The Beholder (26 page)

“I don’t know. He seemed to single you out.”

“He’s just a friend.” Nina had always liked Aden and his wife. Two years ago he lost her in a car accident. Nina had babysat for Aden’s two children when he needed help, and she might have thought herself attracted to him, but he hadn’t seemed interested in any woman, including Nina. She suspected he was still in love with his wife. Long ago she had pigeonholed him into the “just friends” category. She was happy that he’d found someone to love again. When she thought of love, Kane appeared in her mind and she felt that sharp knife in her gut.

Takala cut another slice of cheese. “Now spill your news. Who’s the dude? Was he a good lover? Must have been, if he seduced you.”

“Anyone ever tell you you don’t have a subtle bone in your body?”

“Thank goodness.” Takala, not at all offended, grinned with cheese between her teeth. She was well aware of all her shortcomings and avidly accepted them. “And you don’t have to be such a prude about it. I’m just trying to find out what’s been happening with you.”

“I know.” Nina wished some of Takala’s audacity
would rub off on her. “It’s just I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“No problem.” Takala waved the knife and cheese through the air in a dismissive gesture while trying to read Nina’s expression with little success. Something in her steadfast gaze hinted that Takala wasn’t about to give up and she’d broach the subject later. “Want to hear what I’ve been doing?”

“Working on a case?” Nina asked. Takala’s last case caused two hit men to abduct her, and they had come very close to killing her.

“Not at the moment.” Takala hesitated and set down the knife and tiny hunk of cheese that was left. She played with the bracelets on her wrists and looked uncomfortable about something.

Takala rarely held back anything, and Nina knew she was hiding something major, even catastrophic. “So?” Nina prodded her.

“I’ve been looking for Mom.”

Nina’s eyes widened and her jaw fell open. When she could speak again, she said, “Why, Takala? She’s been out of our lives for years. I don’t even know what she looks like. If she wanted to be with us, she would have contacted us. This is a terrible idea.”

“Don’t you ever wonder about her?” Takala asked with an empty hollowness in her voice.

“I used to, when I was little and I’d see other kids with their mothers bringing birthday cupcakes to school. Now, I don’t want her in my life. We have each other and Meikoda. That’s all we need.” Nina hadn’t thought of her mother since talking to Kane about it. She’d been
ambivalent about it most of her life, but knowing Takala might actually find their mother put an entirely different perspective on it, one she didn’t want to meet head-on. Even thinking about it made her stomach churn. “Have you told Fala about this?”

“No.” Takala played with the bracelets on her wrist.

“Because you know she won’t go for it. And I won’t, either. If you find her, I don’t want to know about it. And don’t tell Grandmother—you know it will hurt her. Our mother was abjured. We can’t even speak her name.” Their mother was supposed to have taken over the powers of the Guardian, but she’d left the tribe and all her responsibilities on Meikoda’s shoulders—including raising her three children, and that’s why she was disowned by her people.

“I know. I wouldn’t do that to Grandmother.”

“I wish you wouldn’t go stirring all this up now.”

“You don’t remember her—you were too little. But I do. I guess I need closure. I need to know if she’s still alive.” There was a catch in Takala’s voice. She gulped back the emotion glistening in her eyes and said, “I just want to see her, tell her about us and Fala’s wedding and mine.”

“
Your
wedding?” Nina’s jaw dropped even farther than it had with the last boom Takala had lowered on her. It took a moment of frowning at Takala before Nina asked, “You’re marrying someone?”

“Akando, silly.” Takala rolled her eyes at Nina.

“Fala just dumped him for Stephen. I thought he was still in love with Fala. Has he asked you?”

“No, but he will. I feel certain of it.”

Takala was a great private investigator, observant when she was on the trail of a suspect or danger, but when it came to relationships, she was clueless. “I wouldn’t go getting your hopes up.” Nina tried to bring Takala back to reality. “He’s rebounding.”

“But I love him,” Takala blurted as if that should sway Akando’s opinion.

“How many guys have you thought you loved before Akando?”

