The Beautiful Widow (15 page)

Altogether it was a dream of a bedroom, uncompromisingly luxurious from the music system and huge TV down to the concealed fridge holding vintage champagne and a selection of the best wines.

She stood aside for him to enter the room and remained in the doorway as he strolled round, opening the doors onto the balcony and standing there for a moment or two before coming back into the room and shutting the French doors. ‘You’ve created a wonderful home,’ he said quietly. ‘Now all it needs is the family it was made for.’

She wanted to smile but it was beyond her. Stiffly, she said, ‘Thank you. I’m pleased it meets with your approval,’ as she stepped backwards onto the wide landing.

He followed her downstairs, and once in the hall took her arm. ‘Come into the drawing room a moment. I need to talk to you.’

This was when he formalised her departure. Keeping herself very straight, she walked with him into the elegant reception room and, when he indicated for her to be seated, sat on the edge of one of the cream sofas. She wondered what was different as she’d walked into the room and realised it was snowing: big, fat, feathery flakes falling from a laden sky. The Christmas snow that had been expected had arrived at last.

She had lit a fire earlier in the massive old stone fireplace that blended so well with the beamed ceiling of the gracious room, knowing it would set the room off
to perfection for his inspection. Now he walked across and stood with his back to it as he looked at her. ‘The envelope on the table,’ he said, indicating a large manilla package on the glass coffee table close to the sofa. ‘It’s yours.’

She nodded. ‘I’ll take it with me and look at it later.’ She couldn’t do this right now, not with him standing there reminding her of all she’d given up.

‘I’d rather you open it now. There are a couple of things I need to go through with you.’

Numbly she reached for the somewhat bulky package and extracted the papers within. She stared at the top page. The words blurred and danced before her eyes and it was a moment or two before they made sense. Only they didn’t. She read the letter through twice and then looked at the wad of papers beneath. Raising her gaze to the silver-blue one watching her so intently, she said dazedly, ‘I—I don’t understand.’

‘It’s very simple. I’m giving you the house and those are the relevant papers. I have also deposited an amount in your account to clear your debts and to provide a breathing space while you decide what you want to do from here. I was speaking to James only yesterday and he is very keen to have you back. I understand there will be a vacancy in three months’ time when his present interior designer leaves to have a baby. She may return after maternity leave but James is sure they can work out something. You have a life stretching before you free of debt.’

She stared at him. ‘I can’t accept a house from you.’

‘Of course you can. It was always meant for you. Of course at one time I imagined the pair of us in that bedroom upstairs, but—’ he shrugged ‘—your decision
changes nothing about the house. Whether we’re together or no, it is yours.’

‘This is madness.’ She felt as though she were in a dream. ‘I can’t possibly have it, or the money either. You must see that?’ She was trembling with shock.

‘I see nothing of the kind. You and the twins need your own place and this is a perfect home. It’s all arranged.’

‘Steel—’ She felt as though she were losing her grip on reality. ‘This is madness, it’s crazy.’

He smiled, but it didn’t reach the beautiful eyes and showed how deliberate his air of relaxation was. ‘Everyone’s allowed to be a little crazy once in their lives. This is my time. It’s all official and above board, no strings attached, by the way. All that is required is a few signatures.’

‘I can’t.’ She waved a shaking hand. ‘I just can’t.’

‘I’m not trying to buy you, Toni. I don’t work like that. I simply need to know that you and the twins are safe and secure and then we can both get on with our lives. I expect nothing from you, you made it very clear how you feel, but it doesn’t change how I feel, OK? So indulge me. You know I can afford to do this without it making a dent in my bank balance, but it would mean a great deal to two little girls and their quality of life. If you can’t accept it for yourself, accept it for them. I won’t come knocking on your door if that’s what’s bothering you. Not without an invitation anyway.’

He was bewildering her with his gentleness. ‘But why would you do this?’ she asked helplessly. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Isn’t it obvious?’ He held her frantic gaze.

‘Not to me. People don’t give other people houses.’

If any other woman of his acquaintance had said
that he wouldn’t have believed them, but with Toni he knew it was the truth. He’d been to hell and back the last weeks, but he knew he’d only got himself to blame. In the beginning he had set out to seduce her and yet he’d been the one who had been seduced—seduced into love. Ironic. And the fact that she could walk away from him and cut him out of her life should have killed that love stone dead; he wasn’t the type of man to turn the other cheek—he never had been. But it didn’t make any difference. It should have, but it didn’t, not where she was concerned. She mattered more than his feelings.

