The Captain's Christmas Family (17 page)

Gideon supposed he must make allowances for her ladyship’s coolness toward Marian Murray, given her past experience, yet it never failed to grate on him. He must give Lady Villiers credit for beginning to acknowledge Marian’s worth. In time, he had faith Marian would win her over entirely.

“My concern for the girls leads me to believe it would not be in their best interests to remove them from Knightley Park.” There, he had said it. Now, before her
ladyship could object, he rushed on to bolster his argument. “They have been deprived of both their parents at a young age. They need the stability and continuity of the only home they have ever known.”

Gideon realized he was repeating the plea Marian had made to him when he first came to Knightley Park. He was grateful he had heeded it. Now, if only Lady Villiers would.

His heart leapt when she met his suggestion with a brilliant smile. “I declare, Captain, you and I are of one mind! After seeing their situation for myself, I had come to the very same conclusion. Only I did not know quite how to raise the matter.”

A powerful wave of relief swept Gideon out of his chair to kneel before the lady, seize her hand and press it to his lips. “My dear Lady Villiers, words can scarcely convey my gratitude to you. I vow I will do everything within my power to see that your nieces are given the best possible upbringing. Of course, you will always be welcome to visit the girls at Knightley Park whenever you wish.”

“Visit?” Her ladyship laughed in a way that made Gideon think of a chandelier tinkling as it crashed to the floor. “Oh, Captain, you are jesting again, aren’t you?”

Her fingers gripped his with astonishing power for such a dainty creature. “Not only do the girls need to remain in familiar surroundings, they also need a new mother and father to replace those they lost. Since you are in possession of Knightley Park and I am the girls’ godmother, is it not obvious we should marry and raise them together?”

Her ladyship’s proposition struck Gideon dumb. Perhaps it should have been obvious what direction she’d been going all along. With his thoughts fixed on Marian and his worry that the girls might be taken from him, he had been blind to where it all might lead. He had taken no evasive action whatsoever. Instead he had sailed into an ambush.

“It is the perfect solution, don’t you agree?” Lady Villiers took advantage of his stunned silence to rattle on. “We both adore the girls and it can be no secret what a great fancy I have taken to you. In spite of your diffidence, I believe you are not indifferent to me. Ours will be a match made in heaven!”

With that, the lady abruptly released his hands to seize him around the neck and pull his face toward hers, as her lips puckered for a kiss.

A match made in heaven? Hardly!

As Lady Villiers’s declaration drifted through the half open library door, Marian stood frozen, staring into the room at Gideon on his knees in front of her ladyship. As she watched, they sealed their betrothal with a kiss. Her gorge rose and her heart plummeted.

Ever since Lady Villiers’s arrival, Marian had been torn over whether to speak or keep silent. Now it was too late.

Concern for Cissy and Dolly had urged her to tell Gideon all the reasons her ladyship would not be a suitable guardian for the girls. Her lavish style of living and the debts that went with it. Her constant travel in search of a rich husband. Her unsavory set of friends known for gambling and loose living. Marian
had overheard Mr. Radcliffe complain of those things when his sister-in-law had written to him for money. She’d been reluctant to reveal what she knew for fear Lady Villiers would learn of it and immediately remove the girls from her care.

At first, her ladyship’s flirtatious manner toward Gideon had roused Marian’s jealousy, yet she had assumed it was how the woman behaved around every new man she encountered. But as the days passed, Marian began to suspect Lady Villiers had set her cap for Gideon. But how could she put him on guard without appearing like a spiteful woman scorned, which perhaps she was.

Not that Gideon had scorned her, exactly. He was far too kind a gentleman for that. But the way he’d reacted to their kiss made it clear he regretted succumbing to an unfortunate impulse with a woman in her position. He was too honorable to lay the blame on her, where it belonged. Instead, he chose to pretend it had never happened. Though her reasonable, cautious side agreed that might be for the best, another part of her wished he had acknowledged her feelings and gently explained why he could not return them.

Seeing him in an embrace with another woman set a cruel black beast to maul her heart.

Marian clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a whimper of pain that might draw attention to her presence. Then she turned and fled back to the nursery. Her battered, aching heart wanted nothing more than for her to pack a bag and slip away from this house, never to return. Practicality and duty forbade it. She could not afford to leave without another position in place, and
for that she would need a satisfactory reference from someone at Knightley Park. Besides, she asked herself as she slipped into the dark, quiet nursery, how could she think of leaving Cissy and Dolly after all the losses they’d experienced in their young lives?

As she changed into her nightclothes, Marian began to tremble, though not from the cold, to which she was accustomed. Once she was swathed in her nightgown and wrapper with a nightcap over her braided hair, she knelt by her bed, seeking comfort and strength in prayer.

