The Broken Hearts Book Club (20 page)

I decided it was a total coincidence that the electrics blew at Rose Cottage the following day.

The electrician pored over the fuse box, occasionally shaking his head and groaning. Dad was crouched next to him, trying to look like he knew what was going on when he didn’t have a clue.

‘It’s not looking good I’m afraid,’ the electrician said, getting up and fixing me with a grave look. ‘Old place like this, the circuits could’ve gone at any time. It’s going to cost an arm and a leg to fix, love. You’re looking at getting the entire house rewired.’

He wrote a figure down on a piece of paper and handed it to me.

‘Shit the bed!’ was my first reaction. ‘There’s no way I can afford this!’

He shrugged. ‘That’s the best I can do sweetheart.’

Realising that a bit of creativity was called for here, I took the pen off him, scored out his number and wrote one that was a good twenty percent less in place of it.

‘That’s the maximum I can afford to pay. I know it’s a bit less than you asked for, but I genuinely can’t afford any more. Say yes and the job’s yours.’

He studied the figure I’d written down for a second, his expression changing at least ten times. After much deliberation, he held out his hand.

‘You’ve got a deal! I’ll tell my boys to come in tomorrow.’

He went out through the back door, looking a very happy man indeed.

‘That was some great negotiating love! Where’d you learn to do that?’ Dad asked, coming over to give me a pat on the back.

‘Four years of dealing with events suppliers who liked to overinflate their prices, you get to know how much something
really
costs.’

The little buzz my negotiations with the electrician had given me quickly wore off and I was back to feeling seven shades of shit again. I stared out of the window above the sink, looking onto the overgrown garden. That was another job to tackle, on top of the hundreds of others. Anything to distract me from Jake.

‘You all right darling, you’ve been a bit quiet,’ said Dad.

‘Yeah everything’s fine.’ It was a total lie, but a necessary one. I didn’t want him worrying about me. He’d done enough of that over the past twenty-six years.

I made my way to the next Broken Hearts Book Club meeting, looking forward to hopefully seeing my efforts to help them bear fruit.

It started off well enough. Well, there were no surprise guests in the shape of Jake or Maggie anyway. From what I could tell, this meeting would be completely normal.

Oh how wrong I was.

The first indication that something was wrong was Denise coming in and promptly ripping something into tiny little pieces.

‘What’s up?’ I asked, going over to her.

She turned to me and I saw just how upset she was. Her cheeks were rosier than ever and tears were brewing behind her little round glasses.

‘
What’s up
is I took your advice and looked into doing a skydive in Rebecca’s memory. John hated the idea and we’ve had a huge row about it. He’s gone to stay at his sister’s and I don’t know when or if he’ll be back.’

‘Oh god Denise, I’m so sorry! I-I never meant for that to happen, I just thought it’d be a nice way to honour her memory.’

‘It’s not your fault, you were only trying to help. Advice always has consequences and it’s just unfortunate that this piece of advice went so badly wrong.’ She walked off to take her place at the table, signalling the end of our conversation.

I joined her, making a mental note to fix things with her later on. Cath and Frank walked in, both with faces like thunder, and Diane soon followed. She didn’t look particularly full of the joys of spring either.

Shit, shit, shit.

Once everyone was sat down, I reluctantly started the ‘how was your week?’ portion of the meeting. I could tell I was in for an epic shit-storm.

Denise went first. ‘Well I took some advice from Lucy and I had a look at doing a skydive for Rebecca. Unfortunately, John didn’t like the idea and he’s now moved out. He says the idea’s tawdry and that I’d be making a bloody great fool of myself. I dunno, maybe he’s right. I thought it might be nice to do something for her but he’s made it clear how stupid he thinks it is.’

I tried to apologise again, but Denise just shook her head. She picked up her copy of this week’s book –
The Dead Wife’s Handbook
by Hannah Beckerman – and began paying really close attention to it. From behind the book, she smiled at me and mouthed ‘thanks’. All of a sudden, I felt even worse. I’d given terrible advice to such a lovely person and she didn’t even blame me for it.

Who was I to give advice to anyone when I couldn’t even get my own life together?

As it turned out, Denise wasn’t the only one to have a problem with the advice I’d given. Cath and Frank had had an awful time in Whitby and had spent the whole day arguing about one thing and another: where to eat, which shops to go to and even which bench to sit on at the sea front!

