The Apartment (Apartment #1) (21 page)

And silence.

Stopping the machine, Heidi set down the wand beside it and handed Maggie a towel to wipe off the messy gel. Once her hands were free again, she set them both gently on Maggie’s arm and looked at her with eyes full of sympathy.

“I’m so very sorry, Mrs. Foster,” she whispered.

Barbara immediately broke down into sobs, but Maggie sat there quietly. Lily was worried that she might be in shock until she felt her squeeze her hand tightly. “That’s alright,” she whispered. “I’m quite used to being a failure at this.”

“Don’t say that,” Lily scolded. “You have a genetic condition, Maggie. That is
not
your fault. You did everything perfectly, it’s just so hard to predict what will happen. There are women with your condition who only ever suffer one loss, and then there are those who lose seven or eight.”

Their discussion was interrupted by another loud sob from Barbara. Maggie rolled her eyes and turned to look at her over her shoulder. “Mom, sweetie, why don’t you go sit in the waiting room? I’ll be out as soon as I find out what happens now, okay?”

“Alright,” she choked out. Barbara slowly walked to the door, stopping first to hug Maggie and kiss her on the cheek. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” She wiped her eyes with a tissue and went out the door.

Maggie looked back at Lily. “I love her dearly, but I’m trying really hard to keep a tight rein on my own emotions. I can’t handle her weeping like that right now. I know she feels badly for me, but the harder she cries, the more I feel like I let her down again.”

Visibly uncomfortable with the awkward conversation, Heidi excused herself to give them some privacy. “I’ll let Natalie know,” she said quietly to Lily on her way out into the hall.

Once they were finally alone, Lily jumped in. “I’m sure that Mrs. Foster doesn’t think you let her down.”

“I’ve robbed her of four grandchildren now, Lily. And each one gets farther along, giving us all false hope. It’s just…. cruel to put her through.”

“It’s a cruel situation for everyone, not just her.”

Just then a gentle knock sounded at the door and Natalie stuck her head in. “Maggie? May I come in?”

“Of course, Dr. Wilde. Thank you so much for sparing Lily right now. She’s a great hand-holder.”

“She’s the best we have,” Natalie agreed, and the praise sounded so genuine that Lily couldn’t help the pink stain on her cheeks. “Let me just start by saying that I’m so sorry this happened again.”

“Well, we knew it was a risk from the beginning.” Maggie said, shrugging. The detached look on her face didn’t reach her eyes, though. She was blinking back tears rapidly. “What do we do now? I’ve never found out like this, without anything really coming out first.”

“Well, that’s what I need to talk to you about,” Dr. Wilde said, the tone in her voice leaving no doubt that it wasn’t going to be pleasant information. “In some cases we can remove the fetus, but I’m afraid that won’t be an option for us now.”

“Why? I was hoping to just get this whole debacle over with as soon as possible.”

“The fetus is too large now, Maggie. You’ve made it almost seventeen weeks, much farther than you have in the past. We can’t remove the fetus here when it is that large; it’s against our policy to perform a D&C on anyone past the first trimester. There are some locations that might, in a life or death situation, but I cannot. I don’t want to get into specifics, but it’s a grisly procedure that we don’t perform here.”

“I understand. I didn’t realize it was that large already. I wouldn’t want that done, either. But what does that leave us with, then?”

“We are going to have to admit you to the hospital. Once you are set up in the maternity ward, we will need to induce you. I’m sorry, but the only option is for you to deliver the stillborn fetus.”

“Oh God!” Maggie gasped as a rogue tear made its way down her cheek.

“I know it sounds terrifying, but it is quite similar to what your body would do on its own, except now we can monitor and control everything. We have no idea how long you would have taken to expel the fetus yourself, and this actually has less impact on your body than a D&C.”

“How long will it take?”

“I’m afraid that’s hard to say. Some women are done within hours, while others take a day or two. However, I can promise you any painkillers you might need to get through the contractions.”

“Jesus Christ!” Maggie wailed, putting her face in her hands. “Fine,” she huffed after collecting herself. “But I want to be so doped up that I don’t even know what day it is. I don’t particularly want to remember this.”

