The Cake is a Lie (11 page)

“
Yo what up lil’ Timy.” The
man said reaching down to pull Tim up off the ground. The man’s
bulging gut pushed out repulsively, propping his shirt up like a
tent.

Tim greeted the older man as if they’d
been friends for forever, “Chillen, bro.” They gave each other a hi
five-handshake into hug. My brain twisted trying to figure out how
in the world Tim and Kace were homies with this guy. It was
dumbfounding. They didn’t give any clues away while they talked. I
checked out the dude’s girl, she was busted, hella sickly skinny,
bad teeth, pale. I immediately despised both of these strangers.
But in his great beautiful amazing hand, the man was holding a huge
brown paper bag that glowed captivatingly in the
daylight.

The dude finally handed the bag over to
Kace and headed out with his girl. Halfway out the door he yelled
back in a mockingly stern voice “Now don’t you little punks get
into too much trouble.” We all fake laughed for him. What a
loser.

Kace walked over to Brandon and swung
it over to him in a grand gesture. Brandon pretended like it was no
big deal and didn’t even look in the bag. He just held it. This
drove me berserk. As I was standing next to him he could feel my
body language, my stare pestering him to let me see inside the bag
of treasures. He finally reached in and pulled out the half gallon.
It wasn’t nearly as big as I imagined. Not 60 dollars big. And it
was plastic, I was puzzled why it was plastic and the other bottles
I’d seen before were glass.

Eventually, I was able to pry the half
gallon away from Brandon. I cupped my hand around the long, narrow
bottle neck top and turned the bottle upside down and then back
again. I felt the weight. I felt the coarse indents in the sides of
the bottle, puzzling out that they were there to let you hold it
easier.

All of all my anticipation suddenly
flipped into fear. I was hit with the realization that soon I was
actually going to have to drink the stuff. What a funny thing, I
mused.

“
We gotta go,” I said to
Brandon hurriedly.

“
Hold up,” Brandon said, he
loved being in the presence of Kace, Tim and Jonsen. He always
lingered way too long in my opinion. I loved being in their
presence too, but you couldn’t be so obvious about it. Plus, I’d
promised Bree Bechtel I would be at Jordan’s. Cute, flirty Bree,
god she flirted with everyone and I loved it.

“
Nah man we gotta go,” I
insisted.

“
Where are you going?” Smug
asshole Kace asked, taking the bait.

“
Jordan Gillette’s party,” I
bragged, safe in knowing that Kace, Tim and Jonsen couldn’t pretend
to be interested in a formal, parent chaperoned party. Even though
it was kind of cool.

“
Aw tight” Kace replied
hollowly, like he’d stopped paying attention to me before I
began.

“
Well before you go aren’t
you gonna let me and Timy hit the half gal?” Kace directed the
question to me but I took the easy way out and looked at Brandon, I
wasn’t going to say no to him, and technically the half gal
was
Brandon’s.

“
Ya definitely,” Brandon
responded.

Goddamnit Brandon, I yelled inside my
head.

Brandon, Tim, Kace and I were standing
in a circle in the secret space between the local elementary school
fence and the surrounding mounds of blackberry bushes. Jonsen
didn’t want Brandon and me getting drunk at his house in case we
got sick or hurt so it was a practical, discrete spot for us to
drink on our way to Jordan’s party. On the ground a crushed
McDonald’s Apple Pie case and beer can alerted me that homeless
people might hangout back here.

Brandon took the half gallon out of his
backpack and opened the top. Slightly shivering from excitement and
nervousness, I was glad Brandon had to go first. In an attempt to
appear badass. Brandon didn’t waste any time, he put the bottle
quickly to his lips and tilted it upward. He held it there for a
second before aborting abruptly. He did his best to hide his
discomfort but his whole face turned red and finally he bent over
and started coughing up phlegm on his hands and knees. For a second
we all assumed he was gonna throw up. Kace and Tim started cracking
up.

“
Dude’s gonna get sooo
faded.” Tim commented.

“
Damn, remember those days
Timy? Straight faded,” Kace agreed, somewhere between lamenting and
bragging. “Wanna show em how it’s done, Timy W?” Kace asked Tim,
provocatively waving the bottle at him.

