The Broken Man (14 page)

Without a word, Sally wrapped her arms around her friend, and for a long moment neither of them spoke.

Then: ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to listen to what you were saying, and you don’t have to tell me about it. But I want you to know, your happiness means a lot to me, and I don’t like to see you hurting,’ Sally gently assured her.

Anne felt ashamed. ‘It was a long time ago … best forgotten.’

‘Let me help you, Anne … please?’

Anne shook her head. ‘I can’t.’

‘All right. If you’d rather not confide in me, then that’s your choice. I’m sorry. I promise I won’t ever ask again.’

Leaning into Sally’s embrace, Anne tried to gather her senses.

Neither of them spoke for a while.

Presently, Anne drew away, washed her face and, putting on a smile, she said brightly, ‘Take no notice of me. I just got upset at something and nothing.’

Sally did not believe a word of Anne’s explanation. What she had seen and heard was a woman in turmoil. A woman who was deeply affected by something that had happened to her. ‘Like I say, I won’t ask you again about what happened, but if you feel the need to confide in me, I’m always here for you. Remember that, won’t you?’

‘I will.’ Anne was greatly relieved. ‘Thank you, Sally.’

Deliberately changing the subject, Sally asked her, ‘So? Do you want cold chips?’

‘No.’ Anne was surprised at the question. ‘Why?’

‘Because I expect they’re on the table, waiting for us. The waitress is probably thinking we’ve changed our mind and run off without paying.’ All she wanted was for Anne to come back to the table.

Taking a deep breath, Anne composed herself. ‘I’m all right now. Just give me a moment, I’ll be right behind you.’ Over the years, she had become skilled in the art of putting on a brave face, when inside she was falling apart.

Sally understood. ‘OK … two minutes, though, or I’ll be back.’

Anne watched her go, and gave herself a stern warning:
If you go on like this you’ll be put away in some awful place, and they’ll never let you out again
.

She tidied her hair and checked herself in the mirror, before going across to the door. Whatever did Sally think of her now? When they got back home, she’d probably avoid her like the plague, and who could blame her? She gave a sad little smile; another friend lost.

Because of her self-imposed secrecy and non-committal, over the years she had lost many friends. And now she convinced herself that she was about to lose Sally, the only real friend she had.

Sally was waiting for her at the table. ‘I put a napkin over your chips,’ she told Anne. ‘Nobody likes cold chips.’ She deliberately made no mention of what had taken place back there.

The two of them began their meals, although after Anne’s upset neither had an appetite.

‘Do you fancy another drink before we head off?’ Because of Anne’s bizarre behaviour, Sally was not ready to leave just yet.

‘Thanks, yes. I’ll have a ginger beer.’ Right now, Anne was in need of something with a bit more zing than coffee.

‘Ginger beer coming up.’ Sally went off to order at the counter.

When a few minutes later she returned with the two drinks, she was concerned to find Anne seemingly deep in thought.

Sally placed the drinks on the table. ‘You seem to be lost in a daze. Preparing yourself for the journey back, are you?’

‘Not really. I was just thinking, it’s so peaceful and pretty here. To be honest, I don’t think it would matter if I never went back.’

Sally had no answer to that, but she made an observation: ‘You look done in. If you’d rather I drive home, I wouldn’t mind one bit. After I see you home safe, I can easily get the bus back to my house.’

Anne dismissed the idea. ‘No. Thanks all the same, but I enjoy the drive.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, really!’

They sipped their drinks, and talked quietly of anything and everything – except the one thing that burned in both their minds.

‘Anne?’ Sally’s voice was almost inaudible.

Thrusting the bad thoughts from her mind, Anne took a few gulps of her drink and replaced her glass on the table. She could feel Sally’s attention on her. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, Sally.’ She quickly started gathering her belongings together. ‘Are you waiting to go?’

‘No, we’re all right for a while yet. But I do need to ask you something. Don’t worry. Like I said before, I won’t pry. So if you don’t want to answer, that’s fine.’

