The Bottom Line (20 page)

“Want to lick the batter, Dad?” Amber called from the kitchen.

“Not with raw eggs in it, I don’t.” Since the women were busy baking, Ben popped the footrest up on the recliner, stretched out, and changed the TV channel to a football game. “I’ll have some brownies when they’re done, though.”

Instead of watching the Bears, he found himself watching his girls. They moved around the kitchen together as though their dance had been choreographed. They talked and acted so naturally, they could easily have been mother and daughter.

Speaking to each other in light and friendly tones, they fussed over a pan of brownies, playfully arguing over whether “real” brownies had walnuts and frosting. After Amber put the pan in the oven, she smiled at Mallory, who returned the smile as she tucked a strand of Amber’s long hair behind her ear.

That simple display of affection choked him up.

Here was what Amber wanted, what she deserved. Instead, the woman who’d given the DNA to create that life had all but abandoned her child.

Ben shoved his anger at Theresa aside, focusing instead on all the good Mallory was doing for his daughter. This move to share her house would bring them even closer together, and if things continued down the path they were all walking, Mallory might one day be Amber’s stepmother.

What a shame that Mallory wasn’t Amber’s biological mother. After all the nonsense Theresa had put the girl through, it was a wonder Amber had ended up being so caring and kind. Not that he could take credit for Amber being such a neat kid. As a father, he simply rolled with the punches and did the best he could.

Children should come with instruction books.

Amber came into the great room and put her hand on his shoulder. “We’re still going shopping, right?”

“I thought you and Mal were making brownies.”

“We are, but they’re almost done. I thought we were going to find me a canopy bed.”

Mallory wiped her hands on a dish towel and tossed it on the countertop. Then she drew closer. “Figured we’d grab a bite to eat for supper, do some furniture shopping, and come back here for brownie sundaes for dessert.”

“Brownie sundaes?”

“Yeah, Dad,” Amber replied in a
duh
tone. “Brownies with ice cream on top.”

“Don’t forget the chocolate syrup,” Mallory added, touching her fingertip to Amber’s nose.

“How could I ever forget chocolate syrup?” The smile Amber gave Mallory felt like a punch to Ben’s gut.

The bond was already there, stronger than he’d imagined. Convincing Amber to move in had been easier than he’d expected, and now he knew why.

Perhaps when he got around to proposing to Mallory, she’d give in just as easily.

* * *

“I really wanted a canopy,” Amber said, leaning her shoulder against one of the furniture showroom’s dressers.

Ben was rapidly losing patience. They’d been to three different furniture stores. This was the last store in Cloverleaf that sold decent furniture. Amber was going to have to settle. “It’s just a bed.”

“It’s
my
bed,” she insisted.

“There’s one more store we might hit,” Mallory offered. “And, hey… if the right bed isn’t in Cloverleaf, we’ll take a road trip, maybe even go to Chicago again.”

Ben frowned at his daughter. She clearly had no idea how much Mallory was enduring to help her. The woman hated shopping with a passion, yet she’d good-naturedly gone with them and had even run interference by keeping the much-too-pushy salespeople at bay.

It was one thing to help his kid get the things she needed, but he drew the line with spoiling her rotten. “C’mon, ladybug. A bed’s a bed. Besides, your eyes will be closed. What’s it matter what the bed looks like? Pick one already.”

“I guess… Let me think about it.”

Mallory wrapped an arm around Amber’s shoulder. “Just because the other stores didn’t have canopy beds doesn’t mean the next one won’t. Right, Ben?” When he rolled his eyes, she jabbed his ribs with an elbow. “Right?”

He let his heavy sigh express his frustration. “Right. I guess.”

The saleslady Mallory had dismissed when they’d arrived—Nita, according to her name tag—hovered a few bedroom displays away. Mallory waved her over. The woman hurried toward them, high heels clicking against the tile floor.

“What can I do for you?” she asked.

“I don’t see any canopy beds,” Mallory replied. “We had our hopes set on a canopy bed.” She inclined her head toward Amber. “She really wants one of those beautiful old-fashioned canopies.”

Nita pursed her lips. “Hmm… I can check with my suppliers, but I haven’t seen one in quite a few years.”

“Probably because most people have ceiling fans in their rooms,” Ben added.

Since the only thing Amber had asked for in return for moving was a canopy, he’d hoped to find her one. His daughter seldom asked for things for herself. But, God, the prices of furniture were ridiculous. If he could barely afford any of what they’d seen, how much would a canopy be?

