The Boy Under the Table (28 page)
Tina could see it would all begin with this one little remark by his sister. How would Lockie react? The whole table waited.
Lockie swallowed his mouthful of burger and said, ‘Jennifer’s stupid.’
‘That’s what I think,’ said Sammy. ‘She’s going to be really mad when you come back to school next week after the holidays.’
‘Maybe not next week,’ said Sarah softly. ‘We’ll give Lockie a little bit of time, won’t we, Lockie?’
‘Yeah,’ said Lockie. ‘But then I’ll be back and I’ll show stupid Jennifer.’
‘Yeah, stupid Jennifer,’ said Sammy and she giggled.
Later, when she went to use the bathroom, Tina passed Lockie’s room. Racing cars zoomed across the walls and his bed. He was asleep next to his mother. He was curled in the foetal position with his legs jammed into his mother’s stomach. If you had thrown a blanket over the two of them Sarah would have looked like a woman in the last stages of pregnancy. Lockie was back where he belonged.
Doug and Tina sat in the lounge room of the silent house. Pete had gone home. They were both drinking coffee. Doug had added a drop of whisky to his and when Tina held out her cup he had only raised his eyebrows a little before adding some to hers as well.
‘I hope you’ll be okay bunking with Sammy for a couple of nights. I need to get the guest room cleared out. No one’s ever really used it,’ said Doug.
‘Don’t you have family come and visit and stuff?’ said Tina.
‘Nah,’ sighed Doug. ‘Not really.’
Tina could hear a whole story behind the words but she was aware that she was the one who had to do the talking now. She had told Pete to give her one more day to rest but even though it was late she felt re-energised. Her heart was a fast drum solo in her chest while she worked out what to say to Doug.
Doug would not wait one more day. Doug needed to know now so that he could tell Sarah and when Lockie woke up tomorrow his parents would know how much there was to be done. They would know where their boy had come from and they would be able to help him move on to another place. A different place. A place where he could be a nine-year-old boy again.
‘I know that you may not want to talk about . . . you know . . . what happened,’ said Doug.
‘I do want to talk, Doug . . . I do. It’s just that I’m not exactly who you think I am. I’m not just a nice girl who rescued Lockie.’
Doug gave a small sharp laugh. ‘I know that, Tina. I can see that. I’m just a farmer but some things are obvious. I want to make it clear before you say anything that I believe you saved Lockie. He kept telling me that again and again and I know it’s true. Whatever else you may have done, whoever you may be, the most important thing right now is that you saved Lockie. Okay?’
‘Okay.’
Tina closed her eyes and let the warmth of the whisky make its way through her veins. Soon it would be time for a shower—a real shower and bed. Sarah had given her some clothes and pyjamas before she put Lockie to bed and she had only asked two questions.
‘Doug thinks Lockie was with the man who killed some other kids, the one Pete told him about. Was he?’
Tina nodded.
‘What happened to that man?’
‘He’s dead,’ said Tina.
Sarah’s face was stony. She gave a curt nod of her head. ‘Good,’ she said, and that was the end of the conversation.
‘How old are you?’ asked Doug into the silence of the room.
‘Seventeen,’ said Tina.
‘And how old were you when you ran away from home?’
Tina’s eyes flew open and she found herself staring into Doug’s blue eyes. The knowledge of the world was on his face. For a moment she felt trapped by what he had figured out. Trapped and hunted. Doug would get the truth no matter what. But then she felt something else flood her body. It was the relief she had felt on the train. She didn’t have to run and she didn’t have to hide. It would be okay to tell Doug the truth.
And if it wasn’t okay? Well then, she would just deal.
She began at the beginning. She needed to talk about who she had been before she got to who she was.
She talked about her father and she talked about Tim. She talked about Tim for a long time and all Doug did was listen. She talked about the divorce and her mother and she talked about Tim. In the lounge room lit mostly by the light from the gas fire she talked about Tim the way she had never imagined she would talk about Tim. She told Doug, a stranger, everything she had seen and everything she had felt because she knew that he had lost a son as well. He had lost a little boy too and even though he was back he would never really be back. Tina talked to Doug because she could see that he knew what it felt like. And she talked to Doug because after her years of silence she needed to talk or she would burst.
Finally, she needed to talk.
At some point Doug got up to get her some tissues so that she could stem the flow of tears and blow her nose but otherwise he only listened.
When she was silent for a while he made some more coffee and added more whisky.
Outside the night worked its way towards dawn and inside Tina talked. When she got to the part about seeing Lockie in the uniform’s house she watched Doug’s face. She didn’t spare him anything because Lockie hadn’t been spared. She talked about the rope and the cold and the way Lockie froze when the man touched him.
Doug’s skin became the colour of chalk and his fists clenched.
She wanted to spare him the details but he needed to know.
When she told him about letting Lockie hit the uniform with the poker a grim smile crossed his face. Tina understood the smile. People never really got beyond the concept of an eye for an eye. Especially when someone took your child.
She talked about feeding Lockie and showering him and bringing him home. And when she was done she was proud of herself for not leaving anything out. Not the nights on the street or her friendship with Mark and Ruby or what she had done to survive.
