The Astonishing Return of Norah Wells (31 page)

The accident. Willa. It's what made up his mind.

‘Dad —' Ella starts but he won't listen.

‘It's okay, Ella, you were right. None of this would have happened if she'd stayed away.'

Norah has been waiting for this, for Adam to snap out of his indecision, his incessant swaying from side to side. Fay was right: he's changed, grown up, but more than that, he's grown out of Norah. And that's the gamble you take, isn't it? When you want someone to change, that change might mean there's no room left for you.

Ella buries her head in Adam's shoulder, her chest heaving with sobs.

‘Mama, warum weint Ella?
' Why is Ella crying? Nat asks.

‘You shouldn't have come back,' Adam blurts out. ‘We were happy without you.'

‘I have to make sure Willa's okay —'

He clenches his jaw. ‘We'll keep you posted.'

‘She's my daughter, Adam —'

‘You walked out on her,' he says, his voice strong and steady.

‘I want to be there for her.'

Adam stares at her. ‘You're too late.'

‘And Nat, he's you're little boy too.'

Ella turns to look at Norah. She's gone pale, stunned and silent at Adam's authority.

Norah has to tell him too, then he'll understand. ‘Ella and I were talking – I was explaining —'

Ella holds up a hand, her eyes glassy, rimmed red, and interrupts: ‘Dad's right. You should go.'

‘Ella's right,' Adam says. ‘You should go, Norah. There's nothing left to say.' And then he takes his arm from around Ella, yanks his wedding band off his finger, walks over to Norah and holds it out to her.

Norah looks at the gold band and blinks. She can't move.

He drops it on the floor.

Norah watches the ring bounce and spin and settle in a groove between the floor and the wall.

Norah's legs are shaking. She doesn't know if she can make it to the door, let alone out of the hospital.

Ella picks up the ring and hands it to her. ‘Take this and go.'

So this is it.

Hadn't she always known that it was foolish to come back? That she'd done too much damage to expect to be forgiven? She wraps her arms tight around Nat's small body, walks past them and disappears down the white corridor.

Louis licks Willa's face.

She opens her eyes. They're snuggled up together in the den. He tugs at her jumper and wags his tail. She gets up and it feels the same as when she's sleepwalking, except her legs ache and she can't move one of her arms and there's a thumping in her head.

They walk out into the hall. Everything's white, whiter than usual, like in summer when you stare at the sun.

Willa threads her fingers through Louis's collar and tugs him out onto the street.
Let's go to see the animals at the Ark.
She wants to make sure they're okay after the storm.

Louis nods his head and walks beside her, and then she notices that their feet aren't touching the ground: they're floating above the pavement, above Holdingwell – they're flying!

Empty streets. Empty shops. No one at school, not even a cleaner or the security man.

In a moment, they're standing outside the Ark.

Willa looks in through the windows. Everything's dark. No animals. No nurses or vets.

Where is everyone, Louis?
 

She hears the sound of a trumpet floating through the morning air. It's that song that Ella loves, ‘What a Wonderful World', and the man with the rainbow jumper appears in front of the door to the Ark. He looks at her and his lips smile as he plays. Louis sits at his feet.

Something pulls Willa off the ground.

Louis
– I can't go without Louis.
 

She looks down at the ground, which is speeding away from her. The song keeps playing…
Fields of green
…
red roses too
…
Rainbow Man and Louis are tiny dots on the earth.

Louis!
 

 

Shadows stand over her like tall, skinny trees, and then disappear.

Voices rise and fall.

Someone strokes her head.

She blinks and looks up. White walls and strip lights, like the place where Mummy works.

They're looking down at her: Mummy and Daddy and Ella and Sai. But Nat's missing, and Onkel Walter – and so's Mummy Norah.

Ella slumps into a chair on the other side of the room, gets out her phone and sends a tweet. She tries to convince herself that she and Dad are right about everything being Mum's fault: the accident, Willa lying in a hospital bed, Louis fighting for his life at the vet's. If Mum hadn't come home they'd all be fine. But whenever she closes her eyes she feels Mum holding her hand to her chest and she hears her words:
I wanted to see you before
…
And then Mrs Moore's voice comes in too:
You have to get to know your mother
…

Finding out she was sick? That she was probably going to die? Was that getting to know her?