He glanced at his daughter and her forlorn frown. “We’ll keep our eyes open, but at least give these a chance.”

“I’d be glad to make some inquiries.” Nita pointed down the aisle from where she’d come. “If you’re looking for something different that still has a bit of show to it, why don’t you let me show you the sleigh beds we’ve got?”

“Sleigh beds?” Amber pushed away from the dresser, her eyes wide. “What’s a sleigh bed?”

“Come with me, and I’ll show you.” Nita waited until Amber was by her side to start walking. “I had a canopy when I was a kid. The fun of it died pretty quick. They’re dust traps.”

“Oh… hadn’t thought of that.”

“I think you’ll love the sleighs. I’ll show you my favorite first. Bought one for myself last month.”

As they walked farther down the aisle, Ben reached for Mallory’s hand. “Sorry, Mal.”

“About what?”

“I know you hate this shit.”

She tossed him a concerned frown. “Hate helping Amber?”

“No. I meant shopping.”

“I don’t mind in this case. Honestly.”

Before they reached Amber and Nita, he brushed a quick kiss over Mallory’s lips. “Liar.”

“Not lying,” she insisted. “This is important to Amber, so it’s important to me.”

“Hey, Mallory,” Amber called, gesturing to Mallory to hurry. “You need to see this!” Then she disappeared behind the screen separating that faux bedroom from the others.

A bit flummoxed that his daughter had called his girlfriend instead of him, he turned Mallory’s hand loose. “Go on. Amber wants you.”

Amber
needs
you.

“You should say that like it’s a good thing. She’s not calling me to my execution or anything.” She softened her words with a wink. “She’s not choosing me over you, Ben. That’s what you’re worried about, isn’t it? You think she wants my opinion instead of yours.”

Sometimes he hated how well she understood his thoughts. He shrugged, realizing exactly where his daughter had learned that nonchalant response.

“You wanted us to get close. Right?”

He nodded.

“Then celebrate that. Be happy she cares about my opinion and stop chewing over everything like it’s a cheap cut of meat.” On that advice, she headed toward Amber and the saleslady.

According to the counselor he and Theresa had seen when they made a last-ditch attempt to patch together their marriage, children living with parents in a troubled relationship often learned how to play one parent against the other to get what they wanted. As a result, one of those parents would try to buy affection by giving a kid anything and everything.

Was Amber playing Mallory, hoping to be spoiled? Ever since they’d made the decision to move in at the end of the month, Amber had been spending more and more time with Mallory. Each time they returned, Amber had something to show for it. A new winter coat. Her first pair of high heels. And with Ben’s permission, Mallory had taken Amber to get her ears pierced.

At least Mallory knew when to put her foot down. Amber wanted three earrings in each ear. Mallory made her settle for one piercing on each earlobe.

Amber might claim that she didn’t need anyone but her father in her life, but her actions and the rapidity of her attachment to Mallory declared otherwise. He chuckled as he watched the two of them crawl on the mattress, flop on their backs, and giggle.

“Not a canopy,” Mallory said. “But it’s cool to be encased by wood, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. And I love the step to get up onto it. Wonder if your cat could jump up this high?” Amber asked.

“He’s got springs on his feet,” Mallory replied. “He’ll make it. Unless you don’t want him in your room.”

Amber sat up and stared at Mallory. “You’d let me decide?”

“Why not? It’s your room.”

“But it’s your house.”

“Your room is your own, Amber. If you don’t want Rascal in there, that’s your choice.”

* * *

Mallory glanced over at Ben and wondered why he had such an enormous smile on his face. He’d been even more hesitant to shop than she’d been, yet once they got started, the trip had been fun.

Amber was finicky, but that was easy to understand. Mallory had been a picky teenager as well, and when it came to bedroom sets, she still was. She’d handled everything at the furniture stores because she’d learned the tricks while on the search for her four-poster bed. Just like Amber, she’d checked every single store in Cloverleaf.

To see Amber excited about the move warmed Mallory’s heart. Ben was important to her. She loved him with all her heart. But now she realized she had another role in his life and Amber’s—to be the kind of mother Amber needed. Not that she would replace Theresa in the girl’s life. It was clear, however, Amber deserved so much better than what Theresa had ever given her. Mallory would try to heal those wounds.

It helped that Amber didn’t saddle her with the evil-stepmother baggage. Some of the students she had from broken families tended to resent their “steps.” Not that Ben was ready to marry her, although the topic had come up for discussion. Things were great the way they were. It was better to keep taking baby steps.

Once burned, twice shy.

