The Best Christmas Ever (6 page)

Hearing Mickie’s laughter, he wondered what his daughter would have thought if he’d kissed Sarah just now. He shook his head, feeling an emotion churning in his gut.

Loneliness.

He had to admit he was lonely. He loved his daughter, and Bill was a great guy. But Justin missed having someone closer around to share his experiences with. There was no one to talk to in the evening when he got home from work, no one to laugh together with over a joke or share those little secret smiles when Mickie did something really adorable. There was no one to hold when he felt overwhelmed or to love when he wanted to share that special experience.

But Sarah?

No.

He couldn’t see himself with his sister-in-law, who probably still despised him despite what she said. Besides, he thought, going over to the picnic table where Mickie was slurping her cola, he would never risk entering into a marriage for convenience’s sake, or for an attraction, either. He’d learned his lesson. Convenience could turn into inconvenience real quick, and passion could fade.

Odd though it sounded, he had vowed to marry only for love.

His lips twisted cynically. People always thought women were the romantic ones, yet here he was, insisting on a love-based marriage. And how many women in the past two years had hinted at so many other types of arrangements. Love based, with him? Not one woman who had shown an interest had wanted love. Sarah certainly wouldn’t fall into that category, either…would she?

Hah.

He skeptically wondered if any women out there still believed in a marriage based on love.

Reaching his daughter’s side, he realized Sarah was wiping up some cola Mickie had spilled on her top. His gaze settled on Sarah and against his will, he had to wonder why
love
and
Sarah
had come to him in the same thought.

“I
hope you decide to spend Thanksgiving with us.”

“I’d enjoy it,” Sarah replied.

It was dark. Mickie was asleep in the back seat and Sarah rested her head against the cushion of her seat in Justin’s car.

But she was far from relaxed. Tumultuous emotions over the day spent at the park still filled her thoughts. After the swings, Justin had proceeded to push Mickie, and several other children, on a merry-go-round. Then he’d actually gone down one of the tamer slides with his daughter. They’d played until all three were exhausted and the sun had set.

Sarah couldn’t remember enjoying a sunset more. Then they’d piled into the car to head home.

With the darkness surrounding them, and the peace and quiet, Sarah had had time to remember her reaction to Justin early that day. Tension built in the small enclosed space between the two of them until she could barely stand it.

When he spoke, it was a relief to have her mind on something else.

“I enjoyed today.”

Of course he wouldn’t keep the subject on something safe. “Do you play with Mickie like that often?”

“As much as I can. I love playing with Mickie. Sometimes I wish Amy and I had had more children.” Sarah silently winced at his admission, but did her best to hide it.

“Did you have fun today, Sarah?”

“Yes, I did,” she replied. “I just don’t feel I’m earning my pay.”

He chuckled. “Consider it part of your job to play with Mickie. After all, you’re going to find Mickie is a very active child. And I can just about guarantee that you won’t think you’re not earning your pay after a week or two living here.”

The headlights cut across the front of the house when they turned into the driveway, and Sarah realized they were home.

Justin stopped the car, then pushed open his door. Sarah blinked at the light, suddenly realizing she was tired.

“I’ll unload the car later. Just grab the fruit and vegetables.”

She reached in for the two bags, debating whether to get the boxed and canned goods or allow Justin to come back out for them. “I see now why you said no meats or dairy products.”

He shrugged as he lifted his daughter into his arms. “Mickie doesn’t get to go to the playground much. I wanted to spend time with her today.”

“You’re the boss,” she murmured, and followed
him to the house. She smiled over how wonderful he was with Mickie. Her sleepy little head lay against his left shoulder and her legs and arms surrounded him like a monkey holding on to its mom. Long curly hair covered her face and flowed over Justin’s blazer. She could hear him murmuring something in the little girl’s ear as he opened the door.

A small sigh escaped Mickie and she wiggled before letting out a half snore.

