The Bride Experiment (19 page)

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Authors: Mimi Jefferson

BOOK: The Bride Experiment
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Chapter 35
Joan and Tisha glanced at one another repeatedly as they added more and more chairs into the largest meeting room at their church. Miller Street Church was a megachurch, with a congregation of thousands, but most of them only came on Sunday mornings. Ministry meetings and Bible Study, held during the week, only averaged about a hundred to 200 people. Singles meetings were the worst, only averaging between forty and sixty people, most of whom were women.
Joan and Tisha were thoroughly encouraged when one hundred people—half of them men—signed up for their singles event the week before it started. They had the janitors put out twenty-five extra chairs, just in case people who hadn't registered beforehand wanted to come.
“Do you see how many people are in here?” Tisha asked.
“Yes, I can't believe it.” Joan looked around the room. “I knew we had a lot of singles in this church, I just never thought there would be so many of them in here.”
Minister Makita rushed into the room with the head janitor. She was breathing hard as she said, “Ladies, looks like we are going to have to move this meeting into the sanctuary.”
“What?” Joan and Tisha responded in unison.
“Apparently, you two haven't looked outside,” the janitor said. “The line to get in practically reaches the front door of the church. The parking lot is almost at its capacity. There's no way we are going to be able to get everybody in this room.”
“We have to inform the rest of the staff,” Makita said. “I will see y'all in the sanctuary.”
Tisha and Joan rushed to the entrance and peeked through the blinds so they could see outside. Their mouths dropped open. The staff at the registration desk looked overwhelmed. It was church policy to get everybody's name and information before allowing them into a church event. It was a way of finding out what ministries were most effective for the church body.
Tisha shook her head back and forth. “I guess we aren't the only ones that are tired of business as usual.”
“Hmm, this line is shocking,” Joan said. “Here I was thinking I was the only one that needed this information, but it looks like every single in the church needs to know.”
“I knew that flyer you made was going to get people in here, Joan.” Tisha started to quote the flyer, “‘Join us for an evening of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Singles, it's time to take the mask off. No question is taboo. There is no subject we will not explore. If you want to keep pretending like everything is okay, stay home, but if you are ready to go deep, we will see you there.'”
Tisha looked startled all of a sudden. “I know what happened!”
“What?”
“I sent a copy of the flyer to that guy on the radio, Harris Mann. He came to Bible Study months and months ago. I recognized him as new to our church, so I went and introduced myself.”
“Sorry, I'm not familiar with him,” Joan said. “I don't listen to radio like I used to. So which Christian station is he on?”
“That's just it, Joan. He's not a Christian DJ! He's a secular DJ. I recognized him from our nights in the club. You remember, he had that deep Barry White voice? He's been on WBTH for at least fifteen years.”
“Wow! Now I know who you are talking about, ‘Horny Harris.' He used to do all the best parties back in the day. He's still on the air?”
“Yes, and more popular than ever. Well, that day he was here, I sensed he was going through something. I gave him a Bible and a few books and prayed with him. He seemed really grateful. He handed me his card and told me if I ever needed anything to shoot him an e-mail.
“Well, I did. I asked him to read the flyer on air.” Tisha laughed. “Of course, I didn't think he would, or even could. It's not like we paid for advertising or anything.”
Joan looked through the blinds again. The church's staff was directing people into the sanctuary. “Yep, there's no other way to explain this. Horny Harris, I mean Harris Mann, must have announced it on air,” Joan remarked.
“Why is it that God keeps blowing my mind?” Tisha asked.
Joan shrugged her shoulders. “I guess because He's God. Let's make our way to the sanctuary; I can't wait to see what He is going to do next.”
The meeting started a full hour late, not because they were not ready or because the praise team hadn't shown up on time as usual, but because it took that long to find everybody a seat. The janitors estimated there were at least 10,000 people in the sanctuary, just like a typical Sunday morning service. Singles had traveled from all over the city.
Tisha rose to the microphone. “Thank you so much for attending this event. We thank God for each of you. We would also like to thank Pastor Benjy and his fearless wife, Minister Makita. Joan, will you please introduce our panel.”
“Thank you, Tisha. Over the last several weeks, we have had a container outside of our church. We asked singles to write questions they have always wanted to know but were afraid to ask. We felt by their writing the questions anonymously, we would get questions that have never been asked before in church.”
Joan quickly introduced the panelists, made up of both male and female ministers. She didn't bother to read their bios aloud, because they were printed on the program each person was handed when he or she walked into the sanctuary. The panelists included Mimi Jefferson, Erin Lambert, Julian Broussard, and Cecil Montgomery.
