The Arrangement 18 (2 page)

His question, God, it’s awful. I don’t think, I don’t judge, I just talk. I hope that letting the floodgates open will finally help me see where I need to go. “After my parents died, I lost everything—my family, my childhood home—everything. The night I jumped on the back of your bike was one of the worst nights I’d had since the cops came and told me that my parents were gone. All my earthly possessions were in that car, and that car—” I let out a rush of air and push my hair out of my face, “—was the only thing I had left of my dad. No one helped me. No one cared enough to do a damn thing. But you did. The guy you try so hard to hide from the rest of the world was out in full force that night. I wouldn’t wish that away, not for anything.”

Sean turns quickly, making it so I can’t see his eyes. “Let me run a bath for you.”

That was an unexpected response. Not the typical Sean reply. I step in front of him, and place my hand on his chest. There’s a sheen on his eyes and I know he’s choked up. I don’t know what else to say and I want to see him smile. Looking up into his eyes I whisper, “There’s no mention of baths in that contract.”

“There’s no point stipulating that we had to sell our souls and yet here we are. Somehow we both went down the same road.” He looks down at me with a soft expression on his face. It’s as if he wants to tell me something but doesn’t know how to put it into words. Sean places his hand on my cheek and runs it down my face, feeling the smoothness of my skin.

I hesitate, and look up at him. I wonder where this softness is coming from and how long it will last. There have been too many times when a side of Sean has come out, only to be driven back into the darkness faster than I can blink. I try to remember that that’s who he is. He’s a man that darts in and out of the shadows. Sean Ferro wants to be unseen, unheard, and unknown. The problem is that he’s stolen my heart, and every time he recedes into the shadows, it goes with him.

Clearing my throat, I ask, “What about you? Do you wish you’d driven on, and ignored me like everyone else?” It’s a question that I always wanted to ask, but never have. That night changed both our lives. He could’ve driven on, he could’ve ignored me. If he had, things would’ve been so much simpler for him. Stopping could’ve been one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

Sean leans in close and presses his lips to my cheek, and then slowly moves to the other side of my face, repeating the motion. The touch is so tender, I want to cry. I steel myself for whatever is coming next, for whatever words come out of his mouth.

Sean’s lips part and his crystal blue gaze locks with mine. The corners of his mouth lift and he says, “A woman that determined to get back something of questionable value—on her own—is a force to be reckoned with. There’s no way I was passing you by.”

He smiles as he says it, as if it were a secret that no one knew. He runs his hands over my face again, cupping my cheek, and sweeping his thumb over my skin. I think he's going to stop, I don’t expect him to reveal more, he never does. But this time Sean surprises me. He continues in this surreal confession of the night we met.

Continuing, he says, “You amazed me, which is something rare. I wanted to know everything about you as soon as I saw you sprint down the road. You’re a fighter, brave and beautiful, and there is nothing I would have changed about that day. In fact, I thank God for it every time I close my eyes. You’ve changed my nightmares to dreams, taming my fears with your boldness. You’ve made yourself vulnerable for me, to me—trusted me when you had no reason to—and it’s not quite what I want, we’re not there yet, and it’s my fault.”

Before I can ask him what he means, Sean leans in slowly, leaving the slightest separation between us. The warmth of his lips slip over my mouth and I want to lean in and kiss him. Sean continues, “I’m vulnerable now. They all know, every single one of them, except you.”

“Are you going to make me ask a question in my dumb guy voice?” I smile softly.

Sean laughs and shakes his head. His dark hair falls into his eyes. “I love you. I won’t hide it anymore. Being apart from you is killing me. The secrets between us, the fact that you ran to my mother instead of me isn’t right. I want you. I want your trust, and your love. I want to be the one who protects you and I want you to trust me in every sense of the word. You’re my weakness, my addiction, and I’m not willing to give you up.” He grins at me for a moment. “And obviously we’ll need to make amendments to that contract, although I thought bathing was assumed, dirty girl.” He presses his finger to my nose, copying my prior booping.

The corners of my lips tug up, suddenly feeling playful. “Ass.”

“Beautiful.” He says it with that sexy smirk.

