The Boy Who Paints Me (14 page)

Stop! Just stop, because you knew this already. You can't have him, you can never have him!

I knew that the voice in my head was right, oh so right, but it still hurt. It hurt so damn bad, and I wasn't sure how long I could keep it together. I was so good at putting on a show but not with him, he had broken down walls that I wished he hadn't. He had awoken emotions that I had laid to rest many years ago. Emotions that should be dead; they were dead.

"I don't want to kiss you...because I need to kiss you," he said as his hand cupped the side of my cheek before sliding, gently into my jet black hair. I stood, confused, not quite sure what he was saying. I didn't speak, I just stood there, wanting to hear the words that I knew I shouldn't want to hear, shouldn't 
need
 to hear. He let the tip of his thumb glide gently over my cheek, tracing small circles. He let out a restrained moan as though he were fighting his own battle.

"You have no idea," he whispered as he stared into my eyes. "No idea...."

I watched as he searched my eyes as though he were trying to understand something, solve something. I looked away, needing him not to understand but secretly willing him to figure it out. He stopped moving his thumb and let it rest against my warm cheek as he took a deep breath.

"Kissing you is the first thing that I think about when I wake up, the last thing that I think about before I go to sleep, and the only thing that I ever dream about. And the moment that I allow myself to kiss you," he said before gently, wetting his lips with his tongue, "I'm never letting you go. When I'm sure that you're ready to accept that, then, and only then, will I kiss you, the way that I've wanted to kiss you, since the day that you walked into my life."

I stood frozen, in a daze as I tried to make sense of his words. I had completely lost the ability to speak the English language as I stood there, dumbfounded. He placed his free hand on my waist before slowly pulling me towards him and planting a single, soft kiss on my forehead. If I wasn't focusing, I may have missed the fact that his lips lingered on my skin a little longer than the kiss had lasted, but I didn't miss it. He dropped his hand to the side of his body before walking towards the door, leaving me even more confused than before. He paused for a moment as his hand made contact with the doorknob.

"Bye, Rai."

Then, he was gone....

I stood still for a few seconds before realising that I couldn’t let him go.

“Leighton!” The word was out before I could even stop it. I heard the sound of his footsteps as he moved closer and closer to the door. As I watched the front door open slightly, I took in his face and everything about him. It may be wrong and even selfish but in that moment, I knew exactly what I needed...him.

“I accept it,” I whispered as I stood staring at him.

It took a moment before he seemed to realise what I was saying. He moved so fast that I almost missed it. I looked up into Leighton’s eyes as he stood directly in front of me. His stare was so intense that I felt like he could see right through to my soul. His hands slid up until they cupped the sides of my face, and his finger tips grazed the edges of my hair line. He took a step closer before staring at me, as though he were asking if I was sure. I nodded my head before letting my eyes close, slowly.

“If I kiss you, Rai, I can’t let you go,” he whispered as his warm breath fanned my lips, making my body tingle in places that they never had before.

“Then don’t let me go,” I whispered before his lips made contact with mine. I could literally hear a ringing in my ears, and I suddenly felt light headed. It felt good, so good. He let his lips rest against mine before I felt the tip of his tongue teasing my entrance. I let my lips fall apart with ease and accepted him eagerly. As his tongue filled my mouth, I let myself get lost in the moment. I had been kissed before but this...this was completely different. This was unbelievably mind blowing. I let my hand slip around his neck as I tried to push us even closer together. A moan escaped my lips as his hands slipped around my waist. I felt his lips form into a smile at the sound before he gently pulled away. He planted one last soft kiss on my lips before letting his forehead lean against mine.

“Rai,” he breathed as I listened to how out of breath we both were.

“Hmm?” I mumbled as I tried to catch my breath.

“That was...it was...”

“What?” I asked curiously. He shook his head and began laughing quietly.

“Words are not enough,” he whispered as his hands tightened, making me feel completely safe.

“Isn’t that what you say about your paintings?” I chuckled as I let my eyes close.

“Yup.”

“So, I’m a painting now?” I giggled.

“I don’t know but if you were, you’d be the best damn painting in the world,” he said as he gently kissed my lips again making me smile. “You’re so incredibly beautiful,” he whispered as I let his words sink in. I knew that staying here was a bad idea but Leighton was a good enough reason. I just didn’t have the strength to let him go.

