The Arabian Nights (New Deluxe Edition) (44 page)

By this the vizier realized the truth and ordered his servants to throw the eunuch down and beat him. Smarting under the blows, the eunuch cried for mercy and said, “My lord, we did enter a cookshop and we did eat a pomegranate-seed dish that was indeed better than this one.” His words angered Badr al-Din's mother, who said, “For God's sake, son, and may God reunite me with my own son, you must go and bring me back a bowl of pomegranate dish from that cook, so that your master may judge which is the better and tastier of the two, his or mine.” The eunuch replied, “Indeed I will.” Then she gave him a bowl and half a dinar, and he went out running until he came to the cookshop and said to Badr al-Din, “Excellent cook, I have made a wager about your cooking in my master's household. Give me half a dinar's worth of your pomegranate dish and it better be good, for I have had a bellyful of beating for entering your shop. Don't let me taste more beating with your food.” Badr al-Din laughed and said, “By God, noble lord, no one can cook this dish as well but myself and my mother, and she is far away.” Then he ladled out the food, choosing the best parts, covered the bowl, and gave it to the eunuch, who hastened back with it. Badr al-Din's mother took it, and when she tasted the food and noticed its excellent flavor, she knew who had cooked it, shrieked, and fell down in a swoon. The vizier was astonished and sprinkled water on her, and when she carne to herself, she said, “If my son Badr al-Din is still in this world, none has cooked this dish but he.”

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said, “Sister, what a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

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The following night Shahrazad said:

It is related, O King, that Ja'far said to the caliph:

Badr al-Din's mother said, “None has cooked this dish but my son Badr al-Din, for none knows how to cook it as well as he.” When the vizier heard her words, he rejoiced and felt happy and said, “Alas for you, my nephew! I wonder whether God will ever reunite us with you!” Then he rose at once and called out to his followers, attendants, slaves, camel drivers, and porters, about fifty in all, saying, “Take sticks, clubs, and the like and go to the cook's shop and demolish it by breaking everything inside, even the pots and dishes. Then tie him with his turban and, saying ‘Are you the one who has cooked this awful pomegranate-seed dish,' bring him here. But let none of you beat him or do him any harm; just bind him and bring him here by force. In the meantime I will go to the vizier's palace and come back.” They replied, “Very well.”

Then the vizier mounted his horse, rode to the palace, and met with the viceroy of Damascus, showing him the king's edicts. The viceroy kissed them and, after reading them, asked, “Who is your adversary?” The vizier replied, “He is a cook.” The viceroy ordered a chamberlain to go to the cookshop, and the chamberlain went with four captains, four palace guards, and six soldiers, leading the way. When they came to the cookshop, they found it in ruins and saw everything in it broken.

For while the vizier was at the palace, his servants rose and, taking sticks, tent poles, clubs, and swords, flew in a hurry until they reached the cookshop and, without speaking to Badr al-Din, fell with their weapons on his pots and utensils, broke his shelves, bowls, dishes, and trays, and destroyed his stoves. When Badr al-Din asked them, “O good people, what is the matter?” they replied by asking him, “Are you the one who cooked the pomegranate dish that the eunuch bought?” He replied, “Yes, I am the one who cooked it, and no one can cook anything like it.” They yelled at him, abused him, and continued to demolish the shop until a crowd of people assembled and, seeing about fifty or sixty men demolishing the shop, said, “There must be a grave cause behind this!” Badr al-Din cried out, saying, “O fellow Muslims, what is my crime in cooking this food that you should treat me like this, breaking my dishes and ruining my shop?” They said, “Aren't you the one who cooked the pomegranate dish?” He replied, “Yes, indeed! What is wrong with it that you should do this to me?” But they kept yelling at him, scolding him, and cursing him. Then they surrounded him, took off his turban and, tying him with it, dragged him by force out of the shop, while he screamed, cried, and called for help.

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said, “Sister, what a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

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The following night Shahrazad said:

It is related, O King, that Ja'far said to the caliph:

Badr al-Din kept crying, calling for help, and asking, “What fault did you find with the pomegranate dish?” and they kept asking, “Aren't you the one who cooked the pomegranate dish?” while he kept answering, “Yes, indeed! But what is wrong with it that I should suffer like this?” As they drew close to the tents, the chamberlain, with his captains and other men, caught up with them. He pushed the vizier's servants aside to look at Badr al-Din and, hitting him on the shoulders with his stick, asked him, “You, are you the one who cooked the pomegranate seeds?” Badr al-Din cried with pain from the blow and replied, “Yes, my lord, but I ask you, in the name of God, what is supposed to be wrong with it?” But the chamberlain scolded him and cursed him, saying to his men, “Drag away this dog who has cooked the pomegranate dish.” Badr al-Din felt miserable, wept, and said to himself, “What did they find wrong with the pomegranate dish that they should abuse me to this extent?” and he felt frustrated for not knowing what his fault was. The men kept dragging him until they reached the tents, where they waited until the vizier, having gotten the viceroy's permission to depart and having bidden him good-bye, returned to the tents.