“Deviant.”

“Goddess,” he breathes this as if I am life itself, as if he believes it’s true.

The sincerity of his words, the intensity of them, throws me off balance. I laugh and shove his chest. “Jerkface.”

Sean chortles and grabs my hands gently. “Get in the tub and I’ll explain why you’re marrying another man.”

I make a face showing just how much I detest this idea. “You were serious about that?”

“Why do you keep asking me that? When do I joke about anything?” Sean’s voice is flat and serious.

“Touché.”

Sean jokes about very little. The times that I can get him to lighten up and I can see those darling dimples, and hear that hypnotic laugh—I live for those times. I guess that means he seriously wants me to marry Trystan Scott. I can’t imagine Trystan would agree to it, so I don’t freak out then and there. Besides, Sean can’t tell me who to marry.

I glance around the room and see the framed paper again. The center of my chest tugs. Looking at the framed diploma, reading my name in the center of the document, it’s just too much. Sean sees me glancing at it.

Gesturing, I say, “Thanks for this.”

It’s too little to say, I know that. But how do you thank someone for something like this? I would’ve gone on the rest of my life with no diploma, not knowing that I’d earned it or that I could even get it.

There are people that watch out for you, there are people that watch
over
you, and until this moment I thought they were gone. The night my parents died, I lost all that. I had no one watching out for me, no one watching over me.

Sometimes it seems like Sean wants to be that guy, while other times it seems like he wants to be a Ferro. I wish Sean would drop his guard long enough for me to see who he really is, long enough for
him
to see who he really is, because I don’t think he knows. I don’t think Sean sees the man that he’s become. He still thinks he’s the monster, the man that was scorned and mocked and ridiculed, the demon trapped in this godforsaken place. And I came along sprinting down Deer Park Avenue chasing my crap car, and his world changed.

Our worlds collided that night.

Sean turns his sapphire gaze my way. He says it like it’s nothing and everything at the same time. “You sold your soul for that diploma. I know how much it meant to you. It was the least I could do.” Sean reaches for the hem of his shirt and slips it over his head, tossing it onto his bed, before turning and offering me his hand.

I’m beyond shocked at the turn of events. I want to drop my guard but every time I’ve done it in the past, I got sucker-punched in the face. There are only so many more hits I can take before I become permanently ugly, inside and out.

I step toward him, uncertain. “And this bath of yours, is it part of the Barbie Dream House or are we going to fill a big ass box with water?”

Sean laughs out loud and grabs my wrist. Pulling me against his bare chest, he’s all smiles. “You shouldn’t have come.”

“You keep saying that.” I smile. It feels like I’m going to explode inside. When he first said those words I thought they were a warning that I should leave. I thought I was in danger, but I’m not—Sean is the one who is in danger as long as I’m around.

Sean answers, “Because it means you’re never going to get rid of me, and the crazy ass future you’ll have because of it. I’m worried and elated. It feels like I’m bursting with joy and being ripped apart with guilt. I should have rolled you out of the mansion, onto the doormat, and kicked the door shut.”

My eyes bug out. “That would have been pretty nasty, Sean Ferro. Rich people have some pretty crappy manners. It’s deplorable. What would your mother think?”

He smirks. “My mother taught me how to survive, and I’m going to teach you the same thing. But instead of being three steps ahead of you and leaving you in the dark, I’ll take you with me. Every step. Every second.”

Oh my God, he’s serious. Is this it? This is the moment I've been waiting for?

His jaw isn’t locked and his touch is light. I can see the conflict burning in his eyes, but he’s already decided.

I don’t know if I should die or dance. I’m still leery though, so much has happened. I still don’t trust him, not fully. The problem is that I want to. Coyly, I ask, “So what’s three steps from now?”

A wicked smile spreads across his lips. “You, naked, tied to the Tantra chair.”

“Dibs.”

“Dibs?” A curious expression slips across his face. “What is this, middle school? What are you calling dibs on?”

Grinning widely, I walk toward him. “Apparently our plans for the evening are going in the same direction, but on step three I planned on having you tied up on that chair. Dibs.” I move my mouth slowly, letting my lips hug the word. “I call dibs on the sex chair.”

