The Back Road (26 page)

34

Day Six: Wednesday

Another night without sleep. Why did life always seem so much worse at five o’clock in the morning? Was it because everybody else was happily snoring in their comfortable beds, while you alone were awake and living through your own personal hell?

The radio played quietly in the corner. But that was no help. Moody and sombre night-time music was introduced by voices speaking at a low pitch, smooth and silky, as if to coax you back to sleep. But the interruption by regular local news bulletins jerked you back from the brink.

All they wanted to talk about was Abbie Campbell. They spoke of the ‘delight’ of the family that she was showing signs of recovery, and how friends and the local community had rallied round.

And they were saying she’d been abducted - but that wasn’t true. It was supposed to have been a
surprise
. They’d become such good friends on Facebook; Abbie should have been pleased when she learned the truth.

I just wanted to touch you, Abbie - to kiss you, to hold you. I’ve been watching you and waiting for a long time. But you didn’t want me, did you? I’m not good enough, am I?

And now Abbie would tell, and nobody would understand. It would be exactly like the last time. Nobody had understood then either.

You rejected me, Abbie. You’ll never know how much that hurt. How could you do that to me? I didn’t mean for you to die - but if you live, that’s the end of everything for me
.

As soon as Abbie could speak, every carefully constructed edifice of this life would be destroyed, and that couldn’t be allowed to happen. That’s if the driver didn’t speak first.

Time was running out. It was time for somebody to die.

And Ellie was going to have to help. But was she frightened enough yet to do as she was told? Without Ellie the plan would never work. She provided the vital missing piece - the lure.

Something else needed to happen - something that would
really
shake Ellie. She had limits, but she could be manipulated - especially if it was anything to do with her children.

I need to make her scared - scared to death of the alternative. Scared of what I might do to her children. Then she’ll do as I ask
.

There was a sort of inevitability about it all now - a sense of hurtling at breakneck speed towards a conclusion without any way of slowing things down. It would all be over soon. Life could return to normal, as if none of this had ever happened.

And now it was all down to Ellie.

* * *

Although Leo wasn’t a religious person, she had always believed in forces for good and forces for evil. She had never been capable of seeing an aura, but she didn’t doubt that people had them. Two individuals sitting perfectly still with expressionless faces could give off entirely different types of energy which could positively crackle around a room. So when she walked into the kitchen on Wednesday morning, despite only having sight of Ellie’s back, she knew that - had she been capable of seeing it - Ellie’s aura would have been the mud colour of tension.

What now?

After making herself scarce the previous evening she had been hoping that this morning life would be back to normal.

Everybody else had eaten breakfast and Ellie was clearing the dishes away. Max was on his way out of the door with the twins and on the face of it, everything seemed to be fine. He said he’d packed Jake’s and Ruby’s bikes into the boot of his car and was taking them off to a grassy place. Ruby wanted to ride without her stabilisers, apparently, and Ellie said she couldn’t bring herself to watch. She’d excused herself on the grounds that she would make Ruby nervous. Jake, on the other hand, said he would see how many times Ruby fell off before he decided whether his were coming off or staying on.

Max left with a cheery wave, but Leo felt that it was a bit half-hearted. Obviously things hadn’t worked out quite as well as he’d hoped last night. She wished she knew what was
really
wrong. It wasn’t like her sister to behave like a jealous harpy. She sat down at the kitchen table.

‘What’s going on, Ellie? I know you have this idea that there’s something between Max and that PE teacher, but that’s not the only thing, is it? You’re so jumpy every time the phone rings, and you seem scared of your own shadow. Is it something to do with Friday night, because you still haven’t told me why you went out?’

Ellie banged the dishes down on the worktop and the cutlery tumbled onto the floor. She muttered an expletive, but didn’t turn round to face Leo as she spoke.

‘Forget Friday night, Leo. I’ve told you – it was nothing.’

‘So why is it so important that Max doesn’t know, then?’ Leo asked.

Ellie spun round.

‘Don’t you
dare
mention it to Max. It’s got nothing to do with you.
Leave
it.’

She bent to pick up the knives and spoons and thrust them into the dishwasher basket.

