The Binding (18 page)

Weeping, she clings to m e saying, “So much pain, Tharin!
There ’
s so much pain !
”

I hold her close. The calling has somehow open ed Lily’s connection to the tree. Her abilities are raw, inexperienced and running on pure emotions. The e ffect the oak is having on her is tearing her apart as she continues to scream.
I’ve seen others, including myself, feel the pain of nature abused and neglected. The overwhelming feelings of sad ness , pain and despair can bring even the strongest of Sidhe to his knees if he’s not shielded against the emotional onslaught. I hold on tight as Lily’s body starts trembling and the ache of sorrow that runs through her now runs th r ough me as well. So much pain!
It’s more than she can handle.

I take her by the shoulder and bring her face close, saying “Lily. Lily, listen to me. You need to let go, let go of the pain.”

She shakes wildly, begging me to help stop the pain. She starts to cry uncontrollably and I feel helpless to comfort her. I try to calm her mentally, but the pain has somehow shielded her against me.

“I can
’
t , Lily, you have to let go.”
I can feel the panic in me rise as s he wails and throws her body back, rack ed with pain .
I hold on tight. I bring her close to me again and I can feel her chest convulse each time she’s hit with another attack.
I’m beside myself with fear. Fear that I’ll not reach her . F
ear that I may lose her not so much physically, but mentally. I have no other choice but to do the Binding with Lily .
T
o save her, I tell myself.

I hold her head still in my hands and touch my forehead to hers , but she fights me and struggles to escape; to escape my hold, escape the pain . She hits me in the chest with both hands, the pain giving her strength and s he’s wild with the tortured soul of the oak. I sense someone wrap themselves around Lily keeping her still. I hear the soft voice of Julia whispering into her ear words of comfort. I send a silent thank you to Julia. I take a deep breath and begin the Binding.

To perform a Binding is risky as the Binding can only be done by those destined to be soul mates. My father and mother shared it, and so did many o f the royal families, but not all Binding results in a happy ending.
It must be a willing endeavor by both parties and can only work for those who belong together, fated to be lovers far beyond several lifetimes. If it’s not meant to be, Lily will be lost to me forever. Worse yet, we will both be denied our true soul mates , for the Binding is only granted once to every Sidhe . T
here are no second chances.
I’m risking everything with Kalis, and I will be condemning Lily to a life of loneliness and despair, never finding satisfaction or happiness with any other man in her future. I take a breath and realize the sacrifice is worth it if it means saving her.

I block
out everything around me. Phoris ’
soft calling, Julia’s whispering in Lily’s ear, Lily’s cries of pain and it takes everything I have to block out Tolan who has just fallen to the ground behind me. I have to trust that Alorn has taken over with the shield now. I quiet my thoughts and gently reach out to Lily. I concentrate harder on her, until everything around me disappears and I’m no longer in a deserted backyard, sitting on the ground holding Lily. Instead, I find myself walking slowly through complete darkness, and I am alone.
I have never done a B
inding before, so I don’t know what to expect or where I am or how to reach Lily.

From out of the darkness I hear someone softly weeping. At first, I can’t make out where the sound is coming from. It seems as if it’s coming from all around me. I continue to walk blindly until the sound becomes more distinct. Lily. Immediately I know what this place is. This is her Sorrow . This is where she dwells to keep the world out, to keep the pain out. Here, s he’s protected from all things outside of Lily. That’s why it’s so dark.
If Lily keeps out everything, including the light , then she’s safe . With this thought , I stop walking and instead I reach out with my hand. I focus on my hand for a moment and a panswa appears, but the darkness is so heavy and dense that the light barely makes a difference. I focus harder, pushing more of my energy into the panswa, but the more I focus, the more the darkness resists the light. Lily. She’s afraid.
S
he’s not allowing the light or me reach her. Then it comes to me. The answer is Lily herself. Only Lily can light my way.

I
can’t tell if my eyes are open, but I imagine I’m closing them now .
I conjure up Lily’s face in my mind. I see her running in the park, the first tim e I saw her, but this time she sees me. I see her lying on the ground with the small cut on her face and how I knew even then how beautiful she is . I see her hunched over on the floor crying for her brother and the thought of losing him again. I can feel the way she felt when she flew in my arms at her first meeting with Cessa. I see her in the dimmed room in Victorville and how she looked at me telling me she was scared. I can feel her as I held her , and I become still .
I imagine my arms around her small body as she trembles. I feel her move away from me to look me in the eye trusting that I will protect her.

I continue to focus on her image until I feel her solid in my arms. I open my eyes and she’s here with me.
She’s crying softly but holds on to me desperately. I know now that she wants to be out of this place, a prison she has built around her self since her brother’s disappearance . A prison she doesn’t know how to escape .

“Lily, it’s okay. You’ll be okay,” I whisper gently to her, rocking her like a small child.

She shakes her head, her sobbing coming quick and hard against my chest. She hiccups and I hold her closer, and in doing so, something inside me wells up. Is it joy? Is it happiness knowing that she’s here with me, where she belongs? I pull her head back so that I can see her face, to tell her that there is no one else, not for her or for me. I know that now. Just the thought of the Binding being true overwhelms me , and I want to look into her eyes when I tell her how I feel . What I see instead shakes me to my core.

The Lily
I am holding is not the Lily of today , but of her self when she was a teenage r . I shake my head at her young face and I feel the tears well up as she looks at me with sad lost eyes. She’s frail and emaciated, and there is bruising up along her left arm. When she sees the look of shock on my face, she flinches from me and I grab on to her, pulling her back in. I hold her and realize that the Binding hasn’t started yet. I continue to rock her gently, speaking softly to her without knowing what I’m saying. I feel the change come over her slowly. I feel the shift in her young body as she begins to mature in my arms. I continue to keep my eyes close d , still rocking us in place. Lily has to accept the Binding as well, but as s he i s today and not as her young er self. I can feel my grip loosening, but the way she clings to me gives me hope.