As soon as he dismounted, he asked, “Where is the cook?” and they brought Badr al-Din before him. When Badr al-Din saw his uncle the vizier Shams al-Din, he wept and said, “My lord, what is my offense against you?” Shams al-Din replied, “Damn you, aren't you the one who cooked the pomegranate dish?” With a cry of exasperation, Badr al-Din replied, “Yes my lord, and what a misfortune! Does my crime warrant cutting off my head?” Shams al-Din replied, “That misfortune would be the least punishment.” Badr al-Din said, “My lord, will you not tell me my crime and what is wrong with the pomegranate dish?” Shams al-Din replied, “Yes, presently,” and he called out to his servants, shouting, “Pack up, and let us go.” The servants undid the tents at once and made the camels kneel for loading. Then they put Badr al-Din in a chest, which they locked and placed on a camel. Then they departed and journeyed until nightfall, when they stopped to eat. Then they took Badr al-Din out of the chest, fed him, and locked him up again.

They kept traveling in this way until they reached Cairo and dismounted outside the city. Then the vizier ordered the servants to take Badr al-Din out of the chest, and they did so and brought him before the vizier, who sent for wood and a carpenter and said to him, “Make a wooden, crosslike figure.” Badr al-Din asked, “What will you do with it?” The vizier replied, “I will crucify you by nailing you on it, and then I will parade you throughout the city, because the pomegranate dish you cooked lacked pepper and tasted awful.” Badr al-Din said, “Haven't you done enough, and all because the pomegranate dish lacked pepper?”

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

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The following night Shahrazad said:

It is related, O King, that Ja'far said to the caliph:

Badr al-Din said, “Because the pomegranate dish lacked pepper, you have beaten me, smashed my dishes, and ruined my shop, all because the pomegranate dish lacked pepper! Isn't it enough, O Muslims, that you have tied me and locked me up in this chest, day and night, fed me only one meal a day, and inflicted on me all kinds of torture, because the pomegranate dish lacked pepper? Isn't it enough, O Muslims, to have shackled my feet that you should now make a crosslike figure to nail me on, because I have cooked a pomegranate dish that lacked pepper?” Then Badr al-Din pondered in bewilderment and asked, “All right, suppose I did cook the dish without pepper, what should my punishment be?” The vizier replied, “To be crucified.” Badr al-Din said, “Alas, are you going to crucify me because the pomegranate dish lacked pepper?” and he appealed for help, wept, and said, “None has been crushed as I have been, and none has suffered what I have suffered. I have been beaten and tortured, my shop has been ruined and plundered, and I am going to be crucified, all because I cooked a pomegranate dish that lacked pepper! May God curse the pomegranate dish and its very existence!” and as his tears flowed, he concluded, “I wish that I had died before this calamity.”

When they brought the nails, he cried, lamented, and mourned over his crucifixion. But as night was falling and it was getting dark, the vizier took Badr al-Din, pushed him into the chest, and locked it, saying, “Wait till tomorrow morning, for tonight we have no time left to nail you.” Badr al-Din sat inside the chest, crying and saying to himself, “There is no power and no strength, save in God, the Almighty, the Magnificent. Why do I have to be crucified and die? I have not killed anyone or committed any crime; nor have I cursed or blasphemed. My only offense is that I am supposed to have cooked a pomegranate dish that lacked pepper; that is all.”

In the meantime the vizier placed the chest on a camel and followed it into the city, after the markets closed, until he came to his house. Later at night the servants arrived with the loaded camels and, making them kneel, carried the equipment and baggage inside. The first thing the vizier did was to say to his daughter Sit al-Husn, “Daughter, praised be God who has reunited you with your cousin and husband. Rise this instant and let the servants prepare the house and arrange the furniture as it was on your wedding night, twelve years ago.” The servants replied, “Very well.” Then the vizier called for candles, and when they lighted the candles and lanterns and brought him the sheet of paper on which he had written the exact description of the room on the wedding night, he began to read it out to them until everything was arranged as it had been on that night. They put everything in its place, lighting the candles as they had been lighted, and placing the turban on the chair and the trousers and the purse with the thousand dinars under the mattress, as Badr al-Din had placed them on that night. Then the vizier came to the hallway and said to his daughter, “Undress and go to bed, as you did the night he came in to you, and when he comes in, this time, say to him, ‘My lord, you have stayed too long in the privy.' Then let him lie beside you and engage him in conversation till the morning, when we will tell him the whole extraordinary story.”