Tenderness welled in Sarah’s heart as she watched Justin carry the child up the stairs. Sarah went to the kitchen and put away the vegetables. She marveled again at how beautiful the kitchen was. Amy had always had wonderful taste. The refrigerator was clean and it was easy to find where the fresh vegetables went. Perhaps tomorrow she’d make a salad with stuffed bell peppers for dinner. Maybe she ought to do up a menu and get Justin’s approval each week first. After all, he might not eat some of the same things she did.

She made a mental note to ask him about that. Which made her realize she might not know as much about housekeeping as she thought.

Brass-and-black baskets hung over the counter near the refrigerator. One had potatoes and an onion in it. She put the other vegetables that didn’t go in the refrigerator in that one, then unloaded the fruit in the other basket. Bananas, tangelos, oranges, yellow apples—Mickie certainly liked fruit.

Two boxes of cereal went on top of the refrigerator. She looked at them and frowned over one. White sugar. If Mickie was active, as Justin had intimated,
Sarah was sure she’d just found the culprit. When had Justin slipped that into the basket without her seeing?

Of course, Justin could have slipped anything into the basket and she would have missed it. She’d been feeling so inept around him that she hadn’t paid attention to everything he had grabbed. And Mickie had been talking, too. She certainly could talk. Though Sarah didn’t consider that a bad habit. It was wonderful listening to everything from her perspective.

Just as she finished putting away the eggs and bread, alarm swept through Sarah. She hadn’t said good-night to Mickie. She folded the paper bags and placed them under the sink. Whether they were kept there or not, she wasn’t sure. But it was where she’d always stored her bags. Then she hurried up the stairs and quickly headed to Mickie’s room.

And almost ran Justin down.

She flushed and took a step back.

“What’s the rush?” he asked, smiling down at her.

Sarah saw Justin had a frilly little nightie in his hand. She found the idea of him dressing Mickie funny. In her mind, dressing a child for bed had always been a mother’s role. But, she thought, sobering, of course he would do it. Mickie no longer had a mother. “I forgot to tell Mickie good-night.”

He looked confused only for a moment, then what she thought was tenderness—but couldn’t be sure—touched his eyes. How unusual. He was so big. Tall with broad shoulders. Towering over her. She’d always assumed he was gruff and belligerent, the way she’d always perceived him when in his company. To think that Justin could feel tenderness was just so out of keeping with the way she’d always imagined him.
But she was almost certain that was what she’d seen in his eyes earlier today and again just now.

Feeling even more uncomfortable from that innocent revelation, she hurriedly said, “I promised Mickie I’d always make sure to tell her good-night so she’d know I hadn’t left.”

He stared at her a moment more and those feelings from earlier today resurfaced: need, wanting, longing.

Justin cleared his throat, the feelings in his gaze suddenly banked. He stepped back. “I was getting ready to put her in her p.j.’s. She can bathe tomorrow, since she’s already asleep.” He held out an arm, indicating an area just inside the door off to the side. “Come in.”

He stepped back and Sarah stepped in. She liked Mickie’s room. It had a nice feeling. The walls were a light blue. Colored balloons and painted pieces of cardboard cut in the shape of stars covered the surfaces. There were also pictures of different cartoon characters on the walls, cut out of magazines, as well as many copies of Sunday-school literature taped up on the wall with pictures of Jesus and other biblical figures in them.

Like most little girls her age, Mickie liked clutter. And she had varying taste, if the pictures were any indication. Stepping over the dolls and the teddy bears, Sarah made her way to the side of the bed.

“Today is usually the day she cleans her room—every Saturday, unless we do something special,” Justin explained.

“I was messy as a child,” Sarah admitted. She was very conscious of Justin as he followed her over to where Mickie lay.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at the sleeping child. “She sure is still,” Sarah murmured.

A chuckle sounded behind her. “The only time she’s still is when she’s asleep,” Justin replied.

Smoothing a strand of hair from Mickie’s face, she leaned down and kissed the soft, pale cheek. “Good night, sweet princess,” she teased, thinking Mickie already had her wrapped around her little finger.

She stood, nodded to Justin and attempted to make a quick escape.

But she wasn’t fast enough.

