The Bakery Sisters (34 page)

“You're kidding.”

“No. She was devastated. But I told her we'd get married and be a family. It took a hell of a leap of faith for her to believe me.”

“She was in love.”

“We both were. It was terrifying at first. We got married right after graduation and moved in with my mom. The coach at Oklahoma University put us in touch with some folks down in Norman and they really helped out.”

Nicole didn't know much about football but she knew he'd picked the right kind of school.

“Living in a place where college football is king made a difference,” she teased.

“I know. We were taken care of. We lived off campus in a great little house. I was supposed to do maintenance to pay rent, but there wasn't much to do. Serena got a job with flexible hours and decent pay. Everyone there made it easy for us. There were always babysitters so Serena could come to the games.”

Nicole couldn't imagine that life. It was like hearing the plot of a movie. “You were lucky.”

“We were. Even with all the help we were still a couple of teenagers raising a baby. Nights Brittany had a fever terrified me. I could take a hit with no problem, but every time she fell down, I thought I was going to lose it.”

“An involved dad,” she said lightly, feeling the steady ticking of her biological clock. Why was having a family such a challenge?

“I loved her and Serena. A lot of the guys on the team never understood why I was so happy being with one woman. They were out getting as much as they could and when you play ball you get a lot. But that wasn't important to me. It was the same when I went pro. For us, it was a chance to be financially secure. We wanted to go back to Seattle, so we bought the house I live in now. It's pretty ordinary. We wanted a regular life.”

“An unusual dream for a pro football player.”

“I don't need a lot of expensive crap to tell me who I am.”

Which said a lot about him. Nicole was beginning to wonder if this dinner was a good idea. She didn't want to start to actually like Hawk. That would create a complication she didn't need.

“Why did you retire?”

“Serena got cancer. We knew she was dying. Brittany was only twelve, so it hit her hard. Serena and I talked about what was best for Brittany. Me traveling and training six or eight months out of the year wasn't it. Serena's parents finally came around, but they're in Florida now so they only see Brittany every couple of years. There wasn't anyone to take care of her but me. Retiring was the right thing to do.”

He'd quit playing professional football—an occupation that practically gave him deity status—to stay home and take care of his daughter?

“I got bored in three days,” he said with a grin. “That's when I thought about coaching.”

“You mean you're not in it for the money?” she teased, not wanting him to be as good as he sounded.

“I don't need the paycheck, if that's what you're asking.”

“Speaking of paychecks, are you going to see Raoul tomorrow?”

“I don't know. Why?”

“I have his paycheck. He didn't work yesterday and I forgot to pay him a day early.” She thought about how tight money was for him. “Maybe I'll drop it off at his house tomorrow.”

“I can do that.”

“No, it's fine. I'm his boss.”

“How's he working out for you?”

“He's great. A hard worker. I'm glad to have him.”

“Aren't you happy you didn't throw him in jail?”

“I'm not going to talk about that.”

“Because you don't want to admit you were wrong?”

“Something like that.”

 

T
HEY TALKED
all through dinner. Nicole found her entrée getting cold as she and Hawk debated everything from the Mariners' chance at making the play-offs to the best place to get coffee. As it was Seattle, there were hundreds of choices.

“You're talking flavored lattes,” he grumbled. “Girl drinks.”

“Oh, right. And you're just too manly.”

“I am.”

He looked at her and she stared back. Heat flared, making her squirm. When he reached across the table and grabbed her hand, she had the sudden wish they were somewhere else. Somewhere alone and quiet, where getting naked wouldn't upset the management.

“If you're done here,” he began, “I'm thinking it's time for a little sex-kitten action.”

Her stomach clenched. “I'm yours for the asking.”

“One of your best qualities.”

She thought about saying it was part of their deal, but after their lone sexual encounter, she found herself anticipating getting naked with Hawk again. Even without the bargain she would have been more than willing.

He released her hand and glanced at his watch, then groaned.

“What?”

“I told Brittany she had to be home by eleven, which means I have to be there to make sure that happens. It's after ten now.”

Math had never been Nicole's thing, but even she could figure this out. “We don't have time to go back to my place, get busy and have you home by eleven.”

Hawk looked at her. “It's your fault. I don't usually sit and talk to a woman for three hours without noticing the time. Especially when there are other ways to spend an evening.”

