The Beast in Him (29 page)

Jess leaned back against the door, fighting tears she’d never allow to come. He wasn’t worth one damn tear. Not one.

She glanced around the room and every dog stared at her. Pup and adult. All she saw was sympathy and warmth. They all loved her as only dogs could. They knew what she wanted. What she needed from Bobby Ray Smith. Because they understood her completely. Even if he didn’t.

Sabina walked up to her and handed her a bag of dark chocolate chips.

“Here, my friend.”

“Thanks.”

“You want hug?”

Jess nodded, feeling particularly pathetic but not caring. Sabina hugged her tight, then her Pack was there in one massive group hug that would completely freak out most people.

Ronnie jumped when the front door slammed open, and she blinked in surprise when she heard Bobby Ray Smith of all people yell, “She is driving me insane!”

He yanked off his jacket, threw it across the room, and stormed into the kitchen. She scrambled over Shaw and the back of the couch, making it to the kitchen as Smitty grabbed hold of a bottle of tequila from one of the cabinets.

“Oh, no, you don’t.” She took hold of the top and yanked. He yanked back. “Bobby Ray, you give me that bottle this minute.”

Bobby Ray snarled at her—he’d never snarled at her before—and yanked the bottle with one hand while shoving her back with the other. Ronnie stumbled back and watched as he unscrewed the cap. He almost had it to his lips when his sister walked up behind him, slammed her foot into his instep and, when he gasped in pain, snatched the bottle from his hand.

“What happened?” she asked, walking to the other side of the kitchen.

“None of your damn business.” He stormed toward her. “Now give me—”

Sissy Mae held the bottle up, aiming right for her brother’s head. “Just try it.”

Smitty stared at his sister, probably debating whether she’d really hit him with it. He had to know she would.

“I’m out of here.”

They watched him storm out the back door, strip, shift, and take off into the woods behind Shaw’s house.

Ronnie let out a breath and looked at her friend.

“What?” Sissy asked. “You think I’d waste all this good tequila on that fat head?”

“Well, you did have me worried.”

The rest of the day went by slowly and uneventfully. Jess mostly stayed in the kitchen with May under the pretense of helping her bake cakes for Johnny’s birthday the following day; but since she couldn’t bake anything but chocolate chip cookies, she really stayed in there because no one would bother her. May said little and Jess sat in a corner and re-read Tolkien’s The Two Towers for perhaps the ninety millionth time.

But even J.R.R. couldn’t distract her from thoughts of Smitty. It hadn’t been easy walking away earlier. But she knew she had to. Knew she had to walk away and not look back. Not if she wanted all of him. The man who came to her that afternoon might as well have been a full-human for all the passion he showed her. A Beta with extremely low expectations of his mate.

As soon as he took her hand, she could see their lives played out in front of her. Nice quiet, simple lives with about as much passion and love as you could get out of a vibrator. She’d rather be alone than live that way. She’d only known her parents fourteen years, but what she always felt certain in was their love of each other. It was passionate and wild and beautiful, and she was the product of that.

If she wanted a solid but passionless relationship, she’d start returning Sherman Landry’s calls. But she didn’t want Sherman Landry or the boring relationship he could offer. Jess wanted more. And in that disgusting bathroom off the turnpike, she really thought she’d found that with Smitty. Then he’d pushed her away. Not comfortable with what he’d felt. With the Smith inside him.

Sure, she could tell him what her problem was. She could tell him how she wanted a true Smith mating because that’s how she’d know she meant everything to him. But she knew Smitty enough to know he’d simply fake it to make her happy. He’d take her to bed, fuck her stupid, maybe get a little rough with her, and mark her. But it wouldn’t change a damn thing. It wouldn’t make him okay with who he was and always would be simply due to his DNA strain.

Jess now realized, as she dragged herself up to her room on the top floor, that she’d never have him—hell, never want him—until he could accept who and what he was. You had to accept it before you could go beyond it. Instead, Smitty probably spent more time fighting his desires than moving to the next stage of his life.

It broke her heart, but to be blunt, it wasn’t her problem. As her mother used to say, “Some things a body just has to figure out on their own.”

