The Blind Vampire Hunter (15 page)

I could hardly say, “It was my pleasure,” so
I just turned and walked back into the theatre. Currently, Tim, one
of the ushers, was manning the ticket booth, so I was free to see
to other managerial duties. When I relieved Tim, I locked myself
inside the small room and prepared to think about work.
Unfortunately, seeing last night’s dinner remains got me almost
salivating over the possibilities for tonight’s dinner.
I feel
like Chinese tonight, maybe I’ll go over to Little China Town for
dinner. Enjoy a little China man or two
.

Chapter
Eleven

Halloween

When I was sighted, I used to make the
children work for their candy. On our first Halloween as man and
wife, we lived in a second floor apartment with a sliding glass
door and a screen door that opened out onto the balcony. We really
did not have money for decorations, but that did not stop me from
enjoying the holiday. It was an unusually warm Halloween, so we had
the sliding glass door open, but the screen door closed. When I
heard children approaching, I would let loose a wolf howl. I put on
a pair of werewolf gloves with claws, and when someone knocked on
the door, I would open the door just enough to get my werewolf
claws out, while growling behind the door. I would open the door
oh, so slowly. Then I would have fun listening to the kids scream
as they ran away. One little girl was especially memorable. After
letting loose a real good wolf howl, I heard a little girl, from
outside on the sidewalk, exclaim, “Daddy, that was scary.”

I heard her father answer, “It’s alright.
It’s just someone being playful. I bet they have really good candy
for you.” When she gave a little knock on the door, I did my
werewolf glove treatment, and then opened the door to the cutest
little angel, who nervously announced, “Trick or treat.”

For her bravery, I gave her four additional
pieces of candy. With big eyes she said, “Thank you. I was almost
too scared to come up here.” Then she ran back down the stairs to
her father, who had a big grin on his face. That was it for my
wife, who exclaimed, “Enough! You scare one more innocent child,
and I will take the broom to you.”

Smiling, I asked, “Is there such a creature
as an innocent child?”

In the following years, when we had the
money, I would really prepare our place with the latest scary
stuff. I would decorate like many would decorate a place for
Christmas. The tradition died with the death of my eyesight.

Imagine my surprise when my wife, who for
years only gave out candy, went wild decorating the place for
Halloween. I was totally taken by surprise when I stepped onto the
walkway leading to my single-family home and heard the sounds of
chattering teeth at my feet.
The animated chattering skulls that
also light up. I remember buying them. They were so cool to listen
to and to watch in action.
As I walked closer to the front
door, I heard, “
Go back. GOOO baaack.
”
The animated
tombstone with the glowing green ghoul sitting on it. When someone
got near it, the [motion activated] ghoul would turn his head, look
their way, and give its warning. All so cool looking, back
then.
I opened the outer door to our front foyer and when I
stepped in, I heard a laughing ghost do its thing.
I thought Di
had tossed that one in the trashcan since it would often cause
‘trick-or-treaters’ to run away, getting no candy for their
efforts.

The fun wasn’t over yet. I felt the front of
the inner door and, sure enough, my favorite gargoyle door knocker
was in the center. Using the ring in the gargoyle’s mouth made a
noise like a really heavy knocker. Really cool.

I only got to enjoy the knocker once when the
door opened and a very familiar voice announced, “I want to bite
your neck.”

“Di?” I asked in astonishment.

“Vampire Vixen Diana to you, mortal. Enter at
your own risk.” I could tell from the slight slur in her voice that
she was wearing some type of fangs. My good Christian wife, who
would only dress up as a clown or an angel for church Halloween
parties, was dressed as a vampire, a Vampire Vixen, no less. I
moved in to give her a kiss, which failed as she stepped back and
announced, “Don’t mess with the costume.” I did get my hands on her
shoulders enough to feel a silk fabric...
a vampire cape, it had
to be
.

As I walked into the house, I said, “So tell
me about this costume you’re wearing, and what’s the occasion? I
don’t recall any Halloween party at church.”