Tisha handed Joan a big black box. Joan held the box up so everyone could see it. “All of the questions have been placed in this box.” Joan reached in and grabbed the first question. “‘When dating someone, how far is too far . . . kissing, touching, cuddling, etc.?'”
The congregation gasped. The panelists looked around at each other; even they seemed surprised by the question. Joan looked through her notes, and then said, “How about having Ms. Erin Lambert answer this one.”
Ms. Lambert shook her head. “I'll answer it, but I can guarantee you will not like my answer. First of all, let's be clear. The Bible doesn't specifically mention kissing, or cuddling or dating, for that matter. It does however mention sexual immorality. As a matter of fact, First Corinthians 6:18 tells us to flee sexual immorality. That means run fast and move away!” She stopped and looked around the room. “I would say, you shouldn't kiss, touch, or cuddle during the dating process.”
The singles looked confused. They started talking to each other.
Tisha got up. “If you want to respond to the panelists, you need to step to the microphone. If you notice, we have one at the end of each aisle.”
One lady with snakeskin sandals and a matching purse couldn't get to the mic fast enough. “Hi, thank y'all for coming. My name is Shawna. I just could not stay in my seat. Is that really realistic? I mean, seriously. Don't get me wrong—I love the Lord. I want to please Him, but that is just downright unreasonable.”
“Let me put it to you like this,” Ms. Lambert said calmly. “Since this is all about being real, let's get real. How many of you have made up your mind not to have sex only to end up having sex? You don't have to raise your hands. I'll raise mine for us all.”
Tisha gently wiped the sweat that was starting to form on her forehead.
“When you start touching, you will start kissing, and now you are kissing and touching,” Ms. Lambert chronicled. “Where does kissing and touching lead to? Right, more kissing and touching. Now, where is all of that kissing and touching going to lead to? It might not be the first time it happens, or the third or the fourth, but eventually it will lead . . .” She stopped and waited for the answer.
A male panelist said, chuckling, “Straight to the bedroom !”
“So who does that?” Shawna asked. “I mean, there are people out there who get married and they have never made out before? Come on!”
“Yes,” a slender lady in a lavender sundress said, smiling. “Hello, I'm Cynthia.” She was standing at the microphone opposite Shawna. “That's what me and my fiancé are doing right now. I'm not trying to say that it is easy. In order to keep our minds right, we fast one day each week, pray before and after our dates, and memorize scripture together. We also don't spend very much time alone. We usually meet at restaurants, coffee shops, or bookstores.
“This is my first relationship since becoming a Christian, and I must say this is the best relationship so far,” Cynthia continued. “It is so good to know that my fiancé can't wait to see me, even though he knows our dates will not end up with sex. It's like we have a deeper level of intimacy. We really get to talk and get to know each other.”
Shawna shifted her handbag from one side to the other. “Oh, sweetie, please. If he isn't having sex with you, he's having sex with somebody.” The congregation laughed.
“Actually, I'm not.” The attendees focused their attention on the tall man who was now standing next to Cynthia. He nodded to the panelist. “Good evening, I'm Chris, Cynthia's fiancé.” He turned and looked around at the people seated close to him. “You know, I am getting really tired of people assuming that we men aren't capable of controlling ourselves. Women say they are abstinent due to their relationship with the Lord and people believe them. But when men say it, then people start laughing.” Chris got loud. “Can somebody please tell me what's funny?”
Nobody said a word.
“Here we are in a place full of so-called Christians and the fact that a brother is trying to live right is funny,” Chris went on. “Is it so unbelievable that if God can be trusted to escort us from heaven to earth, that He can be trusted to give us the strength to control ourselves?
“I wasn't always a Christian and didn't always conduct myself in a Christlike manner. But now I'm a changed man. It would be nice to get some love from my so-called brothers and sisters in Christ.”
“You talk a good game, but please! I'm not buying it,” Shawna said. “Every man I know can barely go three days without it. What makes you any different?”
“Four years ago, on December twenty-fourth, I decided to follow Christ,” Chris said plainly.
Shawna paused. She appeared to be waiting for the rest of Chris's response. When she realized he was finished, she said, “And?”
Chris answered her, using only scriptures. “Philippians 4:13, ‘I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.' Isaiah 40:29, ‘He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.' Second Corinthians 12:9, ‘“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”
Chris looked directly at Shawna and said, “Either God can give me the strength to do what He has called me to do, or He is a liar. Which one is it?”
Shawna took her seat.
Chapter 36
“We have run out of time. I'm so sorry we didn't get the opportunity to answer all of your questions,” Joan said into the microphone.
“But what about the rest of the questions?”
Joan couldn't tell who had asked the question, but it seemed to be the sentiment of the entire congregation. Joan looked at Makita, who was seated in the first row.