Sean offers a crooked smirk and takes my hand, pulling me ahead, into another room. “Spray Start Car Girl, I knew you’d be awesome.” I follow him, laughing.

I’m about to make some witty comeback when every word in my head is suddenly gone. “Holy shit!” We enter a side room, and from how dark it was inside I thought it was a pass-through or a closet, but it’s not. It’s Sean’s shower, bath, and bat cave all in one. The walls are black glass tile with accents of dark blue here and there. Black marble basins sit in front of an ornate antique mirror that has Tiffany lamps fixed to the mirrors.

Pointing, I jabber, “Are those real?”

Sean laughs. “Never ask a man if it’s real.”

“Uh, you’re never supposed to ask a girl if they are real.”

Sean smirks and then says, “Everything in here is real.”

“So you put multimillion dollar lamps in your bathroom. Okay.” I shrug like that’s normal. He has rubies in his book case, so what the hell do I know?

Sean ignores my snark and takes my wrist, pulling me around a curved wall. As soon as I see it, I gasp. A copper soaking tub sits alone in front of a wall, which is covered in tiny tiles of blue, gold, and purple. Water trickles down the tiles from a decorative scupper, flowing all the way down behind the tub. Gold and silver handles sit on a pedestal with a sprayer. On the side walls there are two iron sconces that are at least six feet tall, complete with candles and flickering flames.

Eyes wide, I gasp, “Oh my God. It’s girl porn!”

Sean laughs as I ditch him to run over and look at the tub more carefully. His deep voice booms behind me. “So, at least I know where I stand in the scheme of things.” He folds his arms over his toned chest.

Touching the cool copper tub, I look back at him. “Why do you have this? It’s as if you planned on using it every night of your life… because let’s face it, twenty year old Sean wasn’t into mind fucks and boxes. Was he?” I glance around, looking for a stack of crates.

Sean smirks, revealing that lickable dimple, and takes my face in his hands. “I made this thinking that I’d want to share it with someone special one day. I was the heir, this house would have been mine, so my suites were all over the top lavish.” Sean tips his head to the side, watching my reaction, drinking in my movements.

“Did you ever use it?” I’m tracing my fingers along the edge of the tub and staring at the waterwall, too afraid to look at him. I’m sure he used it. He had to use it.

“Yes, frequently.”

My stomach sinks and I turn slowly to look at him. He’s trying not to smile. I stand and walk over to him as the corner of my mouth tugs up and my stomach sinks. “So, were these bathing interludes solo?” Stupid question, but one can hope.

His smile stretches further. “Perhaps.” He looks down at me with those solid arms still pressed against his body.

My gaze flicks between his muscles and his eyes. “What’s it going to take to get details?”

“Tit for tat, Stanz. Tell me about your previous lovers and I’ll tell you about mine.” Sean leans against the wall and unfolds his arms revealing his sculpted bare chest. He seems amused, like this idea could be fun.

Blinking repetitively, I blurt out, “You just wanted to say
tit
.” I wink at him and then stand up and walk over to the waterwall, looking at each piece of cut glass. “Besides, I told you, you’re my first.”

Sean shakes his head. “But I wasn’t your only. I caught that one night when you were ranting. There was a rich guy and…?” His voice trails off, waiting for me to answer and fill in all the things that I don’t really want to say.

I glance back at Sean and decide to just tell him. “And that guy liked my tits, too. His family thought I was a gold digger and broke us up on the night of our prom.” I say it stoically, even though it still burns.

“They didn’t bother to tell me though, so I got dressed and waited. He never came. Well, he probably did come, but it wasn’t with me. We had plans to spend the weekend together at his family’s summer home out east. They had a house in South Hampton. After that whole episode I turned into a lesbian and swore off men forever.” I smile over my shoulder. Sean’s lips are parted like he believes the last part. I pick up a bar of soap and chuck it at him. It hits his shoulder and falls to the floor.

He blinks and grins. “Sorry, tits and lesbian in the same conversation. I knew it was too good to be true.”

I laugh. “You were mentally ordering bigger boxes for a three-way. Admit it.”

