The Atonement (6 page)

Five

“
Finally finished,” Tim
sighed out loud as he made one final entry on the spreadsheet he
was working on. Then he hit the save icon on his laptop and emailed
the file to himself at the office. Now that he was one of the
associates in business consulting at Hearns and Marshall, he had
much more responsibility than his old position in business services
required. Even so, things had worked out rather well. Tim was
handling several accounts for some well-known businesses that were
expanding their operations. In the past year, the accounts that he
oversaw posted better than expected results, giving him the favor
of his clients and the upper management alike. However, it was not
without some sacrifice. More often than not there was work that
followed him home, but lately he didn’t mind it as it afforded him
some distraction from the temptations in his personal
life.

Tim stretched himself and took off his
glasses to rub his eyes before glancing over at the clock on the
table. It was only 10:00pm, which meant he’d actually finished his
work early for a change and now had some extra time to himself
before he went to bed. But regardless of whether he had extra time
or not, he would do what he always did before going to bed: he
would spend some time with the Lord.

He walked back to his bedroom and got his
Bible from the nightstand and took it to his desk. Tim never read
in bed, because he knew he’d wind up reading only a page before he
fell asleep. As he sat down, he couldn’t help but catch sight of
the digital picture frame on his desk. There were photos from his
stay at John’s Hopkins in Baltimore, when his friends had come to
see him after the surgery. Slowly the screen cascaded from one
frame to the next. The images always stirred his emotions. There
was happiness, gratitude, and humility towards the Lord’s goodness
and mercy. Who else could have changed the nature of the tumor
making it operable? Who else could have guided the doctors to
remove all of it leaving him cancer free for almost two years and
counting? There was no doubt about it. When Tim thought about these
things he knew he had made the right decision when he gave his life
to the Lord. He always kept this particular album out because it
always helped to keep him grounded in his faith. He didn’t want to
forget what God had done for him. But sometimes the pictures
brought other things to mind that he’d rather not think of –
specifically the last one.

It was a picture of him and Tamiko. She was
sitting on his hospital bed with one arm around him and the other
holding a T-shirt that she’d bought him around his neck like a bib
that had the words ‘Saved by grace’ on the front. Tamiko had always
been photogenic. She was as beautiful in pictures as she was in
person. Her smile was warm and inviting as it always was and seeing
her made him wish she could be near to him now. It made him think
about all the time they had spent together after his return to New
York, when he stayed with the Sharpes to recuperate.

Everyday Tamiko would stop by to check on him
and keep him company. Sometimes she’d bring him things – like his
favorites: triple chocolate fudge ice cream, root beer, or homemade
turkey sandwiches with the gravy inside. Other times she’d bring
games for them to play, like chess or dominoes. But no matter what
she brought, there was nothing better than the company and
conversation they shared together. During his two-month
convalescence, they managed to talk about any and everything under
the sun. Things he’d never talked about with anyone else – not even
Allen. He had told himself before he left for Baltimore that he
would keep his distance from her when he got back. “We’re just good
friends” he reminded himself, “Besides, she likes Davis and he’s
probably the better guy for her anyway.” But the more time she
spent with him, the more time he wanted to spend with her. The
effect she was having on him was undeniable and it caused him
considerable anxiety. It led him to leave the Sharpes a week
earlier than he’d planned without a word of warning to Tamiko. Soon
after, he was back at work, and not long after that, he decided to
get more involved in the church by attending Daniel’s Brotherhood
Bible Study class and volunteering to play guitar on second and
fourth Sundays. Lately, his new busy life left him little time to
spend with any of his friends, Tamiko included.

He was supposed to have gone to the movies
with them tonight, but after learning that Allen had abandoned the
party, Tim decided that he wouldn’t go either. He felt like he’d
just be in the way. “She’d probably be glad to have Davis all to
herself anyway” thought Tim sadly. But Tim knew he couldn’t allow
himself to dwell on his feelings. So he turned the frame away from
him and began to open his Bible to read.

Whenever Tim read, it was
his style to simply open the Book and read whichever scripture the
pages opened to. Today he happened upon the book of Proverbs, the
eighteenth chapter and read, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good
thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.”
¹

Tim quickly flipped past the
scripture after reading it. He could feel a lump begin to form in
his throat and he swallowed hard to clear it and his mind. The last
thing he wanted to think about was finding a wife, when he couldn’t
even find a girlfriend. He still didn’t know how all that was
supposed to work now that he was a Christian. The last time he
tried to date it turned into a church controversy and some people
(actually it was only Mother Rose) wanted him to be kicked out of
the church. Tim continued to flip pages as he fast-forwarded
through the unpleasant memories of that episode of his life. When
he stopped flipping, he was still in proverbs but now he was at the
thirty-first chapter, which read, “Who can find a virtuous woman?
for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth
safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of
spoil.”
²
Tim decided to abandon the book of proverbs and the rest of
the Old Testament for the book of Matthew. He started reading at
the fourth chapter and continued until he got to some verses that
arrested his attention.

