The Book of Everything (6 page)

Margot lowered her hands. Her face was as white as a sheet. Her eyes showed nothing at all. “I've put a stop to it,” she said. Then she burst into tears.

Mother sat down, shaking her head disconsolately. “You threatened your father with a knife,” she said. “What is to become of us?”

Margot glared at her. “Would you prefer to be beaten up?” she sobbed. She jumped up. “Oh, yes. I nearly forgot.” She ran into the kitchen and came back with the wooden spoon. She rested one end of it on the threshold of the living room door and stamped it in half. “Out with it,” she said. She took the two pieces and opened the window. The sparrows flew up trumpeting.

“Not from the window,” said Mother.

But already the spoon was sailing through the air in two pieces.

Thomas went across to Margot. She took him in her arms and held him tight.

Father stayed out for an hour. Then he came back home. He crept up the stairs like a cat and withdrew into the side room. He said he had work to do.

T
here had been a change of plans. Thomas didn't know why. The first meeting of the reading-aloud club was not to be held at Mrs. van Amersfoort's.

“We're going to have it at your house,” she said.

It gave Thomas a bit of a shock. “But why?” he asked anxiously.

“We thought it would be nice,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort. “Me, your mother, and your Aunt Pie.”

Mama? Aunt Pie? What was going on?

Suddenly, Thomas didn't think it was fun anymore. His house was not a house where he could bring his friends. And it was absolutely not a house for a reading-aloud club.

“And we're not doing it in the afternoon,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort. “We're going to start at seven o'clock in the evening.”

Thomas didn't want his cordial anymore. He put the glass down among the books on the table. “I felt worried in my stomach,” he wrote in
The Book of Everything
. “As if I had swallowed a rhinoceros.”

“And … when?” he asked. His voice squeaked like a bicycle wheel.

“You'll be surprised,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort. She looked at him mischievously over her steaming cup of coffee. “Shall I tell you?”

Thomas nodded.

“Tonight,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort.

Thomas stared at her vacantly. “Papa is not going to allow that,” he thought but didn't say.

“Don't worry, Thomas,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort. “You must not be afraid. You wanted the plagues of Egypt, didn't you? Not the frogs, not the gnats and not the bubonic plague, but we are the best plague, we women and children. No Pharaoh can resist us.”

“Oh,” said Thomas. “I see.” Fear crept into his throat like a frog.

“Shut your eyes, Thomas,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort.

For a moment he didn't understand what she said. “Shut my eyes? Oh, yes, shut my eyes.” He did as she said.

“Breathe slowly and put your hands in your lap.”

Thomas's ears began to ring, and a moment later he heard music he had heard before, with lots of violins.

“What can you see now?”

“Nothing,” said Thomas. “Or … wait a moment. Yes, yes, there it is. I can see a desert.”

“And what do you see in that desert?”

“Sand,” said Thomas.

“Nothing else?”

“Yes,” said Thomas. “But I won't tell you, for you'll think I'm making fun of you.”

“I don't think so,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort. “Go ahead and tell me.”

“I see Jesus,” said Thomas. “Do you think that's awful?”

“Not a bit,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort. “I've faced worse things.”

“There is something strange about Him,” Thomas muttered. “Hang on. Now I can see what it is. His beard is gone! But there is something else … Let me have another look.” Thomas frowned. “Oh no, I'm not telling you this. This is really impossible.” He shook his head. He didn't dare say that Jesus looked very like his mother when she had her hair down, for no one would understand.

There was a silence, singing like a safety pin.

Then Mrs. van Amersfoort said, “Oh.”

“He always talks to me,” Thomas told her.

“Gosh,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort. “Do you like that? Because we can just get rid of Him otherwise.”

“I don't mind,” said Thomas. “He is all alone, you know. I think He has no one else to talk to.”

“Oh, that's terribly sad,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort. “What is He saying now?”

“He says He is coming tonight,” said Thomas.

“The more the merrier,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort. “Thomas? You can open your eyes now.”

Thomas looked at her. The rhinoceros in his stomach had disappeared and so had the frog in his throat.

“Are you still scared?” Mrs. van Amersfoort asked.

“No,” said Thomas.

He heard a rustling above his head. It was the angels clapping.