Meaning they could have been in bed. She smiled. “Typical guy. Blaming someone else.” But his words made her oddly happy. She liked knowing he'd had a good time, too. Not that she liked him or anything. Well, she
liked
him, but it was in a “we have a bargain to get through” sense. Not liked him as in any romantic way.

“We'll reschedule,” she said. “After all, I'm yours to command, so to speak.”

“Good.” He motioned to their server and asked for the bill. “I'll call you tomorrow and we can set up a time.”

To have sex. She felt her insides quiver. “Just say the word and I'm ready to purr.”

 

H
AWK SET UP THE CHAIRS
in the room. It was Sunday and there would be the usual postgame film meeting in an hour.

Despite the less than satisfying ending to his date the previous evening, he was in a damn good mood. Everything was going right. The team was winning, Brittany had picked six different colleges to apply to, and he had a hot woman he not only liked to talk to but make love with at his beck and call. Oh, yeah. It was good to be him.

He heard footsteps in the hall and walked to the doorway. Nicole hurried toward him, looking intense about something. He grinned. While they wouldn't be able to do anything significant, they could probably manage some hot kisses in his office. That would—

She stopped in front of him, waving a piece of paper. “You just think you know everything, don't you?”

That
didn't sound happy. “What's wrong?”

“Gee, what an interesting question. What's wrong? Hmm, how about the fact that your key player is lying to you about where he lives?”

“Raoul? What are you talking about?” He grabbed the paper from her. “What's this?”

“His paycheck. I know money's tight for him, so I decided to deliver his check. I went by his house. The address he gave me is an abandoned building. I couldn't believe it. So I went inside and someone
is
living there. I saw clothes and a sleeping bag, a couple of flashlights and this.”

She fished a Pacific High School T-shirt out of her bag. “Does this look familiar?”

Hawk couldn't believe it. Raoul, living like that? How could he not know? Raoul told him everything. “He never said a word. How long has this been going on?”

“That would be my question to you, Coach. Knowing about this sort of thing would be your job, not mine.”

“T
HAT'S NOT POSSIBLE
,”
Hawk insisted. “There's something else going on. There's no way I wouldn't know.”

“I can't wait to hear the explanation,” Nicole told him, obviously still upset. “He's a kid, Hawk. I don't care that he just turned eighteen and legally he's an adult. He shouldn't have to deal with crap like this. Living alone in a run-down building?”

“He's not.” Raoul couldn't be. Hawk would have known. He cared about his players. He was involved in their lives.

A few minutes later he heard the guys start to arrive. He sent several out to Nicole's car to collect the desserts she'd brought and asked Raoul to join them in his office.

Hawk watched him as he entered the room. The teen looked exactly the same. There was no hint that anything was wrong.

Maybe Nicole had overreacted, he thought. Maybe she'd misunderstood the situation.

“Have a seat,” Hawk said.

Raoul looked between them. “What's going on?”

Nicole tried to smile. “Nothing too scary. Don't worry. We aren't sending you off to aliens for medical experiments.”

“I wasn't thinking about that.”

“It happens more than you think.”

Nicole's attempt at humor didn't make Raoul seem any more comfortable.

She sighed, then held out his paycheck. “I forgot to give this to you on Thursday. You didn't work yesterday and I didn't want you to wait to have the money. So I drove by your address, thinking I'd give it to you.”

Raoul stiffened slightly. Color darkened his skin and he ducked his head. He also didn't take the check.

“I can explain,” he mumbled.

Hawk's gut tightened. Dammit all to hell, how had this happened? He wanted to yell at someone, but no one in the room deserved that, except maybe himself.

“We're listening,” he said, doing his best to sound neutral and calm.

Raoul shifted his weight. “I got kicked out of my foster home a few weeks ago. The guy was hitting the kids and his wife. I tried to stay out of it, you know. Because I was so close to turning eighteen. But I hated it, so one day I decided to show him what it felt like to be beat up by someone.”

He looked at Hawk. “I didn't hurt him, I swear. I just roughed him up.”

“I know you didn't hurt him.” Even if the bastard deserved to have a few bones broken.

“He threw me out. I figured they wouldn't say anything to social services if I didn't. That they'd just keep the money. They did. I have an appointment for next week with my social worker. To report the guy. But I wanted to wait until I was eighteen and out of the system.”

