The Best of Archy and Mehitabel (8 page)

paris france

i have not been

to geneva but i have been

talking to a french cockroach

who has just returned

from there traveling all the

way in a third class

compartment he says there is no

hope for insect or man in

the league of nations

what prestige it ever had is gone

and it never had any

the idea of one great brotherhood

of men and insects on earth

is very attractive to me

but mehitabel the cat

says i am a communist an

anarchist and a socialist

she has been shocked to the soul

she says by what the

revolutionists did here during

the revolution

i am always the aristocrat archy

she said i may go and play

around montmartre and that sort

of thing and in fact i was

playing up there with francy last

night but i am always the lady

in spite of my little larks

toujours gai archy and toujours

the lady that is my motto in

spite of

ups and downs

what they did to us aristocrats

at the time of the revolution

was a plenty archy

it makes my heart bleed

to see signs of it all

over town those poor

dear duchesses that got it

in the neck i can sympathize

with them archy i may not

look it now but i come of a

royal race myself

i have come down in the world

but wotthehell archy wotthehell

jamais triste archy jamais triste

that is my motto

always the lady and always

out for a good time

francy and i lapped up

a demi of beer in a joint

up on the butte last night

that an american tourist

poured out for us

and everybody laughed and it

got to be the fashion up there

to feed beer to us cats

i did not get a vulgar souse

archy no lady gets a vulgar

souse wotthehell i hope i am above

all vulgarity but i did get a

little bit lit up

and francy did too we came

down and got on top of the

new morgue and sang and did

dances there

francy seems to see

something attractive about

morgues when he gets lit up

the old morgue he says was

a more romantic morgue but

vandal hands have torn it down

but wotthehell archy this one

will do to dance on

francy is showing me a side

paris he says tourists don t often

get a look at he has a little

love nest down in the

catacombs where

he and i are living now

he and i go down there

and do the tango amongst the

bones he is really a most

entertaining and agreeable

companion archy and he has some

very quaint ideas he is busy now

writing a poem about

us two cats filled with beer

dancing among the bones

sometimes i think francy

is a little morbid

when i see these lovely old places

that us aristocrats built archy

in the hands of the bourgeois it

makes me almost wild

but i try to bear up i try

to bear up i find agreeable

companions and put a good face

on it toujours gai that is my

motto toujours gai

francy is a little bit done up

today he tried to steal a

partridge out of a frying

pan in a joint up on the butte

we went back there for more beer

after our party

at the morgue

and the cook beaned him with

a bottle poor francy i

should hate to lose him

but something tells me i should

not stay a widow long

there is something in the air

of paris archy

that makes one young again

there s more than one

dance in the old dame yet

and with these words she

put her tail in the air and

capered off down the alley

i am afraid we shall never

get mehitabel back to america

archy

where have i been so long

you ask me

i have been going up

and down like the devil

seeking what i might devour

i am hungry always hungry

and in the end i shall

eat everything

all the world shall come at

last to the multitudinous maws

of insects

a civilization perishes

before the tireless teeth

of little little germs

ha ha i have thrown off the mask

at last

you thought i was only

an archy

but i am more than that

i am anarchy

where have i been you ask

i have been organizing the insects

the ants the worms the wasps

the bees the cockroaches

the mosquitoes

for a revolt against mankind

i have declared war

upon humanity

i even i shall fling

the mighty atom

that splits a planet asunder

i ride the microbe

that crashes down olympus

where have i been you ask me where

i am jove and from my seat

on the edge of a bowl of beef stew

i launch the thunderous

molecule

that smites a cosmos into bits

where have i been you ask

but you had better ask

who follows in my train

there is an ant

a desert ant a tamerlane

who ate a pyramid in rage

that he might get at and devour

the mummies of six hundred

kings who in remote

antiquity had stepped upon

and crushed ascendants of his

my myrmidons

are trivial things

and they have always ruled

the world

and now they shall strike down mankind

i shall show you how

a solar system

pivots on the nubbin

of a flageolet bean

i shall show you how a blood clot

moving in a despot’s brain

flung a hundred million men

to death and disease

and plunged a planet into woe

for twice a hundred years

we have the key

to the fourth dimension