 

After the meal, Father read from the Bible. And these were the last sentences. “
Moses said: Tonight, God will go out into the midst of Egypt. All the eldest sons of the Egyptians will die. Pharaoh's eldest son, the Crown Prince, as well as the eldest son of the maidservant and also the first-born of all the beasts. And there shall be a loud cry throughout the land of Egypt, such as there has never been before nor ever will be again.”

“Why did all these sons have to die?” Thomas asked. “Why not Pharaoh himself?” Father opened his mouth to answer, but Mother jumped from her chair.

“Quick, let's tidy up and do the dishes,” she said.

Thomas and Margot stacked the plates and gathered the knives and spoons. Mother ran to the kitchen to get the dishwater ready.

“What's going on?” Father asked.

“There's people coming,” said Thomas.

Father absently closed the Bible. “People? What people?”

But Margot and Thomas were already in the hallway. Father stood up and went after them into the kitchen.

“Quick, quick, quick,” Mother called. “I still have to get changed!”

Suds splashed around merrily.

“What people?” asked Father.

“Aunt Pie,” said Thomas.

“Perhaps you could push the table over to one side and arrange the chairs in a circle,” said Mother.

“Just for Pie?” Father asked anxiously.

“Of course not,” said Mother. “There are a lot more people coming.”

“But who?” said Father. His voice was getting louder. “It isn't anybody's birthday, is it?”

“Friends of mine,” said Mother. “Quick, quick, quick, perhaps you would like to get changed too?”

“Why haven't I heard about this before?” Father exclaimed. “Why doesn't anybody tell me anything?”

“Sorry, Papa,” said Margot. “Forgot.” She was drying the carving knife.

Father watched as she put the dried knife in the drawer.

“Yes, sorry,” said Mother. “It completely slipped my mind.”

“Sorry, Papa,” said Thomas. “I meant to tell you, but then I suddenly had to go to the bathroom and then …”

“How many chairs should I put out?” Father asked.

“A dozen or so, I think,” said Mother.

“TWELVE?” Father looked at her, aghast. “Where did you suddenly get TWELVE friends from?”

“Margot and Thomas and you and I will want a seat too,” said Mother.

“EIGHT? EIGHT FRIENDS?”

But Mother did not respond anymore. She handed the dishwashing brush to Margot. “Can you finish up?” she asked. “I really have to go and get changed.”

She pushed past Father into the hallway and ran up the stairs. “The table over to the side and the chairs in a circle,” she called once more.

“Eight friends,” Father muttered.

“Mama is just guessing, you know,” said Margot. “There could be more. Some of my friends are coming too.”

“WHAT?” Father shouted.

With a lot of clattering, Margot stacked the plates in the cupboard. Thomas played a serenade on the saucepans. From the bedroom, Mother gave a performance of “Ev'ry Bud Is Springing Open, Ev'ry Blossom's Peeping Out.”

“And what about ME?” Father called up the stairs. “Where am I supposed to go tonight?”

No one answered. Dejectedly, he went into the room and started tugging at the table. He dragged it into the back room and then arranged the chairs in birthday formation. “But it is nobody's birthday as far as I know,” he complained.

“Who is making the coffee?” Mother called from upstairs.

“I will, Mama,” Margot shouted back.

Then the doorbell rang. Thomas pulled the rope at the top of the stairs and the front door clicked open. It was Aunt Pie. “Halloo-oo!” she sang out. “We're here!” Two more ladies climbed up the stairs behind her.

“Leave the door open, Aunt Pie,” called Margot. “There's more people coming.”

The door stayed wide open.

“There you are, my boy,” she puffed when she got to the top. She carried a white box into the kitchen. Then she got hold of Thomas and hugged him. “This is Aunt Magda.” She indicated a huge flowery dress behind her.

“Oh,” said Thomas.

“And that is Aunt Bea.”

Aunt Magda and Aunt Bea shook his hand. They were brand-new aunts Thomas had never seen before. Aunt Bea had a gold tooth that glittered cheerfully when she laughed. And she laughed a lot.

They went into the room.

“There you are, man of God,” Aunt Pie called to
Father. She went and kissed him. There were red spots on his cheeks from her lipstick. “You've met Magda and Bea, I think?”

“I haven't had the honor,” said Father. Under the huge flowery dress, all sorts of things wobbled about while they shook hands. It did not escape Father's notice.

“Yes, you have,” said Aunt Pie. “They come to all my birthdays. And what do you think of my slacks?”

She was wearing a pair of pale-blue slacks with a zipper on the side.