Is it possible to feel like you've found the person that you've been searching for your entire life, even though you weren’t actually searching? If yes, then I think I just found him....

Chapter 7

It was needless to say that I had another sleepless night, only this time it was for all of the right reasons. I had spent the whole night, lying in bed, smiling at the ceiling. Kissing Leighton was something that I couldn’t even begin to describe. I just didn’t have the right words to explain it. Alarm bells were ringing in my head last night, telling me to stay away, begging me not to call him back but I ignored them. It doesn’t make sense because I haven’t even known Leighton for that long but it’s as though a part of me needs him to survive. It’s like I’ve found the missing piece to my jigsaw puzzle of a life. It’s probably crazy to even think that I can have him but I don’t care. The moment that I felt the sensation of his lips on mine, the decision was made. I was staying...whatever the cost.

After he kissed me, last night, he left. He left me wanting so much more. More than I should want anyway. When he said that he’d protect me, I knew that he meant it. Maybe he couldn’t protect me, maybe nobody could but I couldn’t run away without finding out.

It was my day off today, which I was thankful of since I needed a day of rest. Working at the diner was great but it wasn’t easy. It was busy most of the time, and my feet seemed to get a little more swollen everyday that I spent there. I did enjoy working with Megan though, we were getting closer, and I liked it. Thoughts of Leighton had been consuming my mind all day, so when she asked if I wanted to spend the day with her, I welcomed the distraction.

"Hey, hot stuff, you ready for a day of fun?" She asked as I opened the front door.

"Yup," I nodded as I smiled at her. I watched as a nervous look spread across her face. It was unlike her, and it made me feel a little uncomfortable. "Are you ok?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes but I have something to tell you before we go," she said as she took a gulp.

"Ok."

"So, you know how I said that me, you, Caroline and Layla were spending the day together?" She asked, confusing me even more.

"Yes," I replied in a tone that said 'tell me more'.

"Well, I thought it was, just us, I mean. My dad made me bring along his friends daughter," she said as her green eyes scanned my face.

"Is that it?" I asked as relief washed over me.

"Yeah, well, it's Victoria," she said as she twiddled her fingers and stared at me.

"Weasel?" I blurted out, without thinking. She suddenly burst out laughing and began to try and catch her breath. A slight smile formed on my face as I realised what I had said.

"One, that just made that whole conversation worth every nerve racking second and two, you have spent way too much time with Caroline lately," she chuckled as I locked the front door with my key.

"Maybe," I giggled as I turned to face her.

"Seriously, will you be ok with her coming. I wouldn't have invited her to be honest but my dad kind of left me no choice," she moaned.

"Honestly, it's fine, I don't have a problem with her," I replied calmly. The truth was that I didn't know her to have a problem but the idea that Leighton may have kissed her the way that he kissed me last night, made me feel sick.

"Oh, it's not you that I'm worried about," she mumbled as we made our way toward her pink truck.

“Hey!” Caroline sang as I slid in next to her.

“Hey. Where’s Layla?” I asked, confused.

“We couldn’t all fit in so she and the Weasel are in her car,” Caroline said with a smirk on her face.

“Be nice, Caroline,” Megan warned.

“I am, if I wasn’t then I would have called her a-“

“Just stop right there,” Megan interrupted, causing us all to start laughing. “So, Leighton brought you home last night then?” Megan continued as Caroline started to stare at me with her big blue eyes.

“Erm, yeah,” I tried to say in a casual voice.

“Yeah? That’s it? We want details, and we want them fast. Did he kiss you?” Caroline said as she poked me in the side. I tried to hide the smile on my face but it was impossible. “Oh my gosh, he did, didn’t he?” She squealed in excitement. I nodded my head as I felt my cheeks start to burn.

“Score out of ten?” Megan asked as she glanced at me.

“Eleven,” I said with a huge smile on my face.

“Woahhh, I think I just died and went to Leighton lip heaven, and my lips didn’t even get any action. Leighton is so...mmmm,” she said as we all chuckled at her crazy outburst. “I mean, I like me some Callum but a Leighton special would make me go crazy, and I am not talking about the ice cream at your dad’s diner!”

“Please, do we have to bring my brother into this conversation?” Megan said as she shuddered.

“It’s not my fault that you can’t appreciate the fine specimen that is your brother. I, on the other hand, can and will,” she said as she started to fluff up her wavy red hair with her finger tips.