His Achilles heel. That was what Jeff had called her when he’d got blind drunk at his brother-in-law’s at Christmas and slept the night on their sofa. Jeff had come down early in the morning when he’d had a head on him like a banging drum, and over a cup of strong coffee they’d talked about Toni. Apparently he’d said enough in his inebriated state for Jeff to know most of it anyway.

Steel screened his expression. Jeff had told him that Boxing Day morning to tell her how he felt, just once.

‘Forget your pride, mate. She might sling it back in your face but can you feel worse than you do now? Annie’s worried sick about you, I can tell you that. Tell her and then leave it in the lap of the gods. If nothing else you’ll have no regrets. Say those three words you’ve always maintained you’ll never say to any woman—I
love you.
It’s easy, believe me. I say it to Annie all the time.’

Steel walked across to her. He’d known for weeks this day was his last chance to convince her they could make it. Not that he wanted to use the offer of the house as blackmail—he would have done if he’d thought it would work, but he knew Toni too well by now. But it was this
knowledge that told him she cared for him. How much he didn’t know. But she cared.

Toni had risen to her feet at his approach, her eyes wary, but he didn’t touch her. He didn’t trust himself to. ‘I want you to have the house because I love you,’ he said softly. ‘I’ve never said that to another woman because it’s never been true before. I love you. Completely, utterly, for ever. I need you, I want you and I love you. I don’t want any other woman but you and I never will, but I can’t prove that to you except through time so you’ll have to take it on trust.’

She was ashen-faced. He could have been delivering a death sentence, the way she was looking at him. ‘And—and if I can’t?’

‘I can help you.’

‘Help me?’ Toni said wildly, her still façade suddenly shattering. ‘How can you help me when you’re the one person who could destroy me?’

He stared at her. As a declaration of love it left a lot to be desired, but no words ever sounded sweeter.
She loved him.
All the agony of the last weeks had been worth it just for this moment. ‘But I won’t.’ He reached out and pulled her into his arms and was amazed when she didn’t fight him. ‘I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you, have a dozen kids, two dozen. I love you, I love you, I love you,’ he said over and over again, wondering why he’d thought the words so impossible to say. ‘And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I should have. I’m a coward, that’s the truth of it. I thought I was showing you but I should have said.’

‘Steel, don’t. Please don’t.’

‘Marry me, Toni. Live with me. Love me. Let me love you, and the girls. Make us a family.’

‘I can’t.’ She was sobbing but she still hadn’t tried to move out of his arms. ‘I can’t, don’t you see?’

‘You can. If you love me, we can do this. Do you love me, Toni? Do you? Tell me?’

‘I do love you,’ she whispered, her voice breaking. ‘That’s what scares me. I’m so ordinary—’

‘Never say that.’ He covered her mouth in a hungry kiss, crushing her against his chest. ‘You’re beautiful, my pearl beyond price.’ In seconds they were lost to the world, straining into each other with an urgency made all the more desperate for their estrangement of the last weeks.

When Steel finally broke off the kiss it was to lift her up in his arms and sit with her on his lap on the sofa. ‘Listen to me, my love,’ he said shakily. ‘You must try to understand. I can’t stop the Barbaras of the world behaving the way they do, but they can’t touch us unless you let them. I’m yours, body, soul and spirit and I promise you this day you are enough for me until forever and beyond. I will never give you cause to doubt me, never. You are my sun, moon and stars and I want you as my wife and the mother of my children. And I will teach you to trust, believe me. Until the last shadow of doubt in yourself is gone. When you see yourself as I see you, you will have no need to fear. I want you in sickness and in health, now and in old age. I’ll push you in your Bath chair if you’ll push me in mine.’

He kissed her again, crushing her willing lips under his, deepening the kiss until finally he sighed, a long desperate sound as he muttered, ‘I’ve been going insane, quietly insane.’

‘Oh, Steel. I’ve been so unhappy,’ she cried softly. ‘I’ve wanted you so much but I’ve been so frightened.’

‘No more, my love. No more. I need you every bit as much as you need me. I can’t live without you.’

She nuzzled her face into his throat. ‘I’ve missed you so much. And I thought you didn’t want me any more.’

He pulled back a little, looking into her flushed face. ‘Do you want a big wedding?’ he asked thickly.