Jess walked into her room and closed the door. She really hoped she could shake this by tomorrow morning. They had a full day planned for Johnny and she wanted his seventeenth birthday to be a blast for him. What she definitely didn’t want was to bring the whole thing down by being a sad sack.

She sat on her bed, untying and toeing off her boots. She briefly debated changing into night clothes, but she simply lacked the energy or desire. So she flipped off the light and stretched out on the bed.

After a few minutes, she caught his scent. She hadn’t noticed it before since she’d been unable to get the essence of it out of her head in the first place.

She sighed. “What do you want, Smitty?”

He stepped out of the shadows. At least he looked as miserable as she felt.

“I know you don’t want to see me right now.”

“You’re right.”

“But I don’t want to sleep alone again tonight. I miss you, Jessie Ann.”

“The same way I miss my dogs after I dropped them off at the kennel yesterday?”

He went from miserable to angry in about two seconds. “What the hell does that mean?”

Too tired to argue, she turned on her side. “Forget it. It doesn’t mean anything.”

She heard him take a deep breath, trying to calm that temper he insisted on hiding from her. “Do you mind if I stay?” he asked.

“Whatever.”

She heard his coat drop to the floor, followed by his boots. Then, fully dressed, he crawled into bed with her. He spooned her from behind, one arm tight around her waist, the other curving over her head on the pillow. She reached down and pulled the comforter over them before she settled back in.

He snuggled in closer, burying his face in the back of her neck. She placed her hand over the one on her waist, her fingers sliding between his. He closed his hand, locking his fingers around hers.

Like that they fell asleep and Jess realized nothing in her life had ever felt so right before.

In the morning, when she woke up to the pups banging on her door, he was gone.

CHAPTER 25

It had taken her second in command getting between them to separate Brendon Shaw from Bobby Ray.

It had started off like any other morning hunt. The Smith Pack wolves tracking down a deer and taking it down. And just like every other hunt now that lions had become a constant part of their lives, the cats happened on by to steal their meal. If there was only one, Mace or Brendon, they usually put up a fight. But with Mace, Brendon, and Mitch, Sissy thought they’d just let them have the damn thing and go after another one. But Bobby Ray had fought back with a vengeance. Mace backed off immediately, understanding Bobby Ray better than any of them did. She had no doubts you learned a lot about a man when you were stationed with him in a war zone. Mitch enjoyed his job, and Sissy even had the sense he was seriously considering not going back to his police job in Philly, so he’d backed off pretty quick too.

But Brendon seemed more than happy to give Smitty the fight he’d been looking for, the two of them going after each other like the deer at their feet couldn’t simply be replaced by a drive-through run to McDonald’s.

Of course, this had nothing to do with the damn deer. Or the fact that the lions always stole their meals. It was all about that damn She-dog.

It still boggled Sissy’s mind that the little heifer had the nerve to turn down her brother. The best of the batch, in her estimation. Maybe if it had been one of the other four, Sissy could understand Jessie Ann pushing him away. But Bobby Ray wasn’t like her other brothers. And her other brothers probably wouldn’t have given Jessie Ann the option. They would have taken her down like they had that deer.

But Smitty wouldn’t tell Sissy more than, “She don’t want me. That’s all you need to know.”

Sissy doubted that. Actually, she knew that to be wrong. That little geek had wanted her brother since the first time she’d set eyes on him. And it hadn’t changed. Really, in Sissy’s opinion, it would never change. Jessie Ann Ward would always love Bobby Ray Smith. And now that she’d seen him so miserable, Sissy knew that Bobby Ray would always love Jessie Ann.

Yet, for some unknown reason, the two of them insisted on fighting it. So the question for her was how to fix this. She was Alpha Female. She needed to fix this.

By her third fight with Bobby Ray—this time over potatoes—Ronnie Lee dragged her off to the town bar. Lots of cute local talent, but she couldn’t even enjoy flirting since she had Bobby Ray’s drama on her mind. So she and Ronnie sat at the bar, nursing their beers, and occasionally muttering to each other.

Near four o’clock she heard a soft voice with a thick Southern accent say, “Two glasses of champagne, please, Charlie.”

Sissy raised her head and stared at the two females lounging at the end of the bar. She recognized them both from the night at the club when she’d had that run-in with the Magnus Pack Alphas. One of them pulled out a box of high-end chocolate from a glossy shopping bag and placed it on the bar. Their drinks arrived and they sat down on stools and opened the box.