Finally she was silent and she waited to see what Doug would say. Mentally she located her backpack and tried to work out how to get to town. She was completely sure of his condemnation.
It didn’t matter what he thought. She would survive no matter what happened now, and if she had to go to jail or whatever she would survive that as well.
Doug looked at her for a long time. She felt him judging her, studying her, observing her, but she didn’t know if he was trying to understand her or if he was just getting ready to dismiss her.
‘Well, I reckon you must be ready for some sleep,’ he said.
‘I . . . yeah, I guess I am,’ she said. The words were an anticlimax. After everything she had said, this was not the reaction she had expected. It was like he hadn’t even heard her.
‘You’ve got everything you need for a shower and stuff?’
‘Um . . . yeah, I think I’m good.’
‘Well, I’ll say goodnight then. I might just clean up a little and get things ready for the morning.’
‘I could . . . I could help.’
‘Not tonight, Tina.’
‘Okay.’ Tina’s heart was a stone. She knew what he was trying to say.
‘But from tomorrow, when you’ve had a bit more rest . . . we’ll get you sorted out. There’ll be lots to do come spring.’
Tina listened to the words in her head again. ‘There’ll be lots to do come spring.’ Spring was a month away.
She felt a red glow heat up her face. She wanted to hug him but she clasped her hands together instead. Doug obviously wasn’t one for effusive words. He said what had to be said. Tina understood his message.
‘Yeah, okay . . . Goodnight.’
She picked up the things Sarah had given her and left the room. When she got to the door Doug cleared his throat and she turned around.
‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘We’ll say it again and again and I’m sure you’ll get sick of hearing it, but thank you. Thank you for saving my boy.’
Tina felt the tears begin anew. She nodded, then she went to have her shower and sleep in the pink princess bunk bed and she left everything in the hands of the universe because it didn’t seem to be doing too bad a job.
Doug watched the fire and heard his words again. ‘There’ll be lots to do come spring.’
He knew what he was doing. Questions would be asked. The girl had come from nowhere and she could be anyone. She had saved Lockie but she had lived on the streets and done god knows what and questions would be asked. There would be whispers and difficulties but Doug had made his decision. He would tell Sarah and she would agree. They had both watched Lockie at dinner while Lockie watched Tina. Occasionally the boy would take her hand and Tina held on tight.
What kind of family took in some stray girl who had done things they only ever read about? They weren’t any kind of family anymore. They were so broken. They were all so broken, and who knew if this broken girl and his broken family could create some sort of jagged whole? There was no clear way forward for any of them but Doug felt a small seed of certainty that the girl needed to be with them, with Lockie.
Questions would be asked but for the first time in four months Doug would not be short of answers.
It was almost too warm in his bed but Lockie didn’t want to move enough to throw off one of the blankets. His mum had given him two extra blankets even though there was a heater in his room as well. She kept asking him if he was warm enough. He liked to be warm now. He wanted to be warm forever. His mum had asked if he wanted her to sleep with him again but he didn’t, not really. He had to sleep on his own like he had before. If you were nine you didn’t sleep with your mum and he was nine now.
Soon he would be going back to school and there was no way he wanted Tyler and Matt to find out he still slept with his mum.
His mum had made a cake for his birthday and she had kept it in the fridge out back. It was a Ben 10 cake and it was chocolate on the inside and he and Sammy got to have cake every day now. Mum said he could have a party when he was ready. A party would be the best. She would make another cake.
He had so much stuff for his birthday but the greatest thing ever was the Xbox. It had cool games and only he and Dad could play ’cos Sammy was too little—but Tina could play too and she was really good at racing.
There was lots of stuff from everyone else as well and when people came to visit they brought more presents. Mum got cross when too many people came but Lockie could see her trying to smile for everyone. He tried to smile too but sometimes he had to go to his room and be quiet for a while and then Sammy and Tina wouldn’t let anyone in.
There was a special night-light plugged into the wall so he could see everything in his room and under the covers he was holding onto his soft Bob. He didn’t want Tyler and Matt to know about soft Bob either but they had seen him sitting on Lockie’s bed since they first started coming to play when everyone was only four. Tyler had an ugly teddy bear on his bed and Matt had a dog. When they played together the dog and the bear and Bob all got chucked under the bed.
He was too big for night-lights and soft toys but his mum said that no one had to know and that it was okay for him to hold on to Bob for as long as he needed him.
She also told him that the things that had happened weren’t his fault.
His dad said the same thing and so did Tina. Pete and Margie, too.
Lockie was getting tired of people telling him that it wasn’t his fault but maybe they kept saying it so much because it was true. If his mum said something over and over again it was usually because it was important and true. She said things like, ‘Brush your teeth and vegetables are important for healthy bodies and people like it when you say
please
and
thank you
and you can do anything you want with your life when you grow up.’ She said those things over and over because she really meant them so maybe she was telling him it wasn’t his fault all the time because she really meant it.
He squeezed Bob and poked one foot out of the blankets.
There was a lady coming tomorrow. His mum had told him about her after dinner and two bowls of ice cream and cake.