How unfair to lump Ben into the same category of male as Jay. Yet she had to protect herself. Maybe she’d remarry one day, maybe even marry Ben, but she couldn’t help but hold a part of her heart sheltered. She seldom repeated mistakes, especially costly ones.

Men had always let her down. She prayed Ben was an exception to that rule.

“I like this one,” Amber announced, jumping off the sleigh bed.

The saleslady’s face lit up like a Christmas light display. “Fantastic.” She turned to Ben. “We have several types of financing and—”

“I’m buying it,” Mallory said, not even giving Ben a chance to protest.

He wiggled one in anyway. “No way. This is for Amber.”

“Yes, but… it’s for my house. I think it’s only fair for me to buy it.”

God, she hoped he wouldn’t go all macho on her. The set was expensive, something Ben might struggle to afford. Sure, the furniture was picked by Amber, but it would be in Mallory’s guest room. She’d have to convince him it would remain there even if things didn’t work out with the three of them living together. She didn’t want to jinx them by blurting that out and would press her point only if he objected. In the end, she’d ultimately send it with Amber no matter what happened.

Nita kept switching her gaze between Mallory and Ben, probably unsure of where to hitch her wagon. “Would you like a few minutes to talk?”

“Amber, honey?” Mallory smiled. “Maybe Nita here can go get you a drink and let your dad and I figure this out. Okay?”

Amber looked at her father. He replied to her unasked question with a curt nod. Nita led Amber toward the back of the showroom.

“Mal, what you’re trying to do is nice, but… I can handle this.”

“I never said you couldn’t. I’m just trying to be practical.”

“Practical? How is your paying for an expensive bedroom set practical?”

“The room’s empty now, right?”

Ben nodded.

“If I pay for the furniture, the room’s no longer empty.”

He rolled his eyes. “That makes no sense at all.”

“Well, you always tell me women lack logic.”

A stab at humor didn’t change his stern expression.

“Look, let’s be honest, okay? If you and Amber end up moving out someday—”

“Are you saying we’re going to break up?” Ben asked.

Mallory shrugged.

His hand encased hers. “We’re going to be together forever, Mal.”

“Maybe I’m thinking about when Amber goes off to college.” An innocent fib meant to protect his masculine ego. “Either way, the furniture stays with me.”

“Either way? So you
are
talking about breaking up!”

After pressing a quick kiss to his lips, Mallory squeezed his hand. “We’re both realists, Ben. I love that you think we’ll always be together, but—”

“We will.”

“It’s important to Amber, which makes it important to me. I really want to please her. Besides, I like it a lot. I’d be buying it for the guest room.”

“Liar.” The amusement in his eyes took the sting from the insult.

“If you were buying her something, it wouldn’t cost this much. Right?”

He answered with a brusque nod.

“Then stop fighting me over this. Let’s get delivery arranged, check this off our list, and look for a nice mattress.”

Mallory dropped her robe on the bathroom floor before remembering the new hook Ben had installed for just that purpose. As she hung the terry-cloth garment on the silver hook, she smiled both at his consideration and at the fact her house was finally done.

Once Ben and Amber moved in this weekend, it would be perfect.

Trying to get ready to face another school day, she ran her hand through the water pouring down from the new showerhead. She’d never seen one quite as large before, but she loved the steady stream of water and how standing under it she could imagine being in the middle of a waterfall.

The water had warmed quickly thanks to Ben and the installation of a new water heater, which now filled the bathroom with steam. He’d taken one look at her antique water heater and insisted she update. She stepped into the glass shower enclosure, shutting the door and letting the heat of the water wash over her, bracing herself for a long day full of kids who needed her. It wasn’t until she was in the middle of shampooing her hair that she realized what she’d forgotten.

Mallory hadn’t looked at her reflection. The implant was such a part of her now that she’d grown accustomed to being “normal” again and not having to check her body all the time.

At long last, the nightmare had ended.

She had big plans for Saturday. While Ben and Robert loaded the rental truck with stuff from the town house and then took a good deal of it to the storage unit Ben had rented, she and Amber were going to wait for the furniture company to deliver Amber’s new bedroom set and mattress. The new furniture was oak, the stain light enough to be feminine without being prissy. The set would look fantastic in the guest bedroom, Amber’s room now.

The walk-in closet stood empty, ready for Amber’s clothes. Mallory had purged as much junk as she could from all the closets as each bedroom received a fresh coat of paint and new carpet. Because she’d always held out the hope Ben might want to share her house, she’d made a point of keeping the guest closet empty and had limited her stuff to one side of the master closet.