Nina began ticking them off on her fingers. “There was Jason, Doug, Ernie—”

“Okay.” Takala grew defensive. “They were wrong for me. But I’m sure about Akando. Just because you have a boyfriend now doesn’t make you an expert. When am I going to meet Mr. Right, anyway?”

Nina had been holding back a dam of emotions, but it broke. “Never!” She leaped up out of her chair too fast, and it fell backward. She ran out of the room, bawling.

Takala yelled, “You want me to find this guy and beat the crap out of him, I will! Tell me who he is!”

The only response Takala received was Nina slamming her bedroom door.

Takala shrugged and said to the room, “What did I say?”

T
he next day Nina sat in the prayer cave, wrapped in a coat and several blankets, shivering near a fire and avoiding everyone. Takala had badgered Nina until she had to reveal everything about Kane. Immediately, Takala told their grandmother what had happened—but thankfully not about searching for their mother—and now Meikoda was tiptoeing around Nina, shooting her expectant glances and waiting for her to talk about Kane. Meikoda had even made all the special foods Nina liked. But she had no appetite. Meikoda must have had a talk with Takala, because she thankfully hadn’t approached Nina again on the subject. Nina just wanted to be left alone to grieve with her broken heart. She wanted the Quiet Place.

She felt the ancient magic deep within the cave strumming against her nerves as she called for Koda.

With surprising promptness, the spirit guide appeared before her. His diaphanous form shimmered a bright ginger. He hovered three feet off the ground and walked on air toward her.
I know you are hurting. I could feel your terrible sadness in the heavens. Even the Maiden Bear can sense it.

I’m sorry to bother anyone.
She stared at the fire, watching the flames flicker.

She sent me to help you.

Nina wondered why he’d appeared so soon after she summoned him.

What can I do to lift your spirits?
Koda asked, sounding much more obliging than he ever had.

Maiden Bear must have had something to do with his new obsequiousness. Couldn’t hurt having connections in high places.

Nothing—I don’t know. I just hate feeling like this…
. Nina paused, looking for the right words.

Koda filled them in for her.
Like you’ve lost all interest in life, like you feel suffocated, like you’ll never be happy again?

Yes, like that.

I warned you.
He wiggled his bear brows in a superior way.

I don’t need to hear “I told you so.”

It might make you feel better to know that Ethan is safely sequestered in Sehsola.

Yes, it does. What were his first impressions there?

Happy ones. Three she-demons welcomed him with open arms.

She demons were unruly succubi. Nina felt an urge
to smile but couldn’t bring herself to give way to it.
It’s good to know he’ll be happy.

He sent you his warmest wishes and salutations and appreciation.

Did you let Quinton know Ethan’s fate?

I did, and he thanked you, which caused him great grief and a lot of pride swallowing
.

Nina was tempted to ask about Kane, but she couldn’t and not cry again.
Koda, I need to go to the Quiet Place. I’m sure after some time there I’ll feel better.

I can’t take you there.

But it’s my place.

I’m forbidden.

Find a way. I know you can. Plead with the Maiden Bear if you must.

Koda wrinkled his long snout and stared at Nina for a long time. Was that sympathy in his eyes? Finally he said,
There is one way.

I knew it.

Don’t sound so happy. It’s permanent, Nina. If I take you without permission, you will have to stay in the Quiet Place forever. You’ll be trapped there, and your gift of tongues will pass on to someone else.

You mean I’ll be totally free.
Nina had enjoyed helping others, but that was before she’d fallen for Kane. She had been content with her drab life. Yes, she knew she had just been existing. She hadn’t been living. But now, after tasting Kane’s passion, she knew she couldn’t go back to that kind of life again.

Take me, Koda. Take me out of here.

It’s a big step. Stop and reflect. Don’t make a hasty
decision. I promise you there will be other men in your life.

But I don’t want other men.
Nina stood, crossed her arms over her chest and splayed her legs.
The man I want is lost to me forever. I beg you to take me to the Quiet Place.

Koda sighed loudly.
You should consult the High Council. Talk to the Guardian
.