‘A big wedding?’ She stared at him, surprised. ‘No, no, I don’t think so. I did all that before and it was almost impersonal. But—but we’ve plenty of time before—’

‘Good, because I want to marry you soon, next week even. Would you do that? We can get the girls pretty dresses and have your parents and Annie and Jeff, Maggie too.’

‘Next week? Can you do that? There’s so much red tape.’

‘I can do it,’ he said firmly. ‘Money was made to do away with red tape. I want you, Toni. In my bed, as my wife. I want it to be right from the start. No hole-in-the-wall affair. I’ve had enough of them in the past. This is different. You’re different. We’ll come together as man and wife and not till then.’

She felt a moment’s panic. Things were happening too fast. And then she looked into Steel’s face and saw the love shining out of his eyes.

‘I want to love you, Toni. Properly. I want to spend all night showing you how much I love you, and with the best intentions in the world my control only goes so far when we’re together like this. And once that ring is on your finger you can’t change your mind,’ he added, grinning.

She drew in a steadying breath. This still terrified her, but she’d glimpsed a future in which there was no Steel and she couldn’t go through that again. She loved
him. And with Steel at her side she could learn to trust herself again, to regain what had been eaten away after she’d met Richard.

‘So, the shortest engagement in living history?’ Steel asked her, only the faintest shadow in his eyes betraying the glimmer of uncertainty he was feeling as to her reaction.

Toni smiled. ‘I warn you now, the girls will want pink dresses.’

T
EN YEARS HAD PASSED
since the snowy February day when Steel had carried his bride over the threshold of the house in Magpie Lane. Ten years of love and laughter and happiness, along with the odd hiccup, which was only to be expected in family life.

Amelia and Daisy were now beautiful young girls on the verge of womanhood, confident and secure as only greatly beloved children could be.

Steel and Toni’s son had been born a year after the marriage, and another son had followed within eighteen months. Katie Jane had been born on their fifth wedding anniversary and managed to twist everyone in the household round her little finger from day one. Except perhaps her mother.

Toni watched her youngest daughter now as she played with her brothers in the tree house Steel had constructed at the end of the garden. Even from the patio where they were sitting enjoying the last of the afternoon sunshine, she could hear Katie ordering her long-suffering brothers about.

‘She’s dreadfully bossy.’ Toni turned to Steel beside her. ‘You all spoil her outrageously, you know.’

Steel grinned. It still had the power to make her knees weak. She wouldn’t have thought he could have grown
more handsome, but family life suited him. The slightly stern edge to his good looks had mellowed and the result was more devastating than before. The two boys, Harry and John, were every bit as handsome as their father, but Katie Jane took after her. Steel declared she was beautiful.

She reached out now and took his hand, the desire that never seemed to wane however much she had of him strong. ‘I love you so much,’ she murmured.

‘And I you.’ He leant across and kissed her and her blood fizzed. ‘For ever and a day.’

She knew that was true now. She had known it for a long time. Nights spent in their big bed when he spent hours worshipping her with his hands and mouth and tongue before taking her to oblivion and back had begun the process, and his longing to be with her every minute he could, his adoration of the children—and he regarded Amelia and Daisy as his—and his pleasure in their home and life together had finally enabled her to become the woman she was meant to be.

Shortly after their marriage Steel had drastically reduced the amount of time he was at the office, employing a chief executive to run the business for him much of the time. He wanted to be a hands-on father, he’d explained to Toni, and it was important Amelia and Daisy bonded with him. They had bonded with him so well that the twins had become proper little Daddy’s girls, but Toni hadn’t minded being ousted into second place now and again. She was just so grateful Steel genuinely loved the twins as his own and that they regarded him as their father.

Along with the children the house had been filled with pets. At present three dogs, two cats, six hamsters and a house bunny called Fraser—who ruled the
roost—added to the mayhem. But every day was precious and Toni wouldn’t change a thing. Steel had even had a bungalow built in the grounds for her parents two years ago when the stairs at their terrace had become too much for her father. It meant the elderly couple could still have their independence but be part of family life when they chose to be, and both of them—but especially her mother—thought Steel was the best thing since sliced bread.

Toni agreed with them. To be able to go to sleep wrapped in Steel’s arms and wake up in the morning and have him make slow, sweet love to her was more precious than gold. She had a beautiful home filled with the sound of children’s laughter, five happy, healthy children, but most of all she had Steel. He was hers, all hers, and she knew she was the most important person in the world to him because he told her so every day.

And because he thought she was beautiful, she
was
beautiful, she thought now as he kissed her again. The gremlins of the past had gone. She was whole. She was loved.