“Let it go,” Ronnie Lee muttered before Sissy had done anything.

“But look at ’em. Sittin’ over there like nothing’s wrong.”

“Sissy, let it go.”

She should. But she couldn’t. She banged her fist on the bar and both She-dogs looked up at her.

“Think you can explain to me what the hell is wrong with your Alpha Female?”

They both stared at her, but neither said a word.

“Does she really think she’s too good for my brother? Because she’s damn wrong.”

Again, the blank stare and the silence.

“What? Something wrong with your mouth? Can’t ya speak?”

The Asian one leaned forward a bit, her hands flat on the bar, her head tilting to the side. After a long moment, she said, “Woof.”

Sissy leaned back a bit, her gaze sliding over to Ronnie’s. As soon as they looked at each other, though, they lost it. Bursting into surprised laughter.

The two She-dogs walked down to their side of the bar, bringing their drinks and chocolates with them.

“Another two glasses of champagne, Charlie.” The Asian one held her hand out and Sissy shook it. “I’m Maylin. Y’all can call me May. This is Sabina.”

“Nice to meet ya.”

“So,” she said, plunking herself down on the bar stool, “what are we gonna do about these two idiots?”

Yup. Sissy liked this one already.

Lord, could he get more pathetic? Sitting in the snow, in the woods, watching Jessie’s house. He couldn’t help it. She spent most of her time out on that back porch watching the pups play in the snow. Sometimes jumping in with a well-placed snowball.

Of course, it wasn’t like Smitty had anywhere else to go. He’d alienated nearly everyone else at Shaw’s house except Dez, who knew how to get a cranky male to back up off her with only a look.

To avoid losing his friends and Pack forever, Smitty had shifted and taken off into the woods. Sometimes he focused on problems much better as wolf. He’d chased a couple of rabbits and a couple of crows. Although that had been a bad idea after they dive-bombed him and tried to shit on his head. Then he’d ended up back here, trying to figure out what the hell Jessie Ann wanted from him.

Okay, so the barn had been a bad idea, but he’d merely been trying to expedite the situation. Once he knew what he wanted, no need to fight it anymore. But when he offered her a soft bed and a romantic marking in the city, she’d acted like he’d offered to take her to an execution in the town square.

Why wouldn’t she just tell him what she wanted? Jessie had never seemed like “other girls” who wanted you to guess everything. When you asked how they were, they’d respond, “Fine.” If Jessie was mad, she sure as shit let you know it in no uncertain terms. But she always told him the reason. Now she wouldn’t and he didn’t know what to do to fix this. And he had to fix it.

He loved her. Maybe he’d loved her forever. But he knew it for sure when he’d wrapped himself around her last night. She’d felt so good in his arms, so perfect. Like she’d been made to order just for him.

Lord, he couldn’t lose her now. But, for once, he was at a loss on how to handle this and her. Years of training to handle nearly any and all situations, but the United States Navy never saw Jessie Ann Ward coming.

Smitty laid his head down on his paws and watched Jessie lob snowballs at Johnny. It must be his birthday since she insisted on his wearing a crown, and Smitty could see through the glass doors and windows the other wild dogs decorating the house and fixing a huge meal.

Jessie squealed and he watched Danny toss her over his shoulder, spinning around until Phil took her and hung her upside down by her ankles. Smitty’s lips pulled back over his fangs and he thought about tearing the little bastards into several pieces.

Snow crunched near him and he glanced over his shoulder to see Mace walking toward him. The big cat lay down beside him. As lion, Mace beat him in weight and size by more than double. But they were friends more than they were predators. Nothing had ever come between them and nothing ever would.

Mace didn’t do anything. He didn’t shift and try to talk to him or drag him out to get drunk and find another girl. He didn’t do anything because he didn’t have to.

They’d had to lie to Jess to explain why they were leaving the house in the middle of the afternoon and just before Johnny’s party. But watching her pretend not to be miserable was hard on them all. May, having grown up around Smiths, had a pretty good idea where she could track down the Smith Pack Alpha Female. And although her idea sounded improbable—why would a couple of afternoon-boozing She-wolves help them or Jess?—Sabina was desperate enough to try anything.