I had to get out of there.

When I get home, I discover Joey has finish painting and even cleared out all of the paint rollers, ladders, and buckets. The house looks amazing. I can’t stop admiring it.

As I’m walking to the living room from the back bedroom, my cheeks hurting I’m grinning so hard, I nearly pee myself when I round the corner and find Joey there.

“Shit,” I gasp as I clutch my stomach. “You scared me!”

“Sorry,” he chuckles. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“This is my house,” I point out.

“I know that, smart-ass,” he laughs. “You weren’t supposed to be back until Sunday.”

“Umm . . .” I begin to speak, unsure of how to explain what went down in New York. “Parker and I aren’t together anymore.”

Joey furrows his brows, a look that could be either disappointment or confusion seizing his features. “Damn,” he sighs as he removes his ball cap and runs a hand through his shaggy hair. “You okay?”

“Umm . . .” Again, I’m unsure of how to answer his question. “It’s my fault,” I finally admit. “I’ve had a bad . . . way of thinking for a while now, but I’m going to work on it.”

Joey nods once and takes three large strides toward me before pulling me in his arms and hugging me tightly. “I’m here for you, Nik.”

I refuse to cry, even though my eyes begin to tear up.

Fucking Joey.

“Thank you, Joey. That means a lot.” He lets me go and I immediately rub at my eyes as he backs away. “And thank you for all of this,” I say, as I motion my hand around the room. “I really appreciate all you’ve done for me.”

“That’s what friends are for,” he replies. “I gotta head back to the stables. You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah,” I reply with a smile, my voice husky with pent-up emotion.

He opens the door to leave but stops and turns. “Nik . . . he’s a good guy. I hope you know you deserve that.” With that, he steps out and shuts the door. I may not agree with him right now, but I’m going to work on it. I know Parker will come home eventually and we’ll fix this. He always forgives me when I’ve gone too far and he will this time too. And this time, I won’t mess up. This time, I won’t lose it again. I know he needs time. I’m a lot to take in. I want Parker Hayes to be mine. And I’m going to fix what I’ve damaged so badly. I’m going to fix myself. For me. For him.

For our child.