While I hung my white cane by the door, she
answered, “It’s an off-the-shoulder peasant dress with a
high-collared black vampire cape. The cape has a red interior with
a black, satiny high collared exterior. Very sexy, if I do say so
myself”

“And the occasion?” I asked facing her. She
had always insisted that I face her, even if I couldn’t see her
while we talked.

“It’s Halloween. I figure on having some fun
this year with the trick-or-treaters.” Excitement was growing in
her voice, “You should see this house. I have gotten out all your
old Halloween goodies and really did up the house good.”

“So I heard.”

Excitement began growing wild in her voice,
“That’s just the half of it. I have the dancing hanging skeleton
hanging off the tree in the front yard.”

She must have forgotten to flip the battery
switch to turn that one on, or I would have heard the sound of
shaking skeleton bones. “I thought you said that the hanging
skeleton was too gross to put out?”

“I changed my mind. But listen. Remember that
Warning: Haunted House
sign?” Not waiting for an answer, she
continued, “Isabella gave me permission to hang that in her front
bedroom window.”

That’s nice of her, considering we are
talking about the front window of OUR house.
What I said was,
“Why didn’t you just put it in the living room window?”

“Remember that old hand-waving, animated,
Dracula? It’s sitting in the front window,” she answered still full
of excitement.

I had liked all this for Halloween back
when I could see the trick-or-treaters. But now I was becoming
concerned. This was sooo not Di. It was so unlike Di that it was
actually scary
. (I don’t mean Halloween scary, I mean really
scary.)

When it was time for the trick-or-treaters, I
hung out in the living room and did get some fun listening to the
screams coming from our front yard. There was also much excited
talk from the trick-or-treaters about which was more scary, the
Ghoul Tomb, the Chattering Skulls, etc.. Di really got into the
vampire bit, to the point of scaring some of the kids. Later, I
learned that some of the trick-or-treaters were freaking out over
the candy dish which had a skeleton hand that came out and grabbed
the candy grabbers. Again, I thought Di had tossed that into the
trash because it was too scary for the kids. What was really
scaring me was listening to Di announce, “I want to bite your neck”
to the trick-or-treaters. It just was so not like her. She said it
with such feeling that I wondered if she was playing for the kids
or really did want to bite their necks...really freaky. This had to
be the influence of our boarder, our vampire boarder.

Even Eric made the same observation the next
day, “Man, I have never seen your wife look as hot as she did in
that vampire outfit. And the house. My little one liked to walk my
legs off. Nowhere did I see a scary house that matched yours. Joey
would only walk up for some candy after I reminded him that it was
his aunt and uncle’s house.” With a change in voice from awe to
concealing, he added, “Talk about scary. You should have seen my
wife. She dressed up in one of her mother’s outfits, with pillow
padding underneath, and a grey wig. She looked so much like her
mother. Scary, really scary. Would you believe last night I even
had a nightmare that I was married to my mother-in-law?” I could
literally hear Eric cringe as he said the last part.

I spoke my mind, “Eric, that was so not like
Di. I fear she has had some adverse reaction from having Isabella
around. Last night she was playing vampire, Vampire Vixen, no less.
What’s next?”

“You don’t think, assuming your boarder is a
vampire, that she’d turn Di into a vampire? Do you?” Before I could
answer, he continued, “Look, remember what I said months ago about
why she would not shit where she lives? She’s been with you, what,
about three months, right?”

“Right...”

“And no one in your home or in the
neighborhood has been hurt, right?”

“There were those two boys who disappeared
last month,” I answered.

“And the police suspect it was a gang-related
event,” Eric answered argumentatively. “
Gang related
.”

“Right, and how many gangs do we have around
here?” I almost yelled back in frustration. Last night was
not
natural for Di, not natural at all, Di was acting like Halloween
was Christmas and dressing like a sexy vampire to a bunch of kids,
not natural at all.

“Eric, could the vampire be changing my wife
into a vampire, or maybe a vampire slave?”

