The Art of Life (45 page)

               
He
rubs my leg and counters, “You have been through a lot.
 
You should rest.”

               
“Okay,”
I sigh, getting up.
 
“I am going to brush
my teeth.”

               
“Yeah,
you should,” he laughs.
 
I bend over and
punch him the arm.
 
He just chuckles,
“Go,
get
ready for bed.”

               
 
I do.
 
When I get out, Jeremy is putting a blanket on the couch.
 
“You know I feel bad you have to sleep on the
couch.”

               
“Hey,
this is a big couch.
 
I can lie fully
out.
 
It’s like a twin bed.
 
I am all good,” he replies.

               
“Alright,
good night then,” I sigh.

               
Giving
me that killer smile of his, Jeremy says, “Good night toots.”

               
It
feels good to crawl into bed.
 
I don’t
know why I am so tired.
 
As soon as my
head hits the pillow, I am out.

               
Suddenly,
I feel hands around my neck and I try to tear them off.
 
I try to scream, but I can’t.
 
I am living it all over again.
 
This time, it is worse.
 
I try and try to get away, try to scream, but
I fail.
 
Finally, I shoot up in bed,
grabbing at my throat.
 

               
There
is nothing there and I can barely catch my breath.
 
Turning I see that it is 1:00 a.m.
 
My heart is going a million miles an hour and
I am terrified.
 
I bring my knees up to
my chest and clench them there.
 
Time
goes by, but the fear doesn’t subside.
 

               
I
sit there for a while, before I finally get up.
 
Against my better judgment, I go out into the living room.
 
I make sure I am really quiet.
 
Jeremy is asleep on his back, with his arm
over his head.
 
He looks so
peaceful.
 
I just stand there for a
while, looking at him.
 
Taking a deep
breath, I know I shouldn’t wake him.
 
So,
I turn to go back to the bedroom.
 

               
Before
I can go anywhere, I feel my pants tugged on.
 
I turn to see Jeremy squinting at me.
 
“What’s up?” He yawns.
 
“You
okay?”

               
“Yeah,”
I mumble.

               
“That
is not very convincing.”

               
Wrapping
my arms around myself, I just quietly say, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

               
“It’s
fine.
 
What’s wrong?” He asks.
 
I shrug.
 
Jeremy rolls over on his side.
 
“Nightmares?”

               
“Yeah,”
I whisper.

               
To
my surprise, he scoots back on the couch and lifts the blanket up.
 
“Come, sleep.”

               
“What!?”
I snap.

               
“It’s
called sleep.
 
I want to do it.
 
So, come on.”

               
Shaking
my head vigorously, I say, “I can’t sleep next to you.”

               
With
a groan, Jeremy growls, “Isabelle, just lie down.
 
I promise
,
it will
keep the nightmares away.
 
I am not going
to feel you up or anything, completely a comfort thing.
 
Come on.”

               
Very
nervous, I sit down on the couch next to him.
 
Jeremy wraps his arm around and pulls me down.
 
Draping the blanket over us, he pulls me
tight against him.
 
I lie there for a
while, with my eyes wide open.
 

               
A
few seconds later, I feel him laugh against my head.
 
“You feel like you are going to jump up any
second.”

               
I
roll over so I am facing him.
 
“This is
really NEW territory for me.”

               
“Am
I not comforting?” He breathes against me.
 
That sends my nerves on fire.

               
“No,
you are.
 
You are the only thing that
makes me feel safe.”

               
Nestling
me up against him, Jeremy says, “Then go to sleep hon.
 
I am right here if you need me.”

               
“Okay,”
I barely whisper.
 
I am so close to him
that I breathe his scent in.
 
It makes me
close my eyes.
 
He smells so good. It’s
then that I realize how comfortable this is.
 
I lay my head by his chest and drift off to sleep.

               
The
next morning, I am woken up by lips kissing my forehead.
 
I open one eye and look at Jeremy.
 
“Hi.”

               
“Hello
sunshine,” he whispers, with a smile.
 
“Did you sleep well?”

               
I
nod and lay my head back down by his chest.
 
“You are very lulling.”

               
“Well,
thank you,” he laughs.
 
“Do you want to
sleep more, because I have been laying here for a while, and need to use the
bathroom?”

               
“Oh
my gosh
,” I exclaim, sitting up.
 
“I am sorry!”

               
Jeremy
rolls himself so he is propped up over me.
 
“Lie down, relax, you can sleep longer.”

               
“No,”
I murmur.
 
Having him so close on top of
me is making my chest tighten.
 