“Heavenly Father, please…” What should she ask—that God intervene to prevent Gideon from marrying Lady Villiers? But what might the consequences be? What if her ladyship became so vexed, she took the girls away at once? “I want what is best for all of us, the girls especially. But I cannot be certain what that is. Only You can.”

She’d convinced herself that Gideon’s coming to Knightley Park might be part of God’s plan. What if Lady Villiers had a role to play in that plan, too? Was it possible she had misjudged the woman, just as she’d initially misjudged Gideon Radcliffe? Perhaps being married to such a good man and serving as a mother to the girls might make her ladyship a better person, give purpose and meaning to her shallow, aimless life.

“I see now that I haven’t always trusted You as I should, Father. There have been so many times when I thought You weren’t responding to my prayers because You didn’t give me exactly what I wanted. Please forgive me for that. I didn’t understand.”

She should have, though. Perhaps not when she was
a child, but lately when she’d been responsible for the care of the Radcliffe girls. Much as she loved Dolly, she would never give the child everything she asked for. The result would be indigestion, ill-humor from being up too late, perhaps broken bones from sliding down the banisters. Nor could she always indulge Dolly at Cissy’s expense—that would not be fair. A headstrong, young child like Dolly had no way of knowing what was best for her.

Compared to the eternal wisdom of the Lord, Marian realized she must seem even less than a child. How could she expect a loving God to give her everything she prayed for when those things might not be best for her and others? Once she acknowledged that, there was only one prayer she could lift to Heaven.

“Father, thank You for all the blessings You have given me. Wonderful friends and a good education to enable me to earn a living. A comfortable life at Knightley Park with a family who always treated me well.”

And Gideon. She must not forget him. Even though they could not be as close as she would like, his presence in her life was a blessing she would always cherish.

It wasn’t easy for her to surrender control after all those years at school fighting for what she and her friends needed to survive. Yet Marian sensed she must learn to trust in God’s love and care for everyone involved…even her ladyship.

“Thank You, Lord, for bringing Gideon into my life. Even if nothing can ever come of my feelings for him, our acquaintance has enriched my life beyond measure.
As for what will happen between him and Lady Villiers, I leave that in Your hands. All I ask is that You grant me the patience and strength to play my part. Amen.”

With that she crawled into bed and tried to sleep. She would need her rest to face what tomorrow might bring.

“Y
ou wanted to see me, Captain?” When Marian Murray entered the dining room the following evening, her brow furrowed and her gaze moved restlessly.

Was she alarmed to find him alone there, without Lady Villiers or even any of the servants?

“I did.” Gideon rose and gestured toward a chair he had pulled up near his end of the table. “Thank you for joining me, Miss Murray. I have a rather important decision to make, and there is no one whose counsel I value more than yours.”

“Thank you, sir.” She caught her lower lip between her teeth as she moved toward the table. “I hope you know I wish the very best for you, always.”

Gideon nodded as she took her seat. Now that the time had come, he was not altogether certain how to begin. There was no use beating about the bush, he decided. Better to have out with it. “Lady Villiers and I have been discussing the girls’ future.”

A soft sigh escaped Marian’s lips. “And what have you decided?”

“Nothing yet for certain.” That was not altogether true. He might not know precisely what he meant to do, but he knew what he would
not
do. He hoped the advice Marian offered him would give a clue to her feelings. Lady Villiers’s disconcerting kiss had given him a hopeful insight. Now he needed to find further evidence to support the conclusion he yearned to believe.

“Her ladyship suggested she and I should marry so we could raise Cissy and Dolly together.”

Marian showed no sign of surprise at his announcement. Her luminous brown eyes did not widen. Her dark brows did not rise. Her soft, generous lips did not fall open or tighten into a disapproving line. It was as if she had expected this all along.

Faced with her disappointing silence, Gideon was obliged to continue. “I know the girls’ well-being has always been of the utmost importance to you.”

“Indeed it has, Captain,” she murmured.

It was a priority he had come to share, but surely there must be a limit to what they were willing to sacrifice for the children’s sake.

“I would like your opinion of her ladyship’s plan.” As he watched her trying to decide his future, Gideon found himself picturing her glare of outrage when Dolly had barreled into him. Her uncertainty when they’d first encountered one another in the library and discovered their mutual love of books. Her sitting with him and the girls in church, head reverently bowed in prayer.

He did not want to lose her or be responsible for the girls losing her. That was why he must be quite certain of her feeling before he dared to reveal his.

Marian sat tall on her chair and squared her shoulders. Gideon could picture her as a child, gamely sticking up for her school friends. “I think it would be good for the girls to be raised by two loving parents, Captain.”

Her answer took the breath out of him, like a hard blow deep in the belly. It was all he could do to keep from flinching. When he finally had command of his voice again, he ventured, “I am surprised to hear you say that. As I recall, you had grave reservations about her ladyship’s suitability to bring up Cissy and Dolly.”