“I’m sure we can work something out to make you comfortable. Why don’t you go home and pack a bag. Grab a bite to eat if you think you can. I’ll get the orders sent over to the hospital and when you are ready, just head over there and get checked in.” Natalie looked at Lily. “Would you come with me for a minute?”

“Alright.” She turned to Maggie. “I’ll be right back, okay? Why don’t you finish getting cleaned up and dressed?” Lily followed Dr. Wilde into the hall, closing the door quietly behind her.

“I think it would be wise if you stayed with her today, at least until her husband is in town. Her mother-in-law is a wreck out there. I honestly don’t know if either of them are fit to drive right now.”

“That’s fine, but what about—”

“Don’t worry about the clinic, we’ll manage. And I’ll pay you for the rest of the day.” Lily had to stop her eyes from bugging out. Natalie never liked to part with help or money.

After grabbing an extra box of tissues and escorting the two desolate women outside, Lily took the keys from Barbara and began to chauffeur them home in a sleek red Mercedes. Lily insisted that it would be a hell of a lot safer to leave her own shitty old car in the lot and take the expensive vehicle they had driven.

“How are you doing, Maggie?” Lily asked over the loud sobs from Barbara in the back seat. “I mean, I know you aren’t good, but do you need anything?”

“Honestly?” she replied, looking sideways at her from the passenger seat. “I’m just pissed. Of course I’m sad and depressed and doing everything I can to keep from acting like her,” she nodded toward the back seat, “but overall I’m just pissed. And I want a large chocolate fucking shake. I’ve been eating so healthy lately and I want something horrible for me right now.”

Lily turned into the closest drive through and ordered her the biggest shake they had, refusing to let her pay for it when she handed her money. “Put that away,” she shoved at her hand. “This is probably the only nice thing I can do for you right now. Let me get you your fucking shake.”

They drove for a few minutes in silence. Well, as much silence as could be had between one sobbing woman and another one making loud slurping noises. After Lily asked which way to turn to get to their house, she spoke again to Maggie.

“So, why are you pissed?”

“Because,” she huffed after swallowing a large sip. “This is something I’m supposed to be able to do. It’s one of the only natural, animal functions that we have left as humans. And even that is getting warped by all the women who refuse to breastfeed. I am being denied a basic function, and I want to wring someone’s neck for it. I see so many women, so many young idiot girls, who spit out babies like it’s nothing. They barely bother to get the father’s name, but having a kid is just no big deal. And so many beautiful, precious children are neglected or raised by resentful grandparents. Nothing pisses me off more than seeing some dipshit preteen mother with five dirty kids by five different guys running around her unattended at the store, while I’m not allowed to have one.
One
! One baby who would be loved and nurtured by two parents who adore it.”

“I know what you mean,” Lily nodded. “You wouldn’t believe how much of that I see at the office. There are some girls who deserve frequent flier miles for the maternity ward. Every time they come back in, all I can think is, Jesus, again?”

“Exactly!” Maggie took another long pull on her straw.

“Well, have you two ever thought of adoption?” Lily glanced in her direction before turning off the highway.

“We’ve talked about it. We had almost decided to start the process when we found out about the MTHFR mutation. We’d thought for the longest time that I just couldn’t get pregnant, so we looked into adoption. Then I had my first miscarriage. After that, we kept trying since I had actually conceived, and after a few more losses they did the blood work that found my disorder. Once they finally put a name on it and told us what we needed to do to try and fight it, it sort of took over our plans.”

“That’s understandable, but it still isn’t a guarantee. You could have many more losses before the shots ever work.
If
they work, that is.”

“I know,” she sighed. “But I had to try. I couldn’t live with myself if I felt I hadn’t given this my all. I get very optimistic at the beginning, and then very bitter after each loss. Sometimes it even hurts to be around children for a while, and pregnant women make me want to cry.”