He looks
down at me with a look that I haven’t quite seen before.
 
We kind of stare at each other for a few
seconds, before I mention, “Weren’t you going to the bathroom?”

               
“Yeah,”
he replies, getting off the couch.
 
Part
of me feels sad that he just got up.
 
Why
do I feel that way?
 
Probably because he
is the only thing comforting me right now.
 
Yeah, that’s it.
 
I watch him
saunter into the bathroom.
 
I catch
myself checking him out and I quickly shake my head.

               
To
distract myself I get up to make coffee.
 
I find it in the cupboard.
 
My mind
is still waking up when Jeremy comes into the kitchen.
 
“I like my coffee strong,” he says, wrapping
his arms around me.
 
I
kind of spin out of them.
 
“What’s
wrong?” Jeremy gasps.

               
“Nothing,”
I whisper.
 
“I just.
 
I am not used to having someone show me so
much affection.”

               
Leaning
against the counter, Jeremy asks, “Am I being too affectionate with you?”

               
“I
don’t know, are you?”

               
“Personally,
I say, no, but it’s about your comfort level, not mine,” Jeremy retorts.

               
My
eyes look at the floor.
 
“What if,” I
start and then pause.
 
“What if you get a
girlfriend?
 
Then suddenly this all would
be grossly inappropriate and I will be alone again.”

               
“What
if you get a boyfriend before I get a girlfriend?
 
Then the guy will try to punch me, and I will
lay him out, and then you will be mad at me, which will make me sad.”

               
“That
was the world’s longest sentence.”

               
“No,
see if you get a boyfriend, then I am sad.
 
I think that is what it means,” Jeremy states with a smile.
 
“I won’t have anyone to be affectionate with then.
 
Plus, think about it, what is the likelihood
that I am going to find a serious girlfriend anytime soon?
 
I mean, you will probably get a boyfriend way
before I ever get serious.”

               
Crossing
my arms, I say, “Who in the hell am I going out with?”

               
“EERRRRIIIIICCCC,”
Jeremy drawls out sarcastically.

               
With
a scoff, I reply, “Yeah right.”

               
“I
told you I am going to get you a date with him,” Jeremy states with a weird
look on his face.
 
“If that is still what
you want.”

               
My
response should be yes, right?
 
“Yeah,” I
reply slowly.

               
“Have
you changed your mind?” Jeremy asks, raising an eyebrow.

               
“No,”
I reply, shaking my head.
 
“No, I would
still go out with him.”

               
There
is a really brief awkward silence.
 
Why
is there an awkward silence?
 
I look up
at Jeremy and he quickly looks away.
 
“Then it is a plan.
 
You will go
on a date with Eric.”

               
“Before
I ever go on a date, I need to get over things.
 
You being affectionate
makes
me feel
better.
 
I feel safe with you.”

               
“And
you are safe with me,” Jeremy replies softly.
 
He stands up in front of me and places his hands on the sides of my
face.
 
“I will always protect you from
every big, bad, ugly thing in this world.”

               
That
makes me smirk.
 
“You can’t protect me
from everything.
 
One day my heart will
get broken, and you can’t protect me from that.”

               
“Why
would your heart be broken?” Jeremy asks.

               
“Isn’t
that part of life?
 
You fall in love, it
doesn’t work,
your
heart gets broken?”

               
With
a slightly appalled look, Jeremy snaps, “That is a horrible view on life.”

               
“I
have never had a firsthand view at love, at all, not even a little bit!” I
exclaim.
 
“All I have ever known is what
you see on TV, in movies and in books.
 
It’s always someone falls in love, it’s great, crap happens and it ends,
OR it’s so horribly ridiculous, because love stories don’t end that way”

               
“Isabelle,”
Jeremy softly says, tracing his thumb over my lips.
 

“Shut up.
 
Love isn’t bad.
 
Love is a good thing and it can mean to world
to you.
 
Don’t be afraid of it.”

               
Taking
a deep breath, I look up at him.
 
“Have
you ever been in love?”

               
Jeremy
frowns and
lets
go of me.
 
“I have loved someone beyond words.”

               
“And
obviously you aren’t with her anymore, so there!
 
It always ends badly!”

               
“I
loved her and it ended badly, so badly that I left my life!” Jeremy yells.
 
That shuts me up quickly.
 
He reaches up and grips my arms.
 
“Isabelle, I do not regret loving her, not
even a little bit.”

               
I
am quiet.
 
“I am afraid of love.
 
My mom is supposed to love me and she treats
me like….well like she does, and I don’t have friends.
 
I have no one, no one to show me love.”