“If you’ll recall, sir, my objections were to her way of living. I believe marriage to you would have a steadying influence upon her ladyship. It would also mean the girls could stay at Knightley Park with you.”

It sounded as if she’d already given the matter a great deal of thought. Had she foreseen Lady Villiers’s intentions all along? Then why had she not warned him? Did she truly want to see him with another woman?

“There is only one thing I would ask of you, Captain.” Marian’s skittish gaze calmed and focused directly upon him, pleading for agreement.

“What is that, pray?”

“That you will not send the girls away to school.” One of her hands came to rest upon the table reaching toward him. Before Gideon could take her hand, she pulled it back again. “That is what I have been trying to prevent ever since you came to Knightley Park. I swear I am not asking because I fear to lose my position.”

“Of course not.” Gideon wished she had permitted him to hold her hand, so he could give her fingers a reassuring squeeze. “I would never suspect it of you.”

Apparently his words accomplished his aim. The tension that had gripped her features eased. “Thank you, Captain. I appreciate your faith in me. I know not all schools are as bad as the one I attended, yet I still do not believe any school would provide the girls with a better education than they can receive here at home.”

She seemed ready with many more arguments. Much as he enjoyed listening to the sound of her voice, Gideon could not bear to keep her in suspense. “Let me assure you, I have no intention of sending the girls away from Knightley Park until they are ready and wish to go.”

Marian let out a slow, shaky breath. “I am vastly relieved to hear it, sir. Will that be all, Captain?”

Preoccupied with his bitter disappointment that she had urged him to marry another woman, Gideon muttered, “I beg your pardon?”

“Was there anything else you wished to say to me, sir? If not, I should get back to the nursery.”

Of course there was more he wanted to say to her, but did he dare? If he kept silent, they could go back to their previous arrangement, pretending to be a family. But that was no longer enough to satisfy him. Yet, if he spoke, it might frighten Marian away. He cared too much for Cissy and Dolly to want to be responsible for that.

Not trusting himself to speak, he replied with a brief nod.

Marian rose and turned to go, but at the last moment, she paused and looked back. “I wish you joy in your marriage, Captain.”

Was it his imagination, or did her voice catch on the word
marriage?

Torn by conflicting desires, Gideon raised a silent prayer.
Lord, please help me do what is right and true.

True—what had made him add that? A verse from the Bible flitted through his mind.
“Know ye the truth and the truth shall set ye free.”
He had concealed his feelings from the woman he cared for, giving himself all manner of noble excuses for his silence. But his true motive had been fear that she could not return his feelings. That fear had built a stout bastion to protect his heart. But lately it had become more like a prison.

Expecting Marian to set him free, by declaring her feelings without knowing his, was cowardly, and not at all fair to her.

By the time all that passed through his mind, she had gone through the door and was just closing it behind her.

“Wait!” Gideon forced the word out past the lump in his throat.

Marian peeped back in, her brows raised in a wordless question.

Trusting that the truth would set him free, he willed himself to continue. “There is one other thing I would like to discuss with you, if I may?”

Could he not let her get away before her composure deserted her entirely? Marian strove to stifle her impatience with Gideon. It was not fair to expect him to realize how difficult this was for her, when he had no idea how much she cared for him. Had she not just wished him joy in his marriage to another woman?

Determined not to embarrass herself with an emotional outburst, she inhaled a deep breath and headed back into the dining room. “What else did you want to talk about, sir?”

She closed the door behind her but refused to approach him any closer, for fear he might glimpse a suspicious trace of moisture in her eyes.

“To begin with, I wanted to thank you.”

“For what, Captain?” For not creating any obstacles to his marriage, perhaps, by threatening to tell Lady Villiers about the tender kiss they’d shared? Surely he could not believe her capable of such conduct?

“For helping me get to know Cissy and Dolly. They have brought joy and purpose to my life that I would never have discovered without your help. I have come to believe you may be right about God caring for me enough to give me what I truly need rather than what I thought I wanted.”

A sense of bittersweet joy welled up in Marian to think she had helped Gideon find faith and love…even if it could not be with her. Her self-control was too fragile to permit her to speak. She acknowledged his thanks with a nod and a tremulous smile.

That seemed to be enough for Gideon. “There is almost nothing I would not do for the girls. But even for their sakes and in spite of your kind advice, I cannot wed a woman I do not love.”

Gideon was not going to marry Lady Villiers after all? Marian clamped her lips together to contain a cheer. She was not certain how she could have watched the man she cared for wed to another woman—especially one she could not abide.

But that happy thought soon gave way to an alarming one. “But what about the girls? Lady Villiers will take them from you now! I fear she may put them in a school somewhere, then go live off their money.”

