The Believer (26 page)

"Yea, Sister, forgive my thoughtlessness," Sister Nola said quickly. "I meant no lasting harm"

"It isn't this alone" Sister Josephine sniffed loudly as she struggled to regain her composure. She straightened the folds in her apron before she looked back up at Sister Nola. "It's more than this bit of foolishness. You know yourself the child has a delinquent spirit. How many times has she disappeared from your care without permission?"

Sister Nola hesitated before answering, "Twice, maybe thrice"

"Come, Sister Nola." Sister Josephine fixed her eyes sternly on Sister Nola as if she were one of her recalcitrant students. "You do the child no favor covering up her wrongs. Didn't you tell me that on more than one occasion you have found her bed empty in the night?"

"Yea, I may have said so" Sister Nola shifted uneasily in her chair as color rose in her cheeks. "I've not kept count, but only the one time did she go far."

"In the night?" Eldress Rosellen spoke up with a frown. "Where would the child go in the night?"

"I've heard demons are drawn to the full moon,' Sister Josephine muttered.

"Sister Josephine, we know you are distressed, but please do not make this more unpleasant than it already is;' the eldress said quietly but firmly. "We must call upon the charity of our hearts to help our young sisters" She turned back to Sister Nola. "Did she confess to you where she'd been when she was gone in the night, Sister Nola?"

"Nay, at least not of a truth," Sister Nola admitted with a small shake of her head. "She spoke of going to the outhouse, but I checked for her there before she returned and didn't find her."

"And did she admit her untruth?" Eldress Rosellen asked.

"Nay, she merely said she felt led by angels to come back to the children's house in a different way."

"She claims to have seen angels?" Eldress Rosellen's eyebrows shot up.

"That's another thing:" Sister Josephine spoke before Sister Nola could answer. "She's always jumping up from her chair while we're having lessons and whirling around, saying the spirit has told her to do such, that she has a gift for whirling, but she never has a visitation of the spirit during meetings, I've noticed:"

"There are all sorts of spirits. Both good and evil;" Sister Ruth put in. "When you think about it, our village has seen many troubles since these sisters came into our family. Men coming into our house with evil purpose in their hearts. Fires. Fleshly temptations"

Elizabeth looked up at Ruth, who met her eyes boldly as if challenging Elizabeth to deny the truth of what she said.

So Elizabeth did not, even as she did dare to speak. "Yea, you are right. We had much trouble before we came here. The sudden death of our father. The burning of our cabin. Perhaps bad fortune did follow us to your village, but we didn't bring it with intent. We were simply looking for the place of peace our father spoke of after his visit here last year." She shifted her eyes past Sister Melva, who was assiduously studying her hands in her lap to Eldress Rosellen. "What would you have me do, Eldress?"

The eldress was silent for a moment before she said, "I see the sincerity in your eyes, Sister Elizabeth. And Sister Melva has told me how diligently you have attended to the duties assigned to you. Sister Ruth fears you have an unwilling spirit, but perhaps she needs to have more patience with you as a novitiate. Not all can learn the Shaker way without inner struggle'

"Yea, at times I do struggle with emotions I shouldn't entertain," Elizabeth answered honestly.

Eldress Rosellen smiled kindly at Elizabeth as she reached over to touch her hand. "As do we all, my child. That is why we labor our dances and shake away the carnal feelings of the world. The longer you are here, the easier such feelings are to deny and the more peace you will feel in your soul:'

"We aren't here to consider the spiritual state of Sister Elizabeth,' Sister Josephine interrupted, "but that of Sister Hannah. It is she who refuses to bend her will for the good of all:"

The eldress shut her eyes as weariness showed in the lines of her face. After a moment, she pulled in a deep breath and opened her eyes. "Sister Hannah is very young. From what I have been told, before coming among us she always had much freedom in her actions. Nevertheless, willful disobedience cannot be condoned:" The eldress looked at Sister Josephine. "But I do not think the child has a demon, and it is very unlike you to say such a thing, Sister Josephine. So I can see the child has been very trying for you"

"Yea, you are right, Eldress. I should have tempered my words:" Sister Josephine bent her head with a look of shame.