‘It were the worst day out of me life,’ Frank said as he sulked like a moody teenager. ‘And that includes the trip to Anglesey when I were in infant school!’

‘It wasn’t a picnic for me either! You wouldn’t even spring for a bloody 99 from the ice cream van!’

They continued to bicker and snipe at each other and I had to resist the urge to hit my head repeatedly off the table.

‘Guys, I’m sorry to hear you didn’t have a good day. I’ll find a way to make it up to you, I promise. I-I didn’t mean for you to have such a bad time!’

While I scrabbled around to offer my most sincere apologies, Diane looked at me with a smirk that said
the worst is yet to come
.

It was her turn to speak next. My heart leapt into my mouth as I dreaded what she’d come out with.

‘Diane, how has your week been?’

‘Tip-top, thank you very much. I followed your advice and started to move some of Derek’s things up to the attic. When I was up there, I found an old shoebox. Do you know what was in there?’

‘Shoes?’ I ventured.

‘Letters, Lucy, letters that showed Derek had an affair twenty-five years ago that produced a child. Her name is Emily and she lives in Scotland with her mother. Thanks to your
brilliant
advice, I found out that not only did my husband cheat on me, making the last quarter of a century of my life a lie, but he also has another child I knew nothing about! With friends like you Lucy Harper, who needs enemies?!’

Well done Lucy, you’ve really done it this time.

‘Oh my god,’ Jean said. ‘I can’t believe it!’

‘Well believe it, because it’s bloody true! Her mother wrote to him every month for twenty-five years then they stopped, presumably after she’d found out he’d passed away. Because he died while he was playing cricket, they reported it in the papers and she had family down here. So thanks to your efforts Lucy, I’ve found out that my forty-year marriage was nothing but a lie. Thank you very sodding much!’

The other members I’d managed to upset glared at me. This was it, I thought, they were going to tell me to sling my hook.

‘Be fair Diane, I couldn’t have known you’d find out something like that. I only suggested you have a clear out because you said you were missing Derek and I thought it might help. How was I supposed to know you’d find those letters and find out about Emily?’

‘She’s right.’ I was so glad that Jean, the only member who’d benefited from my advice, came to my defence. Lucy’s been a lovely addition to this club and it’s not fair to blame her for something Derek did and kept secret for twenty-five years.’

Rather than make things better, her kind words just made things worse.

‘Is it fair to blame her for my marriage crumbling to fuck? Because if it hadn’t been for her, I wouldn’t have discovered my husband’s secret lovechild and his memory wouldn’t be ruined!’ Diane cried.

‘Come on now, there’s no need for that,’ said Denise. ‘OK, so Lucy’s advice didn’t work, but it came from a lovely place and she didn’t mean any harm!’

‘I’ve said I’m sorry; I’ll find a way to make things right for everyone, I promise!’ I heaved a sigh. ‘Does anyone actually want to discuss the book, or would you all rather leave?’

Surprisingly, they chose to stay. Their reasoning was that they hadn’t disbanded a meeting since 2007 and weren’t about to start now just because I’d royally fucked up.

We discussed the themes of grief and moving on and agreed that Hannah Beckerman had explored them sensitively and beautifully. The romance between Max and Eve was believable and we were glad she hadn’t been stereotyped as the bitch moving in on Rachel’s husband after she’d gone. The discussion was more civil than I’d expected, although everybody except Jean’s tones were a lot more clipped than usual.

When we wrapped up for another week, everyone except Diane said goodbye to me.

‘For what it’s worth,’ Jean said, ‘you gave me the best advice I’ve ever had. I passed my home inspection and Jasper will be coming to live with me soon.’

‘That’s amazing Jean, I’m really happy to hear that,’ I said. I managed a small smile and told her to tell me when Jasper arrived so I could come round and see him.

I was surprised that except for Diane, the others weren’t angry with me: my advice had backfired spectacularly in ways I hadn’t expected it to. I had a lot of making up to do with them. I let out a hollow laugh as I made my way back to the cottage. Only last week I’d been convinced I was finding my feet as chairwoman of the Broken Hearts Book Club. I’d given them advice that I’d thought would help them move on and have a life after their grief, but all it had done was make things worse.

