The Boy in the Field (37 page)

“I’m sorry, Ethan. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Don’t do it for him. Do it for me.”

“You ran away, Ethan. I helped you in the courtroom. I owe you
nothing.” You laughed and shook your head. “You didn’t have to live with him
all these years, watching him turn into that.” You pointed to the bedroom door.
“And you both just keep stabbing each other in the back—”

“That’s not funny.”

“I’m not laughing.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “I’m
sorry, Ethan. I’m done. If I stay with you, I’m just going to get hurt.”

* * *

You left later that night, taking enough money to rent a room
somewhere until you could find a job and get a place of your own. Ethan wrote
to you all the time, even when you didn’t reply. He and Vapasi fought
constantly, especially after a medic friend of Ethan’s came to see him and
predicted that Vapasi was never going to walk again. You knew then it was only
a matter of time before one of them killed the other.

The news came by courier, sent to you by the Magistratum. Ethan
Wicker had been found trying to pass himself off as Magister Superius Vapasi,
having permanently disabled him. They appealed to you to come back and care for
him, the courier refusing to leave until you had penned a response to their
request. You declined.

Ethan was put on trial again, this time to be executed by
hanging. You didn’t go back to watch. His last letter to you simply gave you
Noah’s new address and said goodbye. You replied with no idea if your letter
would get there in time.

Ethan, I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me. May we meet
again one day. I love you.

The End
(Back to start)

You sighed and wrapped the cash in the cloth. “You said he was
hurt?”

Ethan nodded. “I struck him in the back. He’s never going to
walk again. Because of me.”

“Okay.” You nodded. “I’ll go see him. But if he doesn’t want me
there, I won’t stay. You’ve asked for enough favours.”

Ethan agreed and took you back to the house, showing you up the
stairs to the bedroom where you found Vapasi, propped up against all the pillows
and blankets. He looked at you in shock, his jaw dropping for a second.

“
Para
—what are you doing here?”

“Ethan told me you—”

“
Vasa
.” He shook his head. “I told him not to tell
anyone. You were supposed to leave.”

You put the cloth down on the bedside table and shook your
head. “He said you were hurt.”

“I’ll be fine.” He crossed his arms over his chest and stared
into the corner.

Ethan came into the room behind you. “You’re not fine,
brother.”

“You have no right to call me that!” Vapasi growled, leaning
forwards.

You moved across the room and sat on the end of the bed.
Vapasi’s attention switched to focus on you. You leaned forwards, lowering your
voice so that only he would hear you.

“If you really want me to leave, I will go and you will never
hear from me again. I won’t be in touch, so make sure that it’s really what you
want.”

He reached out for you and cried silently on your shoulder, his
tears soaking into your shirt. When he wrapped his arms around you, you stroked
his back, pretending not to notice the sobs or the shake of his shoulders.

“This isn’t how I want you to remember me,
parahi.
”

“You’d rather I left thinking that you were some kind of
bereha
?
That you didn’t love me? That you could kill your own brother?”

“Better that than you pity me and think I am weak.” He pushed
you away and looked up at Ethan. “What? Do you want to hear me say it? You win,
Ethan. Congratulations. You’re the better man.”

Ethan said nothing, only shrugged and walked away. You moved up
the bed to sit at Vapasi’s side, touching his knee.

“What do you really want,
masuka
?”

“I want you to go away.” He stared into his lap.

“Are you sure? You will never see me again.” You squeezed his
leg.

“You were going to leave me anyway.” He slapped your hand away.
“Just get out of my life.”

“Okay.” You kissed him on the cheek and stood up.

As you turned, he grabbed at your wrist. His fingers raked your
skin and you paused. When you looked back, you saw tears in his eyes.

“Don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me.”

“I love you, No—” You paused, halfway through his name.

He reached out for you and when you came closer, he leaned his
head against you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Please. I want to hear you say it,” he whispered.

“Noah.” You knelt at his side and kissed him. “I love you,
Noah.”

“Please, don’t go. I need you.”

You smiled and nodded. “Then don’t push me so hard. I’m strong,
but I’m not invincible.”

“I forget that sometimes.” He put his hand to your face. “I
promise I’ll be better.”