“Sarah?” Justin called just as she got to the doorway.

She paused, then turned. “Yes?”

“Thanks for coming back into our lives.”

Awkwardly, she nodded.

What could she say? Once she was in her room, she grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom to shower. His words continued to echo in her head.
Thanks for coming back into our lives.
How could he say that? Especially after what she’d done? She remembered the shock and anger when she’d told him she wanted Mickie, that he wasn’t a fit father. Then she remembered the steely determination when he’d faced her in court that day. Gone had been the thin, gaunt-cheeked man who had seemed so listless, so remote. In his place was a man wearing a designer suit, a man armed with a lawyer who had glanced at her across the courtroom with a pitying look. Of course she hadn’t known then what Justin’s lawyer was about to present to the court. Justin had definitely gone all out and found the best lawyer for the job.

Her lawyer had scrambled and tried to help her. But of course grief had been accepted as Justin’s excuse, and expert witnesses testified that he had gotten through the worst of his mourning and on and on and on. She had been furious, believing Mickie belonged with her, that Justin was neglecting his daughter.

But her fury had been minor compared with Justin’s when he’d told her never to come near his daughter again. She had actually felt chilled at his threats.

That seemed like aeons ago. And Justin acted as if he’d forgiven her.

She rinsed her hair, stepped out of the shower and dried off. Perhaps he just needed a sitter. But why would he be glad she was back in his life unless he had forgiven her?

She smoothed cream on her skin, then powdered herself before applying a spritz of perfume. She’d always loved to pamper herself after her bath. All three containers were almost empty, leftovers from her other life, as she thought of her life before her job and engagement ended. But she’d have some money now to indulge her one luxury.

Still, as she gathered up her toiletries, she thought of the person providing her with the paycheck.

How could he forgive her? Why? Why? Why? And why had he let her into his house?

Back in her room, she put her things away, turned out the lights, opened the curtains, then climbed up onto the big four-poster bed.
Father, Justin’s so wonderful as a dad,
she began.
I never realized it. I was so wrong in my judgment of him. There’s no way he can forget what I did. Is there? I doubt I’ll ever forget it.

Sarah sighed and pulled the white lacy pillow into her lap, then clung to it.
How can I,
she whispered finally, admitting to the enormity of what she’d done,
when it was Amy I wronged as well as Justin? And then there’s Mickie.

Sarah slipped under the covers and scooted back against the headboard. The darkness surrounded her; the only light in her room the moonlight that shone through the windows. A small smile curved her mouth and she relaxed as she thought of Mickie.

Thank you, Father, for the opportunity to get to know Mickie. Had You not interceded, I don’t know if I’d ever have gotten up the nerve to come visit her. She’s wonderful. She’s so sweet and kind and fun. She’s so fresh and innocent.
Sarah felt old and weary next to Mickie’s innocence, but she didn’t say that.
I missed Amy’s companionship and didn’t know how much I was missing out on getting to know her daughter. Thank you, Father, for Your love and for Your gentleness and kindness. Help me to be what Mickie and Justin need.

Sighing, she slid down in bed.
Despite the pain of losing my fiancé, I’m happy now. I realize I had drifted from You and hadn’t cleared up my past. Give me courage to make up to Justin for the wrongs I paid him. And, Father, I just know this is going to work out great with Mickie! Despite what Justin says, Mickie seems like the perfect little girl. I really don’t think I’m going to have problems there. Just, maybe, the housekeeping part. So give Justin patience as I learn exactly when he likes to eat and things like that. Amen.

Feeling better after praying, she smiled as she closed her eyes. She would be a good housekeeper and a caring companion for Mickie. Things weren’t going to be so bad after all.

“I
t’s a Sarah Connelly on the line, Mr. Warner.”

Justin pushed back from the paperwork he’d been working on. Brushing a hand through his hair, he leaned forward and snagged the phone.

“Sarah?” he questioned. She’d been baby-sitting for him for over a week now and had never called him at the office. He couldn’t imagine what in the world she’d phone him for, unless it was an emergency.

