The Bad Things (26 page)

Knocking on his door, she could hear the drone of some game on the computer and a lot of shuffling and giggling.

‘Come in, Ma,’ he shouted.

She put her head round the door. ‘Hi. I just thought I’d tell you the visitors have gone now, if you wanted to come downstairs.’

Gus fiddled with his computer. Carly was lying on his bed propped up by a couple of pillows, twirling some of her Pre-Raphaelite hair between her fingers. Jack was lounging on the floor, back up against the cupboard, flicking through a computing magazine.

‘It’s okay, Ma, we’re going over to Jack’s and I’ll probably stay there, if that’s okay?’ He stood up, holding his hand out to Carly to pull her up off the bed. Jack stood too and stretched.

‘Sure,’ Alex said, worried about where Carly was staying but not liking to ask. ‘Um, don’t forget you’ve got that assignment to do for tomorrow.’

Why oh why did she have to bring that up? Ever since her own mother had come bursting into the sitting room brandishing a hot-water bottle, when she was having a perfectly normal conversation with a new boyfriend, and saying she was about to boil the kettle, Alex swore she wouldn’t embarrass her own children in front of their friends. Not that much anyway. And now look at her.

Gus, to his credit, just rolled his eyes. ‘I hadn’t forgotten. I’ll do it later.’

‘Great,’ she said. ‘I found that article about prison reform you wanted, so I’ll print it out and leave it on your desk.’

‘Cool.’

‘I wish my mum helped me with my essays,’ said Jack, looking up from his magazine.

Alex laughed. ‘What’s the point in having someone who writes for a living if they can’t get their hands on some info. It’s an interview I did with the governor of a prison in the north a couple of years ago. He was done for abuse eventually.’

Jack nodded slowly. ‘Wow. Heavy.’

‘I think that’s great, Alex,’ said Carly, smiling warmly. ‘Helping Gus. And thanks ever so much for having us.’

She waved her hand. ‘I haven’t done anything.’

‘I’m glad you got rid of those two, though, Mum. I don’t like that journalist – I think he’s a creep.’

‘You’re not wrong there,’ she said. Nikki Adams wasn’t any better, but she couldn’t tell him that. She suddenly had a picture of her folding up the cheque and putting it in the back pocket of her jeans with a smile that said ‘gotcha’. She shuddered.

‘You okay, Mum?’

She blinked. ‘Yes fine. Off you go.’

‘Okay,’ he said, pulling Carly behind him.

Jack raised his eyebrows. Alex smiled. ‘Young love,’ he said.

‘See you tomorrow, you lot.’

‘Bye, Mum.’

Carly waggled her fingers. Jack smiled. Once again, she was glad to see the front door close.

An hour later she was lying on the sofa, her head on Malone’s lap, the fire dying down. He was stroking the hair off her forehead. Her headache was beginning to go and she could feel her shoulders relax, the tension draining away.

‘Don’t say it again, Malone.’ She closed her eyes.

‘What would that be?’

‘I told you so.’

‘As if.’

‘I’m glad you came back, though. From wherever you went earlier.’

‘Just a walk.’

Frustratingly, he wasn’t giving anything away.

‘And I’m glad I’m here even if you don’t want to get too involved or you worry too much about Gus’s sensibilities.’

She snorted. ‘I think I’m going to have to accept that he now has a girlfriend, with everything that entails.’

‘I hope you’re not expecting me to give him the birds and the bees talk. Probably too late for that anyway.’

She opened one eye. ‘You think?’

‘Come on, Al. What d’you reckon?’

‘Hmm. Maybe.’

They sat in companionable silence, listening to the hiss and the spit of the fire. She refused to worry about Sasha and she didn’t want to go over what Angela Jessop had said. She wanted to relax, just for a minute, enjoy Malone’s company. Surely that wasn’t too much to ask?

‘By the way,’ he said, stroking her head softly.

‘Mmm?’ She was feeling pleasantly sleepy.

‘You know I said I’d find out if Jessop or Wood had said anything in prison about this diary you’re so exercised about?’

‘Mmm.’ Not listening properly.

‘He definitely did have one.’

As Malone’s words sank in, she struggled up, all thoughts of sleep banished. ‘And?’

‘And what?’

‘He used to write in it every day when he was on remand, according to my source.’

‘Who is?’

‘You don’t want to know. Anyway, the source said he was writing in the diary through the trial as well.’