Instruction:
250. Starting Over

You shook your head again and wrapped the money in the cloth.
“He doesn’t want me back. He’s paying me to leave.”

Ethan swallowed. “Where will you go?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. I might go north and see what
winter really feels like. I might cross the sea. I might stop at the coast.”

“Will we ever see you again?”

You shook your head. “Not if you don’t look for me.”

Ethan sighed. “Then I hope I can find you. I still owe you for
what you’ve done for me.”

“You owe me nothing Ethan.” You smiled. “I hope you have a nice
life. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

He waved as you turned, heading for the nearest vacant cab. The
driver called for the therins to move and the vehicle pulled away down the
road. You waved back to him and then settled yourself in for the journey. You
weren’t sure yet what the destination was going to be, but you were looking
forward to finding out.

The End
(Back to start)

“I thought you would never ask.” You wrapped your arms around
him and kissed him. “Yes. Of course I’ll marry you.”

He linked his fingers through yours. “I really didn’t think you
were going to accept,” he replied.

He smiled and for the first time in months, he looked happy.
Recently, there had always been malice in his smiles. It was nice to catch a
glimpse of the old Noah, still alive in there somewhere and fighting Superius
Vapasi for control. It gave you hope that you might have still been able to
save him one day, drag him back from the abyss he had built for himself. You
squeezed his hand and smiled back.

The End
(Back to start)

“You’re joking, right?” You stood up and laughed. “I mean,
this is a joke. You’re not serious?”

He frowned. “I’ll take that as a no then?”

You laughed again, shaking you head. “Of course I’m not going
to marry you! I’ve just watched you mangle your own brother. You’ve treated me
like dirt for months. And you don’t even have a name to use in the ceremony!”

He scowled and looked away. “You always did prefer Ethan,
didn’t you?”

“This has got nothing to do with Ethan and whether or not I
like him more than I like you. This is about you being an awful person. I can’t
trust you anymore. I can’t love you anymore.”

“You should go.” He pointed to the door. “The medics can’t have
taken him far.”

“I hope you find whatever it is that makes you happy,” you
said, turning the handle. “I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you.”

You walked away, not to look for Ethan – you were sure there
was nothing you could do for him – but to escape for yourself. You went home
and packed your bags, determined to be gone before he came home and found you.

A part of you wondered if he’d look for you the way he had
looked for Ethan, like a harehound stalking its prey. You hoped he would simply
drown himself in his job. Forget. You hoped he would change. Perhaps, without
you, he would.

The End
(Back to start)

Ethan took well to his brother’s shoes, permanently taking on
his job. He wrote to you and told you about his escapades as Magister Superius
Vapasi. Vapasi’s promotion had required some extra training and with it, no one
would ever know Ethan wasn’t his brother.

Noah and you moved to a small town on the coast. Everything
about the place was new and unfamiliar and somehow, so much strangeness at once
made things seem okay. Noah learned to get around with the use of a wheelchair,
the single-storey cottage providing him with few obstacles. Most of the streets
were flat. Neither of you knew a soul in the town. It was another fresh start.

He still had bad days, but the good days outweighed them ten to
one. He became like his old self again, like a grown-up version of the lost boy
you’d met in that therin field all those years ago but with more scars. On the
really good days, he would tell you how losing that fight was the best thing
that ever happened to him.

“It’s made me see how lucky I am,” he said. “If I had won, I
would have lost you and Ethan. I would have driven myself into the ground. I
would have let this anger control me and blamed everyone but myself.” He
reached out for your hand. “But now, I get to be better.”

You laced your fingers through his and stared out at the sea.
Life still wasn’t going to be easy, but at least it wouldn’t be quite so hard.

The End
(Back to start)

Mark Canty for unclogging the blocked drains of this
story

Clarissa Hearn for a lovely map

Steven Taylor for suggestions

Claudia Cardoso for encouragement

Jamie Dickerson for aggressive encouragement

Amy Carter for spotting typos

And my lovely volunteers:

James Bicheno

Carly Bowman

Dean Ellingham

Roxy Negru

Jean Oram

Su Oram

Sarah Spurrier

April Stamp

Sebastian Stungo