Leo wasn’t about to let this go.

‘What’s wrong with you two? This is so unlike the pair of you. You seem fixated on this Alannah woman, but what does Max have to say about it? Do you want me to have a word with him?’

Ellie gripped the edge of the sink, and even from where Leo was sitting she could see her knuckles were white. Ellie’s back was rigid, and her voice, when she finally spoke, was tight – as if she were barely opening her mouth.

‘My marriage and my children are the most important things in my life, and nothing is going to ruin that.
Nothing
. I’m not going to end up like my mother. I’m not going to drive Max away like she drove our dad away. Whatever’s happening will pass. It
has
to. So speaking to Max is the very last thing that
either
of us should do. Do you understand, Leo?

Ellie still hadn’t turned round, but Leo knew, for now at least, that she needed to steer the conversation away from Max.

‘Okay, okay – but don’t you think that perhaps you might be a bit less stressed if you gave up these delusions about our father, and focused on what really matters?’

‘Dad, Leo. He’s our dad - why can you never call him that?’ Ellie responded.

‘He stopped being my dad when I was ten years old. Father is a biological fact. The title “Dad” is a term of affection and it has to be earned.’

‘God, you sound priggish sometimes - do you know that?’ Ellie switched on the tap, and started to run water into the bowl as if to drown Leo’s voice.

Okay, Leo thought. This was probably a bad idea, but she’d started now.

‘When are you going to stop pretending that he’s going to come back? It’s not healthy, you know. Not only is it impossible for me to understand why you believe it, I can’t even think why you would
want
it.’

Ellie turned round and leant against the sink with her arms folded.

‘I want to know what
happened
to him. Is that so strange? One minute he was here, next he was gone. And never a word of explanation, nor a word of goodbye. If he’s alive, at least he’ll know where to find me.’

‘If he’d wanted to find you, it wouldn’t have been difficult - even before your mother died. Accept it, Ellie, for your own sanity. He’s gone.’ Leo was keeping her voice level. A shouting match would achieve nothing.

‘And you’re not the slightest bit upset about the fact, are you?’ Ellie asked, her mouth set in a tight line.

‘No.’ It was an honest answer.

‘Why do you always pretend to be so fucking calm and reasonable? Do you know how irritating it is? Never let it be said that
you
could show any emotion.’ She turned back to the sink and began slamming pots about again. It wasn’t like Ellie to swear. Leo knew she should have left it. But then she’d been doing that all week.

‘Look, I know how much he hurt you. I was there, remember? I promise you, I’m going to try to find out what happened to him, but I’m not sure it’s such a good idea. I think it’s time to let it go. Get on with your life and sort out whatever else it is that’s bothering you at the moment.’

She looked at her sister. It was amazing how much somebody’s posture could tell you about their thoughts. Ellie finally turned round, and the anger in her eyes shocked Leo.

‘Stop telling me what to think, will you? It may surprise you to know that just at this moment our father, as you prefer to call him, is the last thing on my mind. I’ve got far bigger and better things to worry about.’ Ellie’s laugh was devoid of humour. ‘And I know you’ve always thought that wanting answers is a complete aberration on my part - but actually, what’s that phrase “Physician, heal thyself”? I may have some issues and I may seem irrational to you, but what about you? You can’t even stand to be
touched
.’

Leo felt a stinging behind her eyes.
Shit
. She couldn’t cry. She never cried.

Ellie gave a small gasp, and bit her bottom lip. Her shoulders sagged, all anger spent.

‘Oh Leo, I’m so sorry. That was a dreadful thing to say. I know it’s not your fault and I’m truly sorry. There’s nothing I’d like to do more than come over there and give you a big hug now, but I know it’s not what you want.’

Just this once, Leo thought, I think I might like that. But she couldn’t say so, because then she really would cry.

They had talked about her apparent lack of emotion so many times, even when they were children.
Especially
when they were children, but never like this. Mainly Ellie understood. But sometimes she wanted, and no doubt needed, more. Leo wished she could offer it and right now she wished she could accept it too.

Slipping back behind the safe mask of rationality, Leo steered the conversation back to Ellie.