Raoul swallowed. “I've known about that old building for a long time. No one goes there. It's pretty safe. So I set myself up there. It's okay, Coach. I'm okay.”

Hawk didn't know which emotion was stronger—the desire to find the guy who'd been hitting his kids and finish what Raoul had started or pride at the young man his player had become.

Nicole glared at him. “You didn't know about any of this, did you?” She turned her fury on Raoul. “You're living alone in an abandoned building? That's so not okay. Pretty safe isn't good enough. You need to be living in a real home, with plumbing and heat and a roof that doesn't leak in forty-seven places.”

“It's—” Raoul started, but stopped when Nicole glared at him.

“Don't you dare say it's fine,” she yelled. “It's not fine. Nothing about this is fine.”

Hawk appreciated her passion and energy on the subject and knew she was right. Raoul couldn't live like that. On a purely practical level, winter was coming. He'd freeze his ass off without heat.

“I'm not going to a shelter,” Raoul said, backing up. “I mean it. I won't live there.”

Something about the way he spoke told Hawk the kid had been in a shelter before. What had happened that he knew so little about his star player? He thought he knew everything about his guys. And why hadn't Raoul come to him for help?

“You're not going to a shelter,” Hawk said. “We'll figure something out. In the meantime, you can come live with me.”

Nicole and Raoul both stared at him.

“Not a good idea,” she said.

“Coach, that's really great, but…”

Then Hawk got it. “Brittany,” he muttered. Having her boyfriend living under the same roof wasn't smart.

He thought about the other parents he knew. Who would be willing to take in Raoul? He was legally an adult. Did that make the situation easier or harder? There wouldn't be any need to go through the foster system, but he was hardly some cute, little, cuddly kid.

Nicole muttered something under her breath then said, “He can live with me.”

Hawk stared at her. Raoul looked stunned.

“What?” she asked them both. “I have a spare room at my house. I'm in the school district. He already works for me. Someone responsible has to keep an eye on him.”

She turned to Raoul. “If we do this, there will be rules. No parties, you keep my hours. You do your homework, you go to class. You're an adult now, so you're expected to act like one. But a responsible one. Not some jerk who comes and goes as he pleases. If that's too much for you, then you need to be somewhere else.”

Hawk couldn't believe it. Nicole taking in Raoul? He held in a smile. Damn, she was better than he'd first thought.

Raoul nodded slowly. “Your rules are reasonable,” he told Nicole. “I'll follow them.”

“You'd better. I mean it. I run a very strict household. You'll feel trapped, I promise.”

“Trapped is good,” Raoul said, the corners of his mouth twitching.

Hawk felt the need to smile, too. Nicole thought she came off as so tough, but the truth was, she was completely soft on the inside.

He liked that. He liked that a lot.

 

J
ESSE STOOD
on the doorstep of Matt's condo for a long time. She stared at the door, remembering how she'd first come here with him when he'd been looking for a place of his own. They'd been so happy then. So in love. She knew she'd totally blown it. What she didn't know was if she could fix it.

Her whole body hurt. She'd heard that pregnancy was supposed to be a miracle, that she should be glowing. Instead she felt beat up. She couldn't stop crying. How was it possible for one person to lose everything so quickly? And yet she had.

She rang the bell and waited. Her stomach writhed from nerves and fears. She fought back tears. He had to believe her. Somehow she would make him understand.

The door opened and Matt stood in front of her. She stared at him, feasting on seeing him for the first time in weeks.

He looked good. Tall and thin, but filling out from their regular visits to the gym. She'd been the one to introduce him to the idea of working out to build muscle and then he'd taken her to bed and rewarded her for her good ideas. He was very good at rewarding her, and telling her he loved her. He got this light in his eyes and what she called his special smile. Only he wasn't smiling now.

“I have nothing to say to you,” he told her and started to close the door.

She threw herself against it and managed to squeeze inside. “We have to talk.”

“You may have to talk but I don't have to listen.”

God, he sounded so cold, she thought grimly. As if he hated her. Was that possible? Had hate replaced love? Didn't she matter at all to him?

She couldn't think about it because, if she did, she would fall apart. He was everything to her. She loved him. She who had vowed never to risk her heart had fallen for a geeky computer nerd with beautiful eyes and a smile that made her soul float.

