The Brick Yard (19 page)

“Can I talk to you?” Dray whispered.

Lucky gave Gatsby’s tiny black and white head a gentle scratch before following Dray out of the room. He hadn’t spoken to Dray since that morning and wasn’t sure if he should ask about Dray’s injured hand or not. “What’s up?”

“Jax is coming over to sit with Brick. Flint’s closing up the gym, and you and I are going out,” Dray announced.

“Out? Out where?” Lucky was in his usual garb of faded sweats and a T-shirt.

“I’m hungry for seafood.”

Lucky sighed. He knew he wasn’t dressed for a restaurant nicer than Mac’s. “I’ll have to change.”

“Okay. Can you be ready in fifteen minutes?” Dray asked.

“Twenty.” Lucky winced. “I need a shower.”

Dray grinned. “Okay, twenty, but bring a coat. We’re going to Milwaukee.”

“What the hell’re we going to Milwaukee for?” Lucky knew of several good seafood places in Chicago. The drive to Milwaukee would be a waste of gas.

“Because I feel like getting out of the city for a while. It’s a nice evening, so I thought we’d go for a drive. Don’t worry about it. Just go get your shower.”

Lucky got the feeling he was starting to piss Dray off again. He’d worried over their morning exchange all day, and although he still wasn’t sure what he’d said to anger Dray, he certainly didn’t want to do it again. “Whatever,” he said, backing off.

* * * *

Once Dray had passed the worst of the traffic, he turned on the radio. “What kind of music do you like?”

“I’m not picky. I usually listen to rock, but Brick blasts the old shit, so I’m used to that, too.”

“Country?” Dray didn’t really like it, but he thought he’d throw Lucky a curve ball.

“Fuck no.” Lucky started to laugh. “Do you?”

“Not a chance.” Dray held out his bandaged hand. “Take that off for me.”

“Why?” Lucky asked.

“Because I want to hold your hand.” Dray glanced at Lucky. “In case I didn’t make it clear back at Brick’s, this is a date.”

Lucky licked his lips. “A date?”

“Yeah.” Dray waited for Lucky to unwrap the elastic bandage. He wanted to talk to Lucky about the meeting he’d had with his mom, but tonight was about showing Lucky he had genuine feelings for him because as much as he’d tried to deny it, he had them.

Lucky dropped the bandage onto the seat before examining the smaller piece of gauze taped to Dray’s knuckles. “Is it bad?”

Dray shook his head. “You can probably take it off. It was bleeding when I wrapped it up, and I didn’t want to get it on the bandage.”

Lucky wrinkled his nose. “No thanks.”

Dray spread his hand out and waited. It was obvious Lucky wasn’t going to make the date easy, but Dray decided to cut him some slack. Although Lucky had dated women for years, it was his first date with a man.

Eventually, Lucky sighed and threaded his fingers through Dray’s. “You gonna try and grab my boob next?” Lucky joked.

Dray squeezed Lucky’s hand. “Let’s get something straight. You’re not a woman. I don’t think of you as a woman, and I sure as hell don’t want to treat you the way I would a woman.”

Lucky cleared his throat. “Sorry. I guess I’m nervous, which is completely stupid, but I don’t know how to act.” He sighed heavily. “Fucking, I know.” With his free hand he gestured around the cab of the truck. “I guess I’ve never really dated. I fuck,” he said the last two words so quietly Dray barely heard them.

“What about Briley? You were having dinner with her when I called that time,” Dray pointed out, his jealousy flaring.

“Briley’s cool. We hang out, but I’d never consider meeting her at the bar or at Mac’s for a date. It’s not like that with us. We have fun together and she likes my cock. That’s all there is to it.”

“Well, this is a date. This is me trying to show you that we’re not just friends with benefits. That every time we’re together whether it’s at a restaurant, bar or just your apartment, it’s a date because being with you means more to me than fucking.”

Eyes closed, Lucky shook his head vehemently and released Dray’s hand. “You can’t care about me like that. I won’t let you.”

Dray bit his tongue for another ten minutes before his anger got the better of him. How dare Lucky work his way into Dray’s heart only to try to push him away. He’d been stupid to set wheels in motion before nailing down the relationship he felt he and Lucky had developed.
Fuck!
He pulled off the highway without a word to Lucky, stopping at the first fast food joint he spotted. “What do you want?” he asked as he drove up to the drive-thru speaker.