Gideon took several steps toward her, then stopped abruptly a short distance away. “I was afraid of that, too, but you need not fret. I was able to persuade her ladyship to sign over guardianship of the girls to me.”

Had she heard right or was this all a dream? “H-how did you manage that?”

Gideon gave a self-deprecating shrug. “It was not as difficult as you might think. I may not have a great deal of experience with women, but I have known enough grasping, unscrupulous people to recognize one. I offered Lady Villiers a very generous sum to appoint me as guardian to her nieces. We went into Newark today to have a solicitor draw up the papers.” It
was
true! From the nursery window, Marian had glimpsed them driving off toward town. She’d assumed they must be going to purchase a wedding ring.

Gideon gave a soft chuckle. “Her ladyship was all too eager to accept my money without having to endure marriage to a dry old stick like me.”

“In that case, Lady Villiers is very foolish.” Joy and relief loosened Marian’s guard on her tongue. “No amount of money would be worth giving up the honor and pleasure of being married to such a wonderful man.”

She bowed her head to avoid his gaze and clenched her lips tightly together to keep any more unwelcome revelations from slipping out. But that was rather like shutting the stable door after the horse had bolted.

Perhaps she need not worry, though. Gideon had shown himself willing to ignore worse lapses in propriety than that.

But not this time.

“Do you mean that?” he asked in an anxious tone. “Or were you only trying to spare my feelings?”

It would be prudent to seize upon the convenient excuse he’d offered her. But Marian could not bring herself to deny her feelings for him so blatantly.

“Of course I meant it,” she snapped, half angry with him for making her admit it. “Now, if that is all, I will beg you excuse me.”

“There is just one more thing.”

What now? Marian wanted to make as dignified an exit as possible under the circumstances and try to forget her latest gaffe. She glanced up to find that Gideon had drawn closer to her. If she extended her hand, she could touch him.

“There is one point upon which I agree with her ladyship.” Gideon’s deep mellow voice seemed to penetrate to her heart and caress it. “I reckon it would be good for Cissy and Dolly to have two loving parents again. As excellent a governess as you have been to them, I believe you would make an even better mother.”

Could Gideon possibly mean what her hopeful heart suspected? Surely not, cautious reason protested. For a penniless governess like her to secure a husband with wealth and property was like something out of a nursery tale.

She was too much accustomed to difficulties and disappointments to trust this unaccountable good for
tune. “B-but you said that even for the girls’ sake, you could not wed.”

“I beg you quote me correctly.” His strong, warm hand clasped her icy fingers. “What I said was that I could not marry a woman
I did not love.
I assure you, there will be no risk of that if you consent to be my wife.”

Marian’s mouth opened and closed, but she could not coax any words out. Her heart seemed to swell in her chest, so full of love and happiness that she feared it would burst. This was a blessing far beyond any she would have dared to pray for, yet here it was—hers for the taking. All her past hurts and deprivations made her treasure it that much more.

But Gideon could not tell all that was going on inside her. Instead, he saw only her hesitation to accept his proposal and perhaps the glint of a tear in her eye. “If I have mistaken your feelings and you cannot return mine, I beg you not to feel obliged to accept my proposal for the sake of the children. Whatever your answer, I would never think of parting you from them.”

The look of bitter disappointment was etched so clearly upon his features that Marian could not doubt the sincerity of his offer.

When he tried to release her hand, she clung to his and refused to let go. Concern for his feelings shattered the doubts that had frozen her tongue. “Please, Gideon, you mistake me. I have no intention of refusing you. My feelings are quite the opposite of her ladyship’s. I would be just as honored and happy to wed you if you had no fortune whatsoever.”

“Are you quite certain?” He seemed to have as much
difficulty believing her answer as she had his proposal. “I am no Galahad or Romeo.”

“Perhaps not.” Marian recalled the conversation they’d once had about marriage. “But in every respect, you are still the answer to
this
maiden’s prayer.”

Once she’d said that, what was there for him to do but kiss her?

Slowly he pulled her into his arms and bent to claim her lips. She sensed a slight hesitation in his approach, but now she knew it did not spring from reluctance or lack of feeling. Instead it mirrored her own sense of disbelief that such a deeply desired blessing had been bestowed on her. She could not quite escape the nagging fear that she did not deserve such happiness.

If that was how Gideon felt, she was determined to reassure him. Reaching up to caress his cheek, she surged onto her toes to close the last inch between her lips and his.

Her eyes closed instinctively, the better to savor the multitude of sensations and emotions this sweet intimacy provoked. The velvety warmth of Gideon’s kiss told a wordless tale of slowly growing love that had put down roots deep in his heart. It whispered of steadfast devotion that would be hers for all time, asking nothing in return.