“Matt, please,” she whispered. “Please. Just hear me out. I love you.”

His gaze narrowed. “Do you think your words mean anything to me? Do you think you do? I learn fast, Jesse. I always have. I trusted you. I gave you every part of me. I loved you. Hell, I wanted to marry you. I bought a ring. Which makes me an idiot, but it's not a mistake I'm going to make again.”

She felt the tears on her cheeks and the slicing pain in her heart. “I love you, Matt.”

“Bullshit. I was some fun project. Did you get a kick out of screwing the socially inept genius? Did you laugh about me with your friends?”

“It wasn't like that and you know it.”

“I don't know shit about you. This was a game. You won, I lost, now get the hell away from me.”

“No. I won't go until you listen. Until you understand.”

“Understand what? That while you were sleeping with me, pretending to care about me, you were screwing Drew? Who else, Jess? How many other guys? I'm not asking for a total number. I doubt you can count that high. But say in the past five months. Less than a hundred? Less than twenty? Just give me a ballpark idea.”

She cried harder, hating his words and the distance she saw in his eyes. “Stop. I'm not like that anymore.”

“That's not what I heard.”

“I didn't sleep with Drew,” she screamed. “We used to talk. I could talk to him about stuff the way I could never talk to Nicole. That was it. Then one night he started kissing me and I freaked. I didn't know what to do.”

“I'm not interested,” Matt told her. “There's nothing you can say to make me care. Once a slut, always a slut. Everyone was right about you.”

He was using her past against her, she thought in disbelief. She'd trusted him with her secrets, her shameful moments, and now he was judging her.

“Matt, stop,” she said, her voice breaking on a sob. “Don't do this. Don't take us to a place where we can't get back.”

“Why not? You think you matter to me anymore? Just get out. I never want to see you again.”

It hurt too much, she thought, using all her strength to keep from sinking to the floor.

“I'm pregnant,” she whispered.

He stared at her, then shrugged. “So what?”

She flinched as if he'd hit her. “I told you. I didn't sleep with Drew. I'm having your baby.”

“No, you're not.” He spoke casually, as if he'd never considered the possibility that the child might be his.

She grabbed his arm. “Matt, listen to me. This is your baby. Even if you hate me, you have to care about your child. I'm not lying. I can prove it. As soon as the baby's born, we'll take a DNA test.”

He looked at her for a long time, then pulled free of her grip and walked to the door. “You don't get it, do you? I don't care, Jess. You're nothing to me but a regret. I don't believe that baby is mine and even if it is, I don't want a child with you. I don't want anything with you. Ever. I want you to go away. I never want to see you again. No matter what.”

What scared her the most was how calmly he spoke. How easily he mouthed the words that ripped her soul apart.

She looked down, half expecting to see her body torn open and bleeding, but all the pain was on the inside.

“Matt, please,” she begged.

He pulled the door open and stared outside. “Just go.”

Walking took all her strength. Jesse barely made it down the stairs to her car. She crawled into the front seat and cried until she couldn't breathe anymore. Until the emptiness threatened to swallow her. Until there was nothing left.

Which was the ugly truth of her life. No one she'd ever loved wanted anything to do with her. No one believed her. No one was willing to give her a chance.

 

N
ICOLE WATCHED
R
AOUL
carry in his possessions. She eyed the black trash bags and made a mental note to buy the guy a couple of suitcases the next time she was out. No one should have to carry everything he owned in a trash bag.

“The bedrooms are upstairs,” she said as she led the way. “I'm putting you in the guest room.”

She'd debated putting him in Jesse's room instead, but had decided against it. Despite everything going on, she assumed that at some point her sister would be moving back. Not that Nicole could ever imagine that happening right now, but eventually…maybe.

“Thanks for doing this,” Raoul said.

“You're welcome.” She motioned for him to enter the guest room. “The bathroom is through there. The towels are out. There are more in the bottom drawer. In here you have a TV. I don't care what you watch, but I'd appreciate you keeping the sound down after nine. I've put a phone in. I get up early, so no late calls, okay?”

He looked uncomfortable as he nodded.

“This is weird,” she said, which hadn't been part of her planned speech. “We don't know each other that well. I'm your boss. So we're both uncomfortable. But it will get easier.”