“What’re we doing?” Lucky asked.

“Well, since you don’t give a fuck, I don’t see a reason to drive all the way to Milwaukee, but I’m fucking starving, so I’m going to get something to eat before heading back. Now, what the hell do you want?” Dray tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as the guy on the other end of the speaker barked at him.

“Nothing,” Lucky mumbled.

“Whatever.” Dray stuck his head out of the window. “A double cheeseburger meal with a Coke.” He dug his wallet out of his back pocket then drove around the building.

“Why’re you being such an asshole about this?” Lucky asked as soon as Dray got his food and rolled up the window. “I’m just trying to save you.”

“Why the hell’re you trying to save me? I don’t need you to save me, I need you to…” Dray bit his tongue.

“I’m not a good person,” Lucky mumbled. “People who care about me end up disappointed or dying.”

The anger drained out of Dray. He pulled around the restaurant and parked under a shade tree in the back of the lot. Food forgotten, he unbuckled and turned in the seat to face Lucky. “Brick’s cancer has absolutely nothing to do with you. Your mom’s drug and alcohol abuse has nothing to do with you. She’s a fucking bitch of a loser because that’s who she is in her soul. I don’t know for a fact, but I’m going to guess since your dad was a dealer, she was fucking up her life before she ever got pregnant with you.” He rested his elbow on the back of the seat. “Now, who else’s life have you fucked up?”

“Sid’s fucked up.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Are you going to tell me you’re responsible for his mistakes, too?” Dray lifted his hand and touched the shell of Lucky’s ear. “You have to stop blaming yourself for the pain around you.”

“Pain’s all I know.”

“I bet Brick wouldn’t agree with that. Neither would I. Don’t forget, I know what you did for Jax, and I know you gave up on winning a shitload of money in that tournament so you could spend more time with Brick.” Dray tugged on Lucky’s ear until Lucky looked at him. “And, I know how you make me feel when you hold me at night. Believe me. I’m a hard man to get close to after what happened with Vince, but you did it.”

Lucky bit his bottom lip and jerked his head around to stare out of the passenger window. “Aren’t you the one who told me to bury that part of myself?”

Dray
had
told Lucky that, but he’d thought they’d moved beyond it. “When I said I’d be here for you to come home to between fights, did you think I just meant I’d be ready for a no-strings fuck?”

Lucky nodded but didn’t say a word.

Dray counted to ten to give himself time to cool down before answering. He started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot. “I’m too goddamned old to be your fuck buddy, so if that’s all you want, all you think you deserve, we’ll end it—because I deserve more than being relegated to that particular role.”

* * * *

On the highway, heading back to Chicago, Lucky felt like he couldn’t breathe. The thought of ending things with Dray was almost more than he could bear because Dray was the only thing keeping him together.

He hadn’t been loved as a child and more often than not, his mom had blamed him for all that was wrong in her life. He wasn’t a complete moron. He’d heard how important it was for a child’s mental health to form attachments at a young age, but the thought of opening a part of himself that had never seen the light of day scared the fuck out of him. He had strong feelings for Brick and if he was honest with himself, for Mac, too, but they’d both continued to tell him he wasn’t good enough at this or that. The one and only place he’d ever been good enough was in the cage. And, stupidly, he’d even considered giving that part of himself up over the last few days. What the hell had he been thinking?

Lucky chanced a quick glance at Dray. He knew Dray hadn’t fully meant what he’d said. Dray was the kind of man who pushed, hoping to get the outcome he wanted. Yeah, Dray was definitely trying to push him into opening that dark part of himself. The problem was, Dray had no idea what he was really asking for.

With a sigh of exasperation, Lucky scrubbed his hands over his face. He wanted to run away, to climb back into the cage where he felt nothing but his fists hitting flesh, where winning was a good thing and losing meant he’d suffered for being bad. He knew the rules of the cage, understood them. Life outside sucked because emotions were too confusing. “I think I’ll start training tomorrow to get ready for the fight in St Louis.”

Dray turned off the radio. “I went to see your mom earlier.”

Lucky froze.
No
. The last thing he wanted was for his mom’s poison to leak out and infect one of the few people he gave a shit about.

“What did she mean when she said that she made you punish yourself?”

The scar on Lucky’s calf began to burn again and a split-second later, he was thrust back to his childhood. “I’m not allowed to talk about that.”