Father didn't think anything of it.

“Pie can carry it off,” said Aunt Magda. “My bottom's too big for it.”

Father didn't want to look at any bottoms, so he looked at the ceiling. It really needed painting. The ceiling, that is.

There was more noise on the stairs.
Thump-creak-thump-creak.
It was music to Thomas's ears. He ran into the hallway. It could possibly be someone with one old shoe and one new one. But more likely, it was someone with a leather leg. He pressed his back into the toilet door.

It was Eliza. She didn't notice him in the dark hallway. She went through into the room. “Hi, Eliza,” he heard Margot call out. There was some bustling noise.

“Where is Thomas?” asked Eliza. “I want to sit next to him. Thomas is my friend.”

All over Holland and the rest of the world, far into the deepest tropical regions, every bud was springing open, every blossom peeping out.

“Oh, Jesus,” whispered Thomas. “I am so happy.” But now he really didn't dare go inside.

Thump-creak-thump-creak.
“Oh, is that where you are, Thomas!” said Eliza. “Are you hiding from me?”

“Of course not,” said Thomas.

“Come here,” she said. She held out her hand. It was her good hand, with five whole fingers. Hand in hand, they walked into the room.

Fortunately, Father did not see them, because he was hidden behind Aunt Magda's big bottom.

“Let's see now,” said Eliza. “We'd better sit somewhere where everybody doesn't fall over my leg.” She looked around the circle. “There, by the window,” she said.

They sat down. Her leather leg stuck out, but that did not matter, because she was out of everybody's way.

“Well,” she said. “How do I look?”

“Lovely,” said Thomas, because she was wearing a sky-blue dress with a white collar. “By the way, does your father play violin?” he asked.

Eliza looked surprised. “Yes,” she said. “How did you know?”

Thomas shrugged. “I just know. And your mother sings really beautifully.”

Now Eliza was really perplexed. She let go of his hand and put her arm around his shoulders. “You're a very special boy, did you know that?” she asked.

“I do, sort of,” said Thomas shyly.

“Now I suddenly knew what Eliza knew,” Thomas wrote in
The Book of Everything
. “She knew it, and so did I: what there is about me.”

Margot and Aunt Pie were bringing around coffee. And cakes from Aunt Pie's white box. There was more noise on the stairs. “Go and see who it is,” said Eliza. “I'll keep your chair for you.”

Thomas went into the hallway. Mrs. van Amersfoort was there already with her portable gramophone. Behind her, four elderly ladies were coming up the stairs. The first of them was carrying a flat case that held the records.

“This is Thomas,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort when they were all in the hallway. “He is not afraid of witches.”

“Just as well,” giggled the lady with the records.

“At least I won't have to be careful then,” said the old lady with the bunch of flowers.

“At last, a real man,” sighed the old lady who held a bottle of red cordial in each hand.

“I prefer them a little bit scared,” said the last of them.
“Keeps them in their place.” She laughed loudly. That was a scary sight, because you could see her upper teeth even when she had her mouth shut. And you could see them even worse when she snapped her mouth open.

“That shouldn't be a problem for you,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort tartly. “Will you take the gramophone inside, Thomas?”

They walked into the room in single file. There was a chattering and a cackling like nothing on earth. Aunt Bea and Aunt Magda and Aunt Pie and Mrs. van Amersfoort and Margot and Eliza and the four old ladies all talked at once and nobody could understand a word. But everybody was having a great time.

“Oh!” Mrs. van Amersfoort cried suddenly. “We nearly forgot about you!”

Father stood pressed against the sideboard, because there was almost no room behind Aunt Magda's bottom. Mrs. van Amersfoort tried to shake his hand around Aunt Magda.

“Can you reach?” Aunt Magda asked. She bent forward, sticking out her bottom.

Now Mrs. van Amersfoort could get hold of his hand over Aunt Magda's shoulder. “It's hot in here, isn't it?” she said. She let go of Father's hand and called, “Can we have a window open?”

“Good idea,” Eliza called back. She jumped up smartly on
her leather leg and pushed the window up. A fresh breeze blew into the house.

And then Mother appeared in the doorway. Because the window and the front door were both wide open, her dress flapped like a flag. “Hello, everybody,” she said. Everyone looked at her and the chattering died down. Her dress was pale yellow, almost white, and narrow at the top, with a wide skirt. She had carefully put on lipstick. Her hair hung down loose over her shoulders.