I hated that word, “faded,” it was so
dumb, they thought they were the shit just because they said,
“faded.”

Tim took the half gallon and put it to
his mouth, Kace started counting. I watched Tim’s adam’s apple move
in and out in awe as he took huge gulps.

“
1, 2, 3,” Kace counted
slowly.

Tim finally put it down, letting out a
big “Woooeee son.”

“
That’a boy kid,” Kace
praised him. “That’s how you take a swig right there
son.”

Kace went next. I was wound up with
anticipation like a 6 year old right before his turn in show and
tell. What was I going to do when all eyes were on me?

“
So there’s gonna be hella
girls at Jordan Gillette’s party, huh?” Kace asked after he hit it,
looking intimidatingly at me as I took the bottle. I spent hours
every week fantasizing about fighting Kace. Triumphantly kicking
his ass against all odds in front of our entire school. In reality,
I never made so much as the slightest impolite gesture towards him.
I fought him the only way I knew how, with kindness, the utmost
friendliness, no matter how clear he made it that he didn’t like me
at all.

“
Yep” I said with a big
smile. As if to show him that yes, I like girls too, we have so
much in common.

“
We should roll with them,
Tim,” Kace said.

Oh noo, I thought, they can’t come,
they’re going to steal all the girls.

“
Ya, definitely you should,”
Brandon chimed in with a new found composure, somewhat standing up
straight again, still clearly recovering from his
ordeal.

Everyone was waiting for me, I took off
the bottle cap and smelled inside, it reeked, my stomach scrunched
up into a ball just smelling it.

“
Let’s do the damn thing” I
said, it’s my favorite bump up phrase. I’d stolen it from Loren,
the last time I saw him he said it like 5 times. I plugged my nose.
The grand idea I came up with while waiting my turn was to plug my
nose. With my other hand grasping the half gallons neck I pushed
the bottle high into the air and went for it. I powered through a
big gulp before feeling like I had to throw up. I closed my mouth
and paused for a few seconds with the liquor resting against my
lips, weathering the immediate storm. I didn’t puke, barely, and I
started to get used to the nauseating burning after-taste in my
throat and mouth. It wasn’t nearly as bad the second time
around.

Soon I felt, I felt different. I just
kept thinking, I feel, I feel, I feel… What was I thinking? I can’t
remember…I’m finally drunk, without a doubt I’m finally actually
drunk. This realization filled me with joy. I should go jump in
that bush over there, I thought excitedly, that’d be so
funny.

Laying in the pokey bed of a half
broken bush made me feel even better. I could do anything. I
breathed in the air like I’d never breathed the air before. Being
drunk was better than I ever imagined. Kace and Tim had known years
before anyone.

Our group headed off into the dimming
summer night, we had a long way to go. Jordan lived in Innis Arden,
one of Richmond Beach’s richer and nicer sister neighborhoods. I
didn’t know where her house was but Brandon led us onward. The
summer air tasted like happiness. I ran ahead through the night
until I flopped down in the middle of someone’s nice lawn to catch
my breath. Then I thought of Bree and jumped up and ran back to
herd on Brandon, Kace and Tim, who kept stopping to take pisses
that took forever. If there’s a heaven it will be letting me go
back to that evening running drunk for the first time through those
suburban streets. You could spend the rest of your life drinking
and never be so happy.

Straight faded, I thought, over and
over with a big grin, I’m straight faded.

It was fully dark when we finally
arrived at Jordan’s. Sitting on top of Kace’s bike’s handlebars
Brandon pointed out her big round-a-bout driveway. Kace and Brandon
had been acting buddy-buddy the whole way. They had a class
together and did their whole “chill off” thing when they were
together, talked about shoes, “Ya man those new Airwalks are sic.”
I didn’t even care, I didn’t even care that Kace and Tim might
steal Brandon and Bree from me, whatever, on the other hand
everyone was going to see me hanging out with Kace and
Tim.