Minister Makita stood up and walked to the podium. “I see this Q and A session is something we need to have regularly. I am going to get with the Singles Ministry leaders and come up with a schedule. Joan, how many do we have left?”
Joan turned the box upside down. “Four, ‘Are singles allowed to read erotica or watch pornography?' ‘What does the Bible say about masturbation?' ‘My clock is ticking, should I have children without a husband?' ‘I'm young and healthy. What does God expect me to do with my sexual urges?'”
“Those are great questions,” Makita said. “However, the Drama Ministry is hosting their annual conference starting tomorrow morning. People have come from all over the country and we have to allow time for our staff to get the sanctuary ready for them.” Makita looked puzzled. She looked up at the panelists.
Tisha stood to the microphone. “Do any of our panelists have any ideas?”
Mimi Jefferson stood up. “I would be more than happy to get with the other panelists and post our answers to the rest of the questions on my Web site, tonight,
www.mimijefferson.com
.”
Tisha, Joan, and Minister Makita looked relieved. “So until we can meet again, check out
www.mimijefferson.com
to get answers to the rest of the questions,” Tisha said.
The singles started to walk out of the sanctuary. A few of them stopped to talk to Tisha and Joan. “Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Please tell me this isn't the last event we are going to have like this,” gushed a twenty-something woman in a tank top and skinny jeans. “It was so informative, so real, just so what I needed. You feel me?”
“I'm so going to that Web site. I want to know what God has to say about masturbation,” one lady whispered in Tisha's ear.
“It was so much information to take in,” said a young pregnant woman. “I need to read my notes over and over again and study the scriptures they talked about. My hands couldn't write notes fast enough.”
The three women walked off, chatting about the event. Tisha turned to give Joan a high five, when she heard a man's voice.
“What up?”
Joan and Tisha looked up and Harris Mann was walking toward them. He had dropped his hip-hop attire and was wearing a pair of black slacks with a white shirt and tie. He was also carrying a Bible and a notebook.
Tisha smiled. “Joan, this is Harris. Harris . . . Joan.” Joan and Harris shook hands. “Thank you, Harris. When I sent you that e-mail, I had no idea you would actually read it on air. I hope you didn't get in trouble.”
“Trouble, no trouble at all. Besides, after I read it, I quit.”
Tisha and Joan looked puzzled.
“Yeah.” Harris shook his head. “That's a young man's game. I just couldn't do it anymore. It was getting harder and harder to play that music and live that lifestyle.” He turned toward Tisha. “You know that night I came here a while back? Well, the night before, I was the DJ at a private party. At the end of the night, they brought in these underage strippers. I couldn't believe it. One of those girls looked like she was all of thirteen. When I questioned people about it, they were all nonchalant. Both men and women were in there, dancing, getting all up on the girls. Nobody seemed to notice the strippers were children. It left me sick to my stomach. I've seen it all.”
Tisha and Joan looked surprised. Harris went on talking. “Like back in the day, when the men would rub up against women on the dance floor. Then I saw it shift to women getting all up on each other. Later on, the men started dancing with each other like they used to dance with women. All I could say the first time I saw that in the club was . . . what's next? Well, that night with those young girls, I saw what was next, and it got me searching for Jesus.”
Harris spoke to Tisha like she was the only person in the room. “Thank you again for the Bible you gave me. I read all the Gospels, just like you suggested. Now I'm reading Acts.”
“You are so welcome,” Tisha said. “I can't believe you quit your job.”
“What are you going to do now?” Joan asked.
“Nothing, at least for a while. My mom didn't teach me about Jesus, but she did teach me how to save money. So for now, I'm good. I just want to chill and focus on being a better man. I saw they are having a men's conference coming up soon.”
“Yeah. It's always a huge success,” Joan said. She could tell by the way Harris looked back at her that he wanted a moment alone with Tisha. “Y'all know what? I need to find Minister Makita. I have to ask her a question.” Joan tiptoed away.
Harris moved in closer to Tisha. “You know what? You make me want to get married, buy a house in the suburbs, have a couple of kids, all while working at some corny job . . . like selling lawn mowers.”
“What?” Tisha laughed.
“Okay . . . maybe that didn't come out right. What I'm trying to say is . . . can I take you to dinner?”
Tisha was about to open her mouth to answer him, but Harris stopped her and said, “Wait a minute, let me be clear on one thing. I'm not trying to be your friend; I'm trying to be your man. I know pretty girls like you are always trying to make a brotha your friend. But if that's all you want, then let me walk away. I know I'm nothing like Pastor Benjy or any of those Christian brothers I see around here, but I'm willing to learn and respect your body and your boundaries. I want to do this thing right, just as much as you do. Okay? Now you can answer.”

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