The Bastard Takes a Wife (24 page)

“Can I come in?”

It was Kirby, looking very Wedding Planner in
a two piece fitted pink business suit and beige pumps. On the lapel
she sported a badge with her name and title embellished with
diamantes. The white blonde locks that always hung around her
shoulders and down her back in waves had been combed into a stylish
bun like the one Carrie wore in
Sex and the City
and on her
wrist she wore a large white gold Ralph Lauren timepiece.

“Wow,” I said.

Kirby gave a little twirl. “You like? I
thought, as your, like, planner, I should dress for the occasion.
People totally take more notice of you when you look, like,
professional. I didn’t want to, like, look like a ditz trying to
give orders about cake.”

“Are you going to wear that all day?”

“Of course not! Only until we’re seated for
dinner. Then I’ll sneak off and change into my maxi dress. I have
this darling little Collette Dinnigan halter. It totally fits the
theme. Oh… I almost forgot.” She handed me a large black shopping
bag. Inside was a shoebox with my name on it.

“What’s this?”

“Sam’s wedding gift to you. There’s one for
Alex too.” She handed a package to Alex.

I pulled the box out of the bag and laid it
on the bed. I had no idea what it was but knowing Sam a shoebox
didn’t necessarily indicate a pair of shoes. And what sort of
wedding gift would that be?

Lifting the lid, I removed the tissue paper.
Lying there was a beautiful pair of silver glitter sandals. The
sparkly leather straps were decorated with crystals in the shape of
love hearts. Tied to the buckle was a note.

To my darling Millie,

I love you for the girl you are, right down
to your glitter sandals.

See you at the altar.

Sam x

“He said he wants you to wear them,” Kirby
instructed.

She didn’t have to ask twice. Off came the
satin ballet flats I’d chosen in a hurry and wasn’t overly happy
with and on went the sandals. Alex did the buckles up and I stood
before the mirror with my toes peaking out from under my dress,
their silver glittered nails winking in the morning light. At last,
I truly felt like me.

“Where’s Paige?” I asked. “It’s time to get
this show on the road.”

From the bathroom, I heard a muffled reply.
“Did thomeone call me?”

She walked into the room, her tiny tiara
gleaming in her curls and the high heels she’d refused to ditch
even though we were getting married in sand firmly on her feet.

“How do I look?”

She picked up her posy and stood in her best
ballet posture.

“What’s that in your mouth?”

“Nothing.”

“Paige!”

“Ith’s nothing. Leth’s go. Tham’s
waiting.”

I walked over and took her chin in my hand. A
set of white molded teeth winked up at me. “You are not wearing a
flipper to my wedding, Paige.”

“But I’ll look like a rethard without
it.”

“No, you won’t. You’ll look like a
seven-year-old girl with pretty dress and smile with a hole in it.
Now get that thing out of your mouth.”

Reluctantly, she pulled the fake teeth out. A
small slobber of spit dripped toward her dress and I caught it with
my tissue.

“Can I at least wear it for the
reception?”

“No.”

A tiny tear appeared in her eye. Clearly, the
stupid thing meant more to her than I’d realised.

“I’ll tell you what…” Kirby suggested. “If
you leave the flipper out when Millie asks, I’ll organise for you
to have a special set of photos taken with it in. How about that?
Then you can show your friends at school. Deal?”

“Like my own special sitting? Like Miranda
Kerr?”

“Totally,” Kirby nodded.

Paige stuffed the flipper into her little
clutch. “Cool. Jennifer will totally spew when she knows I had my
own photo shoot. I won’t even need a freakin’ flipper to be the
winner. Woohoo!”

“Paige!”

“What? She’s been going on about meeting One
Direction for all of this week. But she’s never had a photo shoot
like a real model.”

Alex picked up our flowers. Kirby opened the
door. In one hand I grasped Paige’s and in the other I held my
dress.

“Do you think the photographer will mind if I
change and do a few shots in my bathers?” she asked as we reached
the stairs. “I’d like a couple on this staircase for my
portfolio.”

Oh. My. God.

The day was perfection. In my silver glitter
sandals and custom gown, I walked down the makeshift aisle and onto
the beach. Standing in front of the gently lapping waves, Sam
looked glorious in his dark suit, the love shining in his eyes.
Beside him Johnny, for once, had nothing smart to say.