“I can’t find her!”

The panicked voice sent a chill down his spine. “Find her? Find who, Sarah? Mickie?”

“Yes. School got out early today. You know that. But she had a tutoring session and I was trying to make that cake she wanted and time got away from me.”

The chill turned to full-blown alarm. “Go on,” he said, despite the fact he was certain he heard her sniffle. “Tell me.”

“I was only ten minutes late. I rushed up to the
school. A few children were still around, so it wasn’t as though I was
that
late. But she wasn’t there.”

Terror gripped his heart, but he forced it down. Sarah was hysterical enough for both of them. “What did the principal say?”

“I didn’t ask her. The teacher outside said she had just seen Mickie in the line but didn’t notice her leave the school yard. I started tracing the route home, thinking she might have walked, but couldn’t find her. I went back up to the school. I’ve even been home. She’s nowhere. I thought about calling the police—”

“Mr. Warner?”

He waved at his secretary, motioning her out, but she came forward. “Mr. Warner, Stephanie Williams is on the phone. It’s about Mickie.”

His gaze snapped up at those words. Relief and a sudden suspicion filled his mind. “Sarah, hold on a minute. I may have found Mickie.”

He punched the other line, feeling the tension increase. “Ms. Williams?”

A trilling laugh floated over the phone line. “I’ve told you a dozen times to call me Stephanie, Mr. Warner.”

“My secretary said it’s about Mickie,” he interrupted, feeling his already frayed temper slipping even further from his control.

“Why, yes, it is. Why, the poor little dear. You know I volunteer up there three days a week. I stayed after to help test some of the slower children today during tutoring. You know, they had tutoring today. Anyway…”

Justin wished he could rip the words out of her, but Stephanie had her own way of telling a story and a
talent for drawing the attention to herself. Already, though, his body was relaxing. Mickie was with Stephanie. Somehow he just knew it.

“Yes?” he questioned when she didn’t continue.

“I was getting ready to bring my own child home and Mickie was still there. I had a feeling she was thinking about walking home the way she kept looking around for her ride. The poor little dear. I know you’ve been having trouble with baby-sitters, so I asked her if anyone was coming to pick her up. She said her aunt Sarah had forgotten her. I didn’t know you had a sister. I insisted she ride home with me and we’d call as soon as we arrived, but we forgot, having our cookies and milk, so I’m calling you now.”

Justin closed his eyes and counted to ten. Stephanie wanted him as her next husband. She’d done just about everything to get the message across except send him a telegram. She loved his house, his money and the social position she would have. Oh, he knew her kind. But this was too much. Mickie really liked Stephanie’s daughter, but the woman was lonely and needy, imagining him as the answer to her problems. He didn’t want to tell Stephanie exactly what he thought of her stunt or whom she had terrified, nor did he want to let her off scot-free.
Father, give me patience,
he thought. “I’ll let Sarah know what happened and she’ll come over and pick her up.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary. The girls are having a wonderful time. Why don’t I just keep her until suppertime. You can stop by on your way home from work and have dinner with us…”

“Thank you, Stephanie,” he said, “but I don’t think that’s possible. Sarah is the new housekeeper and
she’ll already have started supper. Besides, Mickie knows she’s suppose to wait or call.”

“Oh, I hope you’re not going to chastise Mickie for the sitter’s being late,” Stephanie said in a pouty voice.

“No. No, not for that at all,” he said, though he would have a talk with his daughter again about getting in a car with anyone other than the person supposed to pick her up. And walking home. He shuddered at the thought. “Look, I have to go. My housekeeper is on the other line. Thanks for calling.” He hung up before she could get another word in.

“Sarah,” he said into the other line, “she’s two blocks over at Stephanie Williams’s house.”

Oh, thank you, Father,
she whispered.

Justin was certain he could hear tears. “You might remember that next time you plan to pick Mickie up,” he growled. He heard a swiftly indrawn breath but didn’t care. He was still shaking himself. He tersely gave her directions to Stephanie Williams’s house and hung up the phone.