‘Does “your source” know what happened to it?’

Malone shook his head. ‘He said the last time he saw Jessop with the diary was a couple of days before he strung himself up and just before some policeman visited him.’

She had reached for the wine bottle – the second of the evening, she thought – and was about to pour herself a glass. She stopped. ‘Policeman?’ She had a feeling she knew where this might be going.

‘Apparently he wasn’t in uniform but my source recognized him in the visitor’s room. He was the sort of bloke who would have a run-in with a little old granny, apparently.’

‘Jez.’ It had to be.

‘Jez as in Sasha’s husband, Jez?’

‘I reckon so. It was something he said at the time, about going to find out what sort of man would kill children. I don’t know how he wangled the visit, but I reckon it must have been him. Plus he’s not well thought of in the force, so it’s said.’

‘So it’s said? Don’t you know? He is your brother-in-law after all.’

‘Ex. And yes, I do know for sure, I was just trying to make myself feel better. I also try not to have too much to do with him these days. He hasn’t got a good reputation.’ Plus it was too hard, just too hard.

‘Sounds like he might be worth a chat to.’ Malone was now stroking her arm, causing delicious sensations up and down her skin.

She shivered, though whether it was from Malone stroking her arm or the thought of talking to Jez in a meaningful way she couldn’t be sure.

‘Tell me about Sasha and Jez. What sort of people are they?’

‘Oh, Malone, we would be here all night.’ But she was grateful for the slight change of direction.

‘Just the potted version then.’ He got up and threw another log on the fire. ‘There, we’ve got a bit of time.’

The log caught, she watched the red and yellow flames flicker around it, devouring it slowly. She sighed. ‘Sasha was always jealous of me. Felt that our parents loved me more, all that sort of stuff. I was going to university, she didn’t get in, so she got married.’

‘A bit drastic?’

Alex grimaced. ‘Wasn’t it just. She enjoyed the shock of it, running away and then coming back with a ring on her finger. She always had to go what she thought was one better than me.’

‘Sounds like she had some serious issues.’

Alex settled herself down with her head on Malone’s lap once more. How could she make him understand about Sasha’s completely unbalanced view of herself? How she never felt good enough, that she felt so inferior to everybody that, somehow, she couldn’t cope with her life? That she struggled with bulimia, anorexia, any kind of eating disorder you care to name; that she cut herself; that their parents had looked on in bewilderment?

‘When we were young,’ she began.

‘Sounds like the start of
Winnie the Pooh
,’ said Malone with a grin.

She laughed and poked his arm. ‘I wish it were so innocent. I mean, it is innocent, it’s just, well—’

‘Spit it out sweetheart.’

She knelt up on the sofa. ‘When we were young,’ she began again, wanting him to understand. ‘I think I was about eleven and Sasha was ten, it was Christmas time—’

‘Oh no, I feel Hollywood schmaltz coming on.’

‘No,’ she said. ‘Just listen. At Christmas we had one big present from my parents and lots of little ones. I opened my big present first. Before Sasha, I mean.’

‘Okay, I get it. You both have big presents and you get to open yours first.’

She ignored him. ‘Usually we opened them both together because they were always the same thing. This particular year, though, something felt different, so I opened mine first. Well, more quickly than Sasha, really. I just couldn’t wait I was so excited. My present was a magic set, full of card tricks and magic wands and special string with a ping-pong ball that looked as though it was balanced in mid-air. I had so wanted that magic set. So had Sasha. We’d both been asking for one for months. We wanted to learn tricks, dazzle our parents, make them smile. Sasha wanted to make them see how clever she was.’ She paused.

‘And? What happened?’

The flames danced in the fireplace, the fire’s warmth stealing around her.

‘When Sasha opened her present, it was a doll. One of those that sucked on a bottle and cried and peed. It had a horrible squashed-up face.’

‘She didn’t like it, I take it?’

‘No. If anything, she’d wanted a magic set more than me. But Mum and Dad thought she wouldn’t be able to do the tricks and she’d lose the bits and that she’d really prefer a doll. But she did want a magic set, so badly.’ She chewed at her bottom lip. The memory of Sasha’s face when she opened the present and it had been that bloody doll still etched on her memory. ‘And, being the older sister and having got my heart’s desire I promptly locked myself in the bathroom until I had perfected the tricks and then I put on a show for the parents. I refused to tell Sasha how the tricks were done.’