“Anyway,” Megan said as she rolled her eyes, “what’s going on with you two then?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. Leighton’s just...different,” I said as I took a deep breath and tried to keep his face out of my mind.

“Leighton is sexy, period. I would have a smile the size of the Eiffel Tower if those lips had touched me, too,” Caroline giggled. I shook my head and smiled. It felt nice to have friends to talk about this stuff too. It was embarrassing but still nice.

“I can’t wait to tell Weasel!”

“No, Caroline,” Megan warned as she glanced at her, “this is going to be a nice day out, don’t you spoil it especially not by using Rainie, that’s not fair.”

“You’re right, sorry Rainie. She just annoys me.”

“It’s ok, anyway what are we doing first?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.

“Well, I’ve planned a super sexy girl’s day out. It involves nails, clothes, hair and a lot more,” Megan beamed as Caroline started to put on some lip gloss.

“Sounds like my kind of day,” Caroline said as she rubbed her plump lips together.

“Is that my lip gloss again,” Megan growled.

“This,” she said, holding up the tube. Megan nodded. “Nope, this is Layla’s, I lost yours a couple of days ago,” she said as I began laughing to myself.

“Give me strength,” Megan mumbled as she rolled her eyes and kept driving.

* * *

The closest mall to my aunt’s house was a one hour drive away. We spent the journey talking about everything from Leighton and Callum, to nails and clothes. By the time that we pulled up at the mall Layla was stood outside with her arms folded across her chest and a frustrated expression on her face.
Victoria was nowhere to be seen which secretly made me very happy.

“Now, I don’t consider myself an angry person but that girl almost made me become a serial killer!” Layla growled as she walked toward us angrily.

“Erm, serial killers kill more than once, sweetie,” Megan giggled as Caroline nodded in agreement.

“I know! I imagined killing her more than once!”

“Oh, well what happened?” Megan asked.

“She happened! I am NOT driving back with her. She’s like Legally Blonde meets Exorcist. She is crazy and annoying!”

“Wow, I thought I was the only one that Weasel ticked off. I think this calls for some candy?” Caroline said as she winked at Layla.

“Yes, I think it does,” she giggled.

“Where is she?” Megan asked.

“I don’t know, she was going on about going to ‘the little ladies room’. I was just wishing that she would get stuck down a toilet, think it came true?”

“No, it didn’t. I’m quite fine, thanks for worrying,” Victoria said with a huge smile spread across her face as she walked toward us.
Great.

“Get me out of here,” Layla mumbled to Caroline with an angry expression.

“My pleasure. Ladies, we’ll erm...walk ahead, nail shop?” Caroline turned to Megan. Megan nodded her head as we watched them walk off.

“What did you do?” She said as she turned toward Victoria.

“Nothing,” she replied, fluttering her eyelashes.

“Just, please don’t do
nothing
to anybody else,” Megan pleaded as Victoria faked innocence.

“Scouts honour, Meg,” she chuckled. “I don’t believe, we’ve formally met, I’m Victoria,” she said, holding out her hand to me.

“Rainie,” I replied as I slipped my hand into hers. This was going to be a very long day.

* * *

We had been at the mall for over three hours and despite what I first thought, Victoria was being pretty...nice. I knew that it was most likely an act but if she kept it up until we got back, then I was happy. Megan had decided that we needed to pamper ourselves in every way possible. The first thing that we did was to go and get our hair done. None of us wanted a drastic change, and so we went for trims and a little styling. Caroline decided to get her hair curled which looked really good. Apparently ‘curls worked for Callum’, that was what Caroline said anyway. Me, Layla and Megan decided to have a mini trim which didn’t really make a huge difference. Victoria decided to have her hair straightened which made her look even more beautiful, and me a little bit more nervous. I could definitely see what Leighton saw in her, she was gorgeous. After our hair, we were forced into having nails, eyebrows and make-up done by Megan. Apparently every girl deserved a treat like this at least once a month.

Now we were approaching the spa to get a massage. I may like Leighton’s hands on me but I was not ready to allow anyone else to touch me, it wasn’t the same.

“Ohhh, I am so excited, I haven’t had a got massage in a while. I wonder if any hot guys work here,” Caroline said as she peered through the window.

“What happened to Callum?” Megan scoffed.