Sean shakes his head and steps toward me. “No three-ways. Ever. Not my thing. No women in this tub. The truth is that Amanda didn’t like being in the mansion. She thought my mother had cameras everywhere.”

“She probably does. Connie’s a creeper.” I glance around, looking for little black orbs with hidden cameras.

“There aren’t any, not unless I installed them.” Sean smiles wickedly and tugs at my shirt. “This is in the way.”

I stop him from taking it off. “No, no. Wait a second. This was the ex-lover talk. I had one, that I never actually had sex with, and then didn’t date again. The humiliation from something like that doesn’t disappear in a day or two. Then I had to watch out for myself and getting knocked up wasn’t something that I could deal with. That explains my incredibly low dating record. But you, there were others besides Amanda. Who was your first?” This is a question I’ve been dying to ask. Sean’s face flushes which shocks me. “Oh God, you’re blushing. Please tell me that you didn’t nail your cousin?”

Sean’s jaw drops, shocked. “No! Why would you even say that? Do you see this?” He points to his perfectly defined abs and smooth skin. “I had to turn down women all the time.” He reaches past me and turns on the water, letting the tub fill. When he straightens, he wraps his arms around my waist and tugs me to him. “My first was in high school.”

“Uber private prep boy nails socialite's daughter to the wall?”

Sean runs a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. “Something like that. Anyway, I knew guys had conquests—they’d talk about getting into some girl’s panties, nail her, and then choose a new target. I was a little naïve and didn’t realize that women did it, too.” He’s still smiling, but it’s sad, like he wishes the story were different.

“Oh my God. She notched you on her belt and walked away?”

He corrects, “She made love to me and walked away, then quickly told all of her friends at school all the details, like how big it is, how long I lasted, lots of things about length, size, and stamina. All things that a high school boy might find horrifying.”

I laugh a little because it’s terrible. “So that’s why you fuck? No lovemaking?”

“Fucking is intense, but I can keep my guard up.”

Okay, affirmative then. “What about your wife? Did you let her in, or should I not ask things like that?” Crap. I shouldn’t have asked. I feel horrible, but his lips part as he starts to answer me. I am too shocked to stop him.

His face becomes pale and those dark lashes lower. “If I did lower my guard, it wasn’t often. That’s why I couldn’t tell. That’s why—”

Stepping forward, I press my finger to his lips. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

He takes my hand and kisses the back gently, closing his eyes and feeling my skin against his cheek. “We both have ghosts, past lives. They’ll come out periodically. They can present themselves as shadows or banshees. If we know about each other, we'll be better prepared to deal with them.”

“I agree. Just don’t promise to take me to prom and then not show up.” I smile at him and pull Sean into my arms. “And for the record, I like fucking you. Making love sounds weird.”

He pulls away and shakes his head. He arches a brow at me. “You’re not getting out of it, Miss Smith. Anything and everything is mine and I’m not in a fucking kind of mood right now. Maybe later, but not now.”

My lips part as my skin covers in goose bumps, and I take a step back. My heel hits the edge of the tub and I stumble. Sean catches me just as I fall into the water, which pulls him in and makes him land on top of me.

I start laughing. The waterwall is pouring over my hair and twigs are floating in the tub. Sean starts laughing with me. “This should be a picture on the urban dictionary page for ‘smooth move.’ I have half a forest in my frickin’ hair! Why didn’t you say anything?”

Sean kicks his shoes off and they splatter next to the tub. He plucks a stick from the water and smiles. “You looked adorable, like a little forest elf that got bitch-slapped by a tree.”

I shove his chest and splash some of the tub water at him. Sean’s laughter is light like mine, and it’s nice to hear him in such a good mood. The tone is so rich and carefree, so unburdened from the things that I usually hear from him.

The tub is big enough for both of us to stand, and so we do, splashing each other like children. Water goes flying everywhere, hitting Sean in the face and soaking his jeans. Eventually, he steps towards me and wraps me in his arms. His mouth comes down on mine, slowly, warm and welcome. The embrace is so tender for him, so unlike him, that I wonder what he's going to do next.