"Is the child learning her lessons?"

"She already knows more than most of the other little sisters,' Sister Josephine admitted. "That could perhaps be part of her problem. Her mind is too idle and gives her time to think up troublesome things to do:"

"The devil can use an idle mind," Eldress Rosellen said.

"I could teach her for a while;' Elizabeth volunteered.

Eldress Rosellen gave Elizabeth's words consideration before she said, "Nay, we are all of a family. The stress of individual family ties is the reason for much loss of peace in our minds. You will both learn our ways better apart. But we cannot allow her to torment Sister Josephine, so we will let her skip the lessons for this winter session and assign her to Sister Nola to help with whatever duties she is engaged in"

"I'm working with the silkworms;" Sister Nola said.

"Then you can teach her some small chores with the same, but you cannot allow her to disappear in the night even if you have to tie a string to her arm and attach it to yours. You must be more diligent in your duty."

"Yea, Eldress Rosellen. I will watch her more closely." Sister Nola looked as relieved as Elizabeth felt.

"Where is the child now?" Eldress Rosellen peered over at Sister Josephine.

Sister Josephine sniffed again. "Still out in the snow as far as I know. She refused to come down out of the tree when I told her to, so I left her there. A little chill might do her good"

Eldress Rosellen shut her eyes again for a moment as if working to maintain her patience with all of them. "You must show more kindness, my sister. That is the duty of all of us as sisters" She let her eyes fall on each of them in turn. "It is the only way." She settled her eyes on Elizabeth. "Sister Nola is too old to be traipsing about in the snow hunting the child. You go find Sister Hannah and bring her back to Sister Nola's care. And it would be a boon to us all if you could convince her of the wisdom of listening to her elders'

Hannah was not hard to find. Her footprints in the snow were easy to follow from the tree where the original wrong had been committed outside the children's house. Every few feet there was a new snow angel. The footprints stopped at a small stand of trees back behind the Gathering Family house. Elizabeth kept her eyes on the ground as if she couldn't figure what had happened to the trail of prints and waited.

The minutes passed. No shower of snow came down on her head. She began to wonder if the wind had perhaps whipped away the trace of Hannah's footprints in this spot or perhaps she sat up in the tree, too frozen to move. She waited another minute. Then still without looking up into the branches, she said, "Aren't you going to drop snow on my head?"

"No" Hannah spoke from above Elizabeth. She sounded sad. "The good time for snow dropping has passed. The snow has gone"

Elizabeth looked up. She couldn't see Hannah's face as she huddled next to the tree trunk not far above her. "There is much snow still under my feet. Is there not even a smidgen of snow left on the limbs?"

"No. The fun is done" Hannah's teeth chattered as she spoke and she was trembling. "The wind has blown it all away. It would have blown me away as well, but I have turned into a chunk of ice and the wind said I was too heavy. That I had to stay in this fearsome cold place until I died:"

"Come down from your branch, little snow bird,' Elizabeth said gently. "Let me warm your frozen wings under my cloak"

Hannah sat a long moment without moving before she finally looked down at Elizabeth. "I think I may be frozen to the branch"

"Shall I climb up to break you free?"

"Oh, how I would fain to be free, but Sister Josephine says that such a desire is surely a sin that cannot be allowed. No freedom in this place. Even one's hair cannot be free to grow as it wills"

"Come down, Hannah. Now."

"You're becoming one of them," Hannah said, but she uncurled her body and climbed down to the lowest branch. "Will you catch me?"

I will catch you. I will hold you:' Elizabeth held up her arms and added softly, "I will love you"

When Hannah swung down from the branch, Elizabeth easily caught her slight body and lowered her to the ground. Then she opened her cloak, wrapped it around the child as she pulled her close against her body. It was like embracing an icicle, but she didn't loosen her hold as the child shook against her with chills.

"Will you always love me, Izzy? Always?" Hannah asked through chattering teeth.

