The Best Goodbye (18 page)

God, she was gorgeous.

I shifted my attention to the hand she had between her open thighs, and my dick throbbed in her tight, hot mouth. Never had a blow job felt this damn good. She wasn’t an expert, but the fact that she was giving it everything she had, while her round ass was up in the air as she got herself off, was making this my own personal fantasy come true.

She moaned, and the vibration made me clench my abs in an attempt to keep from going off in her mouth. I couldn’t do that to her. I never did back when we were younger.

Her tongue came out and flicked my sensitive head, and I grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her off me. “I’m gonna come,” I panted, needing to keep from shooting off in her face.

She looked up at me as she shoved my cock down her throat, just as she got off on her hand, trembling and moaning. I lost it. Holding her head but not wanting her to stop now, I shot my release down her throat, and she took it all, not once coming up or gagging.

“Fuck, Addy, fuck, baby,” I growled as the pleasure rocked me. Watching her take all of me had me wanting to turn this dirty. The kind of dirty I liked. The idea only made my cock twitch back to life as she slowly pulled her lips up and let me go with a smile before she licked the little that had leaked out.

The pleased smile on her face was so damn adorable. I reached for the hand that had been between her legs and grabbed her wrist, bringing it to my mouth so I could suck her fingers.

“Oh,” she murmured, watching me, her thighs still open as she knelt on the seat, watching me.

When I had her fingers clean, I dropped her hand and asked the one thing I really fucking needed to know but was afraid to ask. “How did you know you liked to gag?” I asked.

She frowned at first, then understanding dawned on her, and she grinned, ducking her head shyly. How could she get shy on me now, after all this? “Just because I haven’t been with another man doesn’t mean I haven’t used my imagination to get some release.”

I wasn’t sure I liked that answer. “And who were you picturing?” I asked, still needing to hear it had only been me. Even if that was unfair, I couldn’t help it.

With the most sincere expression I’d ever seen, she said simply, “You. Who else would I fantasize over?”

I reached for her and pulled her onto my lap and claimed her mouth.

When she pressed her wet, bare pussy over my semihard cock, I had to break the kiss to move her back. If she did that, I’d end up fucking her right here in the backseat, and we’d be in this truck all night. That wasn’t where I wanted us to be the first time we slept together again. She deserved more. I’d already let her suck me off. I had to control myself. She wasn’t some slut. She was my Addy.

“No. Not here. Not like this.” My voice was affected. The needing ache was impossible to miss. Addy scooted closer as I set her back. Pushing her away went against every instinct I had, but I wasn’t letting it happen this way. I’d hate myself for it. “Addy, baby, not in this damn truck. At least, not the first time.”

“This isn’t the first time, or did you forget?” she asked, tilting her head to the side with a teasing grin.

“I never forgot that. Never will,” I replied, reaching up to cup the side of her face. “Always this face.” I didn’t say more. She knew what I meant. Neither of us needed me to explain.

She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch. “OK,” she whispered.

Needing this woman had never changed for me. When she was a girl, I’d needed her to complete me. So I could survive. Now that I had her in my arms again, I still needed her. This was how it felt to be whole. It had been so long since I had this feeling that I’d forgotten what it was like.

Addy slid off my lap and sat on the seat beside me. “I need to go back inside in case Franny wakes up,” she explained, and reached for the door handle.

“I’ll walk you inside,” I said, opening the truck door on my side and hopping out, then reaching inside to take her hand.

She slid her hand into mine, and I wanted to keep it there forever. Holding on to this. Part of me feared I’d wake up soon and this would all be a dream. That I wouldn’t have Addy or Franny. That my life would still be devoid of emotion. Devoid of need.

“What’s that look for?” she asked.

I shook off those thoughts and tightened my hold on her hand as I started walking toward her door. “Nothing.”

That wasn’t enough for her, though. She stopped walking and tugged on my arm to get my attention. “Don’t say nothing. I know that frown. It’s the ‘River is thinking unhappy thoughts’ frown. What are you thinking?”