for we know the little things

that swim and swarm

in protoplasm

i can show you love and hate

and the future

dreaming side by side

in a cell

in the little cells where

matter is so fine it merges

into spirit

you ask me where i have been

but you had better

ask me where i am

and what

i have been drinking

exclamation point

archy

say comma boss comma capital

i apostrophe m getting tired of

being joshed about my

punctuation period capital t followed by

he idea seems to be

that capital i apostrophe m

ignorant where punctuation

is concerned period capital n followed by

o such thing semi

colon the fact is that

the mechanical exigencies of

the case prevent my use of

all the characters on the

typewriter keyboard period

capital i apostrophe m

doing the best capital

i can under difficulties semi colon

and capital i apostrophe m

grieved at the unkindness

of the criticism period please

consider that my name

is signed in small

caps period

archy period

I THOUGHT THAT SOME HISTORIC DAY

SHIFT KEYS WOULD LOCK IN SUCH A WAY

THAT MY POETIC FEET WOULD FALL

UPON EACH CLICKING CAPITAL

AND NOW FROM KEY TO KEY I CLIMB

TO WRITE MY GRATITUDE IN RHYME

YOU LITTLE KNOW WITH WHAT DELIGHT

THROUGHOUT THE LONG AND LONELY NIGHT

I’VE KICKED AND BUTTED (FOOT AND BEAN)

AGAINST THE KEYS OF YOUR MACHINE

TO TELL THE MOVING TALE OF ALL

THAT TO A COCKROACH MAY BEFALL

INDEED IF I COULD NOT HAVE HAD

SUCH OCCUPATION I’D BE MAD

AH FOR A SOUL LIKE MINE TO DWELL

WITHIN A COCKROACH THAT IS HELL

TO SCURRY FROM THE PLAYFUL CAT

TO DODGE THE INSECT EATING RAT

THE HUNGRY SPIDER TO EVADE

THE MOUSE THAT %) ?)) ” ” ” $$$ ((gee boss

what a jolt that cat mehitabel made

a jump for me

i got away but she unlocked the shift key

it kicked me right into the

mechanism where she

couldn t reach me it

was nearly the death of little

archy that kick spurned me right

out of parnassus back into

the vers libre slums i lay

in behind the wires for an hour after

she left before i dared to get

out and finish i hate

cats say boss please lock the shift

key tight some night

i would like to tell the story of

my life all in capital

letters

archy

thank your friends for me for

all their good advice about how to

work your typewriter but what i have

always claimed is that manners and methods

are no great matter compared

with thoughts in poetry you cant hide

gems of thought so they wont flash

on the world on the other hand if you press

agent poor stuff that wont make it live

my ego will express itself in spite of

all mechanical obstacles having something

to say is the thing being sincere

counts for more than forms of expression thanks

for the doughnuts

archy

as a representative

of the insect world

i have often wondered

on what man bases his claims

to superiority

everything he knows he has had

to learn whereas we insects are born

knowing everything we need to know

for instance man had to invent

airplanes before he could fly

but if a fly cannot fly

as soon as he is hatched

his parents kick him out and disown him

i should describe the human race

as a strange species of bipeds

who cannot run fast enough

to collect the money

which they owe themselves

as far as government is concerned

men after thousands of years practice

are not as well organized socially

as the average ant hill or beehive

they cannot build dwellings

as beautiful as a spiders web

and i never saw a city

full of men manage to be as happy

as a congregation of mosquitoes

who have discovered a fat man

on a camping trip

as far as personal beauty

is concerned who ever saw

man woman or child

who could compete with a butterfly

if you tell a dancer

that she is a firefly

she is complimented

a musical composer

is all puffed up with pride

if he can catch the spirit

of a summer night full of crickets

man cannot even make war

with the efficiency and generalship

of an army of warrior ants

and he has done little else

but make war for centuries

make war and wonder

how he is going to pay for it

man is a queer looking gink

who uses what brains he has

to get himself into trouble with

and then blames it on the fates

the only invention man ever made

which we insects do not have

is money and he gives up

everything else to get money

and then discovers that it is not worth

what he gave up to get it

in his envy he invents

insect exterminators

but in time every city he builds

is eaten down by insects

what i ask you is babylon now

it is the habitation of fleas

also nineveh and tyre

humanitys culture consists

in sitting down in circles

and passing the word around

about how darned smart humanity is

i wish you would tell

the furnace man at your house

to put out some new brand

of roach paste i do not get

any kick any more out of the brand

he has been using the last year

formerly it pepped me up

and stimulated me

i have a strange tale about

mehitabel to tell you

more anon

archy