“Fuck!” Dray jerked the truck to the right and off the highway, tires screeching. “You
are
allowed to talk about it. You
have
to talk about it.” He unbuckled and leaned over the center console. “What happened to you was the worst form of abuse I’ve ever heard of, and a person doesn’t just deal with shit like that on their own.”

“I’m fine,” Lucky replied, his voice sounded cold, even to him.

“You’re not fine, baby.” Dray grabbed Lucky’s chin and turned his head to face him. He stared with tears in his eyes at the healing bruises on the side of Lucky’s face. “Tell me how this happened?”

Lucky clenched his jaws, remembering the hard smack of the brick wall each time he’d slammed his face against it. He could tell by the expression on Dray’s face that he’d already figured it out, so why the fuck did he have to say it?

Dray’s cell phone rang, breaking the silence in the cab. He glanced down and swore. “Fuck. It’s Jax.”

Lucky’s heart began to hammer in his chest. “Answer it.”

“Hey,” Dray said, picking up the phone. “Slow down,” he told Jax. “Is Flint there?” He settled back into his seat and reached back to put his seatbelt on. “Okay, call Flint and have him call the hospice nurse—her number’s on the fridge. When Flint gets there, you need to go back to the gym.” He shook his head. “No, don’t argue about this. The last thing Brick would want is for someone to find you there and notify your dad.” He licked his lips as he continued to listen. “We’re about forty minutes away. Yeah.” Dray closed his eyes. “Just make him as comfortable as you can until Flint gets there. I’m sorry, Jax. I swear I didn’t think…”

Lucky felt the tears running down his face and quickly wiped them away.

“We’ll be there as soon as we can.” Dray hung up the phone before he pulled back onto the highway. He held out his hand. “I know you’re mad at me, but I need you right now.”

Lucky nodded and held Dray’s hand. “What’s going on?”

“Brick’s throwing up blood again. The nurse’d said it could happen when he got closer to the end, but I didn’t expect it so soon.” Dray lifted Lucky’s hand to his mouth and kissed it. “I did this. I put Jax in a position he isn’t prepared to deal with, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for it.”

Lucky heard the words, but he knew the truth. Dray had tried to give Lucky something special because he’d talked to Alana and felt sorry for him. And here they were, miles from home, and Brick was paying the price for Dray’s kindness.

* * * *

Still holding Lucky’s hand, Dray ran up the stairs. He stopped at Brick’s door and looked at Lucky. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things they needed to work through, but it wasn’t the time. Lucky had all but shut down completely on the drive into Chicago.

“I know I’ve got really shitty timing, but I need you to know that I love you,” Dray said. “And I don’t care what you think you’ve done in the past or how you see yourself. My feelings aren’t going to change. Because I’ve seen the way you treat Jax and Brick, and the fact that you can cry at all tells me you’re worth every ounce of feeling I have for you.”

Lucky shook his head.

Dray gave him a quick kiss. “Now, let’s put this discussion on the backburner and take care of the man who’s saved both of our lives.”

Lucky didn’t say anything, but he didn’t pull his hand away when they entered the apartment either. Flint was at the kitchen sink with the water running.

“Hey,” Dray said, getting Flint’s attention.

Flint glanced over his shoulder. “The nurse is with him. He’s stopped throwing up for now.” He lifted a portion of the bloody sheet. “I didn’t want to run downstairs to the laundry room, so I thought I’d wash it out up here, but it’s not working.”

Lucky gently pushed Flint out of the way. “I’ll do it.”

Flint took a step back and glanced at Dray.

Dray shook his head, letting Flint know not to argue with Lucky.

“I’ve given Mr Brick a shot of morphine. He’s sleeping now, but he told me he doesn’t want me here,” the nurse informed them. “Even though his body’s shutting down, he appears to be of sound mind, so I have to follow his wishes.”

Dray nodded in understanding. “What should we do?”

“Make sure he stays propped up as much as possible. Actually, he’d probably be more comfortable in his chair, but he wouldn’t listen to me.” She eyed Flint, Dray and Lucky. “If the three of you can manage to carry him in there, he’ll rest a lot easier.”

“Okay,” Dray agreed.

“I know Sylvia showed you how to give morphine injections if he needs them, but you might want to show whoever else is staying with him,” she said.