The Best Man (14 page)

“Maybe one more?” Colin grinned at Beth. “I could lift you up like you’re an offering, a tribute to the great beast?”

“Honestly, Colin, I have no idea why you weren’t more popular with the girls back in high school.”

BETH AWOKE TO FIND
Colin sitting on the edge of the bed watching her. She smiled but he didn’t return the gesture. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s only that I need to talk to you. I meant to yesterday but we were having fun and then we came back here and … had, well fun doesn’t do what we did here justice.” His lips twitched, but the humor didn’t reach his eyes.

“This is a lot of intro.” She sat up, drawing her knees to her chest.

“Rather too much, I swear.”

“Okay.” The wave of nausea in her stomach indicated otherwise

“I’ve got a flight home … today.”

It wasn’t supposed to hurt. She’d been so careful, tried so hard to guard her heart. “Today? Wow.”

“I have to take care of a few things. I was only planning to be away for four days. It’s been ten. My fish have probably resorted to cannibalism.”

Beth forced a smile on to her face. “Of course. Vacations always have to end, right?”

He frowned. “Don’t. That is not what this is, what we are.” He reached over to touch her face but she pulled away. “Come with me.”

“I told you I can’t do that.”

“I’m not asking you to move, just take a few days. I’ll show you where I grew up. You’d enjoy the gardens my mother planted, and I’d enjoy the chance to show them to you.”

It hurt to breath. She concentrated on pulling in air and pushing it out. Slowly. She just had to keep breathing. They were always going to be temporary. She’d known that going in. “I have a wedding — been working on it for months. I can’t just take off.”

“When’s the wedding? I could wait another couple days. I never really liked the fish anyway.”

“That’s silly. You have a life and you need to get back to it.” It wasn’t supposed to feel like this.

He cupped her cheek. “This doesn’t mean we’re done. I still most ardently intend to marry you.”

Beth stood up and walked across the room. Her hands shook as she pulled on a robe. “I think it’s time we accept reality. We hit it off, we had fun together, but we knew from the start that this couldn’t be permanent.” She couldn’t look him in the eye, couldn’t let him see how close she was to crying.

“Bullocks.”

“Colin —”

“I’m in love with you, Beth, and you can’t pretend that you feel nothing for me. You wouldn’t be angry if you didn’t care.”

“I’m not angry and of course I feel something for you.”
Love.
How the hell had she let herself fall in love with him? “I’m not saying we’ll never talk again, but the long distance thing doesn’t work.”

“You’re arguing against something I never suggested. Agree to marry me and I move.”

“I can’t do that.” Reality would hit him when he got home. A couple days away, surrounded by his friends and he would change his mind. Colin would decide that she wasn’t worth it. No, she couldn’t say yes, couldn’t start planning their life together only to have him call and say never mind. “Maybe with a little distance we can be friends.”

“Friends?” He stood up and grasped her shoulders. “You truly think we can be friends? Forward e-mails with baby animals and exchange Christmas cards? That’s far crazier than anything I’ve ever suggested. We’re more than friends, Beth. I asked you to be my wife, gave you my grandmother’s ring, offered to leave my job, my friends and family, to move to this freakishly sunny hell and you’re suggesting that we be friends? No. I don’t want to be your friend.” Colin lifted her chin so she had to meet his eyes. “Marry me. Hell, we could do it today.”

“I need to take a shower.” She was going to cry. At least if it happened in private she could pretend to maintain her dignity. 

Colin stared at her for a moment, not bothering to hide the hurt in his eyes. “I see.” He nodded once, removed his hands from her shoulders and walked away.

Beth clutched the edge of her dresser to steady herself before going to her bathroom. She locked the door and turned the shower on.

Beth had never experienced a panic attack before, but she knew enough to recognize the signs even when she was the one showing them. She sat on edge of her tub and closed her eyes.
Breathe in
. She wasn’t dying. It might feel that way. That’s what she always told nervous brides or jilted grooms. It felt like a heart attack, but it wasn’t.
Breathe out.
Calm, controlled breathing was key, but easier said than done.

It couldn’t really be love. She was under the spell of perfect sexual chemistry. That was all. Certainly in a few days the haze would clear and she’d be glad that she hadn’t done anything rash.
Shit! Was she on breathe in or breathe out?
Colin wasn’t thinking clearly. She had to be the reasonable one.

She could handle that. Beth was always reasonable. Love didn’t make her a different person.

Colin was knocking on her bathroom door. “I called a taxi. It’ll be here soon.”

Soon? She had to wet her hair, make it look like she’d simply taken a shower.

He was standing near the couch when she came out, his bags by the front door.

“You’re all packed,” she said, trying to mask some of her sadness.

“I am.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

Beth pulled the ring he’d given her out of her pocket. She stared at it for a moment. It’d be easy to just slip it on and do the irresponsible thing for once. In the end, she couldn’t compel herself to do it. “Here.”

He looked at it for a second before turning away. “You could keep it.”

“It was your grandmother’s. You have to take it back.” She pressed the ring into his hand.

They were both quiet for a moment while he looked at it. “Did you ever try it on?”

“No,” she lied. She’d tried it on and it was beautiful. She considered taking it back, but it was all too dangerous. If she let him in any deeper, her heart wouldn’t simply be broken when he ended things, it would shatter beyond repair. “When’s your flight?”

“Late afternoon.”

She nodded. “You can’t really be too careful with international flights. Good to go early. Leave plenty of time for the security screenings and … uh … such.”