A bit odd that she was so excited about a guy moving in rather than marrying her. Then again after Jay, she wasn’t sure she’d ever find the courage to take that plunge again. Better to keep it simple. Besides, she was confident in Ben returning her affection. Hadn’t he proven he was stalwart in the way he’d cared for her through the skin stretching and the reconstruction?

Love didn’t need a license and a ring.

Rinsing her hair, she enjoyed the feel of the water beating against her skin. She squirted her scented liquid soap onto her hand and washed her body. It was still a habit to check her right breast, a good habit according to her oncologist. No lumps. No bumps. She ran her soapy fingers over the left breast, loving how her chest once again felt symmetrical. With a contented smile, Mallory smoothed her hands over her tummy.

The lump was on the left side, right below her navel.

It wasn’t until she got light-headed that she realized she’d been holding her breath. Then she started panting, unable to draw enough air into her lungs. Her heart beat hard enough she could hear the echo whooshing in her ears.

A mistake. It’s just a mistake.

The truth was there beneath her fingertips.

She quickly rinsed the soap from her body, stepped out of the shower, and dried herself. Then she faced the foggy mirror. She swiped it with the towel to give herself a better look. Heart pounding, she ran her trembling hand over her lower abdomen. First right. Next left.

Not only could she feel the large lump, she could see the imperfection in her mirrored reflection.

The anger hit her square in the chest with the force of a shotgun blast. Mallory shouted a guttural noise, a mixture of pain and rage, and picked up the glass resting by the sink. With a scream full of agony, she hurled it at the mirror, making it shatter and rain shards of silver on the countertop and into the sinks.

* * *

The hospital. The last place in the world Mallory wanted to be. The series of buildings was far too familiar, and she took a few moments to summon up her courage before she could even consider going inside.

Where was Ben? She needed him with her, helping her through this, whispering words of comfort and lying to her that everything was going to be all right. She checked her cell phone yet again.

No calls. No texts.

Maybe he was someplace with no cell phone reception.

Maybe his battery had run out.

Maybe he’d accidentally turned off his ringer.

I should’ve waited.
Telling him face-to-face would have been kinder, but she’d been drowning in panic. All she could do was reach out to the man she loved—her life preserver in the storm. So she’d sent him a blunt text.

Found a new lump. Need you.

After phoning her oncologist’s service, she’d waited. The doctor had called back almost immediately, sounding sleepy. She’d apologized for waking him so early, but he’d patiently listened to her near-hysterical words and ordered her to drive straight to St. Ignatius Hospital. He was going to make sure she got right in for a CAT scan even if he had to call in every favor owed him.

Mallory called the substitute teacher service, slipped on some clothes, texted Ben to tell him where to meet her, and then drove like a maniac across town. Now that she was in the parking area, she waited, hoping he’d respond to her pleas to meet her in the outpatient lot and go with her to radiology.

She wanted him to kiss her. To stroke her hair. To hold her hand.

To tell her the cancer hadn’t returned to ravage her body and maybe claim her life this time.

I won’t cry. I won’t cry.

Damn it, I won’t cry.

There was nothing to cry about. Not yet. Not until the results of the CAT scan were in. Then she could weep enough to fill a river with her tears.

There were millions of explanations for lumps and bumps on the body. Well, maybe not
millions
. Thousands. Or at least hundreds. Anything
except
…

She almost called Juliana to ask her to list a few simply to ease her mind. But she wouldn’t call any of the Ladies. Mallory had always leaned on them. Not this time.

This time she needed Ben. She needed his strength, his support, and his warmth to help her through.

Maybe he was lost in another of the hospital’s parking lots.

Maybe he was tied up in traffic.

Maybe Amber woke up sick and he was too busy helping her to check his phone.

The sickening knot in the pit of her stomach grew with each excuse she imagined for why Ben ignored her repeated pleas. Didn’t he know how much she needed him? Casting aside her pride, she abandoned texting and called him.

“Please, God.
Please.
”

Although she had no idea if she was praying for Ben to answer or for the lump in her lower abdomen to miraculously disappear, she still sent her entreaty to God.

Please.

No answer.

Maybe Ben… was just like Jay.

She took deep breaths, trying to remind herself Ben had been nothing but considerate.

But so had Jay until things turned rough. Ben had yet to be tested. Could he really be like Jay? Would he leave her when the going got tough?

If this was a test, he was failing.

With an angry growl, Mallory powered down her phone and shoved it in her purse. She climbed out of the SUV and marched into St. Ignatius Hospital.