“Callum appreciates that a girl needs to do a little window shopping but he is, and will always be my
only
purchase,” she winked as Megan shuddered at the thought. “Oh, you’ll be happy when my babies are calling you aunty, you’re going to love it,” she chuckled as she skipped through the doors.

“She is one of a kind,” Victoria chuckled as Megan nodded in agreement.

The spa smelt great. There were cream candles all around the cream reception area that smelt of vanilla. The lights were dim, and it was nice and warm. The receptionist had her brown hair pulled back in a neat bun. As we approached, she was already in a deep conversation with Caroline.

“This may sound weird but you are so pretty! You look just like that girl from that Think Like a Man film,” Caroline beamed as the girl looked slightly embarrassed.

“Megan Good,” Layla confirmed.

“Yes, her!”

“Wow, thank you,” the receptionist replied with a warm smile on her face. I could see that she was slightly embarrassed but she was extremely attractive, Caroline was right. “So, there are five of you then?” She continued.

“Erm, no, I’m going to pass on this, guys,” I said nervously as all eyes fell on me.

“You sure?” Megan asked with a look of understanding.

“Yeah, you guys go ahead, I’ll just wait out here,” I said as I smiled at her.

“I’m not feeling too good either, I think all of the fumes in the nail shop went to my head,” Victoria added as she chuckled, “I’ll stay out here with Rainie, if that’s ok?” She said, turning to me.

“That’s fine,” I replied with a smile on my face.

“Ok, if you’re sure,” Megan said before the three of them followed the receptionist to the back of the spa.

“You don’t like massages then?” Victoria asked, breaking the five minute silence that we had created.

“Erm, sort of, they’re not really my thing,” I answered politely. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Yeah, I probably just need to eat something,” she smiled at me. She was being nice but something felt off. “So, you’re spending the summer here then?”

“Yeah,” I lied as always.

“Living next to Leighton?” She added as her voice went a little higher.

“Yeah.”

“That’s nice,” she said as she turned to look at me. “You guys speak much?” She asked.

“Erm, yeah we talk sometimes,” I replied, trying not to give too much away.

“Mmm.” It was all she said as we sat in silence again. “We always break up,” she said as I looked at her in confusion.

“Pardon?”

“Leighton and I, we always break up...and then we get back together. It’s been our pattern for the last two years,” she said as she kept her gaze fixed on me.

“Oh, right.” I didn’t want her to see how much her words were affecting me but boy were they affecting me.

“I don’t want to be mean, ok but I’m just being honest. It’s what we do, we break up and then we get back together. Sometimes we see other people but in the end we
always
get back together, we’re like magnets or something.” I could feel the tears in the back of my eyes but I pushed them back. I wasn’t about to let her see me cry, no way. “I cheated on him, he’s mad but he
will
forgive me. I just don’t want you to get hurt because the truth is, you seem like a nice girl but you’re just his rebound. In the end he will always come back to me, I’m just trying to save you from the heartbreak,” she said before jumping to her feet. “I feel better now, I think I’ll have that massage after all,” she said before walking off to receptionist.

I needed air. Lots of air.

I didn’t hesitate to make my way outside. I practically ran out so that I could just breathe because it honestly felt like someone had just stamped on my chest, a hundred times. I should have known that things couldn’t go well for me. I was just a rebound, it made sense. The kiss felt real but maybe he kisses all girls like that, maybe that’s what he does. I felt angry and hurt and frustrated at the same time. Before I even realised what I was doing, I was pacing up and down, outside of the mall. I finally found a man that I could trust, one that I wanted to touch me, one that made touching feel so good; one that made me feel safe. It was obvious that it wouldn’t last, that I couldn’t have him, this was me after all. I don’t do fairytale endings. I couldn’t hold the tears back anymore because it hurt too much. I didn’t get why it hurt so much but it did. He was the first one to make me feel
anything
and that meant that I felt Victoria’s words, every last one.

I had no idea how long I had been standing outside before I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

“There you are. We’ve been looking for you everywhere. You ok?” Megan asked, examining my face.

“Sorry, I came out to get some fresh air, I don’t feel too good.”

“Must be those fumes again,” Victoria said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. I wasn’t sure if anyone else noticed but I did.

“You want to go home?” Megan asked. I nodded my head, thankful that she understood but didn’t ask any questions.

“You can ride with me,” Layla added, making me smile. I may not have known these girls my whole life but I felt like I had. They knew what to do and how to act around me. They almost made me feel as safe as Leighton did.