“So, what has you looking so grim? Did you find a virus in our latest software package?” Bill quipped as he entered the office.

“Stephanie Williams just took my daughter home from school. It seems Mickie thought Sarah forgot to pick her up.”

“And?”

“And?” Justin asked, staring incredulously at Bill. “Well, for starters, I’m absolutely furious with Sarah. What are you shaking your head about?”

“I’d say you’re feeling the aftereffects of terror.”

Justin frowned. Bill was right. But he didn’t have
to like it. “Sarah has been here over a week. She should have been watching the time.”

Bill raised an eyebrow.

“Mickie was about to walk home!” Justin exclaimed.

Bill chuckled. “I remember you telling me that Mickie once tried to walk to work to visit you.”

Just like that, his fear and anger melted away. And with that, guilt swept in. He felt like a total heel for the way he’d treated Sarah on the phone a few minutes ago. Why hadn’t he remembered this wasn’t the first time his daughter had thought someone had forgotten to pick her up, after she’d waited only a few minutes? He knew it all came from the way Amy had left in the middle of the night, without saying goodbye to Mickie. The slightest incident triggered Mickie’s feelings of abandonment, of being forgotten. Why had he been so angry at Sarah?

Yeah, Mickie had tried walking to his office, which was a forty-five-minute drive from his house. He shook his head and curved his lips as he remembered how Mrs. Winters had called him, hysterical that she couldn’t find Mickie at school. He’d been terrified, too, until the school cross guard came walking back to the building with Mickie. Luckily, Mickie had asked the cross guard for directions downtown, explaining she had wanted to see her daddy. He shuddered recalling, the long talk he’d had with his daughter about waiting where she was told to wait and trying to solve problems herself.

That had been just after Amy died.

“Is Sarah safe or should I go rescue her?”

Justin glanced up at Bill. “What do you mean?”

“Well, that look is off your face, which means Mickie is safe and sound and so is Sarah, so I guess she’ll still be safe when you get home,” Bill said, ignoring Justin’s question.

He slouched in the chair in front of Justin. “So how’s it going on the home front?”

Justin leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands over his stomach. “Fine. Why?”

Bill grinned. “I know both of you and how you’re usually at each other’s throats. I just wondered.”

Justin shrugged. “Sarah’s different.” He thought about how she’d had dinner ready each night, and went to extra lengths every day to have everything done. She was working herself harder than any other housekeeper he’d ever had. He’d never thought of her as the domestic type. He’d also noticed circles under her eyes. He didn’t think she was resting well, though she always smiled and had a kind word for him or a sweet smile and a hug for Mickie.

“She’s eaten up with guilt.”

“What?” Justin regarded Bill, almost having forgotten he was there.

“Guilt. You know what that is. She doesn’t think she’s good enough for anything.”

This was new to Justin. He sat up straighter. “What do you mean? She certainly hasn’t acted like a cowed individual.”

Bill sighed. “Guilt manifests itself in different ways, Justin. Just because she’s not walking around with the ‘woe is me’ look Amy wore whenever she felt sorry for herself doesn’t mean—”

“Let’s leave Amy out of this.”

Bill nodded. “I’m sorry, Justin. What I mean is,
well—” he shrugged, averting his eyes to the window and staring out “—Sarah feels guilty about her boyfriend dumping her, I think. Add that to the way she keeps messing up every relationship she’s involved in—”

“She hasn’t messed up any relationships that I know of,” Justin said, defending her.

“What would you call what happened between the two of you?”

Justin paused. “Well, one mistake, then. She shouldn’t have tried to take my daughter from me. But that’s water under the bridge. Why does she blame herself for the breakup with her fiancé? What happened?”

Bill shrugged. “All I can say is, it wasn’t Sarah’s fault.”

Justin accepted Bill’s vague answer and respected Bill’s ability to keep a confidence. Maybe that was why so many of Bill’s friends confided in him. Yet why did he bring it up if he wasn’t going to tell him? Justin wondered, frustrated.