Ella forces her eyes open. It's not fair, her coming back just because she's sick. She wishes Mum had never come home.

‘She's waking up!' Fay cries out. She grabs Willa's hand and holds it to her cheek.

Dad rushes over to the bed, his face softening for the first time since the accident: ‘Willa? My darling Willa!'

Ella gets to her feet and runs over to Willa's bed. Willa's eyelids flit open and closed. Her small fingers flutter against the white sheets.

The machines bleep. Nurses rush in. A doctor.

‘Willa!' Ella strokes her sister's hair. ‘Willa.'

The doctor asks them to leave the room while he checks her over. The nurse says Fay has to leave too, even though she works at the hospital.
You're too close,
she tells her.

 

It takes an hour for the doctors and nurses to stop fussing and to let them back in to Willa's room.

Although there are black smudges under Willa's eyes, and although her skin's so pale Ella thinks she might be able to see through to her bones, Willa's sitting up in bed, her eyes full of light. And she's smiling. Ella promises herself that she'll never leave Willa again. In all the crap she's spouted, there's one thing Mum was right about: it was Ella's job to look after Willa.

‘You're sure Willa's going to be okay?' Dad asks the doctor.

‘Yes, once we've done a few more checks.' He scratches his forehead. ‘But she's been through a lot – she's taken quite a battering. It will take time for her to recover.'

A waking sleep,
Ella thinks.
A minimally conscious state
– that's what the doctor said when they brought her in. When she responded to his touch, his instructions, without waking up. Trust Willa to have gone to some limbo that no one understands.

‘The arm will take a while to heal,' says the doctor. ‘And… it would be a good idea for her to stay in bed, at least for a few days.' He smiles. ‘Not too much excitement.'

Fay kisses Willa's forehead and closes her eyes. She loves her, thinks Ella. She really loves her.

With the hand that's not in a cast, Willa strokes Fay's hair. ‘I'll be fine, Mummy.' Then she frowns. ‘Where's Mummy Norah?'

Dad steps forward. ‘She's just had to go out for a while.'

Ella's proud of Dad. How at last he's stood up to Mum.

Willa blinks. ‘Mummy Norah didn't want to stay?'

‘It's okay,' says Fay.

Before Willa woke up, Fay had taken Dad aside and asked him what happened, and he'd kissed her forehead and pulled her into his arms and held her and whispered that it was okay, that he'd sorted everything out. But Fay hadn't looked relieved. She knew, didn't she, about Mum's cancer? That nothing was sorted out. That they were in more of a mess than ever. Mum was dying – they couldn't ignore that, could they?

‘What about Nat?' Willa asks.

‘Nat's with Mum,' Ella says.

‘When are they coming to see me?'

‘You need to focus on getting some rest,' says Dad. ‘That's all that matters now.'

Willa puts her arms under her and tries to sit up but she collapses against the pillows. ‘What about Louis? Is he allowed to see me?'

‘Willa…' Dad starts, but he's interrupted by a loud knock.

Lily and Rose Pegg's faces appear in the glass bit of the door. Ella's relieved; they'll help distract Willa. She goes to let them in.

The twins dash through the door. It's the first time Ella's seen them without their Chihuahuas.

‘We heard —' Lily starts.

‘We saw the ambulance,' Rose adds. ‘And Walter explained.'

‘We've been phoning and phoning the hospital but they kept saying no visitors.'

‘We were so worried.'

‘So worried.'

They come up to Willa's bed. ‘Are you okay, little one?' Rose asks.

Willa smiles. ‘Do you want to sign my cast?' She holds up her arm.

‘We'll have to get a purple pen from home,' says Lily. ‘Do it properly.'

‘Where are the Chihuahuas?' asks Willa, looking past them, at the floor.

‘They're at home. I don't think they're allowed here.'