Lily patted her shoulder, not knowing what else to say.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Maggie continued. “After this is over I’m going to have to do a lot of soul searching to see if I can go through it again. Poor Eric gets destroyed each time, watching what it does to me. Every time I think about giving up, though, I remember that my grandmother lost three babies and had an infant who died a few hours after birth, only to go on to have my father. If she had just given up, I’d never be here. That could be my child someday.”

“You could always adopt now and try again later. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind having two eventually, would you?”

“No, I’d love two children,” she gushed, her smile beaming.

“Well, I have seen a lot of women who have struggled for years with infertility issues, only to have a baby with no complications the second they adopt. It’s like having that child that they always wanted helps them to relax and get rid of all the stress they’ve bottled up for years. I knew a girl in college who was adopted, and her brother was barely nine months younger than she was because their parents had a little celebration after they brought her home. You never know—weird things happen every day.”

“Thank you, Lily,” she whispered after a few minutes of silence. “For just being here. I know that I’m coming off as some sort of baby-obsessed moron right now.”

“No you aren’t. You’ve had some really horrible news today, and you have an even bleaker afternoon ahead of you. You’re allowed to be emotional.”

“It’s just that I don’t want you to think that I can’t be happy with what I have. If we never have any children at all, we’ll get by. I don’t believe that only children make a family. My husband is my world, and his family has taken me in like another daughter from the first day I met them. My parents died when I was in college, and I have never felt alone.”

Maggie turned to face Barbara in the back seat, reaching around the headrest to squeeze her hand. She smiled at her as she watched her wipe her eyes and blow her nose. “Take Weepy here,” Maggie chuckled. “She’s only so upset because this is happening to her daughter again. She isn’t half as upset about losing a grandchild as I am about not being able to give her one.”

Barbara smiled weakly at her and squeezed her hand in return. “I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you, too.”

Lily pulled the car into the driveway of the largest house she had ever seen in the area. Parking in front of the main door, she was surprised when Barbara invited her inside.

“Don’t sit out here like the help, Lily. Come in and have a bite while Maggie packs.” She didn’t leave much room for disagreement in her tone, so Lily turned off the car and followed the women inside. Once she had closed the door and looked at the large, opulent surroundings, she couldn’t keep her mouth from dropping open.

“I know,” Maggie laughed. “I had the exact same look on my face the first time Eric brought me home with him.” She draped her coat over the back of the nearest chair and turned back to Lily. “Why don’t you come upstairs with me? You can help me figure out what to take.”

“Don’t you two want anything to eat?” Barbara called from the kitchen.

“We’re going upstairs to pack first,” she called back. “Maybe just a few finger snacks or something.”

“Alright, I’ll make up a plate.”

Maggie turned back to Lily before leading her up the stairs. “Don’t worry, she’s in her element now. Her brain functions much better once she can be physically doing something for someone.”

She led Lily to a large room full of many different trophies and awards. “This used to be Eric’s old room,” she explained when she caught Lily eying the different pieces of sports memorabilia. “Barbara has offered to make him a trophy case downstairs, but he always groans about changing his room. Personally, I think it’s because he likes to feel dirty, like he snuck his girlfriend in the house after curfew.”

“So he’s not just stuck in the past, reliving old glory days on the field?” Lily laughed.

“No way! He’s more of the ‘Big Man on Campus’ type in the bedroom only. And when he gets around these damn trophies.” Maggie winked at her and they both started laughing.

After a few minutes they had grabbed a few essentials and tossed them in an overnight bag. Talking easily back and forth, they joined Barbara in the kitchen for a snack of cheese and crackers. About twenty minutes later they were leaving for the hospital, and Lily was so involved in conversation that she never even noticed the large family portrait as they walked out the door.

Driving to Mercer County Hospital, Lily tried to keep the lighter conversation going for as long as possible, hoping to avoid another crying jag. “That was a beautiful painting on the stairway, Mrs. Foster. I don’t usually pay much attention to art, but something about that one made me take another look.”

“Oh thank you, dear. And please, call me Barbara. My son actually painted that.” The pride was unmistakable in her voice.

“I didn’t know Eric could paint, too!” Lily gasped, astonished at such talent coming from an amateur.

“No, not Eric. His brother, Ethan.”