“Therefore if thou bring thy
gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath
ought against thee: Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go
thy way: first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and
offer thy gift. Agree with thine adversary quickly whiles thou art
in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to
the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be
cast into prison. Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means
come out thence ‘til thou hast paid the uttermost
farthing.”
³

Even after being saved for some time, there
were still things in the Bible, that Tim only understood vaguely
and what he had just read was no exception. But for some reason the
words seem rather prescient to him. It was almost as if he needed
to read this particular scripture. He knew that it had something to
do with reconciling with someone who has something against you, but
he didn’t know why this was so important. Most of the time, if he
knew someone didn’t like him, he just stayed out of his or her way.
He thought about if he had offended anyone lately that he needed to
apologize to. He hadn’t seen much of his friends, but no one seemed
to be upset with him about it. The only person he could think of
was Jim, but after visiting him in the hospital it seemed things
between them were straight. Then there was Mother Rose, who he knew
wasn’t very fond of him, but he was already bending over forwards,
backwards, and sideways to try to make things good between them –
and not with much success either. Tim decided to keep on reading.
He’d think about it later when he had a chance to meditate on what
he’d read. Before he went on, Tim took out his personal journal and
noted the scripture within it. Who knows, maybe he’d take it to the
good pastor to see what he thought.

Tim had gotten all the way
to the 8
^th
chapter when the bleating of the intercom interrupted him. He
had no idea who would be calling on him at this time of night,
besides Allen with some quirky request. Tim actually liked Allen’s
impromptu visits, because they were always amusing and they
reminded him of his college days and the hijinks he and Allen often
got into. Like the time Allen won a birthday cake in a raffle and
decided to have a birthday party even though it wasn’t anyone’s
birthday, or when they went on a scouting mission all the way to
Vermont to find old-fashioned cider donuts. Tim found himself
rushing to find out what Allen was up to now.

“Roger, Bradley.”

“It’s Miss Russell, sir,” said Bradley in a
very grave tone.

All of a sudden, Tim’s neck felt tight and he
could feel a headache coming on.

“Send her up.”

Tim walked over to the door and listened for
her arrival. He didn’t have to wonder what she wanted, because she
only came to him for one thing. After a few minutes, he could hear
her leather soled platform heels clicking against the tiled floor
from all the way down the hall, warning that she was near. The
slow-paced click grew steadier and louder until it was right at the
door. Tim opened it and braced himself.

“Mom said you’re lending me $500.00 – and
I’ll take large bills,” said Allyson as she blithely brushed passed
Tim into his apartment. She was dressed in a royal blue, sheath
style mini-dress with scalloped edges covered by a three-quarter,
black overcoat and a funky looking pair of flesh-colored heels.
Crazy looking high heels were Allyson’s trademarks. They seemed to
be a cross between pumps and brogues. Tim could tell she had
probably just come from the salon. Her normally curly sandy-blonde
hair had been blown-out straight, touched up with golden highlights
and smelled like cotton candy. Allyson held out a freshly manicured
hand for her payment.

“And good evening to you, too, Allyson. How
are you today?”

“Just get my money, man-whore. I haven’t got
all night.”

“Seriously? Do you have to insult me every
time you see me?”

“I don’t have to, but it’s just more fun this
way.”

Tim bit his lip and tried to control his
frustration and anger. “Don’t give in to her,” he continued to
meditate, “Remember what you just read: love those that hate you,
bless those that curse you, pray for those that despitefully use
you. Besides, she’s still your sister.”

Tim turned and walked to his bedroom to get
the money from his petty cash safe. Their mother had to curtail
Allyson’s account privileges a while ago when she started school.
During her first month at the University, she drained her personal
account of a whopping $20,000.00. Since then their mother only
allowed Allyson a more modest monthly allowance and access to two
credit cards with set spending limits. When her allowance was spent
and the cards were maxed out, Allyson would beg their mother for
more money claiming some emergency and be sent to Tim, who would be
reimbursed if and/or when their mother felt like it. It was the
only time he’d ever see his sister with the exception of the
mandatory family celebrations. Even when Tim was in the hospital,
she would only come to see him when their mother dragged her there.
Any time they spent together, even with their mother present to
serve as a referee, usually ended up in an argument and Allyson
always knew what to say or do to provoke one. Tim hated the rancor
that had developed between them. What made it harder to bear was
the fact that things hadn’t always been this way. There was a time
when they were the best of friends, but that was long ago when they
were both young children.

As Tim walked back out to the living room, he
saw that Allyson had helped herself to some sparkling water he kept
in the refrigerator, and was looking at a CD that he’d left lying
on his coffee table.

“Marvin Sapp – My Testimony,” she said, as
she read from the cover as Tim put the cash in an envelope. “Let me
guess, a gift from the midget church girl?”

“No, it’s mine. I bought it myself.”

“Didn’t know you liked inspirational music.
Or maybe you bought it to get your midget in the mood.”

“Don’t start, Allyson. Insulting me is one
thing, but I’m not going to listen to you trash my friends.”

“You won’t have to hear anything else from me
once I have my cash. Is that it?” she said as she reached for the
envelope Tim was holding.

“
Yes, but before I hand this
over,” said Tim, as he held the cash out of her reach, “I want to
know why you need so much money lately? Especially since I just
handed you $800.00 not two weeks ago.”

“None of your business.”

“Sorry, I don’t like the idea of handing out
money without knowing where it’s going.”

“Technically, it’s not your money. Mom’s
going to wire it back to you next week.”

“Not the point.”

“Fine. I was going to use it to run away with
my boyfriend to California and get high on weed,” smiled Allyson.
“Sound familiar?”

Tim knew what she was referring to and he
didn’t find it the least bit amusing. Leave it to her to bring up a
particularly painful period in his past to use as material for a
sarcastic barb. She always hit below the belt. He knew Allyson
would just escalate her attack until he got angry enough to throw
the money at her and tell her to get out. However, Tim was
determined that it wouldn’t end up that way.

“How do I know you don’t want this for
drugs?”

“Cause I’m not like you, hypocrite.”

“You can leave with this money or without it,
Ally. What’s it going to be?”