‘How did you get to the hospital?' Ella asks. The twins don't own a car.

The twins glance at each other. ‘Onkel Walter.' They turn to Dad. ‘He brought us in the people carrier, and left it in the car park for your dad to drive you all home. He said he'd take the bus back.'

‘Was he with Mummy Norah?' Willa asks.

Lily frowns.

Rose shakes her head. ‘No. We thought the Old Mrs Wells was here —'

Dad leaps in: ‘She had to go out.'

God, how long are they going to keep up this pretence? If Willa wasn't in hospital recovering, Ella would just tell her that Mum had left and that they were never going to see her again. Willa's been fed enough crap; she deserves to hear the truth.

‘Is Louis at home?' Willa smiles. ‘Maybe he could go and stay with the Chihuahuas for a bit. He'd like that.'

The sisters glance at each other again. Rose's eyes cloud over.

God, no. Please, no, thinks Ella.

Rose sits on the bed beside Willa and takes her hand. ‘Willa, dear.' A tear plops down Rose's chubby face.

Willa reaches out and touches Rose's cheek. ‘Why are you crying?'

Lily comes to stand behind Rose. ‘The thing is, your Onkel Walter had to take Louis to the vet. He wasn't very well after the accident.'

Ella feels like she's been punched in the stomach. Louis. No, not Louis.

Willa looks at Fay. ‘He was in the accident?'

Fay nods. ‘He tried to save you, Willa.'

Ella can't bear much more of this.

‘His heart was weak. He's an old dog —' says Lily.

Willa shakes her head. ‘Not
that
old. There are dogs that have got much, much older.'

‘I'm afraid that the vet had to put him to sleep.'

The crow shifts in Ella's stomach. She hasn't felt it in a while. Not even when Mum was talking to her earlier. When she was with Sai last night, she thought that maybe it had gone.

‘I don't understand…' says Willa.

The crow flaps and claws at Ella's ribcage. Its squawk rises up in her throat. She tries to gulp it down but it pushes up, higher and higher. For Christ's sake, just for once say it how it is, thinks Ella. She takes a breath. ‘They mean he died, Willa. They mean that Louis is gone.'

For a second, Willa frowns. Then she blinks. And then she smiles. ‘No he's not.'

Ella feels herself welling up, like Rose. She can't deal with Willa's crazy optimism. Not with Mum just having walked out. Not with Louis being dead.

‘I can feel him,' Willa says. ‘He's been looking after me while I've been in hospital. He's fine. Louis is fine.'

Dad clears his throat. ‘I think you should rest, Willa. We can explain everything later.'

Willa pulls her hands away from Fay and Ella. ‘I want you to explain now.'

‘You were knocked over by a van. And so was Louis,' says Ella. ‘Louis got poorly. Really poorly He's not with us any more.'

Willa sits up straighter. ‘Yes he is.'

And then there's a long silence.

Fay comes over and sits on the bed and sweeps Willa's fringe out of her eyes. ‘Willa…'

‘It's okay, Mummy. He was with me.'

Rose is properly sobbing now. There's a wet patch all the way down the purple flowers on her dress.

‘Willa…' Ella starts.

‘He was. He was with me just now. And he speaks to me all the time. He doesn't speak to everyone, but he speaks to me. And he can't be gone because otherwise I'd know.' Willa looks past Ella and Mummy and Daddy and Fay. ‘Sai?'

Sai steps forward. He smiles at Willa, but Ella can tell that he's forcing himself. He knows how much Louis meant to all of them. ‘Isn't your race today?' She turns to Ella. ‘Why aren't you warming up?'

Everyone stares at her.

‘That's not important right now.' Dad rubs Willa's skinny shoulder blades.

‘It is important.' Willa coughs and rubs her eyes.

She needs to rest. She doesn't need to be worrying about some stupid race. But Willa keeps going:

‘Ella's trained really hard. And so has Sai. And Louis told me that he thought you'd got really good, Sai, despite your asthma, and that he couldn't wait to see you running over the finishing line.'