Nina knew her grandmother and Fala would forbid her to do it. They didn’t know how she was hurting. Only she knew that.
No, it’s my life. I’ll make my own decision.

Their eyes warred for a long while. When he didn’t see her waver, he finally spoke.
Very well
.

Nina began walking around the fire, singing the ancient prayer that always took her to the Quiet Place.

Hear me O Maiden of the Light

Guide me through heaven’s heights

To alight in silent flight in the place of quiet sights

Koda joined the litany. She could feel his supernatural energy building behind her, his guttural voice rising in her mind. The flames swept higher, almost touching the cave’s ceiling. The heat of the fire chaffed her cheeks and dried her lips. The air swelled around her and pulsed, keeping time with her heartbeat.

“Granddaughter, stop it this instant!”

At the sound of her grandmother’s stentorian command, the fire instantly went out.

Koda dissolved in a glimmer of light, taking his magic with him. Coward!

Just like Koda to desert her when trouble arrived. Nina really couldn’t blame him for this one. Most spirits avoided Meikoda if they could. She had been the Guardian for decades, and the high priestess of all white magic. All she had to do was inhale wrong and she could suck the life force out a spirit into her own body and absorb it. And as every spirit guide knew, Meikoda didn’t have a lot of patience with them.

At the moment, Meikoda didn’t look all that tolerant of Nina, either. Her face was drawn back in a narrow-eyed frown. Blue fire spit from her bright eyes, and they glowed like two shooting stars.

Her grandmother was the prime example of why looks could be deceiving. She was small, hardly five feet tall. Wrinkles were embedded in every sharp plane of her face and neck. She wore an unassuming jean skirt and white blouse and a thick blue wool sweater she had knitted herself. Her long white hair was braided and hanging down her back. She looked like a diminutive elderly lady, but she was a vessel of power. Nina felt her body humming with it.

Nina lowered her eyes, offering the elder the deference she and her sisters had learned to bestow as young children. Nina knew Meikoda loved her, but she wasn’t the demonstrative grandmotherly type. She had to teach Nina and her sisters to live with their gifts and the huge responsibilities that went with them. It was not for the weak-hearted or the disrespectful. Meikoda
demanded obedience. And up until this moment, Nina had had no trouble showing her deference. But she was already wondering if she could call Koda back when she was alone again.

“I always knew you were the most sensitive of your sisters, but I never took you for a quitter.” For a tiny woman, Meikoda’s voice was strong and clear and electrified the air.

It went through Nina like a blade. She stiffened, and her fingers drew up into fists at her sides as she said, “I’m not.”

“Then what were you doing, child? You mope and weep, and now I find you breaking your connections to me and your sisters, to those who love you, for one of loneliness and solitude.”

Tears spilled down Nina’s cheeks. She realized now there were others to consider, others she loved. She’d been selfish. “I’m sorry,” she choked out.

“First Fala. Now, you, Nina. You were the most levelheaded of my grandchildren. I thought you would never have your head turned by a man.”

“He’s special, Grandmother.”

“You love this man so much?” Meikoda approached her and took out a tissue and blotted at Nina’s tears.

“I do. I know it was wrong to go to the Quiet Place. I just didn’t want to feel like this anymore.”

“A broken heart will follow you wherever you go.” The angry brightness in Meikoda’s eyes had dimmed, and Nina could look into them. It was the most compassion Nina had ever seen on her grandmother’s face. “The Quiet Place will not mend it or silence it. As long as
you have memories of this man, you will feel the pain. Only time will heal it.”

“Nothing will heal it.”

“Not if you keep it all inside. Tell me about him, particularly how he won your heart, for I am certain no man can deserve you.” Nina began to protest, but Meikoda stopped her with a raised finger. “You may persuade me on the way back to the house and unburden your spirit at the same time.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Nina watched Meikoda stuff the tissue in her sweater pocket, then turn and leave with a swish of her skirt. Nina dragged her feet as she followed her. She really didn’t want to discuss Kane, but she had no choice now. Maybe her grandmother was right. Maybe it would help to close her emotional wounds if she spoke about her seniph.