The Awakening (3 page)

He took her hand and they walked together into Victor’s office – the whole floor quiet as church mice watching them.

Victor stood still staring out of the window for some time: letting them sweat, Carmen thought. She felt Andrew bring his breathing under control. She was fine being still, was okay waiting for this very tall thin man whom she’d looked forward to meeting for so long. Suddenly he turned and looked directly at Carmen. He knew her in an instant. “We’ve met,” he said, holding out his hand to her.

And though Carmen shook her head slowly, “No. I’d remember meeting you,” she recognised the gesture, the way his hand reached for hers and she instinctively placed her hand in his. When they touched Victor was illuminated. He stood up straighter, shook his shaggy mane of hair out of his eyes. His smile was brighter and truer than Andrew had ever seen. All Victor’s aggression and antipathy to the deal, to himself, to this interloper evaporated in that handshake. Carmen smiled back, locked into Victor’s ice blue eyes. Andrew looked at Carmen – she had never smiled like that at him. What did Victor know? Andrew thought he knew Carmen, all there was to know. Hadn’t she been completely truthful and honest in the book, in their life together? Andrew shook his head, what secret was Carmen keeping from him?

“It was some time ago. You may not remember,” Victor smiled, keeping Carmen’s hand in his. “Look inside, you’ll find me. But not where you expect.”

Victor turned to Andrew. “Thank you, AA. You were right. This is exactly the right thing to do. I am so glad we have your foresight and courage at Great Blizzard. You are exactly the sort of person this company must keep as we move into an uncertain future.”

Andrew felt his breathing return to normal. At least the deal was approved. At this moment he didn’t really care that he had no idea what had actually happened in the room. It was almost as if some supernatural force was at work in Victor’s office, taming Victor, the rampant savage beast. Andrew had never seen Victor so angry. He had actually been scared. He felt stupid now looking at the old man, for Victor was no longer in his prime. Bathed in the warmth from Carmen’s smile Victor looked positively docile. Andrew shook his head, drew a deep breath and composed himself. The storm was over. Now he had to extricate his fiancé from Victor’s grip and get on with the day.

“I guess we’ll get on with the launch then, Victor,” Andrew said.

“Of course,” he nodded. “Still much to do, I assume.”

Victor was in no hurry to return Carmen’s hand. “I am so glad you’re here. I feel as if I have been waiting forever for you to come back.”

Carmen nodded, unsure of his words but not wishing to be released from Victor’s touch. She felt strangely calm, incredibly comfortable with this very tall, greying man. He was not as she had imagined. But she wasn’t sure what she had expected from Victor Bernhard. She could have stood in his office all day with her hand in his. Something was stirring inside her, but she wasn’t sure how to explain the feeling. Perhaps there was no need? She could simply enjoy the moment.

“Ah, but you have work to go to as well, Carmen Whyte.” Victor put her hand in Andrew’s. “I will take you both to dinner. Yes, that would be appropriate. So I can welcome you properly, officially. Yes. Tomorrow then. At eight. I’ll send my car.”

Andrew followed Carmen into her office. Although he had won the day with Victor he was far from a calm and contented man.

“Do you want a coffee?”

“I guess.”

“Fine, good. Let’s go to Malta’s. I could do with some air.”

Carmen looked kindly at Andrew. “Are you all right, Honey?”

“Hardly,” he hissed.

Carmen was a patient woman. She was also a silent woman. She could wait for Andrew to speak, allow him to find his time and his words. She could see his agitation about Victor. She was surprised by what had happened in the room, but failed to see how Andrew could be bothered by the attentions of a man old enough to be her father. Surely he was pleased his boss immediately warmed to her? Carmen would wait for Andrew to find his voice, find the right words to express his anxiety. She would not provoke him into saying things because she said things. It was one of the things Andrew loved about Carmen. He had never met another woman like that. Comfortable with silence, with stillness. Perhaps she was too comfortable with aloneness too? God only knew, he was having the Devil’s own time getting her to move in with him. They grabbed their espressos and sat in the sun outside the tiny coffee shop.

“Calmer now?” was all she said in her soft and beguiling voice.