“Look, just be careful about hurting her. Like when you go home today to discuss that she forgot your daughter. She’s already blaming herself for everything that has gone wrong in the past decade, as far as I can tell. Don’t add to the load.”

Justin was shocked. He’d never pictured Sarah as the sensitive type who would carry around extra baggage like that He’d always thought of her as a “full steam ahead” type who did what she wanted and didn’t really care about what she left in her wake. He remembered his curt words to her the first couple of days and wondered now if she really had been feeling
guilty over everything between them these past years. Was that why she’d come to him?

“So, have you decided to date her?”

“Date?” Justin sputtered.

Bill grinned. “Yeah, as in ‘let’s go out and see a movie’?”

Justin shot Bill a frown. “Of course not. She’s my sister-in-law.”

“Hey, I just wondered. You look so different.”

Did he look different? He’d enjoyed having Sarah in his house this last week. She was sweet, kind and fun to talk with. But he wasn’t in the market for a wife. Especially if what Bill said was true. For he wasn’t going to marry someone else who came to him out of guilt.

Deciding to change the subject, he looked Bill up and down. “So, how’s life been treating you? Looks like you’ve gained a little weight since you married.”

Bill’s grin spread across his face and he locked his hands behind his head. “Ah, yes, the little woman keeps me well-fed.”

Justin stood, straightened his coat and came around the desk. “I’d like to hear what your wife would say about being called ‘little woman.’ Come on. If we’re going to lunch, we’d better get out of here. I have a meeting at two-thirty.”

Bill chuckled and crossed the office with Justin.

He watched Bill’s smile, the ease in his walk, how relaxed he was. Bill had certainly mellowed since marrying. A deep part in Justin yearned for that same thing that Bill had.

Would he ever find it?

* * *

Sarah paced the living room.

Mickie was on the swing in the backyard. Dinner was ready. But Justin wasn’t home.

She had blown it today.

She’d thought being a baby-sitter would be a piece of cake.

And then she’d blown it.

How could she have forgotten Mickie? Justin’s words came back to her.
You might remember that next time you plan to pick Mickie up.
It wasn’t so much the words as the tone. He blamed her, as he should. But it had hurt just the same. She cared for Mickie, too. She hadn’t meant to forget Mickie.

It was just that she was tired. So very tired. She’d been trying so hard to be a good housekeeper and everything that Mickie needed. Justin didn’t know it, but she’d been up nights studying books on parenting and child development, as well as some of the latest housekeeping and cooking tips she found in women’s magazines.

She was beginning to wonder how women had time for anything else but housekeeping. She’d stripped the floors and rewaxed them. She’d shampooed the carpets. And the curtains…well, they’d said in one magazine that they should be taken down once a month to be cleaned to keep any problems with allergies out of the house. Then there were the meals.

Sarah was used to buying canned or frozen convenience foods, not fresh meats and vegetables. Her eating habits weren’t very healthy. But she couldn’t expect Mickie or Justin to eat like that. So she’d been doing her best to fix new innovative meals each night.
And the meals she was fixing took anywhere from two to three hours each. Some she had to start right after Justin went to work because meats had to be marinated or set out to thaw.

Today she’d been trying to get all the ingredients mixed for the chocolate coconut cake Mickie wanted, before she had to leave to pick up the child from school. She’d just happened to glance up at the clock and see she should have been at school that very minute.

Had she been thinking, she would have called the school and asked them to tell Mickie she was on her way and for them to keep an eye on her.

But she hadn’t been thinking. She’d simply run out the door in her haste to reach her niece.

“I’m home.”

Sarah whirled toward the door to see Justin just entering. He looked handsome.

He always looked handsome. The tweed coat and jeans with cowboy boots were so Texan on him. Odd to think he was the head of such a large corporation yet he dressed like this. He was always full of surprises. “Mickie is out back.”

“I see.” Justin put his briefcase in the hall closet after taking out a few papers first. He started toward the library.

“May I talk to you?”

He looked over his shoulder, surprised. “Sure. I wanted to talk to you anyway.”