Well done Lucy, ten out of ten on the fuck-up scale.

I let myself into the house and found Elle sitting by herself on the couch. She’d been practically living here since she and George had got together and I’d never been happier to see her than I was now.

‘Hey,’ she said when she saw me, ‘how was the meeting?’

With that, the floodgates opened and I burst into tears. She got up and threw her arms around me, leading me over to the couch.

‘What’s wrong, what’s happened?’

‘Oh God Elle, I fucked up big-style!’ I wept. ‘I tried to help the book club members move on with their lives by giving them some advice I thought would help them, and it all backfired! I’m such a silly shit!’

Elle rubbed my back and handed me a tissue from the box of the coffee table. ‘That’s not your fault; your heart was in the right place and they’ll know that deep down. It might have gone wrong this time, but everything will be fine, you’ll see.’

‘I’ve ruined one member’s marriage, the two I set up on a date had a terrible time and another found out her husband fathered a child twenty-five years ago. I think that counts as a complete fuck up,’ I replied with a small grin.

‘What about Jean? You haven’t mentioned her.’

‘She’s still speaking to me. Well they all are really, which I don’t get. I fucked up spectacularly with them, yet they aren’t angry. Jean’s getting her new dog soon, so she’s happy. It’s only a matter of time before I give her some shitty advice that backfires! The rate I’m going, they’ll be running me out of Luna Bay with pitchforks.’

Just then, there was a knock at the door. I got up to answer it and found Jake standing on my doorstep, looking like he’d come to deliver some very bad news. His face fell even further when he saw mine.

‘Have you been crying?’

I wiped some stray tears away. ‘Don’t worry about it, I’m fine. What are you doing here?’

‘I was hoping we could have a chat about something. Can I come in?’

I grabbed my coat and keys. ‘It’s better if we go out. I could do with the walk after the day I’ve had.’

We went to the stone steps leading down to the beach and sat on them, just as we had when I’d hurt my ankle.

‘So what’s up?’ I dared to ask. ‘You haven’t spoken to me for five days.’

Jake heaved a sigh and stared off into the distance, as though it contained the right words for him to say.

‘You know that “something important” Rachel had to tell me? Well it’s that she’s been offered a job in Spain. She wants to take Maya with her and start a new life in the sun.’

‘Eh? When would you get to see her?’ I laughed although nothing was funny.

‘All day every day if I go with her.’

I felt as though someone had come out of nowhere and hit me repeatedly in the stomach.

‘She… She invited you to go with her? Why, to co-parent Maya?’

‘Not exactly. She doesn’t just want me to go to Spain with her; she wants us to give things another go. Properly this time, because we’re more mature and less inclined to fuck it up. Her words, not mine.’

Ouch
. Another punch to the stomach.

‘Oh I see. Are you going to go?’

Although it wasn’t cold, I started to shiver and folded my arms across my chest to try and get warm. What Nicole said the day Rachel had come to talk about ‘something important’ came flooding back to me:
she was round here most weekends. I think he was hoping they’d get back together.

‘I don’t know. If I don’t, I’ll miss out on so much of Maya growing up, but if I do, what’ll happen to us? You could come with me, although I don’t think Rachel would be too happy with that. Would you want to?’

My head spun and I started to laugh even though nothing was funny. ‘Jake, I’ve just come back to Luna Bay after spending eight years being too scared to even set foot here. I can’t just up and leave again. If Spain’s where you need to be, then that’s where you need to go. But I don’t want to leave Luna Bay.’

He nodded and made a little pyramid with his hands to rest his chin on. ‘I’ve fallen hook, line and sinker for you, Lucy. I can’t imagine being without you now, but at the same time I can’t not have Maya in my life. If I go to Spain, it won’t be for Rachel, it’ll be for Maya.’

‘I know,’ I said gravely, ‘and I’d never ask you to choose between the two of us. She’s the most important person in your life and so she should be.’

‘And there’s no way you could come to Spain?’

I got up and shook my head. ‘Not right now, no. I spent so long missing this place; I can’t go through that again. My family’s here, my friends too. I don’t want to lose you Jake, but I can’t lose Luna Bay either. And let’s be honest, a long distance romance between Yorkshire and Spain won’t work too well. If you go, then we’ll finish.’