As we exchanged our vows, I glanced out the
corner of my eye at the intimate gathering. Mum and Dad were there,
Adele and Brian, Sam’s mother, sister and father and all of our
friends. There were only twenty or so of us in the end but that was
all we wanted and despite the fact that the photographers from
Women’s Day
had mysteriously found our location, they seemed
to respect our privacy by staying in the bushes. The only hitch
came when one of them screamed during our kiss. He seemed to have
been attacked by some of the local insects.

Later, after the exchange of simple gold
bands, we walked back to the house and sat under the open-air
marquee for a wedding breakfast that would lead us into a dinner.
At some stage, Kirby snuck off and reappeared wearing a pink maxi
dress. Her hair was back to normal and a waft of Britney’s latest
perfume preceded her. In the middle of the long table, she resumed
her seat beside Rambo, who seemed to have developed a newfound
respect for his ex-lover now that she was a fully-fledged wedding
planner. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her.

Opposite them, Johnny and Mel sat very close
though she was heard to mutter, “Don’t think you’re getting a
fucking shag because you’re sitting next to me, Johnny. And take
your hand off my fucking knee.”

“Ah, Mel,” he replied, lovingly tucking a
lock of hair behind her ear. “You know you want to. By nine o’clock
you’ll be gagging for what only I can give you. Again.”

“There won’t be any gagging in this
relationship, you degenerate,” she’d replied. “I don’t give
head.”

Then he’d reached across and whispered
something in her ear. This time she smiled. And kissed him.

When dinner was over, Sam stood to make his
speech and say his thanks to our guests. He toasted them one by one
~ a lovely gesture ~ and then his big green eyes came to rest on
me.

“Millie, from the first day I met you, you
were nothing but a pain in the arse. You avoided me and annoyed me.
You broke my stuff and regularly drenched me with food and alcohol.
You hated rugby and you didn’t do fishing or boats. You didn’t even
like Bruce Willis. Yet when you laughed, I knew you were the girl
for me. Your sense of humour is something I treasure. Your face
lights up rooms, your love for everyone in your life makes me glad
that I’m a part of it. I can’t imagine ever being without you or
anything that could make my life more perfect. You are my bride and
the love of my life.” Then he raised his glass. “To Millie, my
bride.”

After the cheering died down, I stood for a
little speech of my own.

“I want to say thank you to everyone for
making this the most perfect day ever. I love you, Sam and though
you might think nothing could make your life more perfect, I
believe something will. Two things, in fact.”

The table went silent. Every eye was on
me.

“Last week while you were planning our
wedding I went to the doctor. He sent me for an ultrasound and its
been confirmed that I’m pregnant. With twins.”

The glass fell from Sam’s hand.

I think Patricia’s botox stopped working
because her eyebrows were last seen heading towards the
stratosphere.

My mother began to cry. “Twins run in the
family, you know,” she admitted.

“Are you for real?” Sam asked.

“Yep.”

Jumping to his feet, he grabbed me and swung
me around and around till I almost threw up again. When he stopped,
Johnny handed him the hanky he’d had in his pocket to wipe his
tears.

“I don’t understand,” he whispered to me.
“How?”

“Well, when a boy and a girl lay down
together…”

“Don’t be a bitch, Mill’.”

I pecked his cheek drawing my lips around to
his ear, “I’m not positive but do you remember the
Full
Monty
night? We were unprotected.”

“You were so drunk and hot for it, I didn’t
have time to get the condom.”

I looked around the gathering. Nobody seemed
upset by the news.

“I knew it,” Sasha said. “When the dress
wouldn’t fit…. I told Mel you were pregnant.”

“And the spa day. It was so totally weird for
you to, like, go all red and green like that. This explains
everything.”

“The crying and puking….” added Alex. “No
wonder you were acting weird. Your hormones were having a field
day. I can’t believe we didn’t spot it.”

Next to us, Paige began to jump up and down
on her chair. He tiara flew from her head and landed on top of the
cupcake mountain Sam had designed for our wedding cake. In a blue
and yellow
Western Force
theme, each cake was custom
decorated with a guest in mind. His, of course, was topped with a
miniature rugby ball and mine with a teeny silver sandal.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Paige cried, pumping her
fist in the air. “I’m going to be a freakin’ auntie. There’s no way
Jennifer can top this one! Woohoo!”

And, for once, nobody
told her to sit down.

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