Sai turns away and wipes his eyes.

Black feathers clog Ella's lungs.

‘And you've raised all that money for the heart charity.' Willa reaches her hand out to Ella. Her fingers are trembling. ‘You
have
to do the race.'

Everyone waits for Ella to answer. Ella looks into Willa's eyes; her pale skin makes them brighter than ever.

Ella gulps, takes a breath and then nods. ‘Okay.'

The room breathes out. People start shifting again.

‘We have to hurry, then,' says Sai. ‘The race starts soon.'

‘We'll go and make a banner,' says Lily. ‘We've got some paint left over from the fence.'

Rose sniffs. ‘Yes, a banner.'

‘I'll go and get your trainers,' says Sai.

‘My trainers?' Ella looks down at the Green Flash plimsolls she has borrowed from Sai.

‘Mum went out and rescued them from the bin,' says Sai. ‘They're at home.'

The trainers that made Mum feel so close it was like she was running alongside her. Ella told everyone she was doing the race for Sai and his dad, but it was for Mum that she really wanted to run – to make her proud. And now Mum's told her that she's got cancer and Dad's kicked her out and Louis has died and they can't get through to Willa. Ella doesn't know what to think any more.

Willa swings her legs out of bed. ‘I'm coming,' she announces.

Fay puts a hand on her shoulder: ‘Darling —'

The doctor looks up from his clipboard. He'd been so quiet Ella has forgotten he's there.

‘You need to stay in for the night,' he says. ‘You might have concussion.'

Willa blinks. ‘What's concussion?'

‘It means you banged your head when you fell, Willa, and that your brain might have got a bit shaken up, and that it needs time to recover. Quiet time with you lying down here in the hospital,' says Fay.

‘My brain didn't get shaken up and it doesn't need time to recover – I don't have concussion, I promise I don't —'

‘You don't know if you've got it,' Ella says.

‘Yes I do. And I don't. I'm coming.'

‘I'm afraid that's not going to be possible,' says the doctor.

Willa sits up straighter. ‘But Mummy works here. If she says it's okay, then it's okay. She's a proper surgeon. She saves children all the time.'

The doctor smiles. ‘I know. But I don't think she'd want you up and about yet either.'

‘Mummy?' Willa looks at Fay, her eyes beaming with hope.

‘He's right, Willa.'

Willa's face glows red. She's stubborn; it's something they have in common.

‘Why don't we forget the race?' Ella says. ‘It's not important.'

‘It
is
important.' Willa clenches her fists against the sheets.

Ella's worried that if she doesn't calm down she's going to pass out again.

‘You've got to rest, Willa…'

‘I've got an idea,' says Sai. He walks over to Fay's bag. ‘Is this yours, Mrs…?' He looks around. Always so polite, he wouldn't dream of calling a grown-up by their first name. ‘Mrs…' He stumbles.

‘It's Miss. Miss Bridges. And yes, this is my bag. And you can call me Fay.'

‘May I take this out?' He reaches for Fay's iPad.

Fay nods.

He comes over and holds the iPad out to Willa. ‘You can watch the whole thing on FaceTime. We'll have our phones on, and it'll be like you're there.'

Ella wants to hug Sai and never let him go.

Willa takes the iPad, flips it open and stares at the screen. ‘I don't think it'll be the same —'

‘As soon as we finish, we'll come back and tell you all about it,' says Sai.

Willa looks up. ‘Promise?'

Sai nods. ‘Promise.' Then he heads towards Ella and kisses her on the cheek. ‘I'll go and get your trainers. I'll meet you at the start line.' She leans in to kiss him back but he's already charging through the door. She couldn't have got through this without him.

Willa grabs Fay's hand. ‘And will you stay with me, Mummy?'

‘Of course,' says Fay. ‘We'll watch the race together.'

Ella watches Dad staring at Fay as she gets on to the bed next to Willa and draws her in under her arm, his eyes watery.

As she snuggles into Fay, her eyes falling closed with tiredness, Willa says, ‘Go, Ella, hurry – and make sure you win!'