Anne had half expected her to ask questions, and she was ready. ‘You can ask, but I can’t promise to answer.’

‘Earlier, at the fairground …?’

‘Yes?’

‘When I reminded you about the man at Woollies?’

Anne was somewhat relieved. Initially, she feared the question might be linked to what Sally had overheard in the loo. ‘Oh, him! Yes, what about him?’

‘It’s just that afterwards … you said something.’ Sally had not forgotten. ‘It just made me wonder, that’s all?’

‘What did I say?’ Anne grew nervous. ‘I can’t remember. And anyway, it was probably something and nothing.’

‘It might not be word for word, but,’ Sally leaned closer, ‘as I recall, you said … “confrontation sometimes brings you more trouble than you can handle”, or words to that effect.’

Anne feigned ignorance. ‘Did I really say that?’

‘Yes, you did.’ Sally was gentle. ‘It was a really strange thing to say. So, what exactly did you mean by that?’

Anne measured her words carefully. ‘There are times when you might really want someone to leave you alone, but they never do. So you tell them straight. You stand up to them. Somehow, you have to find the courage to speak your mind.’ She took a moment to calm herself. ‘Sometimes you try and protect yourself, but then you might find that you’ve made the situation worse. That you’ve let yourself in for more trouble than you could ever have imagined.’

For what seemed an age, there was silence between them.

Then Anne tried to explain further. ‘All I meant was that you should be careful how you say no. Some people don’t like to take “No” for an answer.’ Grabbing her drink she took a long swig, then put the empty glass down with a heavy thud. ‘Think about it, Sally. I’m sure you’ve been in that same, uncomfortable situation, at one time or another.’

Sensing a chink in Anne’s armour, Sally played along. ‘You’re absolutely right! Do you remember when the randy foreman asked me to climb the ladder at work. He said he had a bad back and wanted me to get the stock down from the top shelf. I was on to him straight away! Bad back be damned! He thought he’d stand at the bottom of the steps, peering up my skirt and getting an eyeful, dirty old sod! Oh, but he didn’t like it when I said no. I pretended I was afraid of heights. He lost his rag. Just like you said, he flew into a spiteful mood. Slamming and banging about, he was, and yelling at everyone for no good reason.’

She gave a nervous little chuckle. ‘Nobody ever knew the reason for his bad mood, and I thought it wise not to tell. But I had the feeling he would have loved to give me a battering. As it was, he made some feeble excuse to take me off my regular duties. That same day, he shifted me to the cramped back office, where they carry out stock checks and ordering.’

‘But I thought you hated that kind of work?’

‘I do. It was my first job on starting there, and he knew it had bored me to tears. But it’s what you were saying before, he was just punishing me because I stood up to him. So I do know what you mean. And you’re absolutely right.’

‘It’s true. Some men are like that.’ Anne knew only too well. ‘They’re just naturally vicious. They like to hurt women. They like to see them in pain. They torment their minds, and break their spirit, and they think it’s all right. But it’s not all right, it’s wicked!’

Realising she had already said too much, Anne picked up her glass, and pretended to drain the last few drops.

Sally deliberately ignored Anne’s short burst of rage. ‘D’you want another drink before we go?’ she asked casually.

Anne had lapsed into her own little world again.

‘Anne?’

‘Yes?’

‘Do you fancy another drink?’

‘No, thanks. I’ve had enough.’

‘Well then, I’m ready to leave whenever you are.’ For one minute, Sally had hoped that Anne might be ready to confide her troubles. Now she collected her belongings. ‘Let’s hit the road, as they say.’

As always, Sally’s bright humour put a smile on Anne’s face, although she was fully aware that she had come way too close to revealing the shocking truth. For the first time in all these long years, she had very nearly let her feelings get the better of her.

Yet somehow, even though she had let her guard slip for only that one brief moment, she felt better for it. She felt calmer inside.

The dark memories remained, of course, along with the firm belief that she would never be like others. She would never hold her own child in her arms, or be at the centre of a loving family.