After a thoughtful pause, Eric replied, “I
have seen in movies and read in books where vampires can influence
those around them. If I remember right, you had suspicions that
Isabella was using Diana to keep you and her apart, right?”

“Right.”

“OK, maybe if Isabella is a vampire, I say
“if,” then possibly Isabella is influencing your wife...”

“My god, she is...”

Interrupting me, he continued, “Is not
turning your wife into a vampire, but her forcing her psyche on Di
may be having an effect on your wife’s character. From everything I
have seen and read about vampires, this manipulation on her psyche
could have a temporary effect on your wife’s character, but only a
temporary one.”

Eric continued, “Look man, I have been
keeping an eye on our Isabella Báthory.” He then changed his tone
to mimic Groucho Marx, “a very tough job if I say so myself.”
Changing back to his almost serious tone, he continued, “Outside of
her working
every night
, I see nothing strange about
her.”

“Oh, you found nothing strange in her not
appearing in my watch shields?”

“You know, I had forgotten that. I really had
forgotten that.... I must have been mistaken, I must have been.” I
could not help but notice that such a serious Eric was also not
natural. “Remember, Jack, we don’t live in Buffy Land where
vampires are everywhere and where you can stake a vampire and have
the evidence conveniently turn to dust. You stake our Isabella
Báthory and afterward you’re going to have a dead body with a
wooden stake in her heart and a murder one charge on your head.
Face reality man, no court in the land is going to believe you
staked a vampire who goes to work every night. By the way, I have
been meaning to mention a little phone call I had some weeks back.
One day I called the theatre where our Isabella Báthory works and
asked to speak with her. I was told she only works the graveyard
shift and to call back at night. So now we do know for sure that
she is a working girl, and I don’t mean a streetwalker. Remember
Jack, if you kill Isabella Báthory in some queer act of conscience
to rid the world of a vampire, you had better have some real proof
that she is a real Vampire or your goose will be cooked ... and
jailed.”

Meanwhile, Halloween party night in
Georgetown D.C.

* * * *

The one night of the year I get off from
work and want to get off from work. The one night of the year I can
show my true colors and not worry about it. The one night I can
boldly display my fangs. My night. And Georgetown, talk about a
smorgasbord. All I have to worry about is feeding on a drunk with
alcohol-laced blood. On second thought, what if I do get a little
tipsy–THIS IS MY NIGHT.

This is one amazing crowd.
A voice
interrupted my musings, “Hey beautiful. Does your mother know
you’re out tonight?” A man in a tux was trying to look affluent and
failing. The pose just did not match the outfit, but then what I
was interested in what was under the outfit, and he did look and
smell healthy.

“And who, pray tell, are you?” I all but
purred.

“Bond, James Bond,” he answered, pulling a
toy pistol from under his tuxedo jacket. “You look like a Bond girl
to me.”

My first meal was about to be served up. I
moved in, made direct eye contact, and using my best hypnotic voice
I said, “What do you do for a living?”

“I work in the mailroom of a major
corporation,” he almost wheezed.

Maintaining my hypnotic tone, I continued,
“Well, Mr. Bond, James Bond, you are about to receive the hickey of
your life. You will proudly show off in the mailroom tomorrow at
work.” Then I eased my fangs up to his neck and gently, smoothly
put the bite on him.

He almost sunk to the ground from the
orgasmic pleasure he was getting from my loving hickey. I had been
prepared for such a reaction and had a hand placed under his arm,
in his armpit, to hold him up. I was enjoying my dining, but I only
took a small amount from him. There would be plenty of others to
snack on this Halloween night. Tonight, all my crimson candy was
going to be snack sized. No need to kill anyone this night. When I
finished with ‘James Bond’, I pulled back. He looked like a man who
had just lost his virginity. I realized that while I dined, as many
as a couple of dozen partygoers may have observed what was going
on. All would only assume we were a couple of lovers necking in
plain sight, sucked into the festivities of the night. I simply
left him awash in his own dreams of what had just happened. I was
sure that by the next work day, he would have some wild story to go
with his Halloween hickey.