Once, I had been able to tell her everything. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that now. I had darkness in my life that she’d never understand. I couldn’t share those things, not if I wanted to keep her in my life. I had to be worthy of her and Franny. My past was something that would have to stay a secret.

“Just don’t want to wake up and find out this is all a dream,” I replied finally. Every truth I could tell her, I would. It would make up for the lies I would also have to tell.

Her small hand squeezed mine. “Me, too.”

“I’ve got a lot to make up for. I’ve changed, but not when it comes to you. Being with you takes me back to the me I thought I’d lost.”

I just hoped she believed me and saw that, too. Walking away tonight scared me. Once she had time to think about the asshole I’d been since she arrived, she might regret this.

I wasn’t losing her. Not again.

How did you know you liked to gag?

I covered my face with my hands and groaned in embarrassment. Last night, I’d been so worked up from being in River’s arms again I hadn’t even thought about what I was doing. In the light of day, I replayed everything in my head. I didn’t even know that girl I’d become.

I heard Franny in the kitchen and pushed thoughts of River out of my head. I had to focus on today. Last night meant something to me. I just wasn’t sure what it meant to him. Especially after he had time to sleep on it. This afternoon at work would answer my questions. How he acted toward me would tell me if I’d been an idiot or if he had felt what I had felt. The way he had looked at me before he left made me want to believe he was where I was.

“Mommy, you want a waffle?” Franny asked, turning to smile at me as she stood waiting for the toaster to pop out her breakfast.

I shook my head. “No thanks, baby. I think coffee is enough for right now.”

“I figured, but I thought I’d ask.”

Smiling, I walked over and started a pot.

“When will I see Dad again?”

Good question. We hadn’t really discussed that last night. “Soon, I’m sure. He enjoyed being with you as much as you enjoyed being with him,” I assured her.

She grinned and sat down at the table. “I think he enjoyed being with you, too. He looks at you a lot.”

I set my coffee cup down and composed myself. “Don’t get ideas in your head about us, OK?” I needed her to understand. My heart getting broken was one thing, but Franny’s heart getting broken was another. I wasn’t willing to take that chance.

Last night, I had been with River again, but I couldn’t forget that I’d seen the side of him that was Captain. And Captain wasn’t someone I was willing to trust all the way. Not yet.

“I’m not getting ideas. I’m just saying I saw him looking at you a lot. Bet if he saw you with your blond hair, he’d really think you were beautiful.”

Franny hadn’t liked it when I colored my hair red. She’d said I didn’t look right. She liked us looking similar.

“I don’t think that’ll be the case. But I do think it’s time I went back to my original color.”

Franny started eating, and I drank my coffee, sighing in relief that this conversation was coming to a close.

“When you see him today, will you ask him if he wants to get ice cream with us again?”

She wanted him around so badly. “Why don’t I invite him over here for dinner on my next night off? We can cook for him.”

Franny beamed at me. “Yes, that’s even better. But let’s cook him our best stuff. Not just pizza. I can make the biscuits.”

“OK. It’s a deal,” I agreed.

•  •  •

By the time I got to work that afternoon, I was even more unsure. Part of me had expected a call or possibly a text from him. But there had been nothing. Twice, I’d almost texted him to ask him over for dinner, but I’d stopped myself. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, and if he regretted last night, then I wasn’t sure I could face him. Especially after what I’d done.

My face flushed with embarrassment yet again, and I ducked my head as I walked through the back entrance.

“You’re late.” Elle’s sharp tone startled me, and I looked up to see her walking out of Captain’s office and closing the door behind her.

The sharp pain that shot through me caused me to wince. I didn’t want her to think she upset me, but knowing she had been in Captain’s office was difficult to take. Especially since I’d heard them in there once having sex.

“I’m five minutes early,” I replied. I was never late. She knew that, and she hated it.

“Not by my clock. I’ll be writing you up if this happens again.”

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I didn’t. Taking the high road, I walked past her and toward the lockers in the employee lounge to put my purse away and get my apron. When I walked past Captain’s door, I resisted the urge to kick it. I didn’t know what she was doing in there, but I hated that I was completely jealous.