“This is what you want? You’re certain?”

No. Of course she wasn’t certain. “You know about liquid rules, right? Can’t carry on more than three ounces of conditioner. Frizzy hair’s a small price to pay in the fight against terror.” Now she was just babbling.

Colin narrowed his eyes.

She waited, expecting him to call her out on the lame small talk but he just looked at her. The silence was painful. “I — um —”

“I honestly believed this would turn out differently. I was certain that you …” A car horn sounded and Colin shrugged. “Good bye, Beth.” He moved quickly out the door.

“Good —” Beth stood on her doorstep and watched Colin climb into the taxi.

How the hell had he managed to become the best thing in her life in only a week? She wanted to think it had only been sex, but that wasn’t true. Colin made her laugh; he made her want to do things and have things that had nothing to do with work. Beth couldn’t remember the last time she was even tempted to put something above her career.

He’d really left. He hadn’t even put up much of a fight in the end. It was what she’d expected, but not what she’d hoped for. No. Walking alone back into her living room, Beth had to admit that she’d wanted to be proven wrong.

Without him, her apartment was too quiet. She snatched up her cellphone and called Eli, ignoring the inner voice that pointed out how sad it was that her boss was the closest thing she really had to a confidant.

“Hey, Cinnabon.”

She struggled to come up with an excuse for her call. “Hey, Eli. I was just calling to--”

“What’s wrong?” The man had a sixth sense.

“Nothing.”

“Liar, liar -- better check your trousers.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You didn’t complain when I called you Cinnabon. You always complain. I believe the rule you cite involves your outlawing of the word buns in a professional setting.”

“I just didn’t notice you said it.”

“You always notice.”

“Maybe I’m a little tired.”

“MmmmHmmm. New boy keeping you busy at night?” Beth could practically hear his grin.

“He’s not my … Actually, Colin has already left for the airport.”

“I’m sorry, sweetness. Should I arrange for a H
ä
agen-Daz delivery?”

“No.” Beth tried to force out a light laugh and ended up with something that sounded like choking.

“So, you’re trying to convince yourself that it’s all for the best and that you don’t really miss him?”

“I’m not — I mean, it is all for the best, but I’m not pretending anything. It just is what it is … or was.”

“And what is that exactly?”

“I don’t know.” Sighing, Beth dropped onto the couch and propped her feet up on its arm.

“Did you tell him that you’re in love with him?”

Tears stung her eyes. She blinked hard and fast.  “No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.” The dam of willpower burst and tears flowed down her cheeks.

“Call him. Tell him.”

“And then what?”

“You give happily ever after a go.”

“But what if he changes his mind? What if I say yes and he gives up his job and his home and he moves here and … changes his mind?  Then it’s my entire fault.”

Eli sighed heavily. “Bethy, sweetheart, I think you’re more worried about what will happen to you if things don’t work out, and that’s normal. Well, some of that is normal and some of that is you being you.”

She sniffled. “’Cause I’m a freak?”

“You’re quirky but lovable.”

“It’s not that I think he’s lying. I know he believes that he’s in love with me. But how can it be real? I mean, who falls in love in a week?”

“You did.”

“Maybe because I’m quirky.”

“Call him.”

She wanted to. God, she wanted to. “I can’t. I just can’t.” Beth hung up a moment later, buried her face in a throw pillow, and gave in to the cry that had been threatening to erupt all morning.

She was awoken sometime later by banging on her front door. It was almost dark. Beth stumbled as she stood up, her muscles stiff from sleeping in a strange position, and ran her hand over her hair.  She winced as her fingers caught in the snarls; she never dried it after her fake shower, never even combed it. Uncaring, she headed to the door, intent on giving the unsuspecting Bible salesman or cookie-toting Girl Scout on the other side an eyeful.

Colin pushed in before she finished opening the door. “You didn’t come to the airport.” Glaring, he tossed his bags on the floor.

Everything stopped. She stared at him. “You’re …”

“You were going to let me leave. What the hell is wrong with you? How could you not come to the airport? In the movies, they always go to the airport.” Colin turned away and began pacing.

“You didn’t leave.” Her voice was almost a whisper as tears began sliding down her cheeks.

“No, of course I didn’t. I told you, I’m in love with you -- you maddening woman.” His gaze met hers. “How could you not go to the airport?”

He was back. Beth’s heart reeled. “If I had to ask you to stay, then maybe you didn’t really want to. And then you’d just end up leaving anyway.”

“That’s shit, Beth. Everyone wants to know they’re wanted. This game you’ve been playing-- where you keep all the power and leave me begging on my knees -- it doesn’t keep you safe. It just makes me feel like shit.”

Beth lifted her hand toward his face. He backed away. “You’re right.” She took a step closer. “I was afraid. I didn’t want to get into anything and risk getting hurt. It seems stupid now. It hurt anyway, I don’t --”

Colin cupped her face with his hands. “The important part. Say the important part.”

“I tried on the ring. I wore it to bed Saturday night.”

His eyes widened and glazed for a moment. “Keep going.”

“It’s crazy.”

He nodded. “Good.”

“I’ve only known you a week.”

“Yes.”

She started to pull away. “I don’t think I can --”

He grasped her arms. “Beth.”

“I love you.”

A slow smile spread across his lips. “That’s very good. Say it again.”

She chuckled nervously.

“Again,” Colin demanded.

“I love you.”

“One more time … with my name.”