Malone cupped her face in his hands. ‘That wasn’t very nice, Miss Devlin.’

‘I still feel ashamed of myself now.’

He let his hands drop on to her shoulders. ‘What happened?’

‘She pulled the legs and arms off her doll, and then one day, when I was over at a friend’s house, she found my magic box, stamped on the wand and the ping-pong ball. She tore up the cards, instructions, destroyed everything she could get her hands on. Mum and Dad punished her. Sent her to bed without any supper, I think. But she’d had her revenge.’ Alex looked at Malone, saw his mouth twitching. She punched him gently on his arm. ‘Hey,’ she said. ‘It’s a serious thing when you’re eleven years old, you know.’

‘I know, I’m sorry.’

‘I suppose what I’m saying to you, Malone, is that Sasha’s always been fragile.’

‘Fragile? Mental more like.’

‘Maybe.’

Malone got up and went to the kitchen to fetch yet another bottle of wine. Alex stared into the fire and could almost see Sasha’s defiant but pleased face when she’d cried and screamed at her sister after finding out what she’d done. Then Sasha leaning into her just before Mum dragged her off to her room. ‘Now, neither of us can play,’ she’d breathed into her ear.

‘Look,’ said Malone, sitting back down and pouring them each a glass, ‘I don’t really see what all this about magic tricks and dolls has any bearing on Sasha as she is now.’

‘Think about it, Malone. She has always felt inferior to me. Always felt she’s had to battle to be recognized for who she is. So when Jez took an interest in her she fell for him; hard, really hard.’

‘And where did she meet him?’

She gave a short laugh. ‘He was my boyfriend. She seduced him to punish me for being me, I think. The thing was, Jez and me had run our course anyway, so it didn’t really matter. And by the time Sasha realized that, it was too late. She’d married him. But the irony was…is…what she could never quite realize, was that Jez was crazy about her.’

‘Ah.’ He sipped his wine.

‘Her next trick was to get pregnant; it was a sort of putting two fingers up to me. She was married, had a family, and was nicely settled. I was still chasing dreams. At least, that’s how it looked to her. Then when I did get pregnant a few years later she could really flaunt her respectability.’

Malone looked confused.

‘I was a single mother who had no intention of getting married to the father,’ Alex explained. ‘In fact, looking back, it seemed as though Sasha was at her most settled around that time; a happy mother. After all, she had it all now and I had nothing – or very little anyway. No husband, no father for my child, no job. I’d come back from London with, as she saw it, my tail between my legs. She was the nicest she’s ever been. But…’ She paused, trying to think what it was she wanted to say. ‘There was always a darkness underneath.’

‘What do you mean?’

She searched for the right words. ‘I think, looking back now, a lot of her happiness was a bit of a show. Putting a brave face on things, and that maybe things weren’t as right in her world as she made us think.’ She downed her glass, indicated she wanted another one; felt she was turning into an alcoholic, but at least the wine was dulling the edges.

‘Depressed you mean?’ Malone filled her glass.

‘Maybe. Probably. Jez was fiercely protective of her. I wonder if he thought his little family might be taken away from him. I should have tried harder. Then the children were taken and our lives changed irrevocably. Neither of us slept for weeks, at least, not until Jessop and Wood were put away. Now she sits in that house surrounded by memories and waits for Millie to come home.’ She gazed into the fire.

‘Does she really think Millie is still alive?’

‘I don’t know, Malone. I really don’t.’ She closed her eyes, weary of talking.

‘So what about Jez?’

‘What about him?’ She was too comfortable to let her erstwhile brother-in-law inside her head.

‘Do you see him much?’

‘Not if I can help it.’

‘Why?’

‘Oh, you know. It was so difficult.’

‘That’s not unexpected, but he is…was…your brother-in-law, the father of your niece and nephew. You were all tied together in that vile event, surely that makes you closer, doesn’t it?’

Alex laughed. ‘Come on, you must have read the statistics. Loads of marriages fall apart after the death of a child, never mind two. I also think Sasha went to a place where he couldn’t reach her any more.’

‘Ah.’

They sat in silence for a moment.

‘Perhaps,’ said Malone, his fingers idly tracing circles on her arm, which was warm from the heat of the fire, ‘perhaps Jez knows where this mysterious diary is? It seems he’s the last person we know who saw Jessop alive. Perhaps he’s even got this diary himself.’