The Boo (20 page)

The next day a heart-rending picture graced the front page of the Charleston
News and Courier.
A man stood with a glum face beside a huge, jagged tree stump. The accompanying article told of a cedar tree the man had planted in his youth. He planted the tree when he was eight years old and had measured his passage on the earth by its growth. He was proud of his tree. He loved the tree. He wept when he walked out of his house and found the tree’s towering presence gone from the horizon. Someone had come on his property and cut the tree down without his permission. He had notified the Charleston police and they were looking for the culprits.

Word spread slowly. But soon cadets were coming out of their rooms and looking at the tree by “N” Company. They held copies of the newspaper in their hands. They looked at the tree. Then they looked at the old man and the stump. Then they looked at the tree again.

Isaac Metts came to
The Boo’s
home that afternoon. “Colonel Courvoisie, how would you like a nice big pile of cedar for your fireplace?”

“What’s wrong, Bubba?”
The
Boo asked.

Metts answered, “Colonel, do you know that tree every cop in Charleston is looking for?”

“You mean the old man’s tree that was in the paper this morning?”

“You’ve got the one, Colonel. Well, we got it. Or at least we had it. It’s now chopped up into a million little pieces of firewood. Colonel, we need a place to put it,” Metts pleaded.

“Bring it to my garage, Bubba. We can store it in there until we figure what in the hell to do with it.”

The cedar filled the whole garage.
Boo
called the Chief of Police and explained the traditional hunt for the largest Christmas tree. Things were smoothed over. Metts and the freshmen had to go to General Clark’s office and apologize to the old man. Christmas came as usual that year.

MORE ERW’S

14 April 1966

1.The report is correct.

2. Upon arriving home Easter morning I removed my false teeth and placed them on my dresser. My dog, Cindy, being her mischievous self snuffed out my teeth. She must have mistaken them for candy, because she gnawed them until they were completely destroyed. When waking up Easter morning I realized my dog’s wrong doing and I realized that she did not know what she had done. No punishment was applied. Monday I made an appointment to have my teeth repaired. The earliest possible date to have them repaired was Tuesday. I telephoned the authorities at The Citadel and notified them that I would be late returning. Because of the lack of speed of the Greyhound, I was later than anticipated returning to school. Because of my dog’s lack of intelligence, but keen sense of smell, my teeth were destroyed. Because of my dog’s inabilities and abilities, I am at your mercy for minimum punishment.

3.The offense was intentional.

3 March 1966

1. The report is correct.

2. The offense stated above is correct. I did perform with human frailty an error by placing Cadet Fetscher’s name on the report twice. In our lowly lives upon this earth men at times have made errors of even more grievous nature. I ask no pity for my dire offense but would cite St. Matthew 5:7, “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.”

As to the second part of my offense I would say that Cadet Witt’s name was omitted from my list of the Corps Squad through an unintentional oversight. I could not hold the Squad Leader or his Assistant liable for such a deed. Therefore, on the second count I shall plead guilty, not ask for clemency, and march forthwith to the guillotine with my loyal and stalwart Supply Sergeant who at this time also is submitting an explanation of a similar report.

3. The offense was unintentional.

CHECKED BY RB.I. Exec. Officer

1st Sgt. of Humblest Stature, Co. A

2nd Class

19 May 1966

1. The report is correct.

2. At
ten fifteen
I opened my eyes,

And when fully awake I realized

That
another
chemistry class was missed.

I was again in sinful abyss.

The
dirty old man?
caught me dead to rights.

No twisting nor turning can save me from this.

Upon his good mercy, I place myself,

For that 9 o’clock chem class that I missed.

Now none can complain about this verse,

Which is much better than the first.

So how about ten merits for me,

For exceptionally outstanding poetry.

3. The offense was unintentional.

CHECKED BY CED Exec. Officer

29 November 1963

1. The report is correct.

2. Colonel Courvoisie had taken my boots away from me, leaving me to face the world bootless. To prevent holes being worn in my socks, I borrowed a pair of shoes until mine arrived in the mail. Much to my dismay, however, the shoes were just a tad too tight. It is a common fact that a student will study better when he is comfortable than otherwise. As the shoes were wearing blisters on my heels and pinching my toes, I was literally forced to remove the inflictors of pain. During my process of acquiring scholarly knowledge, my throat began to run rampant with thirst. Not wishing to be seen walking around the library in my stocking feet, I tiptoed my way behind the book shelves but alas, my plot was foiled by Mr. Stiger. If you have no mercy on me, have mercy on my feet.

3. The offense was unintentional.

CHECKED BY J. C. Borden, Exec. Officer

Acting

May 12, 1966

1. The report is correct.

2. On the date of said offense while returning from a weekend leave, as a rider with Cadet M. Foster, a few miles out of Charleston we came upon a woman beside Interstate 26 with a flat tire. Being the gentlemen and scholars that Citadel men are, Cadet Foster and I (naturally exemplifying these qualities) stopped and assisted the distressed woman by changing her tire for her. As we were bringing credit upon the school through our valorous actions we were unfortunately late returning from leave. Such actions as these are
meritorious
deeds rather than punishable deeds.

3. The offense was unintentional.

CHECKED BY LES Exec. Officer

March 17, 1964

1. The report is correct.

2. I have searched
The Blue Book
through and through, And never has it been read so true, And nowhere in it could I site Anything against my flying a kite. Young Ben Franklin was not “pulled” that night, And neither were Orville or Wilbur Wright. Spring is here and we’re feeling light, So don’t keep us in for flying a kite.

3. There is thought to be no offense committed.

17 March 1964

1. The report is correct.

2. It is true I was late, upon that date,

But the teacher was later than I,

And since your demerits decide my fate,

Remove them, and let it go by.

He was later than me, by a minute you see,

Which I know was not proper for him,

So if you are as kind, as I know you can be,

You’ll free me and give them to him.

3. The offense was unintentional.

23 March 1964

1. The report is correct.

2. I’m afraid that you have caught me “dead to rights” and I have no excuse. However, being a Political Science major, I plead self-defense because I was fired upon first.

3. The offense was done in self-defense.

4 May 1964

1. The report is correct.

2. On this occasion I was carried to the hospital on a litter and could not sign out in the guardroom.

3. The offense was unintentional.

16 January 1964

1. The report is a little demoralizing but correct.

2. Upon entering my 5th year of attendance at this institution, I have considered The Citadel as my home. Certainly it cannot be denied that longevity has made me feel like a longstanding member of this institution.

My striving ambition is to become a real senior and graduate someday. As stated in the 1963-64
Guidon,
page 6, paragraph 3 … “The Citadel is a college for the poor boy, wealthy boy, for the ambitious boy who will rule his spirit…,” and in an attempt to raise my spirits one last time before the oncoming exams, I took advantage of senior leave on 11 January when my morale was at an all time low.