“What happened in there? With Victor, in his office? What was going on? I mean he was going ballistic at me and then he meets you and, and ... He knows you, Carmen.”

“I don’t know him, Andrew.”

“Well, you must have a double, Babe. Because he was convinced. How long did he hold your hand? And that smile. You don’t smile at me like that.” Andrew was struggling to keep his voice calm. He wasn’t used to feeling like this.

Carmen turned to face him, the serenity on her face belying the turmoil in her own heart about her meeting with Victor. “Come on, AA. You’re not going to tell me you’re jealous?”

“Carmen, I don’t know. I …”

“Okay,” Carmen took his hand. “Let’s be sensible here. One – Victor is old enough to be my father. Two – today is the first time I’ve met the man. Three – okay, he is very charming. Four – I’m engaged to you. Five – I’ve never lied to you and I’m not starting now. I was being polite, okay. Come on, Honey. You want Victor to like me, right? You want the venture to work?”

Andrew nodded.

“Well no matter what happened in that room – real or imagined – your scheming is going to bear fruit. He’s sweet about it. Isn’t that what you want?”

“Of course.” He squeezed her hand, comforted by the warmth of her flesh next to his. “You are a smart cookie. I’m sure Victor’s half in love with you already.”

Carmen laughed. “Don’t be silly.” But she knew that something had happened in that room. Some meeting of minds, or spirits: she wasn’t sure what. Something had passed between herself and Victor in that room. She wasn’t sure about Victor, but she felt different. Not herself, or was it more herself? She wouldn’t search for the words. She would not think about it. She would let her feelings and subconscious stirrings over-take her. Something was happening. Something much bigger than her book and Aurora. Something it was not possible to explain to Andrew. Something that she instinctively knew Victor would understand. She needed a long swim, a place to just be.

She held Andrew’s hand tight as they walked back to the office.

Carmen had learnt not to dwell on upsetting things. She was used to putting difficult matters in a dark recess of her mind and just getting on with life. She was used to being physical. As a child she’d found the water soothed and comforted her. Being a champion was an unexpected bonus. In the beginning the main thing about swimming was that it helped her forget the pain about her dad and being so far away from her beloved farm and forests. Her dad had been proud of her strength and willingness to help with any chore. “My little bear cub,” he’d called her. Well her second name was Ursula. She loved camping out with her dad. She’d felt as if the animals of the forest were her friends: that they were watching out for her. Her mother never came on their little trips to the far side of the property, to the mountain stream full of trout. Sometimes she’d felt as if she could just reach out her hand and catch a fish, not bother with a rod and line.

Something in being with Victor had reminded her of her father and triggered that old desire to be outside and near the water. Perhaps she had given up competition too soon? She grabbed her sports bag from her office and headed to the roof. At this time of day there was nobody about. Before and after work and at lunchtime there were always swimmers. Now she was alone – just as she liked it. She felt guilty, after all she was meant to be at work. But once she hit the water nothing else mattered. She put her head down, felt her arms and legs kick into gear, felt those shovel hands and too-long feet take on a life of their own as she churned up and down the pool. Here in the water was the only place she felt completely comfortable in her body, the only place she was proud of her hands and unselfconscious about her feet. Lap after lap after lap: she moved as if in a trance. She had no sense of time passing, or of feeling tired. All she felt was free and strong. She had a sense of Victor at the edge of the pool, watching her. But she wasn’t sure if she imagined that or not. She felt elated, invincible able to take on anything in the world. Andrew’s jealousy faded from her thoughts as thoughts faded from her consciousness and she became a creature of the water: more animal than human.

Carmen dressed with extreme care for dinner with Victor. She had not seen him since that imagined sighting poolside and she was looking forward to seeing him again, despite what she might have said to Andrew about simply being polite. The tension between the two men had been palpable in Victor’s office and she knew that Victor’s response to her had not made Andrew feel better at all. Last night he’d refused to stay over and even her best efforts fell on deaf ears. She wasn’t even sure he’d stay tonight and two nights apart was unheard of for them, unless Andrew was at a meeting out of town. Although she had, in fact, felt quite pleased to be at home with just the dogs. She was, and she expected Andrew knew it, happier for a few nights without him. She found his presence in her life both reassuring and smothering at the same time. It was difficult to get the balance right. Part of her exulted in his devotion and desire, part of her just wanted her own quiet, solitary life back. She’d heard friends talk of soul mates, how everything felt so perfect when they were together, that the lover was their perfect match. Carmen didn’t feel that with Andrew. She believed she loved him. He said he loved her. She enjoyed his company and the sex was the best she’d had. Was there anything else? Did she need anything more than Andrew could offer her?