Alone.

* * *

Ben saw Mallory’s empty SUV and pulled his truck up only a couple parking spots away. He jammed the gearshift into park but didn’t turn off the engine. Instead, he gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white and his hands ached.

Time had little meaning, its passage marked only by the pain flowing through his heart and his mind. His phone rested next to him on the bench seat. When Mallory’s ringtone played, he’d stared at her smiling face on the screen, unable to answer after the blood-chilling texts she’d sent. Al Green had warbled “Let’s Stay Together”—the first song they’d danced to—and the irony of the words filled Ben’s mind.

Lovin’ you whether times are good or bad, happy or sad.

He should’ve taken the call. He just couldn’t, not until he could wrap his mind around what was happening. Once he’d realized this wasn’t some horrifying dream, he’d raced to St. Ignatius, hoping he’d get there before Mallory went inside. But he was too late, had wasted too much time, and he couldn’t seem to force himself to get out of his truck.

She’d become more to him than he’d ever imagined. She’d banished the bad memories of his past. She’d filled the hole in his heart he hadn’t even known was there. She’d become a beacon of light in a dark world.

Now cancer would extinguish that light.

A tear hit his lap, soaking into the denim. Afraid to give in to his desire to weep—to scream at the unfairness of someone like Mallory being sick when there were so many horrible people in the world who deserved to suffer—Ben banged his head against the steering wheel. Hard.

“It’s not fucking fair.” First he whispered it. Next he shouted it.

He glanced at the hospital. She was inside, probably dressed in a baby-blue gown, being led to a cold room with a loud, intimidating machine to have her body scanned. He should be sitting next to her, holding her hand before the attendant led her away. Then he should be praying while he waited in an uncomfortable waiting room full of two-year-old magazines.

But he couldn’t make himself get out of his truck. As long as he sat by himself, he didn’t have to face this disaster. He didn’t have to find the right thing to say, as if there even
were
a right thing to say.

How could he ever come up with a way to break the news to his daughter?

Amber.
Sweet Jesus, he’d promised her Mallory would be all right. How in the hell could he possibly look his daughter in the eye and tell her Mallory’s cancer had most likely returned?

No more drama. He’d promised his daughter that there’d be no more drama.

“Damn it!”

Instead of keeping his word, he’d plunged Amber right into the deep end. Now she might have to face death up close and personal. He’d ruined her life by letting her bond with a woman who might be dying.

After all of Theresa’s head games, Amber had recovered. Mallory had helped make that recovery complete.

Mallory’s death would destroy Amber as much as it would destroy him. She’d already lost one mother. No way could she stand to lose another.

Ben needed to make this better for both of his girls, but he had no idea how, or even if he could.

One step at a time.
Isn’t that what people told him when Hurricane Theresa hit? Take on what he could control and leave the rest to God.

Are you there, God? I sure hope so, ’cause we need you. Bad.

Mallory would be in the CAT scanner by now. Then she’d head home to wait for the results. Since he wouldn’t be able to help her now, he decided to go to the person he could help.

Amber.

He tapped out a quick text message that Mallory probably wouldn’t receive until she was done, then he backed out of the parking spot.

Can’t get to you right now. Will be at your place soon as I can.

Driving away from St. Ignatius, Ben didn’t even glance in the rearview mirror. Mallory was going to be okay. The lump was nothing. Absolutely nothing.

There simply was no other way this could end.

* * *

Mallory froze when the double doors swished closed behind her. A smile bloomed as she glanced to the parking lot.

Ben was here. His truck sat close to her SUV. Everything would be all right now.

The CAT scan had been pushed back an hour because of a couple of emergencies. Mallory had been heading out to grab some coffee and a donut since she’d missed breakfast. Experience taught her the hospital cafeteria’s coffee was nothing but sludge, so she’d opted for the Dunkin’ Donuts just up the street. She’d even planned to check her phone one last time, knowing Ben would’ve had time to answer her text by now.

She’d been foolish to get so angry at him, and she blamed the panic that had engulfed her when she found the lump. While she was still terrified, she could breathe and think a little clearer now.

Ben wasn’t Jay. He wouldn’t abandon her when she needed him.

With a smile, she headed toward his truck. If she could catch him, they could go to the coffee shop together. As she walked, she fished around in her purse, searching for her phone. When she glanced up again, she ground to a halt.

Ben had backed out of the parking spot. Maybe he’d seen her and was heading over to pick her up.

She was wrong. So very wrong.

Her phone vibrated in her purse, signaling a text as he sped away.