We turned down the driveway and saw a
bustling group of kids standing around in circles outside of
Jordan’s house waiting to be picked up. The party was over.
Everyone saw us approaching and soon two figures ran towards us. It
was Jordan and Lita. Lita jumped into Tim’s arms while Jordan and
Brandon embraced for a long childhood friends moment. Brandon even
picked Jordan up and swung her around.

When he set her back down she grabbed
him by the shoulders and theatrically shook him, “How come you
didn’t come to my party?” She whined playfully, pretending to be
angry, gently banging her fists on Brandon’s chest. Jordan had an
obvious crush on any good looking guy. What a slut. I looked at
Lita, she was so beautiful, Tim was so lucky.

“
Where were you?” Lita
asked.

We were all mysteriously silent for too
long.

“
Just kickin’ it,” Kace
finally responded.

“
Have you been
drinking?”

“
No,” Tim replied with an
attitude, as if Lita was dumb for asking that.

“
Look you guys should go
before my parents get mad,” Jordan said. A car pulled into the big
round-a-bout driveway prompting us to all move out of the
way.

“
Fine, we’ll just chill
right here in the street then.” Brandon said defiantly. Brandon
absolutely couldn’t stand parental authority. Everyone
laughed.

As they continued to talk I slowly and
inconspicuously positioned myself behind Jordan and Lita’s backs. I
locked my joints stiff like a tin man to limit any unnecessary
motion and started sneaking towards the crowd outside Jordan’s
house. Any parent with half a brain could tell Tim and Kace, with
their butts hanging out were bad news. But the hell if I was being
kept out of the party. I was a good kid, I would talk the shit out
of any parent.

Jordan’s house was a mansion. I saw
Bree standing around talking with some tall curly haired band nerd.
I ran up behind her and picked her up by her waist.

She went bananas. “Marco.” She
screamed, “Marco.” We stared fondly at each other. Bree’s fine,
straight blond hair was innocently tied back in a purple bow. She
was the tiniest bit chubby, but her developed breasts made up for
it. She had the mischievous eyes I went crazy for.

“
Where were you?” She
asked.

I looked over her shoulder at the tall,
curly haired band nerd left standing alone by himself. He was so
pissed. He hates me, I thought. I knew that feeling so well. What a
goober.

“
Kace, Brandon and Tim were
taking forever.” I responded.

“
Everyone’s saying you guys
were drinking,” Bree said. “Are you drunk?”

“
No,” I didn’t sell it
though, I smiled with a big suspicious grin instead. I wanted her
to know.

“
Did you see the band
play?”

We stood face to face and made awkward
small talk for a few minutes before her and her friend’s ride
pulled up. After they all pile in the minivan I ran back to the
street. Tim, Lita, Jordan and Brandon were watching Kace ride his
bike in a circle.

I put my arm around Brandon’s shoulder.
“How are we gonna get home?” He asked wearily.

“
I’ll call my mom and tell
her Jordan’s party is over, Allan will come pick us up,” It was all
part of the plan.

Brandon and I barreled
through Benny’s front door as he opened it. The summer before
9
^th
grade started last week and today was the first day of Benny’s
open house. Benny had been hyping up his weeklong open house for
over a month and it’d worked, the anticipation had built to
unbearable levels. Brandon and I headed straight for the liquor
cabinet.

Eighth grade had passed
rather routinely. We got high on weekends, drunk once a month.
Brandon shocked the world and stone coldly broke Sarah’s heart
because she wouldn’t have sex with him. He just stopped returning
her calls and she got the message eventually.[5] The biggest event
was Brandon’s adoption of another desperate stray into our
mismatched group: Benny Reed. Benny and Brandon had been friends in
grade school, but during the transition to middle school Benny had
become very serious with Tonya, a cute girl from their
6
^th
grade class. Consequently, Benny spent most of
7
^th
grade in relationship obscurity, spending all his time
cuddling and holding hands with her everywhere around school. Benny
and Tonya were one of our 7
^th
grade classes’ few couples.
Whenever you saw them together you were disgusted by their endless
PDA, but also amazed that dorky scrawny Benny Reed was able to land
beautiful sweet Tonya. The love birds split once
8
^th
grade started. Benny the casanova didn’t want to be tied down
anymore. But breaking off the engagement meant Benny was left with
less guy friends than a Beta fish.