The Bridge to a Better Life (34 page)

“I love you,” he whispered.

“And I love you,” she said, but he could tell her tongue was still getting used to rolling those words around again.

She turned onto her side and slung her hand onto his waist. He did the same.

“Tell me about camp.”

With that easy connection between them, he outlined his day. She caressed his chest when he told her about his conversation with the young camper, Paul. Laughed when he mentioned Zack suggesting he break curfew.

“I should have known you had help.”

When he was finished talking, he traced the curves of her face. He knew she was sleepy, but he was too desperate to hear how she’d passed her time without him not to ask.

“Tell me about your day.”

Her response was briefer, less coherent, as she was slipping off into sleep, but it didn’t matter—the details of her life were as precious to him as sea glass coughed up on a beach.

And when her breathing was even, he nestled her against his chest, feeling that at least one piece of his life, of his future, was crystal clear.

She was home.

Andy had put off his coffee date with Valerie for as long as he reasonably could. Since he was legitimately busy at the hospital, there were plenty of ready excuses. There had been the emergency appendectomy of the Emmits Merriam sophomore who’d collapsed in her Renaissance History class. The torn bowel of the fifty-six year-old marathon runner. But he eventually decided to make good on his promise to Natalie and go.

The coffee date went okay. Valerie was pretty and sweet, but he still felt unsure of himself…unready. Still, he found himself agreeing to take her out for dinner.

On a Thursday night. Not Friday or Saturday. Way too much pressure there.

Natalie was coming over to babysit since Blake was off doing camp stuff. From what Andy’s mother had told him, the camp was going gangbusters. April was beaming from all the fun she was having with the kids. Of course, there had already been mischief. His favorite story was about a prank the kids had pulled on her.

One boy was making a commotion about a fly buzzing around him, and when Andy’s mom rushed over to comfort him, the kid next to him slapped a napkin over the bug and killed it. Then he opened up the white paper and picked out the dark bit of fly and put it in his mouth, chewing blissfully. April lurched forward to stop him, horrified by the thought that a kid had just eaten a bug on her watch.

A few of the kids sitting around the area of the “incident” started sputtering. Moments later more of them joined in…until the whole table was laughing. April’s mother radar instantly activated, and she asked what prank they were pulling. The fly swatter showed her a handful of raisins and explained the trick. One kid pretends there’s a fly, distracting the adult, while the other palms a raisin and slaps it down with the napkin.

Andy thought it was ingenious and had already taught it to Danny so he could pull it on the rest of the family.

He changed into what he hoped would be acceptable second date apparel: tan dress slacks and a black polo shirt. He contemplated adding more aftershave, but decided against it. After all, it wasn’t like he was hoping to get lucky. He just…wanted to get through his first dinner date as a widower without feeling like a clown. A second date didn’t need to be in the cards. He told himself it was like getting a vaccination. One time would do it. Then he could give himself a lollipop. Kim would be happy in heaven. He would have kept his deal with Natalie. All would be well.

He sat on the bed, his hands on his knees. His shoulders hunched. He knew he had to get moving, but dammit, the truth was he didn’t want to go out on a date with anyone other than Kim. It wasn’t fair.

“Dad!” Danny shouted. “Aunt Natalie’s here.”

His pity party was over. He forced himself to go downstairs and found his sister kissing Danny’s cheeks like she was the Cookie Monster and he was a plate of cookies.

“Stop kissing me!” Danny cried, wiggling with delight in her arms.

“Okay, but only if you chase me once your dad leaves.” She pushed the hair she’d messed up out of his eyes and lowered him to the ground.

“Sure. Dad, are you leaving now?” he asked, pressing back against the doorframe to the dining room like he didn’t trust his aunt to leave him alone. He was one smart kid.

He kissed Natalie’s cheek in greeting. “Hey. Thanks again for agreeing to watch the munchkin.”

“I am
not
a munchkin. I’m a big boy.” Danny stood as tall as he could and pointed to himself. “See.”

Grabbing his son into his arms, he tapped his nose. “Oh, yes, now I do. How could I have missed it?”

“Because you’re blind,” his son said.

“Hmm. Well, you must be blind because I thought I asked you to pick up your toys in the den before Aunt Natalie arrived.”

He lifted his shoulder. “But we’re just going to take them out again.”

They’d had this conversation a million times. His son could not understand the logic of picking something up that was going to be disturbed later. “Indulge me. Blind man.”

“I want to play Blind Man’s Bluff, Aunt Natalie. Can we?” his son asked.

“Sure. Haven’t played that in years, but don’t you need more people?”

Andy shook his head as Danny ran off, most likely for the handkerchief they used. “Not in Danny’s game. He’s created his own rules. One person is blind-folded, and the other has to run around the room to avoid being tagged. It can be deadly. Watch out for the cars. He loves to line the floor with them. Hurts like hell if you’re barefoot.”

She tossed her purse on a chair in the corner. “I’ll keep that in mind. So, how nervous are you?”

His belly tossed and turned like he was in a cargo hold of a ship at sea. “Pretty nervous.”

Her eyes darkened. “Don’t…force it. Just try and have a good time. Failing that, try and keep yourself entertained. If it sucks, don’t be a hero—you don’t have to stay for dessert.”

Was she thinking of her first few dates after her breakup with Blake? How must those memories seem to her now that they were reconciling? Did she regret dating other people while they were apart? He knew from Moira and Caroline’s teasing her that she’d been out with a few guys. Not that they’d ever talked about it. He didn’t like to hear
those
kinds of details about his sisters.

“How are things?” he asked, not asking specifically about Blake.

“Great.” She pushed him toward the door, apparently not wanting to say more just yet. “Now go. Danny and I have some Blind Man’s Bluff to play.”