The light comes gently at first, and then it grows brighter pushing the darkness aside. The Binding is beginning, beating around us like a heart beat, loud and pulsating. I feel the force of the Binding pull us apart and when I open my eyes Li ly floats before me, in a sleep like state. Her eyes are hooded and her body hang s before me with no will of her own. I try to reach out to her, but the Binding has a hold of me , as well. I’m lock ed within its grasp. I watch as Lily soundlessly mouths something that I can’t understand . She says it again, this time in a small whisper, but the Binding takes her words and they are lost to me. Suddenly, she goes rigid . H
er head snaps up and she stares right at me. Her eyes are now completely amber with no whites showing, her mouth is open slightly , and her head tilts to the side as if listening. At first I don’t hear it and then the voices of children reach my ears. Their laughter and chatter fill my head.
C
hildren, our children. I see a young boy with my eyes, but hair jet black like his mother’s. I see his brother a few years his junior with the same colori ng with a small bow in his hand. And there just behind their older brother s , twin sisters, both blonde with honey -gold eyes. Lily’s eyes. I feel the tears and I laugh at them .
Never in my life have I wept, b ut I’m weeping now with happiness and boundless joy .

Then the vision is gone and Lucas appears before me standing next to Lily.
She’s wearing the gown of the Willow Clan, but it’s filthy and there is a tear around the neck.
It’s old and faded and her pale skin against the faded royal green looks sallow and sickly. Lucas has his arm wrap ped insidiously around her wa ist . He pulls her close in the way of a lover and he hungrily puts his mouth to her throat . Lily does n’t push him away ―
she doesn’t even try, she’s given up. There is a vacant look to her eyes, her shoulders slouch in defeat . A corded vine of thorns wraps tightly around her wrists, her ankles and across her chest. There is blood flowing where the thor ns p ierce her skin, but she doesn’t seem to notice that either . I rage at the scene before me, struggling to break free of the Binding.

When Lucas finally pulls away from her, it’s no longer him , but Harlu. I feel the strain of my muscle tearing against the Binding. In Harlu’s arms waiting for me is not Lily, but Kalis. She calls to me, reminding me of my promise to her and I feel myself moving toward her. She smiles beckoning me to come to her, all the while Harlu laughs. Then I hear them again, the children. I listen to their voices , but they don’t call out for me. Instead, it’s their laughter that tugs at me, full of happy little promises offer ed in their own innocent way. I struggle once more against the Binding and I fight until it saps the last of my strength .
I realize I can no longer hear their little voices, their laughter gone , leaving me with only silence, and I cry. This time I cry in despair of a los s so great, I can’t begin to fathom its depths.
And I finally understand.

Without knowing it , I have already made my decision. It was as my father had told me. Now I know it has always been Lily. The distance and the years since our first binding at her birth that separated us didn’t matter.
She’s the one.

Lily, on the other hand, ha s nothing to go on except the small time we share d since I rescued her at the park.
She has to accept the Binding freely, the decision has to be hers. She will have different futures to choose from and what I’m seeing may not be what she’s seeing. The visions before me may have been my choices in relation to Lily. What is Lily seeing? What are her choices?

As I wait for the outcome, a mist forms between us , solidifying into the form of a b eautiful E
arth S
pirit. Althoug h I can see through her, there is no mistaking her beauty, her womanly form and the smell of earth, fresh grass and dirt . When she opens her eyes, they are the color of the Velesi swamps, dark and mu rky , but full of life and vibrancy . S
he’s our Binding Spirit. She smiles at me and then tilts her chin upward, eyes close d .
I realize now that Lily has made her choice. Lily, still in an animated state with her eyes filled with amber light , floats before me without change. The Binding S
pirit puts her hands out to each of us and gently pulls us close. Once we are within her reach , she doesn’t stop. The spirits misty hand continues into my chest and I feel the ripping of flesh and bone as she searches within me. I throw my head back and I know that I’m screaming from the pain, but ther e i s no sound. I drop my head forward, exhausted. I force myself to look at Lily with blea ry eyes and see that the pain is too much for her as she floats unconscious before me.

I feel the Binding Spirit’s hand gently st r oke at my heart. I feel and see in my mind’s eye her stroking gently to slow its beating and the pain subsides. Then with a gentle snap of her fingers, she breaks a small piece from it and removes her hand holding within it a piece of my heart . I feel dizzy and sick at the same time. I think I’m about to pass out when the spirit calls to me to pay attention. I open my eyes slowly and the nausea overwhelms me , threatening to take me under.
I watch as the Earth Spirit pulls her hand from Lily’s chest. From Lily she brings forth a crystal pure and clear and she joins it with the crystal of gold that came from my own chest . S
he melds them together in her hands. When she opens them again, a pure white sphere engulfed in gold fire gently floats from her palms.

The E
arth S
pirit looks at me and says in a thousand voices, “You have bound yourself to the daughter of our sister Senestra and have passed the Binding .
The symbol of your Binding is now form ed , son of Thilthen, heir of Kalinest and future King of the Sidhe.
”

I listen and realize she’s waiting for me to accept her declaration of our Binding . I can’t form the words , so I nod my consent .

The thousand voices come again speaking gently, “When she wakes , her human half will prevent her from remembering what has happened here and she will be unaware of the Binding . I t will be up to you to make her remem ber. She has chosen you freely. However, her mind is still mire d in sorrow for her lost brother and her loneliness is great. You have aided in relieving some of the darkness with the Binding, but she lives in a fog. You will have to make her see her decision to bind herself to you, Tharin, son of Thilthen.”