Authors: Jaclyn Moriarty
âA zebra finch?' I said. âA zebra mussel? A zebra shark? Or a zebra longwing butterfly?'
I was trying, light-heartedly, to point out that the word âzebra' appears in the names of many animals.
He turned and fixed me with his gaze. âNo,' he said. âJust a zebra.' Then he turned away.
I said I would be a giraffe, but, much like Finnegan Blonde, I did not explain.
Anyway, after the animal game had finished, Try said we had one more game to play. She said it was a game we'd play regularly throughout the year. She called it the Name Game. We had to write our names in the centre of a blank piece of paper and pass the paper around the group.
âEach new name you get,' said Try, âwrite a small comment about that person.' She looked at Finnegan Blonde. âYou're new, aren't you? Sorry, if you can believe it, I've already forgotten your nameâI remember you come from Queensland,
but I can'tâanyway, it might be tough for you to write comments about the others because you're new, eh? But maybe you noticed something just in this class today? Do you think you can get by?'
And so we all wrote our names in large letters and we surrendered the Names to the group.
I beg your pardon.
We surrendered them to our life raft.
After some time of passing the papers around, the Names arrived back at their owners, and we learned what the others thought of us.
For your information, I have typed out the comments that the seven others wrote, and this is attached to my report.
I could tell that the others were pleased with their Names (as I was with mine). There was much laughing, gasping, even some teary eyes about the room.
The bell rang.
As we packed to go, there was talk of a party at Emily's house this Saturday. Who was attending? Why was it being held? Was it somebody's birthday? (I am paraphrasing of course.) Had Sergio not heard? He was invited! General hilarity; disgraceful language; and so on.
I left without saying goodbye.
As I did, I heard a voice croaking behind me like a cane toad in mating season. It was Toby Mazzerati: âFlying fingers Mackenzie, folks, there she goes, the talking dictionary, and where does she go, to the library, folks, is she off to the library to learn some new polysyllamogononsense words? Or . . .' And so on.
Then I heard another voice. It was Try, the teacher, beside me. She came up to my shoulder.
âBindy,' she said, âI like your nail polish.'
She was smiling at my fingernails, which I paint in multi coloursâred, green, purple, and so on.
At least she had remembered
Attachment to Report on âFriendship and Development': Sample of the âNameGame'
Bindy is a kind-hearted, caring human being and
none of us could ever do without her.
Bindy earns our respect by getting marks in the
99.9th percentile. That takes hard work and
There is nothing I would change about Bindy. She is
perfect. Bindy, stay exactly as you are.
Bindy's hairstyle (and her multi-coloured nail polish
and wacky glasses) say: âI'm a fun and zany girl!
Don't be afraid to say “hi” nor to ask for some
help with Economics.'
Bindy takes time from her busy schedule to represent
the school in debating and oratory.
And she's a fast typist.
Bindy is never conceited or âbig-headed'. On the
contrary, when she does well on an exam, she
immediately offers to share the paper around, so that
others can learn from her success.
Bindy's voice is like the dawn chorus
of a flock of nightingales.
A Memo from Bindy Mackenzie
|Time:||Friday, 10.00 am|
I believe you chose the animal âcane toad' at the FAD session on Wednesday? I thought you might like to know a few fun facts about yourself:
|â¢||You were introduced to Australia in 1935 to control beetles that were eating sugar cane roots. That was a disaster. You got out of control. Now there are just|
too many of you.
|â¢||You are poisonous! People have died after eating you in soup.|
|â¢||Your poison oozes out of your glands. Also, you squirt people in the face with it.|
|â¢||In the mating season, you grow lumps on your fingers which help you hold tightly to female cane toads.|
All the best,
As Saturday sings and skips along, so Bindy unwinds from her busy week by:
|1.||Kmart. Morning shift (7.30â12.30) (Womenswear)|
The Duchess of Malfi
|7.||Household tasks (laundry/vacuuming)|
|8.||Babysitting. Brentwoods (6.30 pm until midnight) (BRING JOHN DONNE)|
|11.||Prepare Sunday list of things to do|
|12.||Go to bed|
FROM THE TRANSCRIPT FILE OF BINDY MACKENZIE
Castle Towers food court, after work. I sit near Mister Minit, where keys are cut and bracelets are engraved. There is an occasional horrible shrieking sound from Mister Minit. Single lines of conversation float into my hearing.
A man says to his wife:
And all this is real? Because, you know, it doesn't seem all that plausible.
A girl rushes by with a group of friends, concluding a story with the words:
It was a great, big, giant head of cabbage!!
Here are some Lines from a Book which Caught Brady's Eye Today . . .
On the etiquette of shopping
âIn inquiring for goods at a store or shop, do not say to the clerk or salesman “I want” such an article, but, “Please show me” such an article, or some other polite form of address . . . It is rude to sneer at and depreciate goods, and exceedingly discourteous to the salesman . . . Whispering in a store is rude. Loud and showy behaviour is exceedingly vulgar.'
Our Deportment, or the Manner, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society; including Forms for Letters, Invitations, etc, etc, Also, Valuable Suggestions on Home Culture and Training by
John H. Young (1881), pp 150â151.