Last night had been a mistake. He hadn’t texted or called all day, and then I saw his ex leave his office the moment I arrived. If I didn’t acknowledge the clues that were being thrown at me, I was being naive. He was Franny’s dad. That was it. I wouldn’t play this game.

Brad was in the employee lounge, and he turned and smiled at me. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I replied, surprised that he’d actually spoken to me.

“Last night was crazy busy. Be glad you were off.”

Small talk. Something else I hadn’t expected. “Yeah? I hope tonight isn’t too bad.”

“Hope this new guy can handle things when Captain’s gone.”

Something else I hadn’t thought through. Would I keep working here when Captain was gone? Why keep this job and deal with Elle, when I could work somewhere where I didn’t have to deal with a mean bitch who hated me?

“I’m sure Captain will have him ready when he leaves,” I said to fill the silence. Because right now, I didn’t want to think about Captain.

“You’re right. I will.” Captain’s voice came from the doorway. I tensed but didn’t turn around to look at him.

“Oh, yeah. I know you will. I just meant that he’s not like you. I don’t doubt your skills.” Brad sounded a little nervous.

“Rose, I need to see you in my office.” His voice had softened from the one he’d used with Brad.

“I’m late. If I don’t get out to the dining room, your girlfriend will write me up. She told me so when she came out of your office earlier.” The bitterness in my tone was obvious. I hadn’t meant to say all that, but it just came spilling out. Now I looked like a jealous bitch. Crap.

“Now, Rose.” His voice lowered, and I could hear a small warning in his tone.

As much as I wanted to scream at him to go away—because I really did want to throw a total female fit—I nodded and closed my locker with more force than necessary, before turning to follow him to his office.

Except he didn’t turn around, and he wasn’t walking away. He was watching me, with a frown wrinkling his forehead. He was confused, as he should be. I was completely overreacting. So we had made out last night. It wasn’t like we made any promises.

This wasn’t high school, but I was acting like a crazy teenage girl.

I sighed. There was nothing I could say about it except that I was sorry. I didn’t think my pride was going to let me apologize, though.

Captain turned and headed toward his office. All I could do was fall in step behind him. I could feel Brad’s eyes on my retreating back, but there was no way I was saying goodbye to him or even looking at him. I might not be able to make eye contact with him again after this. Somehow I’d managed to embarrass myself even more.

At the first step I took into Captain’s office, he turned and wrapped his hand around my wrist and tugged me closer before slamming the door behind me. I jumped, and my pulse quickened under his firm touch. I’d made him angry, but I wasn’t scared of him.

“Girlfriend?” he said in a low, gravelly voice, as he backed me up against the door. “Last time I checked, it was
your
pussy I was tasting.”

Oh, dear God.

“Elle has no power to do shit to you. Her threats are pointless. I won’t let her hurt you, and you know that. You
should
know that.” He stopped and lowered his head until his lips kissed my neck. “You getting jealous pisses me off and turns me the fuck on, all at the same time.”

Oh, dear God.

His tongue came out, and he ran it along the curve of my neck. “Don’t want anyone else. Told you last night it was always your face. Every damn time. I never could love anyone but you.”

My body melted against him.

“I tried all there was to try. I did everything I could to get you out of my head. But not one day went by that I didn’t miss you. That I didn’t see your face when I closed my eyes.”

His mouth trailed kisses up my neck, until he placed one small one at the corner of my mouth. Then he rested his forehead against mine and picked me up by the waist until I was at his eye level.

“Tell me what set you off. Was it Elle walking out of my office? Just because she comes in here to bitch doesn’t mean I want her here. You need to trust me.”

“You didn’t call or even text me all day,” I blurted out.

A slow smile tugged at his lips, and he shook his head. “I was giving you some space to accept this. Us. Last night was intense, and I didn’t want to overwhelm you. But if I’d thought for a second you were waiting for me to call, I’d have fucking called you.”

All the worry and jealousy that had been eating me up vanished, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’m sorry.”

He chuckled and leaned in to claim my mouth in a kiss that was as sweet as it was hot. I grabbed handfuls of his hair, and his hands gripped me tighter as he pulled me against him. “Wrap your legs around me,” he said against my lips.