"I will always love you, Hannah. Always:" Elizabeth kissed the top of Hannah's head. Her cap was gone and there were ice crystals in her curls. She worried about Hannah's cold toes in the snow. She had on shoes, but they were sure to be soaked through. "We need to get you inside by the fire and into dry clothes. You shouldn't have stayed out so long:"

"I never want to go back inside. I want to be a real snow bird or a bear in a thick fur coat asleep in a cave. Anything but a Shaker sister"

"Why is it so hard for you? Can't you bend a bit to their will?"

Hannah didn't answer Elizabeth's question. Instead she peered up at Elizabeth. "Our father told me God would always love me. That he would love me even more than Father could or you could. Father said God's love would be like his love and your love and Mother's love from heaven all wrapped up together and then even more than that"

"Many places in the Bible speak of the Lord's great love"

I know. You have read them to me:' Her bottom lip trembled and not only from the cold as she went on. "But Sister Josephine says God doesn't love me. That God couldn't love me because I have the devil in me. So if God can't love me anymore, are you sure you can?"

Tears popped up into Elizabeth's eyes, and she had to swallow hard before she could speak. "Sister Josephine is wrong. I know because nothing can stop me loving you, and as our father told you, God loves you way more than that. Sister Josephine was only angry with you because you've been giving her trouble"

"Sister Josephine says anger is a weakness that cannot be allowed in the garden we are to grow for the Lord and the other one she calls Mother Ann. We must pluck out our feelings of anger and willfulness and envy and plant good seeds"

"Then today she has some plucking to do in her own garden, because when you dropped snow on her head, she got very angry.

A smile sneaked into Hannah's eyes. "I know. I was glad she couldn't climb trees"

"I'd say that was a very fortunate thing for you. And there are more fortunate things to come. Eldress Rosellen has decided you won't need any more schooling this year from Sister Josephine. You will be allowed to stay with Sister Nola and help her with her duties:'

"I like Sister Nola;' Hannah said.

"As you should. She's been very kind to you:" Elizabeth looked sternly down at Hannah. "But you cannot take advantage of her kindness. You must do as she says without argument:"

"I will do my best, Elizabeth:' Hannah looked up at her solemnly. "At least until spring. How many weeks away is that now?"

"Not so many," Elizabeth said and tried not to worry about how she would keep her promise to Hannah in the spring.

"Do you think Payton will leave with us in the spring? He sometimes looks at me now as if he doesn't remember who I am:"

"I know. He feels at home here:"

"Do you think he started the fire in the Carpenters' Shop?"

"I do not," Elizabeth answered quickly. "But I don't think we should talk about it:"

"Why?" Hannah looked at her curiously. "Do you think the Shaker ears will hear us even here in the snow and blame him for the fires?"

"The Shaker ears hear much," Elizabeth warned.

Hannah pulled away from Elizabeth to peer around. `And the eyes see much, but if they are seeing today, they must be angels. Invisible angels:'

"I hear you have been seeing angels" Elizabeth kept her cloak around Hannah but turned her to start back toward the Gathering Family house.

"Only when I get weary of hearing Sister Josephine tell of the Shaker rules. Then an angel comes to rescue my itchy feet:' Hannah looked a little guilty, but then she giggled and spun away from Elizabeth. "But there are really angels all around us here:" She flopped down on the snow and waved her arms and legs. "See:"

"Your fingers and toes are going to fall off if you don't stay out of the snow"

"Make an angel with me," Hannah begged. "Please. Just one bigger angel to protect my little angel:"

She'd have to confess her folly to Sister Ruth later, but Elizabeth turned and flopped back into the snow beside Hannah. The snow was cold as she waved her arms and legs through it, but at the same time she felt a jolt of childish joy. She laughed as she and Hannah got up carefully to keep from spoiling their angels' wings.

As she brushed the snow off her skirt and cloak and pushed a stray hair back up under her cap, she looked back at the snow angels and whispered, "May angels watch over us"

Hannah came over to slip her hand into Elizabeth's and lean against her. "These will melt with the sunshine, but there are other angels. I haven't seen them. Not really the way I told Sister Josephine, but I know they're there"

"Our guardian angels," Elizabeth said softly as she lightly touched Hannah's head. "Every child has one. Yours will surely watch over you:" Silently she added, And please watch over the Shakers who are being so kind to shelter us. Let no more trouble come to them because of us.