She wanted understated elegance. Enough so that Victor knew she’d taken trouble over dressing, but not enough to upset Andrew again. She really hadn’t liked the distance he was making between them since yesterday morning. It was as if he was punishing her for Victor’s behaviour. Well, she guessed, he could hardly attack Victor for it. It would make Andrew look insecure and unstable. And that wouldn’t do at all: easier to blame her than attack the boss. She wasn’t impressed by his reactionary behaviour but she understood it. She would just make sure Andrew stayed tonight – she missed his presence in her bed. After all, she smiled to herself, sex was the best thing about their relationship: being naked with Andrew always made her feel good and she wasn’t about to throw that away for some strange tall grey haired man.

Andrew arrived half an hour before Victor with roses and an apology. “I was silly,” he smiled foolishly. “I know you love me. I know Victor is just an old man.”

“But a very powerful one.” Carmen took Andrew’s face in her hands and kissed him. A slow, smouldering kiss that reminded Andrew of her love and how much he was looking forward to making love to her after dinner. Victor was a generous host, so Andrew knew the evening would be more than pleasant. He relaxed, patted the dogs in a gesture of good will, but stopped them from jumping all over his suit. “At least they like me now,” he quipped.

“Better to have dogs suspicious of strangers, Honey. You should be happy about that. Means I’m safer here.”

“Yes, I know. But I still think you should be moving in with me. All this backwards and forward stuff – it’s really not that much fun for me. And you rarely come to my place, Babe.”

“But the dogs, Andrew. In a loft? At least they have a courtyard here and the park is just over there.”

“But, Honey –”

Fortunately Victor’s driver was at the door and so Carmen was saved the tediousness of this on-going conversation. Part of AA’s “doom and gloom” about running and living near Central Park was all about getting her to move in with him. She was resisting although she wasn’t quite sure why. Just the thought of not having her own space, her own peace was terrifying to her. She needed to be near the park, be able to step outside onto the sidewalk, cross the street and be in the trees and grasslands of Central Park in an instant. She needed to feel the earth beneath her shoes and smell the air, suck in as much of the green oxygen as she could into her lungs. She didn’t like tall buildings or being so far from the ground. The Bernhard Building, at least was one of the greenest buildings in New York, like the Hearst Building, so at least up there on the 35
th
floor she could console herself with the environmental credentials of it all. Architecturally she knew Andrew’s loft was amazing – so state of the art – and she could possibly, with a bit of effort, see herself living there one day. Perhaps when they were married she’d feel more comfortable about sharing
his
space. But why was he so insistent on them living there? And despite his efforts with the dogs, she still wasn’t confident of his feelings towards Alaska and Zanzibar. As she looked into their eyes, she knew they weren’t sure about him either.

Victor was waiting for them in his car with chilled champagne. He seemed somehow younger and more energetic this evening. He was immaculately dressed in Armani, not a hair out of place and he smelt of pine forests and snow, some sort of Scandinavian aftershave. Carmen noticed his nails were long and his hands were quite brown. She smiled as she recognised hands like hers, large and powerful, out of proportion with the rest of his body. She glanced at his feet, looking for long shoes. Yes, there they were in their black polished leather. He seemed to have less grey in his hair. Strange, she thought, she hadn’t taken him for a vain man. He took her hand and kissed it, but did not hold it for as long as last time. Carmen felt a quiver of disappointment as he passed her hand to Andrew. She had wanted that physical connection with him again – the simplest and purest touch of holding hands. She hadn’t realised how much she’d actually been looking forward to being with Victor again. Victor was obviously aware of Andrew’s sensitivities as he turned his attentions quickly to the younger man. He shook Andrew’s hand warmly and kissed him in the way of a father.