Because of the damage he had done, a normal life was denied her. And as long as she lived, she would never forgive him.

Edward Carter was more devil than man.

At least, she had found the courage to flee from him. In the safe haven that was her aunt Ada’s house, she had tried so hard to make a life for herself. But in spite of everything, in spite of all her efforts to shut him out of her mind and her life, he had won.

A short time later, having piled their bags into the boot, Sally and Anne set off home.

‘We’ve had such a lovely day, haven’t we?’ Sally gave an almighty yawn.

‘Yes, and wasn’t it great that the weather held out for us?’

‘How are we for petrol?’ Sally had a phobia about running out of fuel in the middle of nowhere.

Anne assured her that the tank was still half full.

Within minutes of starting out, Sally was fast asleep, her rhythmic snoring making Anne smile.

Glancing down at Sally’s crumpled figure and pretty face, she thanked her lucky stars to have found such a loyal friend.
I hope she didn’t hear too much of what I said in the café toilets,
she thought.

Even though she knew her friend was the soul of discretion, the idea of her having heard everything played on Anne’s mind, especially because Sally had actually asked who Edward Carter was. Somewhere deep inside, Anne desperately wanted to confide in her.

All these years she had been carrying the truth, and it was a heavy burden. Her fear that one day he might somehow find her was terrifying indeed.

As the miles flew by, Anne found herself wondering what Sally would say if she knew the truth. But dare she tell? Was it time? And could she really trust Sally that much?

As they neared Bedford, she constantly tried to push the idea of confessing to the back of her mind, but it persisted.

Eventually she headed the car down a quiet side street on the outskirts.

Having now parked the car, she gently tapped Sally on the shoulder, ‘Wake up, Sally.’

Sally leaped up, eyes wide awake and her voice slurred. ‘Oh … sorry, Anne! I must have dozed off. You should have woken me. Oh, are we home already?’

‘No. We’ve still got a little way to go yet.’

Feeling groggy, Sally glanced out the window, puzzled by the unfamiliar surroundings. ‘Where are we?’

‘We’re just off the Goldington Road.’

Sally gave a tired groan. ‘Oh, bugger it! I knew it: we’ve run out of petrol, haven’t we?’

‘No, we’ve still got more than enough petrol to get us home.’

‘So what’s going on?’ Raising both hands, Sally ruffled her flattened hair.

When Anne hesitated, Sally’s concern deepened. Now wide awake, she sensed that something was wrong. ‘Anne, why are we parked in a quiet side street?’ she asked worriedly. ‘I don’t understand.’

She knew instinctively that this was to do with the incident at the café and wanted to ask why Anne had been so upset, and who was the man she had cursed over and over. But for now, she thought it best to let things lie. It seemed enough damage had already been done. Besides, if Anne had wanted to confide in her, she would have done so by now.

‘Sally … what you said back there …’ Anne began.

‘What? What did I say?’

‘It was the question you asked me.’

‘Well, whatever it was, let’s just forget it. It’s not my business, and I don’t need to know the answer.’

But Anne could not let it go now. ‘Sally, can I trust you … implicitly?’

‘Absolutely! Whatever you tell me won’t ever go any further, I promise.’

Anne fell silent for a moment. She needed to be sure she was doing the right thing. She had always intended that Sally should never know anything of her turbulent past, but now, having come to a new decision, there was no turning back. ‘Sally, while you were sleeping, I was thinking,’ Anne told her. ‘And I feel I owe you an answer.’

‘You don’t owe me anything, Anne. Maybe we should just put it out of our minds and forget it ever happened.’

‘No!’ Anne stopped her. ‘Please listen, Sally. I’ve never been able to make friends; not even when I was a little girl. You see, my mother had me when she was forty-five years old. When I was born, my parents were already set in their ways. I was not allowed to bring friends home from school, nor play out with them, nor walk to school with them. Mother took me to school and she picked me up, and once she got me home, I was very rarely allowed to go outside, though I could play in the back yard on my own. So, y’see, you’re the first real friend I ever had.’