Night Time Musings of Bindy Mackenzie
Monday, 4.30 am
I have awakened in a feverish state.
Strange, strange how my heart crashes about like a sneaker in a clothes-drier.
There are just three days until Wednesday.
Already, I have written to the Board (step 1), and have begun to expose the poisonous souls of my FAD class (step 2).
Anyway, I have exposed the poisonous soul of Toby Mazzerati.
I think that was a success. On Friday, I put his soul in an envelope and stuck it to the outside of his locker.
Later that day, I saw him leaning against a classroom door. âHey, Bindy,' he said as I passed by. âThanks for your note.'
Everything about his words had a careful, uncertain tone. As if he were seated at a piano, trying out a difficult new piece.
âYou're welcome,' I said, mysteriously, and I smiled.
âUh,' he said, âbut, by the way, I didn't say I was a cane toad. In the FAD class? I didn't say cane toad.'
âYou didn't?' I feigned surprise.
âNo. I said wolverine.'
I laughed then, a waterfall of laughter, and continued on my way.
Emily Thompson is next.
As for the weekend? My first weekend in Year 11? I think it went well. At Kmart, I was on the changing room door and had to give out the plastic numbers: 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5. (It is forbidden to try on more than five items at a time.)
I like to imagine that I am the Gatekeeper to the Kingdom of Changing Rooms. The plastic number is my gift to shoppers. A magic key that will reveal its purpose at an unexpected moment. Perhaps it will slay a dragon or open a secret door?
I have noticed that shoppers do not see the plastic number in this way.
Anyway, I survived Kmart, and I ticked off everything on Saturday's list. But I encountered my downfall again:
This is what happened.
When I arrived at the Brentwoods to babysit on Saturday night, Maureen Brentwood gave me TWO BOOKS.
She runs a second-hand bookshop called
and she has been promising to set aside a book that I might like. I have never believed her promise. Why give away books when you could sell them?
Seriously, it's just not the secret to success. There is flaking paint on her front door and mould spots on her bathroom ceiling: I believe she could use some success.
Yet, she gave me two books as she ran out the door, her husband waving from the car.
Now, I was
to spend the evening reciting John Donne poems to Rebecca (aged three) and Sam (aged one), to help me memorise the poems (and for the good of the children's vocabulary), but instead, I watched them play with their fingerpaints.
And as I watched, I thought to myself:
what a lovely person Mrs Brentwood is,
what a rare thing it is, to meet a thoughtful person in this cruel world,
how did she know that I love history?
(The books are about etiquette in the nineteenth century.)
Next thing I was caught up in reverie about books, history, clothes, rules, manners, kindness
and so on,
and all the time I was so happy that Mrs Brentwood had thought of me, I wanted to cry.
After I put the children to bed I played Mr Brentwood's PlayStationâ¢ all night.
I don't know.
So much for the night of John Donne!
Last night there was babysitting for Eleanoraâno chance of working there, of course!
knows of my fondness for history, but I cannot imagine her giving me books.)
How do I expect to maintain my position (first) in all my classes if I don't use every moment? People say that Year 12
is important because that's when you do the HSC, but it's in
that your rank is set in stone. If I slip down a rank or two this year, I doubt I will be able to climb back up and I will end up living on the streets with a cardboard sign:
|$1 for a smile|
Now, it is my belief that character flaws should be imprisoned to stop them from spreading. But I'm tired of writing the word âreverie' and putting it into a box.
I must think about Emily Thompson.
It's lucky I don't need much sleep.
I believe that Emily Thompson is a vampire.
Also, I believe that Emily Thompson wrote the following on my Name Game:
Well, what can you say about Bindy. Hmm. Did someone say the word âSMART'???? Bindy! You have words in your head that would be too long to fit in anyone else's head! Because you have SUCH A HUGE HEAD!! Just kidding!! (kind of)
Let me explain why I think that.
Emily Thompson is a walking exclamation mark.
She is always opening her mouth and her eyes in astonishment. She reminds me of the face at Luna Park, or a set of swinging double doors. Life bursts out of Emily's face just as people burst through swinging double doors.
(sucks the blood) of the people she likes. (Such as her two best friendsâwho, along with Emily, spent the summer with my mother, by the way. Did I spend the summer with my mother? Why, no, actually. Thanks for asking. She was busy with Emily Thompson and Emily's two best friends.)
the people she dislikes.
I am a person Emily dislikes.
What else? She wears too much lipgloss. She talks in capital letters (her voice is so loud you can hear her from the front gates of the school).
And, strangest of all, she is obsessed with doing well at school.
Strange because she is a moron.
She will never do well at school.
Yes, there is no doubt. She is the one who wrote that comment on my Name Game. All those exclamation marks and capitals. Poor girl, she can't stand how well I do, so she tells herself I am âbig-headed'. Jealousy, thy name is Emily.
So, how to describe her true nature?
I will reflect upon it and before this week is up,
I will show her.
But, more to the point, on Wednesday afternoon at the next session of FAD, I will show them ALL my own true nature.
At last, I am going to speak my mind.
I wonder how to slow my beating heart?
Resolutions from the Heart. This week, Bindy will . . .
1. Live until Wednesday afternoon (that is, do not have a heart attack before then).