‘Ellie, come and sit down. I’ll make us both a cup of coffee, and you need to
talk
to me. I mean properly. Not just a fleeting remark as you walk out of the door. I promise you I won’t say a word to Max, but I can tell there’s something very much the matter, because I’ve never seen you like this.’

Leo placed both hands on the table and pushed herself up from her seat. She walked across to the coffee machine, but Ellie had turned back to the sink, and was standing with hunched shoulders. She didn’t utter a word. On her way to the fridge for the milk, Leo stood behind her sister. She lifted her hands towards Ellie, and then let them drop to her sides. She paused for a moment, and then lifted them again and gently touched Ellie’s upper arms, giving them both a brief rub.

‘Come on, Ellie. Whatever it is, we can talk it through.’

Leo let her arms drop and carried on towards the fridge. Ellie glanced over her shoulder, looking at Leo in surprise. But before she could say anything, the peal of the doorbell interrupted any opportunity they had to talk.

‘Who the bloody hell is that at nine in the morning? Do you think you could go please, Leo? I need a moment.’

She made her way to the front door, and was surprised to see Tom standing there. She quickly tried to pull herself together and shake off the lingering pain of Ellie’s words.

‘Good morning,’ she said. ‘What brings you out so early? I was going to call round later and thank you for dinner. The food was seriously good, Tom. But now you’ve beaten me to it.’

Leo pulled the door open wider to let him in. She had enjoyed herself the previous evening. Tom was good company, and he’d kept her entertained with exaggerated accounts of some of his more bizarre experiences as a policeman.

He stepped in through the open front door.

‘I was thinking about our conversation last night,’ Tom said. ‘I thought it might be a good idea to have a word with Max and Ellie about the security here. I’m a bit worried that somebody was able to come and go so easily - even if they didn’t take anything. Are they in?’

Feeling a trace of untypical disappointment that Tom wasn’t here to see her, Leo showed him through to the kitchen.

‘Max is out with the twins at the moment, but Ellie’s here. Can I make you a cup of coffee? We were about to have some.’

‘That sounds good, as long as I’m not in the way,’ Tom said as they walked through to the kitchen. ‘Hi, Ellie. I hope you don’t mind me dropping round like this, but I wanted to have a chat with you about your belief that somebody was in your house on Sunday.’

Ellie looked at Leo, and frowned.

‘Everybody thinks it was my imagination, Tom. Max believes I’m getting a bit neurotic, and Leo didn’t seem too worried.’

Tom gave Leo a questioning look.

‘Ah,’ she said. ‘Sorry, Ellie, but I did wonder if you might be right. I didn’t want to make a huge fuss because I thought it would spook you as it was probably a one-off. You’ve got enough to worry about. It seems as if somebody had been looking at files on my laptop, and Max said it wasn’t him.’

Ellie’s former fury had returned, and Leo could have kicked herself. Fortunately, Ellie contained her anger in front of Tom, and Leo thought this might be a good time to escape.

‘Look, if you don’t need me I’ll make the coffee and then make myself scarce, if that’s okay. I’ve got a few things I need to do this morning. I’ll take that cardigan back to Mimi too, while I’m out.’

Leo offered a weak smile to her sister, poured the milk into the coffees, and made the swiftest exit possible.

* * *

Ellie didn’t want to have this conversation. She’d already worked out who must have been in the house, and she wanted the subject dropped. She wished she’d never mentioned it.

None of that was Tom’s fault, of course. He was genuinely trying to help. He asked her for more details about Sunday, but her replies were practically monosyllabic, and in the end he obviously decided that he wasn’t going to make much progress with her.

It was with some relief that Tom finally changed the subject.

‘Are you still nursing Abbie Campbell?’ he asked.

‘Yes, and there’s been a change for the better. Did you know? They’re taking her off the ventilator - possibly even today. She responded to some external stimulus tests yesterday, so I’m hoping that we’ll see more improvement soon. Poor mite.’ Ellie looked pensive. ‘There was something that I wanted to ask you, Tom. I wouldn’t mention it to anybody else but as you are, or rather were, a policeman, I thought it might be okay.’