When Danny ran back brandishing a white hanky, Andy swooped him up in his arms. He hadn’t told him much about his evening, other than that he was meeting a new friend for dinner.

“Be good for your aunt, and go to bed on time.”

He gave his sister a pointed look. None of his family adhered to Danny’s bedtime when they babysat. Not even his mother.

“Okay, Dad.” Danny gave Andy a smacker on the lips. “Have fun with your friend.”

But after thirty minutes at Brasserie Dare with Valerie, Andy concluded fun just wasn’t in her vocabulary. She’d fussed about the fifteen minute wait for a table, suggesting he might say he was related to the owner. Andy wasn’t the kind of person who would ever do such a thing, but rather than say so, he’d explained that everyone already knew, and besides, it would make no difference. All the tables were occupied.

She must have been nervous too because she kept up a steady hum of conversation about the recent thriller she’d seen at the movies while he studied the menu. Kim had never bothered him when he was reading something, knowing he liked to give it his full attention.

When she ordered a cosmopolitan, the floor dropped out of his stomach. It was Kim’s favorite drink. It wasn’t fair she was ordering his wife’s favorite drink when Kim couldn’t enjoy one anymore. And it certainly wasn’t fair he was with a woman who liked cosmopolitans like Kim but was
nothing
like her. This little voice inside his head started listing all of his date’s imperfections. Her teeth were too big for her mouth. Her right eyebrow rested a quarter inch higher than the left. And her nose, well, it was too snooty by half.

He could never imagine kissing her, least of all falling in love with her. He’d written her off by the time their appetizers arrived.

Sure, she asked him about his work at the hospital, but there was a certain sheen in her eye—one he’d seen in other women who idolized the idea of dating a doctor. She even asked about his family, knowing he was a Hale. When he brought up Danny, she tensed. Yes, it was only the slightest of reactions, the extra curl of her fingers around the knife as she spread foie gras on a piping hot slice of baguette. That nailed the coffin shut.

A woman who liked cosmos but not his son would never be the right match for him. After their entrees and some more awkward conversation, he told her he needed to get home to his “pride and joy.” Her eyes lowered, and he knew she’d received the message. He paid for the check, wished her well, and walked to his car since they’d met at the restaurant.

Inside, he pressed his face to the steering wheel as grief overwhelmed him.
I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t want to be there tonight. With her. I want to be with you. I always do. I don’t care that you want this. I’d rather be alone. Don’t make me get back out there. I can’t do it.

He dashed at the tears that coated the steering wheel and had to dig under the passenger seat for the tissue box he kept in the car for Danny. After blowing his nose, he leaned his head back against the seat and waited until he was settled enough to go home.

When he opened the door at a mere nine o’clock, he heard the pounding of little feet on the stairs. Busted. His sister hadn’t enforced the little guy’s bedtime. It made him smile.

Natalie appeared in the hall moments later. “How did it go?”

Could one respond
awful?
“Not the greatest show on earth. How was the munchkin?”

He cocked his ear, waiting to see if his son would be upset enough by the nickname that he’d forget he was supposed to be in bed.

“Wonderful, like always.”

“How about a glass of wine?” he asked.

“Sure.”

They detoured to the kitchen, and he poured them some red from the bottle he’d opened last night. There was something he wanted to ask her, and since it had to be on her mind anyway, he decided to straight out ask.

“So…you’ve mentioned you and Blake are doing really well,” he said, pressing his wine glass to his chest. “Are you planning on bringing him around to any family gatherings in the near future?”

She contemplated her wine like she was looking for bits of cork. “We
are
doing well, but I’m not sure…it’s time to bring him back into the fold. Things still need to be…more structured between us.”

He read between the lines. What she meant was she had to be sure they were going to get married again, and she wasn’t yet. “Okay. I just wanted you to know I’m there for you. For both of you if and when the time comes.” He rather hoped it would.

“So tell me more about your date,” she said, tracing the stem of her glass.

She stayed a little longer as he ran through the basics. They weren’t compatible. He wasn’t that into her. All the excuses.

The real truth he left unsaid. That they both knew acting on a decision was sometimes harder than making one. He’d told himself he could get back out there. Start dating again. After acting on it, he knew he was a liar. He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t sure he ever would be.

When Natalie left, he journeyed upstairs to his son’s bedroom. Danny had chosen seaside blue for his room, and they’d decorated it with a sea theme to match. A lighthouse lamp cast soft muted light on his son’s face. There were octopuses, dolphins, and sea horses painted on his walls courtesy of an artist his Aunt Caroline knew from Denver. He sank onto his knees beside his son’s bunk bed and looked at him. Simply looked at him.

The shape of his eyes was like Kim’s. The curve of his nose like Andy’s. Looking at him was like looking at the best blending of two people on the planet. Looking at him reminded Andy of the woman he loved, the one he’d married, thinking they’d share a long and happy life.

But they hadn’t.

They’d lived a short and happy life. He was mostly grateful for that. Just not for the way it had ended. Kissing his son, he detoured to his office, unable to seek an empty bed.

His computer purred out of sleep when he jimmied the mouse over the mouse pad. He was checking Facebook when a message box appeared. It was Lucy, and boy, how his heart lightened. Even thousands of miles away, she was a comfort.

Hey! Missed you
, he wrote.
How are you doing?

He never asked if she was safe. It was like a commandment, not to be broken.

Ah…feeling a little sad tonight. There’s…a lot to be sad about here.

He couldn’t even imagine. And Lucy wasn’t easily daunted—for her, being sad was akin to being devastated.

I had my first date tonight. I’m a little sad too.